I decided to post my favorite joke, since I was writing it up for another site, anyway.
John came from a relatively conservative hometown and had great parents. He went away to a college about three hours from home. During his first semester there, he came out to himself. After a few months, John decided he really needed to come out to his parents. So he called them and let him know that he’d be home that weekend.
On the drive home, John decided it would be best to tell his mother first. He figured it would be easier to talk with her and then have her help in breaking the news to his father.
As he arrived home and opened the front door, he was greeted by the smells of his mother’s home cooking. “Mom!” he called out.
Her voice carried through the house despite its soft tones. “I’m in the kitchen getting supper ready!” He wandered back, slightly nervous but determined. Once he reached the kitchen, he found his mother standing in front of the stove, dutifully stirring the contents of a large pot with a wooden spoon. “Did you have a pleasant drive home, dear?”
“Yes, I did.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “Mom, I need to talk to you.”
She continued stirring as she replied, “Okay, dear. I’m listening.”
“Mom, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching at school, and I don’t really know how else to say this. Mom, I’m gay.”
She continued to attend to her cooking without speaking. After several moments, he broke the silence. “Mom?”
“I heard you,” she replied in her usual tone, not betraying her thoughts or emotions.
John shifted nervously. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”
After a moment, she paused stirring looked out the window. Finally, she asked, “Does this mean you like putting other men’s things in your mouth?”
Suddenly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going, John shifted and stammered. “Well, yeah, I guess.”
Quick as lightning, his mother turned to face him, wielding her wooden spoon like a weapon. She brought the utensil smashing down on his head with a large cracking sound. He was still stunned when she brought her face inches from his own and hissed, “I don’t ever want to hear you complain about my cooking again!”