March 2010 Archives

Tonight while doing laundry and packing for my trip to Erie, I spent some time listening to Episode 22 of the Inciting A Riot podcast.  Fire Lyte is an intelligent, funny, and charming podcaster and I highly recommend you check out both his podcast and his blog.  For my own post, however, I want to focus on the segment of Episode 22 where Fire Lyte talks about work and the closet.

Fire Lyte makes the sound observation that different jobs allow for different levels of being open about one's spirituality and sexuality.  I know that as  software engineer, I'm in a position of great comfort.  An old coworker once summed up the engineers' situations when he commented that he once overheard a conversation between two managers discussing the engineering department on a previous job.  The older manager told his junior, "They're a weird lot.  But they get the job done, so leave them alone."  My own experience has verified the truth of that mentality, that most people in charge of engineers are willing to overlook just about any "personality quirk" as long as the person in question proves themselves an invaluable resource.  As such, I can be relatively open about both my sexuality and my spirituality without worrying about my job.  Someone who is in a teaching position or -- to go back to Fire Lyte's example -- who is working for children in a governmental capacity may not be so lucky.  To them, an alternate spirituality or sexuality could be a liability to them.

Fire Lyte's advice on the matter is to be conscious of this, both when making decisions about how out to be in their current job or in deciding what job opportunities to pursue.  This is certainly sound advice from an individual perspective, and I support the idea that an individual's first concern should be his or her own well-being.  Principles don't matter as much when you can't afford to buy food.

However, the down-side to that advice is that it does tend to reinforce the status quo rather than challenge it.  And as an idealist, this is one area where I certainly would like to see the status quo challenged and eventually broken.  To accomplish that, someone somewhere -- quite probably a lot of soemones in a lot of different somewheres -- are going to have to push their luck and take risks.

Part of the problem, as Fire Lyte noted, is that people have all these strange ideas about Pagans (and gay people), and that if you happen to be the only person that your employer or others know that is Pagan (or gay), then you have an uphill battle to fight, and one that your employer or others in power may not be willing to let you fight.

The problem is, there's ultimately only one permanent solution to that scenario:  Pagans (and gay people) need to become more visible.  As long as we stay hidden because it's easier, then people will remain unconfronted with and uninformed about us.  As I said, we only reinforce the status quo.

This doesn't mean that I think everyone should run out and tell their boss, their neighbors, or anyone else that they are Pagan (or gay).  I don't think everyone should slap a pentacle or pride flag on their desk at work, their car, or their living room window (my landlord made me take mine down due to a lease violation).  I may be an idealist, but I'm not a moron.  But there are those of us who can take risks -- and there are different levels of risk that different people can take -- that would go a long way.

There are those of us in jobs where we are secure, either due to the nature of the job or the fact that we are invaluable to our employer.  And I'd encourage those who have been at their job for five years or more (yes, such loyal employees still do exist, though they're rare) to think about how they might have the job security to push the boundaries a little.  Because the only way we can gain more visibility and more understanding is to be more visible.

I'll also note that the advantage of having been at a job for a long time before coming out is that you're an established person.  Rather than being an unknown individual who is a "weird Pagan," you become a known hard worker who happens to be a "weird Pagan."  And ultimately, I think that's what we need.  We need to be seen as full individuals.

As I said, there are different levels of risk.  This most directly translates into different levels of being "out."  "Coming out" at work can be something as simple as telling a couple of trusted coworkers (or even a trusted manager) in confidence.  The whole office doesn't necessarily need to know, and even the increased awareness of one or two people can have positive and radical results in the long term.  I'm reminded of the job I had in Ithaca.  During the four years I was there, I kept a picture of my boyfriend on my desk.  The only two people who commented on it the entire time I was there originally assumed it was a picture of my brother.  I politely informed them each that the handsome man was my boyfriend.  The one said nothing more, while the other became a better friend.  I'm not sure what anyone else in the office made of the picture.  For all I know, the others still assumed he was my brother, and I was content to let them assume that.

In the end, each person must make their own choices when it comes to the closet(s) and how "out" they want to be at work, in their community, or in other aspect of their lives.  Each person must decide what level of risk he or she is willing to take, and I would not dream of dictating such important choices to others.  Bu I would encourage everyone to consider again what level of risk they might be willing to live with if it means a long-term improvement for all Pagans (and/or gay people).

While checking up on Pax's blog today, I discovered Project Pagan Enough, a new movement started by Pagan blogger Fire Lyte.  Fire Lyte offers the following explanation for his reasons for launching this movement:

It has become quite obvious over the past few years that the pagan community likes to talk the big game of being tolerant and inclusive of all peoples, but seems to lack that tolerance when the person in question dresses well or is attractive or is otherwise garbed in a cloak of 'mainstream.' This intolerance seems to be derived from a standpoint that we, as the pagan community, believe we are ridiculed or ostracized by the mainstream, thus people that look mainstream must be our enemy.

While I certainly agree with Fire Lyte's observations, I'd note that I've seen the reverse in many instances too.  I've seen more than one "mainstream" Pagan criticize others for being "too goth" or "too SCA" or "too" many other things.  Unfortunately, one of the universal truths is that no matter what we look like or how we choose to act, we humans tend to be critical and of judgmental towards those who look and behave differently.  And while it would be nice to believe that those of us who have felt the sting of criticism and judgment wouldn't dream of inflicting those experiences on others, my own experiences and observations have taught me that this is a pleasant fiction that does not match with our unpleasant reality.

With that in mind, I choose to align my blog with principles of the Pagan Enough Project:

• You are pagan enough, despite how you look, act, smell, dress, believe, or are.
• You recognize that others are pagan enough despite their appearance, smell, manner of dress, belief, practice, or other aspect.
• You recognize that you can have an academic debate on the finer points of belief or practice, but that it does not take away from someone else's level of being pagan.
• You welcome, befriend, and encourage others in the pagan community despite their appearance, dress, or other physical or superficial characteristic.
• You promise to treat members of other faiths, despite the faith, with honest-to-goodness fairness, equality, and grace, not judging them or their faith based on the actions of fringe members of their same faith.

I hereby declare that my priority is in following the path laid out for me by my own gods rather than attempting to direct others in the path they are meant to follow.  Finding the path others are to follow is for those people and their gods (if applicable) to work out.  While I may offer insight and advice, I shall offer no more than that.  And I choose to bless those who choose other healthy and beautiful (recognizing that beauty is in the eye of the beholder) ways of expressing their spirituality rather than trying to force them to meet my standards.

The other day, I decided to go looking for merchandise that had a particular saying on it.  Back when I was fresh out of college, I used to have a refrigerator magnet, but I have no idea where it is.  (I hid it when I moved back in with my parents, for obvious reasons.)  After a few unsuccessful searches, I decided to go to Zazzle.com and make my own button with the saying on it:

After I got done making it, I decided I might as well make it publicly available for others to buy, so I did.  I then made a shirt with the same saying.  And my latest insanity, creating products for sale on Zazzle.com, came into existence.

So far, all of my designs either have the above saying or another one on it.  My latest creation is a mug:



I even drew the masks myself!  And I have a few other ideas brewing for other sayings and designs.

I doubt I'll ever make much off of my products.  I'll count myself lucky if I sell a handful of each product.  But at least I'm having fun with the designs.

Today, we held the annual benefit fundraiser for the Park Avenue Dance Company.  This was my second year coordinating the fundraiser, which is a fancy way of saying I kept emailing everyone else and making sure they did the tasks assigned to them.  The benefit itself was fun and highly enjoyable.  I'm looking forward to it next year.  For now, i just want to make a few random observations, both personal and professional:

• The way we handled the door worked out quite well this year.  Thing went smoother, and having greeters work in shifts proved effective.  There are a few areas where we can do some more fine tuning for next year, though.
• We have the best bartender in the world for this event.  It's great to have someone who is quite knowledgeable about wines and can offer recommendations.  And he's a funny guy.
• The new shoes were perfect.  While my feet are still a bit sore, they're nothing like last year.
• It's the rare day when I get not one, but two opportunities to demonstrate a bit of machismo.  Fun!
• A musician who is that cute and that talented should not be straight.  It's just wrong!  </tantrum>
• I'm glad I asked for the extra tables this year.  We were still close to full capacity.

I figured it was time for another video.  I took a break from ethics because I wanted to talk about personal power and silence.



Personally, I think that we as a society tend to forget that personal power comes from those deep recesses inside ourselves that usually get drowned out by the noise of the world around us and even that of the more active parts of our conscious mind.  By starting the journey from a place of silence (or by plunging into such a place), I think we have a much higher rate of success.

I also couldn't resist putting in a bit of a plug for Psychic's Thyme and mentioning the fantastic Ostara ritual held there last night.

Pax wrote an excellent post about the tension between Liberation and Escapism on his blog yesterday.  I highly recommend it.  One of the things that he talks about is the tendency for some Pagans to get so focused on the mystical and magical aspects of the Pagan traditions and tend to remain rooted in reality as well.  Pax shares his own past experiences along those lines:

Even though I could see and perceive and experience the many ways in which the practice of my spirituality and faith as a Witch were leading me to greater personal strength and a deeper understanding of myself and a healthier relationship with the world around me... at the same time I was not dealing with the mundane issues at work in my life, like dissatisfaction with work and living in a bad housing situation and so many of the other planes of stability as Thorn has labeled them in her writing and teaching.... so even as I pursued the Liberation of my self and spirit, I was also using that pursuit as an Escape rather than confronting those things that I was seeking escape from!

I offered my own thoughts on the matter with the following comment:

Excellent points, Pax. I'd add that I strongly believe that an essential part of making sure my spirituality is rooted in reality is making sure that my spirituality manifests itself in my everyday reality. I'm reminded of closing of my own coven's ritual, where we affirm that we have walked with the Divine and now seek to carry the Divine blessings we have received into the world with us.

To me, that's a very practical thing. Did the ritual increase my sense of Oneness with everyone and the interconnectedness of all of us? Then I'm going to be looking for opportunities to build and strengthen relationship with others. Did the ritual leave me with a sense of greater perspective and inner strength? Then I'm going to look for those areas in my life that are challenging to me and those obstacles with a fresh eye, looking for how I can overcome or change them.

For those interested, the quote I'm referencing from the ritual my coven uses is as follows:

We have walked with the Stars, Sun, and Moon. Together we now bring Love, Power, and Balance to our Earth Home.

The more I think about Pax's post and my response, the more I'm reminded of one of my own criticisms of certain streams of Pagan thought.  I feel strongly that far too often, Pagans tend to make too much out of the distinction between the "spiritual," the "magical," and the so-called "mundane."  In reality, there is only one reality, which is multi-faceted, tightly interrelated, and tightly interdependent.  And I think it's that failure to see that the "spiritual," "magical," and "mundane" all inhabit the same space that often leads to the escapism issues Pax is talking about.

Of course, I think a related issue is the tendency of some to seek "spiritual experiences" as an end in themselves.  Don't get me wrong, I love spiritual experiences as much as the next person, and I have my fair share.  I channel a goddess on a semi-regular basis, participate in monthly rituals, and am even attending a seance tonight, where this is a better-than-average chance that I will receive at least one message to give to at least one person.

But the nature of the universe demands that such experience spill over into all of that reality in some way.  Each legitimate spiritual experience by it's very nature should manifest itself in my life and the lives of others around me in some tangible, practical way.  And if that's not happening, it behooves me to ask why it's not happening, and why I'm having or seeking out those experiences if nothing's ever coming from it.

Since my nine month relationship with Michael (I apologize to those who never knew about this) fell apart, I've been surfing Chemistry.com and expressing interest in various members whose profiles the site brings to my attention.  I'm not sure that I really expect something to come of it, but I figure that I'll never know unless I give it a shot.  And I've had one or two people express interest in return, so it's not like I'm coming up completely empty.

One such person, a thirty year old man in Niagara Falls named Marty, expressed interest in return on Tuesday, March 2.  So the two of us each spent a bit of time that day running through the process that particular dating site requires to members to go through before having direct email communications.  So I sent Marty my relationship essentials, received his in return, compared them, submitted my list of short answer questions I'd like him to answer, and answered the list he sent me in return.  I then went around the rest of my day and took care of personal business.

That evening, I finished my tax returns, submitted them, and ran over to Chemistry.com.  I discovered that Marty had not only answered my questions, but had sent two emails to me.  I read through his answers and read the emails.  I was formulating my answers to the first one in my head while I opened the second one.  He included his phone number and indicated he was normally up late.  I glanced at the clock, noted that it was only 8:30pm (several hours before his stated bedtime), and grabbed the phone.  What the heck.

Marty proved to be a delightful, charming, and funny guy, and we seemed to hit it off real well.  In fact, he asked me multiple times when I'd be in Niagara Falls the next time.  After the third time, I simply pointed out that I don't really have any other reason to come to Niagara Falls, but I could make a trip any time.  He suggested we meet halfway instead, and I suggested we meet in Buffalo.  Buffalo is actually closer to him by half an hour, but I'd prefer to drive the extra distance just to ensure there's something to do!  So we set up an afternoon date for that Saturday.  We also set up plans to talk on the phone again Thursday night.

We ended up talking that Wednesday night as well, since my plans to go to game night didn't work out so well and I decided it'd be more fun to go home and talk to the funny and charming guy from Niagara Falls.  So that week, we had three wonderful phone conversations, and we were both looking forward to our date that Saturday.

That's when things started falling apart.  In hindsight, I can also say that it's probably the point when I should have bailed out of the whole situation.  (We'll get to the lessons learned portion in a bit.)  Saturday arrives and I drive to Buffalo.  I find Allen Street and Q Bar and I go in to have a drink while I wait for Marty to arrive.  He doesn't.

I spent the next half hour or so waiting and making the occasional phone call or sending the occasional text message (all spaced at least ten minutes apart) to try and find out what happened.  Being the kind of person who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, I expressed concern that something came up and repeatedly asked if he's okay.

After going to eat at the Falafel Bar (fantastic food, by the way), I headed back to my car.  I tried calling Marty one last time, and he answered.  He sounded tired, confused and out of it.  He explained that he had gotten a nasty stomach bug (possibly food poisoning) and didn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning.  As a result, he slept through our date.  I said okay and we agreed to talk in a bit.  I drove home.

He contacted me both on Facebook (he may consider it an act of mercy on my part that I don't publish a link to his profile) and via phone, apologizing profusely.  Again, being the kind of person who gives people the benefit of the doubt (though that may be changing soon), I let it slide and agreed to his suggestion that we try again.  After all, he'd been quite anxious days before.  (And besides, I have this bizarre history of first dates that fall through, only to meet on a second attempt.)  He suggested he might here to Rochester the following weekend, since I had driven to Buffalo this past attempt.  I indicated that would be fine, though I wouldn't mind driving again.  He told me I was such an awesome person and wondered aloud where I had been all his life.

Sunday evening he calls me and we talk for five or ten minutes.  He told me about the day he spent with his neighbor, Wendy, who is going through some terrible stuff in her life.  Then he got a beep from Wendy and he asked if he can call me right back.  As someone who understands what it's like when a friend is in crisis, I told him okay and let him go.  He never called me back that day.

That set the pattern for the next week.  He'd eventually call me in the evening.  After about five or ten minutes, he would tell me he needed to go for one reason or another and promise to call me back either "right away" or "in five or ten minutes."  The second call would never come.  He also quit responding to texts during the day (something he had been quite good about and even initiated the previous week).  I became concerned and asked him about it.  On numerous occasions, I asked him if I needed to back off because I was bothering him.  Each time, he assured me I was okay.  I also made numerous inquiries about making plans to try meeting again, which he ignored.

On Friday, I decided to lay it on the line.  I left him a voice message informing him that I thought he was a great guy, but that I couldn't keep putting myself out there if he wasn't going to be responsive.  I told him that it seemed like his life was too chaotic to really pursue anything.  So I told him that I was still interested, but that the ball was in his court and I was going to go away until such time as he decided to lob it back in my direction.  I figured this would give him the perfect out.  If I never heard from him again, that would be that.

He didn't take the out.  The next day, he called me, once again all apologetic.  He assured me that he was usually better and more responsible than this.  (I must say at this point that the preponderance of the evidence I am aware of is in direct contradiction to this claim.)  He promised to do a better job, and even did a better (if imperfect) job of keeping that promise that night.  He also told me more about the situation with his neighbor Wendy, and I expressed both understanding and a clear message that while I understand and sympathize with her situation, he needed to set boundaries with her and still manage to keep his commitments to me.  (I pointed out that this was not only about what's fair to me, but what's ultimately healthy for both him and Wendy as well.)  He agreed with all of this and went on talking via phone through Monday night.

Our last phone call ended much the same way as previous phone calls.  Wendy tried calling him, and he promised to call me right back.  He got a bit defense (but also sounded rather guilty) when I responded to his promise to call me right back with a skeptical sounding "okay."  He never called back that night.  I sent him a couple texts later that night and even left a voice message expressing my hopes that everything was okay.

The next morning (that would be yesterday, for those trying to keep track), I got a text from Marty apologizing about not getting back to me and promising we'd talk later in the day.  I texted him back and told him I was looking forward to it.  I also suggested I could come up to meet him after work (I had made the same offer Monday).  That's the last text I got from Marty.

I worked all day Tuesday and got out of work at 4:30.  I grabbed my stuff, went to my car, and started it.  I then called Marty and got his voicemail.  As I was leaving a message, I got a call waiting beep and checked the caller ID to see a Minnesota number.  I shrugged, finished my message and hung up, only to immediately get another call from the Minnesota number.  I answered and the conversation went something like this:

Gravely voice:  Is this Jarred?
Jarred:  Yes.
GV:  This is _____.  You know Marty?
J:  Yes?
GV:  I'm calling to tell you that he wants you to stop calling him.
J:  Why isn't Marty telling me this himself?
GV:  Look, Marty's going through a lot of stuff right now.  And I'm calling you on his behalf to tell you that you need to stop calling him.
J:  I understand what you're saying, but you still haven't answered my question as to why Marty isn't telling me this himself.
GV:  Look, the fact that you would even ask that question means that you're calling Marty's motivations and his character into question.  You need to leave him alone.
J:  I see.  Well, you've given me something to think about.  Have a good day.

Call me crazy, but I'm not the kind of person who takes the word of a perfect stranger (presumably) calling from several states away about the desires of someone else.  This is especially true since Marty had already told me about at least two other guys who allegedly turned into creepy stalker types on him.  For all I knew, this guy was just a trouble maker.  So I called Marty and left a voicemail:

Hey Marty.  This is Jarred.  The weirdest thing just happened to me.  I got a call from someone from Saint Paul, Minnesota telling me that you don't want to talk to me anymore.  I'd appreciate it if you'd call me and tell me what's up with that.  Bye.

While I was leaving that message, I got a beep.  It was Marty's number, but I didn't get to it in time.  However, within seconds after hanging up from my message, I get another call from Marty's number.  Imagine my surprise when I answer, only to be greeted by Gravelly Voice (again, a paraphrase):

GV:  Jarred, I just got done telling you not to call Marty again, and you turn right around and call him anyway.
J:  Well, yeah hon.  You see, when I get messages through someone using a Saint Paul, Minnesota number, I tend to verify them with the alleged source.
GV:  Well, you'll note this call isn't from Saint Paul Minnesota.
J:  Yeah, I saw.
GV:  Look, I tried to be nice last time...
J:  Oh?
GV:  You don't know who you're dealing with.  I used to live and Brooklyn and I'm not the kind of person you want to play games with...
J:  Excuse me?  You think I'm the one playing games right now?
GV:  Well, if you call him again after this conversation...

At that point, I begin to shout "shut up" to try to break through his obvious attempts to intimidate me and speak my peace.  When it quickly becomes apparent that he's only interested in acting like a bully and a goon, I just hang up on the asshole.

So there you have it.  In two weeks, this guy went from telling me I was a great guy and practically begging to meet me ASAP to not wanting to talk to me at all.  After passing up multiple opportunities to call the whole thing quits that I explicitly offered to him, he calls on some Gravelly Voice to tell me to fuck off and threaten me if I don't do exactly that.

Well, no worries there.  If someone doesn't have the basic human dignity to deliver the "I don't think this is going to work out" to me in person, then they are too much of a coward and an asshole for me to deal with.  Quite frankly, I haven't even processed through the hurt of being told to go away because I'm still dealing with the rage and disbelief of the callous, thoughtless, and honor-less way in which that message was delivered.  In my mind, Marty is nothing more than a tease, a game-player, and a Grade A Jackass.  So yes, a message was received loud and clear.  I just doubt it was the message he intended to send.  But the end result is the same, so I guess it's all good.

I think what gets me is that due to this game-playing and this duplicity, I find myself wondering how much of what he ever told me was true.  Were the guys who allegedly turned creepy stalkers really bad guys?  Or were they just decent guys who, like me, got played and then tossed away.  Or maybe they acted less than honorably simply because they finally reacted badly to the psychotic mind-fuck that is the experience of interacting with Marty.  Granted, that wouldn't excuse inappropriate or creepy behavior, but it certainly would make me at least a little more sympathetic towards them.

In the end, I find myself wondering if Marty is just some weak-willed guy who can't deal with his own issues without involving others or whether he's a truly nasty game player that likes to fuck with other people's heads.  I suppose I'll never know.  In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter, either.  Either way, it's best to take this out he's now offered me and be thankful for it.

But as the title of this post says, I think I've learned a few lessons.  I think I give people the benefit of the doubt way too much and for way too long.  That needs to change.  I think new people in my life should only get one "mistake."  After they make that mistake and make their apologies, they shouldn't get a "third chance" until they prove themselves.  If they fuck up again, I think they need to be shown the door.  No excuses.  No apologies.  Once is a mistake.  Twice is a pattern.  The third time is a lifestyle, and I don't even care to know about it.

I also think that if they start sounding like a liar or that they live in an alternate reality (and in hindsight, I admit I should have seen the signs of that with Marty), I'm going to assume it's because they are a liar and/or live in an alternative reality.  And that means walking away fast, because I need people who live in plain old normal reality.

Hopefully, it's a lesson well learned that will turn into a lesson well applied.  Actually, I take that back.  I hope I never have another reason to apply that lesson.  But if I do, I pray I'm ready.

The Campus Chatter blog over at ABC news reports that Syracuse University has appointed Mary Hudson as Pagan chaplain for the campus.  This is a somewhat historic event, as the blogger explains:

That makes Hudson, 50, the second pagan chaplain appointed at a U.S. college. The only other known school to have a pagan chaplain is the University of Southern Maine.  Internationally there are a few in Canada, Australia, and the UK.

I find this good news and take some comfort and pride that this appointment took place not only in my state of residence, but at a university a mere hour from me.  And it sounds like Hudson is ready to hit the ground running.

Hudson said education is her primary goal.  "This involves both education of non-pagans as well as helping student pagans find their spiritual path," she added.  "That can mean something different to each student."

Both community education and helping students who are already on a Pagan path or are considering one are both noble goals.  I wish Ms. Hudson the best as she pursues both goals.

In addition, I'd like to applaud the Campus Chatter blogger for writing a thoroughly positive article, without falling into the trap of looking for "balanced" input from highly critical spokespeople from conservative Christians circles, a practice that Jason Pitzl-Waters has often noted is common among some journalists.

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• Pagan for Chaplain at Syracuse U. (blogs.abcnews.com)

Fictional story:

The other morning, there was a knock on my door.  A couple in their late twenties stood there with a clipboard, and asked to talk to me about domestic violence.  They showed me some frightening statistics about the number of men and women who are abused and beaten by their spouses.  They had both statistics for the nation and our own county.  They then asked me to help put an end to domestic violence, showing me a petition in support of new legislation that would call for stricter sentencing for those convicted of domestic violence, budget for the creation of programs to better train police officers to respond to and investigate claims of domestic violence, and other measures.

I decided not to sign the petition.  Instead, I decided to hand them a card, that says the following:

I pledge to treat others the way I want to be treated.

I strongly believe that domestic violence is wrong and I would never hurt another person, even my own spouse.  So I'm offering my pledge to the golden rule in response to the issue of domestic violence.

The point:

I suspect that many of my readers are having a rather predictable reaction to the above story.  I can just hear people like Eileen (assuming she still reads me) getting ready to type a lengthy comment about how serious domestic violence and simply promising to treat others well in accordance with the Golden Rule isn't nearly enough.  And I'm in total agreement with her.

I've had the exact same reaction the last two years when Dr. Warren Throckmorton began to propose the Golden Rule Pledge as an appropriate response to The Day Of Silence, an annual event meant to raise awareness of anti-gay bullying and other mistreatment of gay people (or people who are merely perceived as gay) that takes place all over this country and to advocate for such bullying to stop.

Now, in Dr. Throckmorton's defense, I will note that his response to The Day of Silence is far superior to other responses proposed by other conservative Christian groups.  The Golden Rule Pledge is far better than The Day of Truth or merely proposing that all Christians avoid school during The Day of Silence.  And I give him credit for not trying to paint a day dedicated to the idea that it's wrong to bully and mistreat gay people as some horrible, immoral idea.

But in the end, I find it a weak response at best.  It's great that Dr. Throckmorton and those with him are willing to promise to treat others well.  However, I also want to know what they're going to do about the bullying and mistreatment being propagated by others who don't share their commitment to the Golden Rule.  Saying you won't mistreat gay people while still standing by while others do so just doesn't cut it in my book.  In my mind, justice demands that right-minded people stand up to the bullies and say, "What you are doing is wrong and you must stop."  Confronting the injustice head-on is absolutely essential.  And in that respect, I feel the Golden Rule Pledge fails miserably, just as such a pledge in response to domestic violence fails miserably.

I guess I'm doing pretty good!

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Guess what won't be in my wallet much longer?  Your credit card!  I was approved for a credit card from my credit union with a slightly higher credit limit, no annual membership fee, and an APR that's just over half what you charge.  So as soon as I get my nice little refund check from the federal government, I'll be transferring my balance from your card over to the new one and telling you to take a hike.

I really have to thank you for not approving me when I requested a higher credit limit.  You pissed me off just enough that I started looking at other offers.  That eventually led me to check out what my credit union offered.  Had you not pissed me off, I never would've found such a great deal.

So you might want to keep that in mind in the future.  If someone who pays roughly three times the minimum payment every month, don't automatically deny their request for a limit increase.  It doesn't matter if their balance is consistently near or at their current limit.  They're paying you more than they need to and you're making a ton of money.  But soon, you won't be making any money from me.

So thanks again for pissing me off, thereby motivating me to find a better deal.  What's in my wallet?  Somebody else's card!