July 2006 Archives

The following is an excerpt from a special journaling project I've started:

It wasn't until Serenity and Zech came along that I received enough encouragement to truly develop my inner writer. I had written a little at the end of college -- mostly to help myself cope with my coming out struggles -- and those two eventually got me to share. They both loved it and encouraged me to push myself further. I became more confident and open to showing others my work.

Of course, I know that's not true now. My writing is something that comes from within me, and is therefore not something they could take from me -- nor can anyone else. They could only take away their support. But now, I know I don't need it (and never did). I only need to connect to the writer within. He's al I need. I'm all I need. I can be my own encouragement.

Coming to this realization tonight was liberating and empowering in a way that really surprised me. Suddenly, I found myself feeling a whole lot more inspired. In fact, I'm seriously considering starting a fiction project in the near future.

I don't think I could rightfully say what my first memory of Juanita was. She was someone that has always been a part of my life. When my parents first started taking me to the small American Baptist Church after I was born, she was there. She played the organ almost every Sunday.

I do remember that when I was older, I'd walk to the front of the sanctuary after many Sunday morning services and sit in the front pew just behind the organ. Juanita and I would talk as she continued to play the organ as people mingled and slowly filed out of the church. I think I was mesmerized by the way her fingers glided across the keys and her feet transitioned from pedal to pedal, making beautiful music.

In my twenties, when I bought a small keyboard (I had neither the money nor the space for a full sized piano), I sought Juanita to help me learn how to play. I'd practice on my keyboard and dutifully go to her house for my lessons. Some weeks, I'd bring my keyboard while other weeks, I took my lessons using her upright. We had a great time, joking, talking, and enjoying both the company and the music. I regretted quitting my lessons, but we both agreed that I was having too much trouble making the time for both practice and lessons.

After quitting my lessons and then leaving the church a year later, I didn't see Juanita much. On occasion, our paths would cross as I'd go back to the little church to support family members who still attended. And the fact that her son, Tom, married one of my cousins gave rise to a few family occasions where we would see each other. On those occasions, we would greet one another with warm smiles and fond wishes.

Tomorrow, I'll see Juanita one more time. This time, I will be paying my final respects. You see, Juanita lost her fight with cancer and passed away this past week. And a good number of us will miss her greatly. We'll miss the music, love, and kindness she brought into this world on a regular basis.

But we will also remember her for these things. And we will remember that we are all better people for having known her. And hopefully, those memories will inspire us to emulate those traits we so admired in her. So in our sadness, we will also find warmth and joy.

After all, that's how Juanita would've wanted it.

I don't normall do "cut and paste" columns. However, Juliaki's insights on this particular topic was too perfect not to share her words. I'm thankful for her graciousness in allowing me to repost them here.

I asked the gods for support and guidance on my path. I asked them to help build me up so that I could go higher than I was, and closer to them. From out of the sky, a shower of boulders slid from the mountain and blocked my path, a pile of boulders higher than my height by far. I raised my fists to the heavens and yelled up to the gods, "I have always been good in your service. I have always done the best that I could. Now, when I ask for your help to rise above the challenges of the world for just a moment, you put obstacles in my way! Why have you done this to me? I ask you to remove them at once!"

The gods whispered to me, with patience so plain, "What you see as obstacles are actually blessings on your path. These obstacles, as you call them, are there so that you may use the will that we gave you to climb up and to rise above the challenges of the world for a moment. If you faced the challenges we gave you with the strength of spirit we put within you and worked through them with the courage of one who does instead of one who makes excuses, you would have risen above this challenge and been granted the wisdom of a wise vista."

"But you asked for your path to be clear, and it shall be given to you."

And with that, the boulders disappeared, leaving a flat road ahead of me. A road that looked the same as before, flat and unchanging. A road on which I could rise no higher, for I had rejected blessings as curses and demanded that convenience outweigh growth.

Yesterday, the New York State Court of Appeals ruled against the plaintiffs who were suing for same-sex marriage rights. The full test of the ruling is available online, and I encourage everyone to read it for themselves. I also highly recommend that anyone interested check out the analysis of this ruling that was provided by Tin Man. (I also recommend his other blog posts on the same topic.) His legal background makes his ability to criticize the flaws in this ruling far superior to my own. So instead of putting my own thoughts (which in many ways run similar to the Tin Man's anyways, but wouldn't be nearly as complete or cohesive), I'll let those with a better grasp of the topic handle that.

However, I do wish to focus on one aspect of this ruling that bothers me. It can be found in the following sentence, taken from page 6 (according to the statements own page numbering scheme; page 9 according to Acrobat Reader) of the ruling:

It [the legislature] could find that an important function of marriage is to create more stability and permanence in the relationships that cause children to be born. It thus could choose to offer an inducement -- in the form of marriage and its attendant benefits -- to opposite-sex couples who make a solemn, long-term commitment to each other.

I find myself wondering if the justices who penned this wording have looked at any statistics that cover the divorce rate lately. The idea that getting married "creates" stability and permanence in a relationship is patently absurd. The only thing that keeps a relationship stable and permanent is when those involved in the relationship not only make the commitment to do so, but lack the integrity and self-discipline to keep that commitment.

Contrary to what these justices are suggesting, no amount of "inducements" will ever replace that commitment, integrity, and self-discipline. Inducements will only make "fair weather relationships" last a little bit longer. But in the end, if the real glue that keeps a relationship hold together is still lacking, the weather will get too rough even with the inducements. And when that happens, the whole illusion will become unravelled.

Those who believe in the sacred nature of marriage should be outraged by this part of the ruling. The justices who penned this have made a mockery of their belief in that sacred nature by suggesting that marriage and marriage benefits are little more than "bribes" being offered to people without integrity or discipline to keep the commitments they won't keep on their own. As someone who holds marriage -- and relationships in general -- as sacred, I know I'm outraged.

This morning, I decided to make another trip to Seneca Park Zoo, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite spots to visit. In fact, today, I decided to pay for a membership. My annual membership fee gives me (and one adult guest, as well as my guest's children, if any) free admission any of the 364 days a year that they're open. I felt it was well worth it. And the money goes to help take care of the animals and other conservation projects.

Of coure, while there, I took some pictures with my camera. Again, I'm not going to post all of them (I took thirty in all). But I thought I'd share a few, just to give everyone a taste of my morning.

This next picture is of Ariel, one of the sea lions they have at the zoo:

Ariel has a playmate named Flounder. They were born about sixteen years ago (that's about the time that Disney's animation, The Little Mermaid, came out in case anyone's wondering. I actually went back to this exhibit an hour after I took these pictures, as I discovered that they were giving a demonstration of Ariel's and Flounder's training at 11:30 this morning. I did not take pictures of the demonstration, as I wanted to be able to focus on enjoying my own experience of it. I hope to ge pictures of future demonstrations, however. The demonstration itself was quite interesting, as they explained some of the reasons they train the sea lions and what the process involves. Also, they explained some of the differences between a seal and a sea lion.

Not to far from Ariel and Flounder's display, the polar bears have their exhibit. I was able to snap this excellent picture of the one polar bear going for a swim:

I got the distinct impression that he was checking me out as much as I was checking him out.

Surprisingly, the tigers were out in full force about the time I was getting ready to leave. So I was able to snap a couple of pictures. This young guy reminded me of a larger version of my little Precious, the way he was playing around in this tube:

Of course, the difference between him and Precious is that he's big enough that he could do more than just nip my hand when he got hungry.

And of course, one of the other tigers was having fun playing king of the hill:

Overall, it was an enjoyable experience today.