August 2008 Archives

When the musician and follow witch, Castalia, put together her second music CD, she included a chant called "We are the Wick." As I think about my own journey into Paganism and witchcraft, I find it appropriate to relate the first part of that chant:

We are the wick That feeds the flame, The flame that is the love Which brings us back again.

Castalia and I follow different traditions, and what I'm about to say doesn't fit exactly with the message of her chant. However, I'm hoping that our bonds of affection would put her in a place where she would be okay with me using her powerful lyrics as a springboard into my discussion.

This chant is, in part, about being drawn back into the Craft. It's about being drawn to that "flame" -- the love of the brotherhood of the Craft -- and (back) into the fold another time. That idea of an irresistable draw is very salient, as it is something that I have felt in my own life as I travel the roads from the faith of my parents into loving devotion and service to my patron goddess, Freyja.

Why did I become a Pagan? The shortest, simplest, and most true answer is that everything in my life has gently -- and on occasion, not so gently -- propelled me down the path which led me here. Many events, both big and small, almost seemed perfectly orchestrated to lead me in this direction that if I were inclined to believe in fate, I would declare that it was my fate to be a Pagan. (And maybe there's some truth to that. But my mind is still undecided when it comes to the idea of fate.)

In many ways, coming out of the closet as a gay man back in 1996 was one such event, and a significant one at that. Unfortunately, in some people's minds, it seems to be the only such event, which is unfortunate. In reality, however, it's significance is due to the fact that my coming out served as a catalyst for the greater process. Coming out put me in a position where I began to take stock in what I believed in and why. It created a myriad of questions in my mind, and invited more questions to the party as time went by.

Another major event was my breakup with my first boyfriend and the loss of my best friend in a single weekend. This event was significant because it put me into an emotional tailspin which in the end, required me to take a hard look at how I perceived myself, the world around me, and Divinity. I realized that in order to survive, my perspective needed to undergo a radical change. That change came in the form of embracing a Pagan path.

During all this time, I also found myself questioning much about the theology I was taught growing up and while attending college. I began to question such concepts as sin, original sin, the total depravity of man, and even the need for salvation. I began to question everything. I found that many of the basic assumptions that were central to the faith of my childhood and youth no longer made sense to me.

This meant a process of examining those assumptions, considering why they no longer made sense, and coming to knew conclusions. When the dust settled (well, as much as it has to date), I found myself more in line with Pagan worldviews.

There was also the issue of psychic abilities, which played a major contributor. For as long as I can remember, I've been empathic (meaning that I could sense and even experience other people's emotions). This would create problems for me at various times in my life. Often, I'd find myself overwhelmed by the strong emotions of people around me. When began to follow Pagan pathway, I found ways to prevent that. And I found ways I could use those abilities to help others.

There's much more I could write about. I could write about being a child and "imagining" energies flowing all around me, only to discover in my mid-twenties that such a fantastic reality really does exist. I could write about how my passions for all things North European and especially Norse led to me to Freyja. I think I could write for days without exhausting the tales I could tell of my journey. However, I hope what I have written provides a small taste of that inexorable draw to the "flame" that I have felt and responded to.

This morning, as I was leaving the 7-Eleven to head into work, I glanced at a guy still standing in line. My path took me close enough to him that I noticed his tattoo on the side of his neck. While I can't be absolutely sure from a two second glance, I'm relatively certain that the tattoo was of Jesus's head. For some reason, this struck me as totally odd.

I honestly can't say why it struck me as odd. I've seen plenty of religious tattoos in my life. Indeed, in my faith community, tattoos that have some sort of religious or magical signficance are rather commonplace. (Indeed, there are days where I feel like I'm the oddball among my friends for not having any such tattoos.)

I've even seen tattoos with signficance within Christianity. I've seen crosses and doves before. Some of them are quite beautifully done. And yet, a tattoo of Jesus's head struck me as weird. I don't know why. Maybe it's just some weirdness on my part. In the end it doesn't matter.

I'm curious, however. Does anyone here have any tattoos of religious signficance? If so, what are they? Why did you get them? Do they serve any sort of purpose in your mind?

This weekend, I received a strange and unexpected mass email from one Mike Hein. This email (which contains the entire text of the first post in public message board thread) basically informed me of the latest activities of Rita Moran, a Maine Pagan attending the Democratic National Convention as an official delegate for her home state.

Now, if the names Rita Moran and Mike Hein sound familiar to you, there's a reason for it. Mike Hein wrote an article for the Christian Civic League of Maine's online newsletter back in June 2007 which outted Ms. Moran as a Pagan. At the time, Hein was trying (at least that's what it looked like to this and several other bloggers) to drum up fear that the Democratic Party in Maine was being secretly taken over by Pagans. I wrote my own post about this situation back then, and covered some of the other unethical tactics (most involving an attempt to intimidate or harass anyone who disagreed with them) the CCL of Maine chose to engage in around the time of this story.

As a result of this outting and subsequent harassment, Rita Moran decided to become more outspoken about her faith and became something of a Pagan spokesperson in the Democratic party. This is part of what took her to the DNC this year. So in many ways, I think we Pagans might want to thank Mr. Hein. What he did back in 2007 was deplorable, but it turned out quite well for many of us.

For whatever reason, Mr. Hein can't seem to leave Rita Moran alone though. Almost a year later, he's once again reporting on her doings. Though this time, it's even less clear what he's hoping to attempt with his mass mailing. I suppose in his mind he's hoping to drum up the fear of the scary Pagan that's a visible part of the Democratic party. And I suppose most of his audience might see the reason for that fear, but not me.

Though I will say that it's nice to know what's going on with Ms. Moran, and the mass mailing provided me with a link to Rita Moran's and Ed Lachowicz's blog for the convention. So thanks again, Mr. Hein!

I think that it's safe to say that my question and answer exercise has wound down. It was a fun exercise, and I'm almost sad to see that it's already over. However, I'm hoping to try it again someday, perhaps in three to six months.

I actually did this exercise on three different blogs or diaries and got different questions and answers at each site. I decided that it might be fun to post a link to each of the resulting entries. So below, you will find a complete list, organized according to the blog or diary they appeared on.

The Musings of a Confused Man
Speak not of such things for the frighten me!
A rose by any other name?
The things kids discuss during class! (Content is somewhat mature.)
Spiritual Sexuality and Sexy Spirituality

Passions and Reflections
My biggest purchase
Sounding off about a clapping hand
How embarrassing!
As if I need any more changes!
Driving down the polytheism highway
Engendering differences
God-bothering etiquette
Okay, so some might think me a morbid god

Jarred's Slice of Heaven
Plus it strikes me as a REAL mockery of marriage
Start spreading the news...
Happy bundle of sticks

While checking out my site stats this morning, I discovered that someone found me by following a link from a site I'd never heard of before. As I'm always fascinated to find someone new who is linking to me, I went to check out the page that linked to me. After reading the first paragraph, it quickly became obvious to me that the author of the other blog had decided to repost my "panacea" post from March 2007.

Now, I'll admit that I'm always delighted when someone finds value in something I wrote and wants to share it with other people. In many ways, it's a great honor to discover that someone redistributed an entire post that I wrote. Granted, I'd be even more pleased if they linked back to my original post (this particular blogger linked back to my blog, which I appreciate), and then only quoted portions of my work on their site with their own commentary. After all, it'd be nice to know why they found my writings so valuable and added their own ideas to the mix. It's that whole creative feedback process. But not everyone does that, and I understand. And perhaps there are those cases where reprinting the entire post makes sense, especially if the site doing the reprinting is a repository of articles on a similar theme.

One thing about such occurrences does bother me, however. That's the fact that the the people who occasionally reprint my posts don't contact me before doing so. As a rule, doing so is considered good manners and possibly even an ethical imperative. It might seem strange to some people, but there are some good reasons why you should always contact someone before reprinting something they've written (or even quoting parts of it):

1. It allows authors to track the impact their writing has.
Simply put, as a writer, I like to know what kind of audience my writing is getting. So if someone picks up one of my posts and says, "Hey this is so good, I want to share it with others," I want to know about it! And if they repost it online, I want to be able to follow it there and see what kinds of responses it gets. Again, this goes back to that whole concept of feedback being part of the creative process.

2. It helps authors preserve their intellectual property rights.
Even bloggers have a right to "own" what they write, and it's important that others respect those IP rights. Now, I personally tend to be rather generous about this sort of thing. It's unlikely that I would ever deny someone the opportunity to quote or reprint something I wrote on my blog. I'd just ask them to acknowledge me as the author and link back to my blog (or otherwise give their readers a way to contact me). However, there are other bloggers who may feel differently. In fact, I remember a blogger who ran into a bit of a situation not too long ago. This particular blogger happens to be a freelance writer. A print newspaper picked up one of her posts and decided to print it in one of their issues. The problem with this is that this blogger had already planned on rewriting this particular post into an article that she planned to submit to various publications. The fact that the paper snatched up her blog post without talking to her created issues for her ability to modify and sell her own work. Fortunately, the paper who printed her post without permission was more than happy to compensate her for their error. But the point is, it's important that you talk to someone before redistributing something they wrote to make sure you don't create such problems for them.

3. It gives authors the opportunity to revise their work.
As much as I'd like to keep up this image of being this fantastic writer, I have to admit that some of my blog posts are not as well polished as they could be. This has led to one memorable occasion when I winced to find something I threw together somewhat quickly tucked into a repository of articles on another site. As I read it, I began to notice a number weaknesses in the post. Had the individual asked me for permission to include that particular post in their collection, I almost certainly would've offered to do a major rewrite first so that they would have a far better article to reprint.

The question for this post comes from Rygel:

Why do you try to reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality?

The short answer to this question is that I had no other choice that was ultimately reasonable. I am both a spiritual person and a sexual person. There's no escaping that fact. This means that when confronted with these two aspects of my choice, I had four basic options.

The first option was to ignore or repress my sexuality and focus on my spirituality. I actually tried this approach through various methods for over a decade. It not only didn't work, it completely backfired. It drove me to such depths of misery and despair that I almost self-destructed. So I eventually gave up on it.

My second option was to completely walk away from my spirituality and focus on my sexuality. I suppose there are those who might argue that this is exactly what I did, since I left Christianity. (More than one person has accused me of walking away from God because I felt it was more convenient to "live with my sin.") I respectfully disagree with them, as my choice to follow a Pagan path was much more complex than that. But at any rate, the idea of rejecting spirituality altogether was simply not an option for me. I've always been a spiritual person, and I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

My third option was to accept both my spirituality and my sexuality, but try to keep them divorced from each other. I'm not really sure how this would work or what it would look like, but again, I also know this would not have worked for me. I want to be a whole person, and living a split life where half of you is compartmentalized away from the other half does not make you a whole person. Furthermore, given the nature of my spirituality, such a dualistic approach to life would simply not work. I serve a goddess who sees spirituality and sexuality as a beautifully blended and related whole. (In fact, this is such an essential part of my faith that I once wrote an article titled "Sacred Lust.")

That left only the one option for me. My sexuality and spirituality had to come together, embrace one another, and find a way forward as a united whole.

I'd like to preface this post with a warning that it will contain some frank sex talk. While I certainly don't consider what I'm about to say explicit enough to merit an NC-17 rating, I also respect that it might make some of my readers uncomfortable. As such, I would encourage everyone to use their own discretion while deciding whether to continue reading or skip this one.

Now that I'm home and had some time to think about it, I decided it's time to return to Barbara (unfortunately, her blog is marked private, so it'd do my readers no good to link to it) and her excellent question:

What is a childhood memory or even that has shaped your life in a significant way (either negatively or positively)

I suppose some might choose to pounce on the fact that the vast majority of the memories that rushed to my mind when I read this question related to sexuality. To be honest, most of the prominent memories from my childhood -- especially those that I consider somehow significant -- really do have to do with sexuality. I make no apologies for it. And while I feel I don't need to justify it, either, I will point out that when you're at war with your sexuality, it does tend to consume a considerable portion of your life.

At any rate, the memory I decided to focus on was of the day I first found out that there was such a thing as sex between two men. I was in the eighth or ninth grade at the time (I can't narrow it down any better than that), and I and the rest of my peers were sitting at our desks in English class. I'm not sure whether the bell to signal the class was starting hadn't rung yet or the teacher had to step out for other reasons. For whatever reason, however, we were left to our own devices, and numerous conversations were going on about the room. I was only peripherally involved with the one occurring one row from my desk, though I became interested in it. At one point, the others mentioned a rumor that two guys from school (one in our grade and another a couple years behind us) had been caught "screwing" each other.

At this time in my life, I was extremely naive when it came to most topics about sexuality. This is something that greatly amused some of my classmates, I think. So when I actually asked what it meant for two guys to "screw," one of my classmates described the basic concept to me in a tone that would best be described as a cross between amusement and disgust. I was both fascinated and disconcerted by this discovery. I didn't really understand how the mechanics of such an act worked, and I wasn't inclined to pursue the matter any further, given my classmates' obvious distaste for the subject.

So in a single moment, I learned three things. The first thing that I learned was that it was possible for two guys to sexually pleasure each other. The second thing that I learned was that most of my classmates found the very idea of doing so disgusting. And of course, the third thing that I learned was that unlike my classmates, the thought of having such an experience absolutely fascinated me.

At one point after this conversation, one of the boys from the rumor (the younger one) and I were in the same Boy Scout troop. I remember stealing quick looks at him and thinking about that conversation back in English class. Again, I found myself fascinated with the whole idea. I even considered ways I might get him alone to see if he'd be willing to fool around with me. I never did, though I'm not sure whether it was more due to the fear of rejection or due to the knowledge that doing so could prove to further set me apart from my peers and stigmatize me. And of course there were the religious issues.

So there you have it, during a single off-handed conversation in English class, I both got my first clue that I like guys and learned that many people felt this was something to be ashamed of.

Erin has asked a great series of related questions:

In your opinion/experience, how do the terms most Christians commonly use for so-called "Pagan" belief systems differ? (Specifically Pagan, Neo-Pagan, Wiccan, and Heathen.)

In your opinion, is one term more correct or appropriate than the others when speaking generally of such belief systems? Is there another term I have not mentioned that is more acceptable for Christians to use?

Part of the problem with a lot of these terms is that not everyone can agree on what these terms mean. As such, many of the more common definitions tend to be rather broad and even vague at times in order to gain wider acceptance.

My personal definition of Paganism would be a collection of religions and spiritual traditions that are based on and/or inspired by the pre-Christian, polytheistic religious cultures of Europe, India, and Northern Europe. Such religions and spiritual traditions have many common (though not necessarily universal) themes running throughout them. These themes include:

1. A pantheistic or panentheistic view of Divinity
2. An understanding of Divinity that encompasses both male and female genders
3. Some degree of polytheistic belief
4. Reverence for all of creation and a strong belief that humanity is just another part of that creation

As an aside, I'll note that many, if not all, of these themes are pulled directly from Gus Di Zerega's own discussion of the common themes of Paganism in his book, Pagans and Christians: The Personal Spiritual Experience.

Now, if you pick at this definition too closely, you will likely find a Pagan religion that doesn't quite fit the description. You might also find a non-Pagan religion that fits the description. Like I said, definitions are not perfect.

The term "Neo-Pagan" was a term adopted by many (and Isaac Bonewits certainly helped get the term out there by using it in the name of his website) to distinguish people who are following modern Pagan paths from the ancient pagan paths they are trying to reconstruct or reinvent. However, many of us, tend to use the words interchangeably. (Personally, I figure most people can tell whether I'm talking about the Paganisms of today or those of centuries past based on context.)

Heathenry is a term which has been adopted by many people who base their spirituality on the myths, legends, and cultures that came from the Germanic tribes. This includes both lore of the Icelanders and the Anglo-Saxons, as well as a few other sources.

Wicca is a term which I find particularly hard to define. This is partly due to the fact that a few years ago, I chose to use a very limited definition of the word on my blog. That's actually still my definition of choice for this blog. However, much of the greater Pagan community disagrees with me.

As near as I can tell, the majority of Pagans tend to define Wicca as a specific religious tradition that honors a Divine Pair in the form of a God and Goddess, celebrate eight solar holidays a year along with lunar observances, cast circles and call Quarters (most often views as Elemental guardians) as a part of their rites. But in the end, you're probably best off asking a Wiccan what they understand the term to mean in conversation.

As for what word to use when talking about people generally, the most widely accepted word would be Pagan. The only group that doesn't seem to care for that word are the Heathens (and even their reactions can vary from individual to individual), as they often prefer to keep a certain distance and distinction between themselves and (other) Pagans.

The following questions come from The Reverend Boy:

If I remember correctly, I believe you said you were a pagan or Wiccan. What about that faith / spirituality gives you fulfilment? Do you have a community with whom to share your experiences?

This is a great question in that it really makes me think. More importantly, it challenges me to express in words things that often defy description. And of course, it also forces me to talk about some things that might cause some of my friends to worry and even consider calling a mental health professional -- or worse, an exorcist.

I'd say that my fulfillment from my spirituality is due to two closely related themes. The first is the tendency of Pagan spirituality to celebrate, cherish, and even honor this life. The second theme is the close and curious (if sometimes frustrating and nerve-wracking) relationship I have with Freyja.

Like I said, these two things are quite intertwined, because Freyja is all about life and its joys and sorrows. She is fascinated by people and social settings. There's been more than one time that I've been at a gathering of friends at a coffee shop, dining with friends at a restaurant, or otherwise out and about with other people, and the next thing I knew, she was there with me, taking it all in. She's fascinated (and sometimes disgusted, I grant you) by how people interact with each other and all kinds of details of my life and the lives of those around me. And seeing it all from her perspective in those moments turns even the most "mundane" experiences into moments of awe and contemplation.

The fact that she's there at a moment's notice in any situation is also incredible to me. It creates a very conversational relationship between the two of us. Talking to her is not something that's limited to rituals (though rituals are wonderful and important things as well), but something that can come at any moment. It's a comforting and casual thing. Well, okay, it does get annoying at times, like when she pipes up about my eating habbits. But in the end, it's all worth it.

I'm also finding lately that my faith is becoming very community-oriented. I find myself thinking in terms of what I can do to help others, even in the smallest ways imaginable. To me, even building community is becoming and important way. And my Pagan faith gives me ways to go about helping in this manner (and the occasional kick to keep moving in that direction). And again, that's all about celebrating life, not just as an indivdiaul, but as a group of individuals.

I'm going to hold off on talking about my spiritual community (though I will point to a couple of previous posts on that particular subject. But I have more on that topic brewing in my mind. So I want to give it a bit more time to percolate before I dump it out into the blogosphere.

Oh, and for anyone wondering, the title of this post is a paraphrase of the response that a witch was supposed to give whenever the subject of witchcraft came up, according to the Ardanes.

I've been experiencing writers block with regards to my blogs, so I'm asking my readers to give me a bit of a push.

Ask me a question. Any question at all. I'll answer it to the best of my ability. (Note: "I'm sorry, but that's too personal for me to share with you" is a valid answer. But feel free to ask anyway.)

Bonus points to anyone who asks me a question that I really have to think about. And anyone who manages to ask a question that inspires me to write more than one post wins the Internets.