June 2004 Archives

You know, some Pagan message boards really disappoint me at times. It seems to me that a lot of people you meet there are looking for ego stroking more than any real religious devotion. In fact, a lot of these people seem to be interested in showing off how incredibly "spiritual" or "magical" they are.

For example, today, one person was talking about how they had all these past lives they could remember. And of course, in every one of these past lives except one, this individual "had power." The cynical, bastardly part of me just wants to scream "get over yourself." And of course, then you have the discussion about self-Initiation. And when someone mentioned they don't believe in it, someone threw out "well, who initiated the first witch, then?" I'm sorry, but that's an old question. Who gave a medical degree to the first doctor? And yet, I doubt anyone would be interesting in hiring a heart surgeon who was "self-degreed."

Of course, most people will scream that there's a difference between a doctor and a witch. Well, that may be true to an extent. But it does beg the question. Isn't being a witch more than a label to bolster one's self-esteem? Doesn't it actually mean something? To me, it does. To me, it means serving a god in a priesthood. To me, it's about actually working towards something. But to a lot of people out there, it just seems to be another status label. There seems to be no duties or responsibilities that come with it. Just something to impress others with.

Me, I think the most incredible thing that I've had happen to me is to hear people I consider far smarter than I am refer to me as "intelligent." To me, that made me smile from ear to ear. It also made me blush. Because I know that the person who said it doesn't give out compliments willy-nilly. But it also made me realize that I had an expectation to live up to. Because of this person's high standards, I suddenly had a compliment I needed to strive to live up to.

I decided to answer the Witches Weekly questions again this week.

Do you wear any religious symbol jewelry/clothing? If so do you wear it openly in public?

On occasion, I wear a small silver pentagram (about the size of a dime) with a tiny piece of tumbled hematite in the center. But only on days where I feel like I need a self-reminder. Sometimes, I'll wear it under my shirt and other times I'll wear it in plain sight. It depends on what I'm doing that day and how much of a hassle I'm willing to put up with. For example, I have no problem wearing it openly at the mall, but if I'm going to stop someplace where I know an ultra-conservative relative will be, I prefer to avoid the feud.

How do you feel about the issue of wearing religious symbols in schools and how some young teens are forced to remove their religious fashions?

I have to wonder why teens are wearing religious symbols to school. Are they doing it to be cool? Are they doing it to rebel? How would they react if someone else made such a bold proclamation about their own faith?

Having said that, however, I think that students should have the right to express themselves in any way that does not directly interfere with the learning process. And I have a hard time imagining a serious way in which wearing a piece of jewelry could cause such an interference. Well, I can think of ways, but they involve issues much bigger than one's choice of jewelry.

Have you ever experienced a confrontation about wearing your jewlery in public? How did you handle the situation if so?

Nope. The closest I came to this was when I found out that one of the managers at my old job was complaining behind my back to coworkers about the pentagram pendant (a tacky pewter one about the same diameter as a coffee cup, I'm ashamed to admit) I was wearing at that time. He never said anything directly to me, which I personally found cowardly and dishonest. But that's the closest I've come to a confrontation, too.

I got to cassette 14 of "Wicked" only to find out that it had a manufacturing flaw (the tape was twisted during asembly). Nothing like getting to the last "chapter" of a book, only to find the "pages ripped out"!

I actually sat down and went through the entire tape from end to end, just to make sure that it wasn't something that could be fixed by hand. It's not. Either the tape needs to be cut and re-spliced, or the whole assembly needs to be taken apart and one of the spindles switched around.

So naturally, I went out to the publisher's (Recorded Books, LLC) website, found a support number, and called, asking for a replacement. And was promptly told they couldn't help me because I didn't buy the stupid thing direct. No, I bought it at Barnes and Noble. So now, I have to run to Barnes and Noble (an hour away, no less), take the entire box back, and deal with them to try to get a full replacement. And of course, do you think I have the receipt? Of course not! I had no intention of returning it! It would've been so much easier if Recorded Books would've been so kind as to take care of the mess for me. But no, that would've been too accomodating of them. Thanks a lot! (Don't be surprised if I start writing "Return to Sender" on the catalogs you mail me every month out of spite.)

Hopefully Barnes and Noble will exchange it for me without too much trouble.....*sigh*

Oh, and let me just say that the ribbons in cassettes are terribly staticy! The darn thing clung to everything while I was unwinding and rewinding it. You'd think that a piece of plastic covered in rust wouldn't attract so much static.....

One of the people whose blog I read regularly participates in the Witch's Weekly exercise. I haven't decided to commit to answering the questions every week myself, but I particularly likeed this week's set of questions. So I thought I'd take a run at them.

Do you feel that you are active in your spirituality?
I'm not as active as I'd like to be. I've recently been trying to get more pro-active about my spiritual development. This month, I've been starting to do fifteen minute breathing meditations. I hope to eventually get this to be a daily part of my practice, but I readily admit that I'm far from it right now. (I'm lucky if I get to it two or three times a week.)

This is one of those cases where I know I need more self-discipline. Unfortunately, I think it's too easy in Paganism to not take active, experiential steps like this. We spend so much time reading books about Paganism, that we tend to put the books aside and do our meditations, our devotions, and other things. Or maybe it's just me and I'm projecting my own failings on others. Who can say? But it's certainly something I'm working on correcting in my life.

What do you consider to be the most tedious task in your path?
This depends on my state of mind. In days when I let myself fool myself into thinking I'm "too busy," it's easy to claim that the meditation work is tedious. It's one of those things that it's easy to say "I don't have the time, and I'm not really getting anything out of it, anyway."

But when I actually stop and think about it -- and when I've actually been doing the meditations, I know that's a bunch of bull. Currently, my goal is fifteen minutes. And I know I can make fifteen minutes to meditate. I just have to be brutally honest about how much time (several times longer than fifteen minutes, I assure you) I waste watching television and surfing the web. I could easily take fifteen minutes away from these activities to do my meditation.

And when I'm doing it, I realize just how much I really do get out of it. I feel much calmer. I feel more energetic. And I feel like I could conquer the world and do anything. When I stop and think about it, I have to admit that the only reason I find it "tedious" is that I'm being wrong-headed -- and bull-headed -- about it.

What is your most enjoyable part of your spirituality?

I think what I really like about it is the nature of the "call" involved. As time goes on, I feel a gentle, loving "call" to my spirituality. My recent desire to gain more self-discipline is the result of such a gentle "call." It's this sense that I know I need to do these things, yet it completely lacks condemnation for not doing these things in the past. It's the fact that I can always look at where I am, pat myself on the back, and yet feel that pull to climb ever onward and upward. It's both challenging and encouraging.

Recently, I've been in a Harry Potter mood. In a few more days, I suspect I might actually consider getting out one of my Harry Potter books on tapes and going through it again. But that's a bit of a tangent. My recent Harry Potter mood is "background" for this entry, not the central matter.

While I was in the Harry Potter mood, I decided to do some searches for online stuff about Harry Potter. I found a list of the various "spells" mentioned or used in the books so far. I found some curious quizzes. They even have one about the unorganized "Harry Potter is evil incarnate" campaign. I actually enjoyed taking that quiz.

And naturally, I ran across a few sites that were apart of that particular campaign. I won't bother writing any remarkable details about any of them. Truth be told, I don't think there were any remarkable details. Just the usual nonsense. "Harry Potter encourages children to practice witchcraft!" "Harry Potter makes people who don't practice witchcraft look like losers!" "Harry Potter promotes disobedience and rebellion." Honestly, once you've seen one such site, you can pretty much expect a strong feeling of deja vu every time you visit another site of the same type. No one's ever accused Harry Potter protestors of being creative, and it's pretty obvious why.

But on the one site, I found a link to yet another open letter to Wiccans. One of these days, I think I'm going to start trying to keep a running tally of how many such letters I can find online. There are tons of them. And quite frankly, the people who write them don't seem to be any more creative than the people who go on about how evil Harry Potter is. That's probably partly because they're the same people a lot of times.

There's really nothing remarkable abou this "open letter" when compared to others of its kind. In fact, I think the only thing remarkable about it is that it's fairly representative of all such "open letters." And as I was reading this particular letter, I noticed a certain pattern. So I decided I wanted to reflect upon it.

What really catches my attention is the "background" of the person writing the letter. Most of the people I've seen write such letters naturally have experience in the occult. (I do note however, that this one admits that his experience is in Spiritualism rather than Wicca, though he fails to seriously address whether that distinction is important.) But more importantly, they're "driven" to it by some sort of psychological need, usually of an extreme nature. For example, in this particular letter, the writer was driven to it by the traumatic death of both of his parents and his own resultant fear of death.

In telling about these events that led to their interest in the occult, such writers often seem to make it a heart-rending story. Well, in fairness, I'm sure it was very heart-rending, and they're only telling it like it is. But as someone sitting here waiting to be "witnessed to," I still find it a bit bothersome. It seems to me as if the whole set up is to evoke an emotional reaction in me, to create a sympathetic state of mind where I will read the rest of the letter in such an emotional state. In some ways, I can't help but wonder if the writer isn't trying to be a wee bit manipulative, trying to get me to respond out of an emotionally charged state of mind rather than careful consideration of these words.

The other thing that bothers me is the implications of such a story. The writer never considers that their traumatic experiences and emotional unrest might not have contributed to their experiences of the occult, thereby biasing them. It seems to me as if there's this silent implication that the only reason someone might get involved in such things is because of emotional trauma and psychological problems. In effect, such letters seem to me to prey on those who are still emotionally wounded and use their wounded state to the advantage of the writer's own agenda.

This is why such letters have a different effect on me, I think. I don't identify with the "wounded child getting messed up with things he shouldn't." Instead, I look at such letters and go, "Wow, you really shouldn't have been messing with such things. You did all of this for completely the wrong reasons." And their failure to acknowledge these truths causes me to approach the rest of the letter with a heightened sense of skepticism.

I don't know, I think I'd be much more impressed by an "open letter" that was written by someone who didn't bring such emotional instabilities with them into their "occult experimentation." Or I could even be impressed if they didn't make such instabilities and insecurities the entire foundation for their foray into occult matters. Heck, I can even respect someone who would at least admit how such things might have biased their experiences and their interpretations of such experiences. At least then I would feel like I'm reading something written by a reasonable individual. But someone like this author, I can't help but look at his letter and shake my head. Because to me, the clear problem in his story is himself, not the occult.

I had a great weekend. I particularly liked how my Saturday turned out. I got up at around 8:45 that morning and took my shower. Then I decided to drive over to IHOP and have breakfast. I decided to go with the biscuits and eggs with sausage and sausage gravy. It was absolutely delicious. And it sounded good to me because it's one of their few menu items that doesn't come with pancakes. I was not in the mood for pancakes. I tend to get in moods where it's very clear to me that I don't want certain foods, and I try my best to listen to it. I often find there's good reason for it after the fact.

After breakfast, I decided to run to Barnes and Noble. I love the store in Vestal. It's quite huge. It's not as impressive as the two story buildings that I've heard stories about. But it has a lot of books in stock. So I ended up doing some window shopping, which turned into a shopping spree of way too much money. I'm glad that I don't go to the Vestal Barnes and Noble very often. If I did, I'd be broke. But I found some excellent reading material, including an unabridged copy of Gregory Maguire's Wicked on tape. I started listening to it yesterday.

After that, I went back to my hotel room and read for a while. At around 1pm, I decided that it was time to think about food. I decided that Applebee's was a block or so away, so I decided to walk there. As I went, I decided to walk some extra distance (around the entire plaza Applebee's is in) in order to make a full twenty minute walk. Hey, I decided that I might as well get my exercise in, too. In fact, I did a lot of walking on Saturday. In all, I know for sure that I walked over forty minutes total that day. Go me!

When I got done with my walk, I decided I didn't want to go to Applebee's, though. Instead, I decided I was in the mood for Chinese, so I hit the buffet in the same plaza. I think I mainly wanted it because of the beef and broccoli. I've been wanting more vegetables again, and I'm tired of raw vegetables. I think I might look into having more stir fries for meals.

After lunch, I decided to go for a soak in the jacuzzi. That was highly enjoyable. And then after that, i decided to go for a drive around the Vestal and Binghamton areas. I'm trying to learn those areas better. I'd really like to know where I am and how to get where I want to go. I mean, usually, I just have Mike drive while we're together. But it'd be nice if I could get around when I'm not with him. So I'm working on improving that.

Other than that, I just relaxed the rest of the day. It was quite nice. I had the curtains in the hotel room open for most of the day, too. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm not getting enough sunlight. On Saturday, I was very energized and relaxed, and I think a lot of it has to do with how much time I spent in the sun. So I might have to make some lifestyle changes there. I'm also looking at seeing if putting those "full spectrum light bulbs" in my computer room would help a bit. I don't think I can rely on that alone, but maybe it would at least help my motivation enough to get me out of the house to get some real sunlight.

I also think I gained a bit of insight into my struggle to exercise. For some stupid reason, my brain fights the idea because I feel like it's an "obligation." I know that's stupid, but it's true. So I need to find a way to make it an enjoyable thing. More than that, I need to make it something I want to do. I had absolutely no problem walking all that time in Vestal.

Of course, part of that is because I was walking someplace. I wasn't just going for a twenty minute trek around a walking path, or weaving through the mall for twenty minutes. I was going for a stroll to eat lunch. Or I was walking over to the gas station to get a couple liters of water. Or I was walking to the drug store to get some odds and ends I forgot. I can handle that so much better. Too bad there's no place to walk to here at home. Well, there's the gas station, but that's three miles away.

I'll have to figure something out.

Today, I ran to Waldenbook's to pick up my order. I got a copy of both Witchcraft Today and The Meaning of Witchcraft by Gerald Gardner. After being told that they weren't available in the U.S. six to nine months ago, I was finally able to order a copy of them. Of course, I have used copies of both, but I was glad to get brand new copies. Especially since my used copy of Witchcraft Today is so old the pages are just about falling out and my copy of The Meaning of Witchcraft has a blank (misprinting) page in it. That was annoying when I found it. So I'm glad to have new, in print copies.

Personally, I'm ecstatic that Gardner's books are back in print. I loved reading them, and I think that they are very telling. I look at some of the things that Gardner makes so abundantly clear (such as the Goddess and God being "the little gods" rather than an Infinite Creator) that most people today never even stop to consider. There's just so much in his books that most Pagans don't even seem to know about these days.

Unfortunately, I don't expect that they'll sell many copies. It seems to me that the current consumer tendency towards "how to" books will keep Gardner's books to a rather small readership. Because after all, he doesn't give careful instructions on how to do any spells or rituals. In fact, he doesn't give any such details at all. Sure, he describes a couple things, but not in enough detail to do them effectively. His books are informative and descriptive rather than instructive. And because of that, most people will likely toss it aside. Heck, I doubt they'll even make it to the shelves on most bookstores. To be honest, I even told Jeanine an Waldenbooks not to bother stocking them, despite the fact that they're excellent books.

Of course, the "anniversary edition" of Witchcraft Today irks me in its own right. They've made it an "expanded edition" by adding extra essays from "big names" in Paganism. These "big names" include Judy Harrow, the founder of the Protean tradition; Ronald Hutton, of Triumph of the Moon fame; and Wren Walker, co-founder of The Witch's Voice. Now, let me say right up front that I have no problems with any of these individuals. They are all respectable individuals that have made good contributions to Paganism in general. And even their essays in this book aren't bad in their own right. My only annoyance with it all is that my first skim of this "added material" is primarily there to make the book appealing to the "Wicca is what you want to make it" crowd by stroking their egos. It's all about how Gardner was an "innovator" in his own days or how "Wicca" has changed since his day. I'm sorry, but I just find that sad. Why not let the man's book stand on its own right? Why not embrace the fact that the man was a Traditionalist and wrote from a Traditionalist standpoint. Why must everything be made to cater to the "eclectic" community.

Oh wait, that's where the money is, right? *sigh* Somedays, I hate that the publishing industry is a business.