August 2007 Archives

About once every two weeks, I like to run the index page for my blog through the HTML Validator. I like to try and keep my page as clean and properly coded as possible. (Now some day, I just have to tackle cleaning up my style sheet and feeds.)

For the most part, I get a fairly clean report and it just takes a couple of minutes to clean up any errors the validator does report. Fortunately, the templates I use have already been cleaned up, so any errors I get are actually introduced by my posts. Considering I don't use much HTML in my posts, I don't make many mistakes with it. In fact, my most common mistake is posting a link that has an ampersand in the address and forgetting to replace the "&" with "&" in the address.

Then there are those times when I post the results from an online quiz. Today, when I went through the validation process, the results for the "What Color is Your Soul" quiz alone generated eighty errors. And I had to spend several minutes reading through those errors and making the minor updates that would make each little error go away in turn.

Even these errors are relatively minor. They usually involve not adding the terminating slash to a tag that doesn't have a corresponding closing tag or not enclosing an attribute's value in quotes. The hard part is reading through the dense burst of code that make up the quiz results and finding the mistakes. And when there's a few dozen such mistakes, working through each one can be tedious.

I hope there eventually becomes a day when online quiz creators start doublechecking their HTML against the latest specification. It'd save me a bit of time and trouble. Not to mention any other erstwhile quiz takers that like to keep their blog's HTML clean.

Last night, I met the guys at The Distillery (their new Winton Road location) for our usual Monday night dinner. None of us had been there before, so it was a new experience. I found it a delightful place and look forward to going back again sometime. Perhaps I'll take my father there the next time he spends the night with me.

As is our tendency during the summer, we ate outdoors, enjoying the warm weather and beautiful sky. As we were getting ready to leave, I sat there looking at the sunset and decided I wanted to go for a walk.

It's not unusual for me to go for a walk after having dinner with the guys. In fact, it's become something of a tradition in my mind over the last month. As we usually eat somewhere on Park Avenue, I usually leave directly from the restaurant and walk the circuit made by Park, Alexander, East, and Berkeley. It makes for a nice forty-five minute walk.

However, I had originally planned on skipping that part of my Monday night routine last night. I figured that with my seven mile canal walk Sunday morning, there was no need to get more exercise the next night, so I planned on giving my legs a break. But as I sat watching that sunset and enjoying the moderate temperatures of the evening, I realized that I didn't want to give my legs the break. I wanted to complete my Monday night routine like I normally would.

This exemplifies a radical difference between my walking habits recently and past attempts to exercise more. This excites me because it's a difference that I think may help me actually stick with the practice this time around, as opposed to other times when I tapered off.

Over the past seven years, every other time I've tried to get more exercise (usually through walking, though I did try making use of my apartment complex's exercise room for a few weeks last year, as well), I've done it out of a sense of obligation. I've told myself that I need to exercise, and often found myself practically forcing myself to do it. My heart just wasn't in it.

This time around, I've found that I'm walking because I want to. In fact, for the first few weeks I started walking after dinner on Monday night, I refused to allow myself to think of it as another attempt to start exercising. I made the conscious choice to undergo the walk for the simple fact that I enjoy it. And the result is that even now that I'm starting to think in terms of exercise, it's still a matter of desire rather than a sense of necessity or obligation. So I suppose it's perfectly reasonable that even though I didn't need to take my usual Monday night walk last night, that part of me that enjoys the routine would still want to do it anyway.

I've noticed a similar mentality with the canal walk. I found myself getting quite frustrated when trying to plan that trip for the last two months. However, my frustration was centered around finding a day that (1) I had free and could do it and (2) there was someone who could pick me up at the other end. My frustration wasn't in trying to meet an obligation I was ambivalent about, but in trying to make the arrangements necessary to do something I love doing with all the restrictions created by everyone's hectic summer schedules.

And as a further result, I'm looking for another day during the week that I can schedule regular walks. I've decided that a walk on the weekend and another one on Monday nights just isn't enough for me. So I'm looking at working another walk into my routine on Thursday evenings.

I'm not sure how well that will work. I'm a bit nervous that I'm pushing my luck. But I figure that I'll give it a shost. Besides, if I find it's not working or (worse) that it's actually affecting how I generally feel about my walking negatively, I'll drop the idea for a while. But I think an honest and careful attempt at stretching my enjoyment is worthwhile.

Of course, I think there are other factors that are contributing to my success this time around. Another big factor is my choice of venues. I have a number of different routes I can take, all of which I enjoy for various reasons. This helps keep the overall experience a positive and interesting one. Then there's the fact that I've found a way to work the walks into my schedule in natural and positive ways. The best example of that is the Monday evening walks after dinner. On those nights, I've already enjoyed a good meal and pleasant conversation. In some ways, going for a pleasant stroll is a way to keep the evening going. After all, it beats just going home and watching television or playing on the computer by myself.

Today was the day for my monthly seven mile walk along the Erie Canal. This time, I didn't let the rain scare me out of taking my camera, so I managed to get pictures. This was just as well, since it didn't rain anyway. I seem to always luck out in that regards. The picture in this entry is of the path shortly after I started my walk. The rest of the pictures can be found in the album I created just for this walk.

The weather was a bit cool, as the temperature stayed in the high sixties and low seventies. In reality, this was perfect considering all the heat I was generating by walking. I didn't get overworked as much, nor did I sweat quite as much. I did note, however, that I made the trip in fifteen to twenty minutes less time than I made it in June and July. On the one hand, this is good, as it indicates that I'm getting more used to making the trip and have even stepped up my pace a bit. On the other hand, I find it distressing because it means I'm not exercising for as long. It may be unfortunate if I eventually have to find a way to walk further, as that would mean coming up with a new starting point and/or destination.

Of course, the fact that I didn't take any breaks this time around contributed to the decrease in walking time, as well. However, I would estimate that only counts for about five minutes. Again, I took this as a sign that I'm getting more used to the exercise. And the fact that my knees and calves didn't seem to be in any pain (especially when compared to the walk in July) was a pleasant change.

I'm hoping to make this trip again in September and possibly in October, even. However, it occurs to me that with the approach of winter, I will eventually have to take a break from my monthly treks. I'm a bit saddened by that and am currently trying to figure out an alternative activity for the winter months. After all, I don't want to give up all this good exercise I've been getting.

Recently, I joined Circle and Cross Talk, an email discussion list dedicated to dialogue between Christians and Pagans. The other day, one of the list members posted an article, The Just World Theory. I posted my own thoughts to the list and thought it appropriate to post them to my blog as well.

Hello all.

After giving some thought to the topic (as well as what I want to say about it), I've decided to weigh in on the "Just World" hypothesis. Unfortunately, I'm at work and thus have access to neither the article nor the excellent thoughts everyone else has already shared. So please forgive me if my thoughts are rambling and don't stay quite on target. Of course, in fairness, my thoughts would probably stray even if I *did* have access to the discussion so far. ;)

I honestly can't say that I'm surprised by the article's suggestion that most people operate under the philosophy that we live in a "just world," and that therefore we are inclined to think that people have somehow brought their fate upon themselves. And to some degree, I don't think that this is an entirely bad thing. While I cringe in horror and disgust at the suggestion that a rape or murder victim did something to deserve such brutal treatment, I also cannot deny that some people find themselves in situations of their own making due to the choices they have made. For example, the person who gives into our society's consumer mentality and consistently spends money in excess of their income will need to recognize the part they played in creating their situation when they eventually find themselves crushed under insurmountable debt. Until they do so, and correct their spending habits sufficiently, they will continue to find themselves in that situation. (Indeed, many people who do not learn this lesson before making use of consolidation loans and other tools for making one's debt more manageable simply spend their way back into a worse situation than the one they were trying to escape.) After all, there are those situations in which the concept of personal responsibility does apply.

However, there is a huge difference between such a scenario and a situation where someone is victimized by another person (or a case where someone who finds themselves in debt due to the high costs associated with an unexpected medical emergency, to offer my own counter-example) is unthinkable. A victim has been clearly wronged by someone acting in a reprehensible manner. There are no factors that nullify that or even mitigate that fact. And to suggest that a victim "had it coming" for any reason is unthinkable and, in my opinion less, morrally reprehensible. In short, comparing the two scenarios is like comparing apples and bicycle tires.

What bothers me even more deeply about the whole concept of the "just world" hypothesis, though, is the implications of how we as a society understand justice. It suggests a paradigm in which justice is nothing more than the process of punishing wrongs and rewarding right behavior. To my mind, this understanding of justice is incomplete, poorly devised, and practically useless.

To me, justice is about maintaining and restoring the right order in all situations. To again draw back to the example of someone being raped, punishing the rapist alone is not justice. A victim has been traumatized and seriously wronged, and true justice must address that and rectify these wrongs as much as possible. This means helping the victim to heal from this ordeal, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It means helping the victim to put their life back in order as best as anyone can accomplish. In this sense, I sometimes think that the civil law system offers more true justice than the criminal justice system in the fact that it enables victims (and their families) of violent criminals to sue those who wronged them, as they can then use that money for expenses that reasult as a part of the healing process.

To go back to my own example, justice is not served if we simply determine that someone is in debt due to their own poor financial choices, either. Even if said person is in that situation due to his own choices, he doesn't deserve to be left there. In that instance, justice is served by not only helping him get out of debt, but gently pointing out his own part in getting there and showing him how to make better choices in the future so that he can avoid returning to the same situation down the road.

I'm convinced that the belief that the world is a just world is a false one, no matter how appealing the idea is to all of us. But I think that part of the reason it's false is that the underlying premise of what justice actually entails is flawed. True justice requires action, and we are the actors.

My apologies for being so long-winded.

Regards,
-- Jarred.

In an email conversation discussing the incident at MPPD 2007 involving the CCL of Maine, Tracie asked some interesting questions about the philosophy behind public Pagan events:

In other words, what is the motivation behind pagans doing big public events anyway? Why do we need the attention? In what way does it serve our Gods?

Over the past eight or so years, I've attended various public Pagan events:

• Starwood in 2001
• The now discontinued SORCery in 2003
• The one time event, Gathering Mists in 2005
• Fingerlakes Pagan Pride in 2006
• Rochester Pagan Pride in 2006

As I mulled over Tracie's questions, I thought back to each of these events I attended. And to be honest, with the possible exception of Starwood, I'm not sure any of them got all that much attention. And to the best of my knowledge, not even Starwood seemed to draw a great deal of attention from the non-Pagan community. So I find myself wondering how much attention we as Pagans are drawing or trying to draw to ourselves with such events, anyway.

As I think of each of these events, what sticks in my mind were the opportunities to meet like-minded people, make friends, and otherwise engage in networking. And to me, this is the true value of such events. They provide us with the chance to get together and find people and opportunities that we might otherwise miss.

Such events and the networking opportunities they offer particularly provide a great service to people who are new to a geographic area or are new to or just becoming interested in Paganism. Such publicized events provide them with a readily accessible and obvious starting point. In a single day (or however long the event lasts), they can meet many people and start getting an idea of who they fit with both religiously and on an interpersonal level. Similarly, established organizations and groups can get to know these newcomers and make similar evaluations.

Such events also offer the benefits of bringing together diverse groups for networking purposes as well. It provides groups the opportunity to touch base with one another and exchange any information or concerns that may effect the Pagan community as a whole. Such networking can help lead to a healthier community overall.

Of course, such events also tend to have workshops that can be educational and informative. While this benefit strikes me as secondary to the networking I've already described, I think it's still important and serves a positive purpose. This enables people to learn new things and provides for an opportunity to exchange ideas. Again, this lead to the betterment of those in attendance, both as individuals and as a whole. And I cannot think of a better service to the gods.

Personally, I tend to see the attention such events might draw from the wider (i.e. non-Pagan) community as a side-effect rather than a primary goal. (I'm sure others will disagree, however.) Sometimes, that side effect has consequences that are unfortunate, such as the encounter with the Maine CCL at MPPD. However, I think that the clear benefits of these events -- benefits that rely on the events being both public and widely publicized in order to be maximized -- far outweigh the downside.

Eirsinitiate created a fun little meme which I found interesting. I decided that rather than waiting to be tagged (and hoping it eventually happened), I'm going to be naughty and self-infect. (There's probably some meme etiquette agaisnt it, but I've never claimed to have stellar social graces anyway.)

Rules

1. You have to use your own belief system for the meme. No fair using someone else’s to make a joke or satire. Being humorous about your own religion is encouraged!
2. You have to have at least one joy and one trial. More are encouraged. And no, they don’t have to be equal in length, but please be honest.
3. You have to tag at least one other person. More are appreciated!
4. Please post these rules!

Joys

1. Knowing that every act of love and joy is a sacred act and being free to celebrate life religiously
2. Having gods who not only care deeply about me, but wish to work in partnership with me for both our benefits.
3. The knowledge that while I certainly can and should grow and improve as a person, this is possible due to my inherent worth and capacity to do so.

Trials

1. Knowing there are no easy answers and no easy sources for answers.
2. Dealing with friends and family who care deeply, but struggle with understanding my faith.
3. Being the devotee of a goddess who is all about passion and being single.

Infecting Others

I've decided to spread this over various faith groups. It seemed appropriate, given the diverse nature of my readers.

Christian
Marisa
Lauren: Posted
Pisco: Posted

Pagan
Tracie: Posted
Cosette: Posted
Phoenix: Posted

Hindu
Artharaja: Posted

Earlier today, I ran across the CCL of Maine's statement that they were removed from Main Pagan Pride Day this past Sunday. The CCL's comments included accusations of censorship:

League Executive Director Michael Heath remarked, "These same pagans who cling to the First Amendment for their freedom of religion, trample upon it by rejecting freedom of the press. Their audacity and hypocrisy is at the same time stunning and pathetic."

Jason Pitzl-Waters addresses these claims quite well with a brief civics lesson:

The First Amendment right concerning Free Speech, and a Free Press, doesn't mean that a (perhaps hostile) reporter can't be ejected from private property, even if an event on private property is a "public" one. Freedom of the Press was enshrined to prevent governmental censorship or reprisal.

Being curious about the incident and concerned about the possible misrepresentation of the situation on the part of the CCL of Maine, I contacted the coordinators of MPPD. Richard Vinton was kind enough to respond to my inquiry. He assured me that despite my own doubts about that aspect of the CCL's claims, MPPD made no attempt to restrict what photographs could be taken. Indeed, Richard included in his email the same disclaimer that the CCL displays on their site, verifying it's legitimacy.

However, Richard went on to explain that Mr. Hein was asked to leave for taking pictures:

He [w]as asked to leave because he was causing a disturbance. He entered a workshop that was already in session and began taking photos of the class members and interrupting the instructor. He misrepresented himself as a member of the press but holds no press credentials and it became very clear the he intended to continue being a disturbance.

Given the CCL's documented past of encouraging harassment and resorting to misrepresentation, it is not hard to believe Richard's indication that Mr. Hein was activel creating a disturbance. It is perfectly reasonable that the MPPD organizers and security would choose to eject someone for such inappropriate and rude actions.

Richard also speaks highly of how well the situation was actually handled:

What should be noted is the fast and professional response by our team of Guardians. This entire incident lasted no longer then 10 minutes and very few people in attendance had any idea it took place before the misleading story on the CCL web page.

I'm inclined to consider this excellent news indeed.

RNEWS is reporting an upcoming change to the Erie Canal Trail:

Town and state officials kicked off a $755,000 project that's expected to improve both the safety and aesthetics of a portion of the Erie Canal Trail near the Monroe Avenue Bridge.

The section of trail they are talking about is actually a part of the seven mile segment I've walked the last two months. (As a bonus, I now know what street crosses the canal via the unlabeled bridge I walk under, thanks to this article.) I have to admit that this is a welcome change to the trail, at least to my mind. For a thousand feet or so, the trail dumps you out onto a side street (which is extremely lightly trafficked, thankfully). The trail picks back up once the road gets just past the sanitation building/office. So it will be nice to be able to avoid car traffic (no matter how sporadic it is anyway) completely once this construction is done.

I'm hoping to make my monthly trek this Sunday. I'll have to check out the construction in the area while I'm there.

Of course, I'm also pleasantly surprised to see that the trail is considered that important to tourism and the general economy of the area.

My father sent me this picture yesterday. He wondered how he was supposed to use the computer while Precious (who is visiting her grandparents for the month of August due to the number of times I'll be travelling during the month) is napping on the mouse and mousepad. Precious says: "Hey, if it's a mouse, I'm supposed to catch it, right?"

Last night, Dwayne and Sarah of the WNY Paranormal Society held their "end of summer" party. Once again, Michele, Belinda, and I received an invitation. Unfortunately, Belinda was unable to make it again, so only Michele and I attended once again. I'm happy to report that after getting lost last time, the directions to their house are firmly etched into our memories and we made it there without incident.

This time, the theme was pirates. I must say that many of Dwayne and Sarah's friends (not to mention they themselves) are quite talented at putting together some great costumes for these themes. Michele and I were less creative, and therefore did not go in costume. Fortunately for us, everyone was easygoing, so we were not forced to walk the plank. (I will note I didn't mention that possibility, however, lest I give anyone any ideas.)

The party was a rather mellow affair (especially compared with the much more lively and louder Chrismas party), which allowed for a great deal of conversation. Of course, no party would be complete without a little raciness, so the organized activities included a treasure hunt. We were divided into teams and had to follow clues to the treasure. Upon finding the treasure, each person was allowed to take one item. Items included "sex addict" pens, glow in the dark condoms, and other items from whose description I'll spare my readers.

Towards the end of the evening, some brave souls even decided to go swimming despite the chilly air. Of course, a small number of them shortly realized that there's a fine line between bravery and insanity and decided to join us cowardly and/or sensible landlubbers. But no matter what our choices were, I think it's safe to say we all had a great time.

Today, I dcedided to play around with the information that Xinu Returns provided about my blog. I discovered that some search engines reported a link to my blog from this page. So naturally I decided to check it out. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was a cut and paste of my blog entry about ritual nudity. (I reread that entry and still love it, by the way.)

I have to admit that I'm rather flattered that someone found something I wrote so worthwhile that they put it up on their site. It's nice to get that kind of compliment. Of course, I also would've liked it if they had contacted me to ask permission. I would've gladly granted it to them. (Though I might've offered to polish the rough edges first, as I was writing informally for my blog rather than working on what I would consider a high quality article meant for publication).

And of course, I would've also told them how I'd like to be credited for it. Currently, the page gives no authorship information, though I will note they graciously included a link back to my original blog post. I'm thinking about contacting the site and asking them to add a note of authorship to the page.

The only other thing that bothers me is that it's posted under the category of "Traditional Craft." While I can certainly understand why they put it in that category, it does leave me concerned that someone might get the wrong idea -- namely that I'm claiming to be a Traditional Witch of any kind. (At this time I'm not.) And I hate even implying (or having others imply on my behalf) that my occasional musings on such topics are in any sense authoritative. Because to be honest, they're not. So I may also ask about having some sort of disclaimer added in addition to my name.

I figure while I'm at it, I also might as well answer a few more of Mahud's excellent questions.

How do Pagan ‘gods’ have an active role in your life?

To answer this question, I think it's important to pair it with another question: What is the nature of the gods? After all, the nature of a divine being is going to seriously affect how you interract with such a being.

Different Pagans have different understanding of what the gods are. Some (and for the most part, I fall into this category) see them as individual beings. Others see them as facets of a single Supreme Divinity. Others see the gods as archetypes developed through the collective unconscious. And there are probably other understandings that people have adopted I'm not even aware of.

As I said, I tend to see the gods as unique individuals. I accept that they may ultimately be manifestations of a single Ultimate Source. But if that's the case, then I'm inclined to understand everything as being a manifestation of that same Ultimate Source. Gods, humans, animals, and everything else that exists come from there. But just like I'd treat different people as individuals despite being manifestations of the same Ultimate Source, I'm inclined to do the same with the gods. Some I've built deep relationships with. Some I know in passing. And others, well I wouldn't know them from Horus.

Of course, the other thing to understand is that I don't see my gods as gods in the popular sense (a sense that is mainly popular because it's based in the Judeo-Christian understanding of Divinity, which dominates our society). That's to say I don't see them as omnipotent, omniscient, or even omnipresent. To me, my gods are more like the spirits of many indegenous tribes.

I think that Gardner put it best when he talked about the gods of witchcraft as being "little gods" (as opposed to an all-powerful creator). They were great, but their greatness ultimately had limits, too. In fact, Gardner talked about one of those limits when he said that the gods of the witches "wanted men to be happy, but needed man's help to bring about their happiness." (That may not be an exact quote, but I don't have my copy of Witchcraft Today with me.)

And that leads me to the original question about the active role the gods have in my life. I see my relationship with my gods as being an active partnership. They both want things for me and want things from me. And these two things often interrelate. Years ago, I once wrote that the point of witchcraft (at least as I understand and practice it) was to manifest the nature and gifts of the gods into your life and the lives of those around you. Today, I think that's still the most concise answer I can give, even if it is a little vague.

So I talk to my gods in trance. I pray to them. I draw their essence down into my life. All to bring about this manifestation I'm talking about.

Do some pagans create their own gods?

Absolutely. It's never been something I've personally felt a need or desire to do, and I have to wonder how effective such a practice is. But to each their own, I suppose.

Other Questions and Answers
Nature and Paganism

I've been meaning to write more about the festival I attended last week, but simply haven't found or made the time. And when I've had the time to blog, there's just been other things I also wanted to write about. But I think I can make enough time to talk about the three seances Michele and Belinda held while we were there.

As I mentioned in the last post about the festival, I had never been to a seance before. In some ways, I suppose that's strange. I'm friends with a number of mediums and I regularly hang out at a store that has about one seance a month. But to be honest, they don't hold a great deal of interest for me. In fact, I had originally only planned on attending the first seance at the festival: the one held on Tuesday night.

That was a pleasant seance, as it was early enough in the festival that a relatively small number of people came to it. After all, not many people had arrived at the festival itself yet, either. I actually learned something about seances I didn't know before that night, too. You see, like most people, I had this idea that seances were about contacting the dead. And while the spirits of those departed do show up, they're not the only ones who stop in. For the first time, I discovered that seances involved contact with spirits in general, and that can include spirit guides (or even deities) as well as spirits of passed loved ones.

The first night, I received a message, this one relayed by Rich. I got a brief lecture on the fact that I need to let the mask down and let people know the real me. This didn't surprise me, as I've received this message before. I think, however, that the fact that it came from Rich -- someone who had just met me six hours earlier and knew nothing about me -- really increased the impact this time, however.

The second seance was Thursday night. Right up until an hour before the seance, I was convinced I wasn't going. I had decided that I had already been to one that week. While it was an enjoyable experience, I didn't see a great need to attend another one. To be honest, I'm not even sure what reason changed my mind. But when the time came, I rode down to the Khaki Shack in Michele's golf cart. When we got there, we were quite shocked. I'd estimate that about thirty people were packed into the small building (far more than it can comfortably accomodate).

While I can't say a reason for my change of mind, it became obvious why I had come along after all. In addition to the fact that there was such a large crowd, many who had come that night had been drinking. In fact, a number had cans of beer with them!

Now, for those of my readers who may not know this, you do not come to a seance or seek out a psychic reader while intoxicated. It does strange things to your energy and those around you. The net result is that you end up with very sick psychics and mediums. In fact, Michele and Rich each prepared to ask those who had been drinking to leave, but were stopped by their own guides. So we went forward.

That seance was a dreadful experience, however. All of the mediums had difficulty getting messages, and even some of their guides were noticeable affected by the situation. After about an hour, Michele's guide called a halt to the whole process, promising to hold a third seance the next night. A handful of us stayed there for the next twenty minutes (after most everyone had left), mainly because the three mediums were feeling quite unwell. Arlene was kind enough to help pull away the stomach problems Michele and Rich were both feeling, and I helped to ground Rich. After a while, we were all able to leave. And everyone's guides were kind enough to make sure everyone felt better by the next morning.

With the help of Tim, Michele tried to find a location to hold the unplanned seance Friday night. After a few failed attempts, our quartet agreed to hold the seance in the trailer we were renting for the week. We also insisted that everyone signed up ahead of time this time so that we could determine if we needed to break the group up and do two separate seances. Fortunately, only about ten or twelve people signed up (and counting those of us who had to be there, we number around sixteen or seventeen), so we held only one seance.

I want to mention one incident at the third seance simply because of how peculiar it was. At one point, Michele's guide commented that there was a little boy in the room associated with one of the women there. (Her husband was also there.) Her guide went on to explain that the little boy identified himself as Anthony and said that he was trying to enter the world as the woman's son. There was more to the message, but I don't recall it.

What makes this particular message so remarkable is that Amy had a conversation with the woman and her husband after the seance. Apparently, they've been trying to have a child for many years. Even more, because of a tradition in the woman's family, the couple had already planned on naming any boy they had Anthony. Needless to say, this made this seance a particularly amazing experience for this couple -- particularly the husband, who was quite the skeptic and primarily came to humor his wife.

The last seance was probably the best. This was partly because of the smaller number of people who came -- not to mention that the people who came weren't there expecting some sort of "show," but had realistic expectations for a seance. Of course, it also helped that it was the only seance held in our living space, which by that time had been thoroughly infused with our own energy and presence. This made it much more cozy than the more public and chaotic space of the Khaki Shack.

Last night, I had avery strange dreams. It bothered me in some ways, so I thought I'd write about it here.

The dream was about Mike. Somehow, he had found me and took me to dinner someplace so we could talk. He wanted the two of us to get back together. In fact, he was quite emphatic and persistent about it. And in the dream, a part of me really wanted to say yes. But another part of me was quite unenthusiastic about the idea. In fact, that part of me was downright cold to the idea.

And there were good reasons for that emotional reaction, don't get me wrong. While Mike was being quite clear that he wanted us to get back together, he steered clear of discussing any of the reasons I broke up with him in the first place. And I was having problem with that, because it was pretty clear to me that none of the obstacles (most of them imposed by Mike himself) that caused me to walk away had been resolved, nor were they going to be. So the dispassionate part of me kept running through the list:

"That's nice, but your family commitments and the fact that you don't want to tell them you like guys is still going to keep us apart most of the time."

"That's nice, but you're still not ready to move in together and may never be ready for that, given the way things are going."

"That's nice, but I still don't foresee the romantic or physical side of our relationship growing."

In short, he was offering me a return to the status quo I no longer wanted to live with back in 2005. I certainly don't want to go back to living with it two years later!

I woke up before the discussion ended or I gave him an answer. I was rather troubled by the whole thing. Primarily, I was troubled by the fact that I was dreaming about him again two years after I broke up with him. I was troubled by that part of me in the dream that really did want to get back together with him. That's mainly because I'm trourlbe by the idea that such a part of me probably still exists in the waking world. I want to move forward with my life. I want to look for that better, more fulfilling, and healthier relationship that most of me (the part that was cold and rational in the dream) knows I deserve. And I don't want some part of me that still occasionally thinks longlingly of the one(s) that didn't work out to get in the way of future possibilities.

And that's why it probably particularly bothered me that I didn't give him an answer before I woke up. Specifically, it bothers me that I didn't just come right out and tell him that I'm still not interested in what he's still offering me. Because that just makes it feel all the more like that small part of me is still holding me back.

Mahud over at Between the Old and New Moons has asked some interesting questions about Paganism. I've found them interesting and worthy of much thought, so I figured I'd start answering some of them. I don't promise to touch every question and I intend to tackle them in my own order rather than in the order they're asked. But it should be an interesting exploration.

Are you a Pagan because you are drawn or feel a connection with nature?

Nope. I'm a Pagan because I am drawn to and feel a connection with my gods. Any connection I might feel with nature is a secondary factor at best.

To be honest, I think some Pagans make too much of the connection between reverence for nature and Paganism. Perhaps it is more important in their tradition than it is mine. But to be honest, my understanding of historical Paganism is that their interest in nature was purely motivated by early pagans' need to survive whatever nature might throw at them. If the herds went away or were too small, people starved. As a result, making sure the herds would stick around and be populous enough to support them became a part of their religio-magical practices.

Today, we're not at the mercy of nature in that same way (though she does occasionally like to remind us she's still perfectly capable of giving us a good walloping if the mood strikes). As a result, my own religio-magical practices tend to focus less on surviving nature. I can focus on other needs within my life and my community.

Now this isn't to say I don't love nature. I grew up in rural Pennsylvania. At my parents' home, watching the deer and turkey wander through the back yard looking for the corn we set out is still a regular event. And everyone who is there still marvels on those rare occasions when the local black bear wanders through the back yard. (Often followed by my father muttering about said black bear knocking down and breaking the bird feeder yet again.) But in some ways, coming from that background leaves me with the sense that many Pagans tend to romanticize nature. They talk about it in ways that make it seem entirely unlike the real world I've experienced in my past.

Do city dwelling Pagans find it difficult to practice in the City?

Given that I don't consider the connection with nature as essential a part of Paganism as others, I think it's obvious that I'm going to say no to this question. However, I do think that the urban Pagan's experience is going to be different from the rural Pagan. They live different lives, and the expression of their faiths are going to have to reflect those differences.

But this is where my feelings about the romanticized notions of nature often expressed by Pagans come in to play. There's plenty of nature in urban areas, and I'm not just talking about parks. After all, as much as we try to forget it, humans are a part of nature, too. You want to see nature in a big city, go to a night club. You'll get it all: sweaty bodies, loud rhythms, strong heartbeats, and enough sexual energy to drive the unshielded psychic crazy in under twenty minutes. And let me tell you, my gods absolutely love it.

This post isn't about the festival, per se. However, it is loosely related in the fact that the motives behind my actions were spawned at the festival. Saturday night, the four of us who went together held an open circle to bring about more abundance and joy in the participants' lives. As part of the rite, we each agreed to do one good deed or act of kindness for someone else every day.

Monday morning, as I drove back to work for my first day back from vacation, I got thinking about that commitment. I was wondering what good deed I could do for the day. As I thought about it, I finally decided to take it before my gods. "Okay, guys, I'm going to need help with this one. Help me to be open to any opportunities I might have to help someone else." Once at work, I set about to figuring out where my projects were and determining my immediate tasks to work on. My mind quickly became lost in the distractions of the work day.

At around five thirty that night, I decided it was time to head home. So I hopped in my car and pulled out of the driveway. Because of the time, I decided to take Route 31 back towards Pittsford rather than deal with rush hour traffic on I-490. That meant turning left onto Woodcliffe and taking it over to Route 250. When I was almost to Route 250, I noticed a car pulled as far off the road in front of me as possible, but still blocking my lane of traffic. I also quickly noticed the woman holding onto a very young girl with an upset stomach. The poor thing was vomitting as the woman held onto her.

I pulled up beside them and rolled the window down to ask if everything was alright. The girl's mother assured me they were fine. However, the other women made a comment (presumably pointing out the little girl really needed a change of clothes), and the first woman explained they weren't from around here. She asked if I knew of a Target or Wal-Mart in the vicinity. I gave her careful directions to the Target that was less than a mile away, and wished them the best.

As I pulled away to continue on my way, I instantly remembered my prayer earlier in the day. The gods had been good to me in honoring my request. Despite the fact that I had forgotten asking them to help me be aware of opportunities to help someone else, they had not. They gave me an opportunity to help someone else, even if it was something as minor as giving much needed directions to a store. After all, it was pretty important to the little girl and her mother.

Of course, what really has me thinking about this is the fact that I don't usually take that route home. Usually, I would've turned right onto Woodcliffe Drive and taken it back down to Route 96. Had I done that on Monday, I never would've run across this family in need. So I find it particularly interesting that something as minor as a change in my routine led to the opportunity I was looking for.

The gods are good.

I forgot to mention that I was on vacation last week. So those of you who might have wondered why I was so quiet, you now have your answer. I was off having fun. To be honest, it was quite nice. Of course, vacation gave me a lot to blog about, which I hope to accomplish over the next couple of days.

A group of friends and I went to the Northeast Naturist Festival, which was held just outside of Moravia NY at Empire Haven Naturist Park. While the four of us kept our clothes on for the most part (a few of us got in the hot tub, which meant stripping completely), we had a highly enjoyable time. All of the workshops that Michele and Belinda ran (or at least the ones I attended) went quite well.

We got to the park and checked in about mid-morning on Tuesday. From there, we immediately found a spot in the vendor's area, set up our canopy, and started setting out our wares. Michele's belly chains and wire wrapped pendants went extremely well. Our biggest seller, though, were the sarongs that Char sent with us. We sold at least ten of them (and I got a nice orange one, myself). We all took turns running the booth throughout the week, though Amy put in the most time and was our best salesperson by far.

The first couple days we were there, things were absolutely nuts. Both Tuesday and Wednesday, Michele and Belinda had three workshops to present. In between, we also had to go shopping, both in Moravia and in Cortland; and the latter is half an hour from the park. We were all exhausted both nights. In fact, Tuesday nigh, Michele was too tired and couldn't channel her guide for the seance. That meant that Belinda had to do it herself. Fortunately, Rich came and was able to also help receive and give messages. It was the first seance I ever attended and found it quite interesting.

Wednesday night, I decided that the fast pace was too much for me to continue and let Michele know that I was skipping all workshops on Thursday except for the seance scheduled for that night. This gave me some time to just relax and spend some quality time alone, which I also realized I was missing. I ended up agreesing to go to Cortland again for the few items we still needed to get for the dish to pass dinner we were hosting that night.

Five or six friends came to dinner that night and we had a great time. One of the best things about this vacation is that I got to meet some pretty cool people, thereby further expanding my social circles. Unfortunately, most of them live hours away and we only get to see them on special occasions. However, the four of us from Rochester are talking about trying to make it back to Empire Haven to see some of them on non-festival weekends.

I have more to tell, but I think this is enough blathering for one post.

This afternoon, when I checked my email, I found a missive from the GAGV. It started out with the following words:

It has been brought to our attention that Fred Phelps, who is known for picketing funerals of victims of AIDS, is planning a “God Hates Fags” protest here in our community today at the memorial service for the five Cheerleaders from Fairport High School that were killed recently.

Of course, my perverse sense of humor immediately cackled with glee at the thought that my area (Fairport is just to the east of Rochester) has somehow earned the attention and protests of Fred Phelps and his merry band of hatemongers. Phelps and those like him amuse me to no end, and part of me would love to check out the protest tonight just for the sake of satisfying my morbid curiosity.

But on the other hand, I can't help but feel bad for the friends and families of these girls. I can only imagine what it must be like to have such hatemongers intrude upon what is already a sacred time of expressing the pains of grief and loss.

Of course, Phelps and his group really give no strong explanation of why they chose this funeral to picket. Indeed, their only comment (other than to rattle off a long and nasty sounding Bible passage) about this stop in their picket schedule is to decry the girls who died as "raised-for-the-Devil, American whores." Personally, I find these inflammatory and awful words, and words that I find hard to believe Phelps has any basis for using. After all, he doesn't know these girls personally.

Personally, I suspect that Phelps simply chose this funeral to picket on the grounds that it's the day before another scheduled protest that will take place approximately two hours from the Rochester area. As such, it strikes me as (1) a protest of convenience and (2) nothing more than another opportunity to toot his own self-righteous horn. (I cannot fathom a more despicable violation of a funeral than that.)

In the end, I think that the Fairport High School are right in their assessment that Phelps is simply looking for more intention and their subsequent request that those attending the memorial service ignore him to the best of their abilities. However, I hope that those in attendance at least shoot him a consterning look that communicates the shame he should feel.