November 2006 Archives

Just last night, I started participating on a religious discussion message board on another site. I've met some interesting people, but I've also noticed there seems to be a very large contingent of people who are using the sight for a good bit of ego-stroking and demonstrating their own "spiritual superiority" (whether it takes the form of righteousness or enlightenment) at the expense of others. It makes for a harsh evironment, in many ways. I'm just hoping that those of us who are interested can create enough positive discussion to make it worthwhile.

But the big thing I noticed was how easy it would be for me to slip into the same kind of posturing. Each time I read an ego-driven post there, I find myself sorely tempted, almost eager, to tear the person down, with the painful realization that my own motives at heart are equally ego-driven. It troubles me how easily I could fall into that same trap just by being around it.

As such, I need to work on guarding myself against that temptation.

Deck: The Cosmic Tribe Tarot
Card: Three of Cups

Three cups rest towards the bottom of the card, forming an equilateral triangle between themselves. Hovering over these cups, positioned in such a way as to suggest they each just emerged from their own cup, hover three golden fairies. The two on the "outside" strike poses that suggest both playfulness and a bit of showing off. The figure to the left is holding the hand of the fairy in the center -- who is also slightly lower than the outter two. The center figure appears to be reaching for the foot of the third figure, as if to grab hold of her as well. Golden rays of light also rise from within each o the cups, casting the figures and the entire card in a warm glow.

This card suggests both playfulness and togetherness, and the relationship these two qualities have with one another. Individually, each figure is light and free, full of joy and fun. And yet, by joining together, they each augment and improve on one another's joy. The end result is a unified bliss that is more than the sum of each individual's lone experiences.

The relationship between the figures in the image also suggests that is the fairy's ability to free themselves from worry and have fun -- both individually and collectively -- that keeps the bond between them so strong. It is their unity in joy that enables them to maintain their partnership.

This card calls us to look at our own relationships, past present and future and examine why we maintain and cherish them. While maintaining healthy relationships are hard work, healthy relationships also lead to the kinds of benefits, most notably joy, which make that work well worth it. It is important that we keep that in mind in all of our relationships, lest we lose sight of why they are important to us during those moments when such bonds are painfully tested.

Deck: Tarot of Transformation
Card: One of Disks
Keyphrase: Birth Into Form

This card has a number of eggs and seeds in the foreground. The largest egg is lying on the ground, surrounded with grass and other plants. A brown haze round it suggests a nest, cushioning the fragile container. The other eggs and seeds hover around and just above this one, suggesting an almost ethereal, not quite real quality to each of them.

In the center of each egg and seed is either a light spot -- suggesting an inner glow -- or a pattern. This hints of the new life growing within, waiting to burst forth when the time is right. It suggests the new beginnings that is so often assocated with the the one or ace card of each suit.

This card symbolizes and embodies that point in any process where an idea, concept, or thing first starts the journey out of the mental and/or spiritual realms to manifest in the physical world. It marks the transition from thinking and planning to acting and doing.

It's important to note that this card speaks not of the completion of that transition, but the process itself as it is occurring. A seed is not a plant, nor is an egg a chicken. It is merely the first physical stage, a tentative one at that, from which the end result will develop.

This transition stage is one of the most critical ones for any project, any goal, any dream, or anything else one hopes to manifest. Too often, that which was planned dies in this stage. We change our minds and don't move forward. We don't pay enough attention to the situation or properly nurture it through the gestation and birthing process. As a result, many of the seeds we bring into existence never properly develop and grow. Instead, they remain seeds until they die and eventually break down again.

This card calls us all to consider those things we'd like to gain or accomplish and the plans we have made. It encourages us to take that next step and put action to those plans and begin the birthing process. And it reminds us to guard the process carefully, so that our desires will ultimately have the opportunity to manifest.

I'm not sure how many people read this blog any more. I know I've been silent for almost a month now. To be honest, I've logged in to write something several times since my last entry, but have never been able to get past the blank textbox.

This is one of those cases where many aspects of my life have caused me to turn inward, to work on projects and go through things that I'm not ready to post about yet. There's just so much going on that still needs to be worked out in the stillness of my own mind before broadcast to the world, and as such, I leave what readers I may have wondering what's going on.

What I can say is that my spiritual life is getting rather interesting right now. There are certain things that I need to work on and certain changes in my life that I'm making in order to prepare for the "next big step." At some point, I hope to talk about some of that. But for now, I must leave it at this simple teaser.

I'm also working on a writing project, which I have several guides telling me will eventually coalesce into a publishable book. However, I'm in the very early stages of that process. Currently, I'm at the point where the project involves me spending regular times with a separate journal (as opposed to my "everyday" one) and writing about past experiences, people, and choices that I can remember, and my emotional reactions to them. It's been both a rewarding and trying process, as not all of the memories or the realizations related to them are entirely comfortable. They're not exactly painful, either. But they take a bit of processing at times.

One of the interesting things is that as I continue with this project, I find myself remembering little things that I had completely forgotten about, things that I haven't thought about in a decade or more. That in itself can be a bit shocking. Of course, on the flip side, it's also nice to suddenly discover that I have more memories of my life before high school than I might've thought. They're just there waiting to be found.

Of course, a side effect of this process is that I find myself growing nostalgiac. I find myself wondering what ever happened to old friends, old school chums, and even an old lover or two. I find myself wondering what kind of people they are today. After all, it's been at least a decade since I've seen some of them.

You can't go home again. But at least you can visit. Even if only in your mind.

I feel strange tonight. To be honest, I'm having a hard time describing my mood and emotional state. I think that the best word for describing the underlying theme is melancholy. but it's a strange melancholy. I'm finding a certain comfort in it. It doesn't depress me, if that makes any sense.

There's also a strong sense of impermanence to it all. It's as if in my sadness, there's a deep knowledge that it will pass soon enough, departing to let my heart fill with light and joy. This knowledge lets me find comfort in my temporary darkness, wrapping it around me gently like a warm blanket as I wait "sunnier" times.

It's not like I'm totally devoid of joy, anyway. Evenin my morose state, I can see the myriad little bright spots. I can see where I have treated myself with more honor and respect than I have in the past. I know I have friends I can turn to when I need an ear, and have even dared to call on them to offer those very services. I am loved, and I know it. What is a little sadness in the face of that?