June 2008 Archives

My pride contribution

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Pride Flag

Through Benton Quest, I found out about the yearly efforts of Kelly Stern to spread a bit of pride on the blogosphere during Gay Pride Month. In addition to supplying his yearly picture, Kelly has also asked everyone to post a story -- their coming out story being the most obvious choice -- with the image. As I have an entire subdomain dedicated to my journey to sexual acceptance (And I hope to update it in the next couple months), I won't reproduce my coming out story here.

Instead, I'd like to take this moment to talk about why my coming out story matters to me and the implications that my coming out has had for the rest of my life. You see, to my mind, my coming out represented the beginning of a much larger process, my journey to freedom and self-discovery.

Before coming out, I was trapped in a certain self-image, one built on ideas of who I was supposed to be, how I was supposed to behave, and how I was supposed to interact with the world around me. I had accepted others' (and many people were part of that group) expectations and limitations, and tried to fit the mold set out for me.

Coming out as gay was the first step I took in breaking and rejecting that mold. It was the first time where I said, "No, this is not who I am." And in that moment, I was able to ask the frightening, yet liberating question that followed, "Then who am I?"

At that moment, the journey to answer that question began, because I gave myself permission to seek that answer, no matter what. It started out slow and certainly was rocky at times. Indeed, there were more than a few times when I looked back at that broken mold that I hadn't entirely discarded and worried that I was drifting too far from who I should be. But as time went by, I realized that I needed to let myself discover who I was and not worry so much about who I should be.

Years later, I'm still working on answering that question. But as time goes by, I'm finding that I like the answer I have so far more and more. And in that, I have found increasing freedom.

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Encouraging(?) Words

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Received Saturday, 14 June 2008

In glory, the flame rises,
licking the cold air.
Its searing heat burns away
all impurities, carrying them into nothingness.
The fire of purification makes anew,
leaving that which remains stronger, more whole.

Fear not the times of trials and tribulations, for such are the tools of the smith. each blow of th hammer brings about new strength and greater resilience. Each time you are placed against the anvil of life, you are reshaped, being made into a better vessel, a more radiant tool of my will. With each change you endure, your purpose becomes easier to fulfill. So cherish the moments when your basic essence is tested and tempered, for it is for the good of all, including yourself.

Not my best week

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If there was ever a week where I might wish I could find the long-wished-for "do-over button," this is that week. The insanity of my week began on Sunday night when I went out to my car and hit the starter only to have the car instantly respond by going dark. So I ended up calling AAA on Monday morning to have the darn thing towed to the dealership. I then spent most of the rest of the day fretting over what could be wrong and how I was ever going to pay for it.

The good news was that it turned out to be nothing more than a dead short in the battery. The dealership was able to replace the battery and send me on my way. The down side is that because I took it to the dealership rather than just calling AAA and having them bring me a new battery, the repair cost about twice as much as it should have (figure in diagnostics and labor) and took most of the day to take care of. The loss of a full day of work (rather than an hour or two) is probably the most frustating part. But alas, I never would've guessed it was just a battery problem, given how the car behaved Sunday night. So that's just the way life goes.

On Tuesday night, towards the end of dance class, I ended up twisting my ankle. We were practicing our phrase, and when I got to the part where we do a hop and turned, I turned wrong and went down. I think I gave everyone -- especially my instructor -- a bit of a panic. I'm doing much better, but it hurt for a couple days. I even missed Wednesday night's dance class as a result, which is frustrating.

On top of those two unfortunate events (am I in a Lemony Snicket novel?), I've also been struggling with allergies all week. This means stuffed up sinuses, a cough (caused by post-nasal drip, I think), and just general fatigue doing to "feeling off" from the allergies. Wednesday night, I finally broke down and bought some over-the-counter antihistimine tablets. They seem to be helping.

Needless to say, all of this put something of a damper on my birthday on Wednesday. I was in pain and tired, so my desire to celebrate was rather diminished. This is a bummer, because I had already decided that I was actually going to enjoy my birthday this year. I've decided not to let getting older get to me and go back to enjoying having a special day that's all about me. (Yes, Narcissus lives.)

On the bright side, the car is now fixed, my ankle is feeling mostly better, and my allergies even seem to be clearing up. So hopefully, I can put this week behind me and enjoy a great weekend. And hopefully next week will be better.

Fisking Time

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My good buddy Tina brought this wonderful little gem (published in her local) paper to my attention. I don't normally fisk, but this opportunity just seemed too good to pass up:

Several weeks ago, Athens and some other schools in this area celebrated a DOS day.
The correct meaning of this term is "Day of Sodomy."

You know, if someone is going to resort to juvenile name calling, I wish for just once they'd come up with something new. Does this person really think we haven't heard that "Day of Sodomy" slur about a thousand times before?

I called the administration to protest before April 25, but they were closed.

Really? The school opened for the very first time ever on April 25? Or do they mean they tried calling once only to discover they were closed and were too lazy to try again during normal hours?

The day was to be a day of silence to support those who practice gross sexual deviance.

Actually the Day of Silence is meant to raise awareness of how gay students (or even straight students who are perceived to be gay) are harassed, ridiculed, and even bullied. It's a way to remind how these students are silenced (and often suffer in their silence). It's a way to say, "no more mistreatment!" The problem is, people like our opinion-writer here cannot be honest about this fact. If they admitted what they were really protesting here (the radical notion that kids shouldn't be bullied for being gay), more people would realize just what monsters they are.

Ignoring what God calls an abomination, all prior civilizations have considered these acts despicable.

This person needs to do far more research into this subject. There's plenty of evidence to challenge the veracity of the "all prior civilizations" claim.

What sodomites (gays) have to be proud of is questionable.

I survived hateful comments directed at me from people like this author. I managed to reject a mountain of cultural conditioning that tried to convince me that I'm somehow "less than" and horrible simply because I'm attracted to and fall in love with men rather than women. I managed to become the stable, strong, and wonderful person I am despite all of these challenges. If the author finds these reasons for my pride "questionable," then I'm inclined to find his ability to reason -- or empathize with his fellow human beings -- equally questionable.

They cannot reproduce naturally but must recruit.

Actually, it's my experience that the ultraconservative Christians are the ones who recruit. I mean, there the ones with parochial schools, Vacation Bible Schools, Sunday Schools, and all kinds of other programs specifically developed to target children and youth. In fact, they encourage their own children and youth to participate in this recruitment process, often using guilt trips and other forms of manipulation. At best, this claim is a matter of the pot calling the kettle black. At worst (and this is far more likely), this claim is simply a matter of psychological projection.

It requires an active decision on the part of a person to become one.

I have yet to meet anyone who woke up one day and decided to be attracted to members of their own sex. I have yet to meet anyone who woke up one day and decided to be attracted to members of the other sex, for that matter. There's simply no evidence for this claim. And even the ex-gay industry shies away from such a ridiculous notion.

Empirically, sodomites have a shorter life span,

Ah yes, good old Paul Cameron and his "longevity study." The problem is, that study (and Paul Cameron) has been thoroughly discredited since it came out.

gave us AIDS,

Erm, a gay person can't give you AIDS unless you have sex with them. ;)

provided most of our non-governmental mass murders, our last known U.S. cannibal and probably most pedophiles.

This is a tiresome old dirty trick called "guilt by association." The fact that the author would even use it demonstrates just how little substance the original argument has. In fact, I'm surprised the author didn't take this tactic to its logical conclusion, which would've enabled me to invoke Godwin's law.

Name one thing a sodomite has done that is good that was done solely because the person was a sodomite.

Actually, I'd argue that the struggles I've faced as a gay man have made me a stronger and more compassionate man. That compassion has led me to help and touch the lives of many people.

But let's face it, this whole "solely because the person was a sodomite" caveat is an admission that the author can only hope to make his point if he narrowly defines his challenge. He knows that gay people have made positive contributions, so he has to try to force people to limit their lists to contributions directly linked to their gayness.

The problem is, he's raising a double standard here. After all, when he listed the social ills (you know, all that crap about pedophiles and mass murderers), he didn't limit himself to the social ills directly related to gay people's gayness. He just listed whatever he could think of that any gay person has done. Who cares that Jeffrey Dahmer was a messed up sick fuck? All that matters is that he was gay, so bigots like this author can use the horrible things Dahmer did to defame all gay people. But no, those of us on the pro side are suddenly expected to stick to things that are directly related to sexual orientation.

The whole thing reminds me of those situations where two children are playing a made up game, and the one child keeps rewriting the rules as the game progresses just to make sure he wins.

While is it legal for the sodomites to have a school sponsored "un-gay" club,

I will give credit to the author for being one of the few anti-gay bigots who seems to recognize the constitutionality of allowing GSA's in school.

the school district does not have the right to enforce a schoolwide celebration of this disgusting practice.

No school district "enforced" a schoolwide celebration during the Day of Silence. the DoS is not run by teachers or administrators. It's an event that involves voluntary participation of individual students. Indeed, it's usually the students that request to participate.

All school faculties do is make allowances for students' participation. They make sure that no participating students are harassed or bullied because of their participation. They might even make adjustments to the day's activities to allow for some students' participation, such as revising lesson plans so as not to call on a student who is remaining students. (As an aside, both GLSEN and the ACLU have made it clear that a participating student must break their silence and respond if a teacher asks a question or calls on them during class time.)

Why do the Athens schools and presumably the staff and teachers push sodomy as an acceptable lifestyle?

They don't. They push the radical notion that no students deserve to be harassed, bullied, or otherwise mistreated, even if they're gay. Why does the author have a problem with such an idea?

Why should we continue to support this system that "teaches our future" to be our destruction?

Because we tried letting the author's beloved religious institutions try running the show for several centuries. The results were even worse.

Tolerance can reach the point of being intolerable. Perhaps Athens voters need to turn out the current school board and superintendent for their lack of morals and backbone.

Perhaps the town could instead ostracize and shun this author for thinking that protecting gay kids from mistreatment is somehow "immoral."

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