The other day, I was reading a blog post about one of Linda Harvey’s recent anti-gay screeds. As I read through the comments, I found this doozy:
Man, she must be a dud in the sack.
Given the commenter’s name (Ted), I’m going to assume he’s a man. Given the comment was left on a blog that focuses on LGBT issues, I’m going to assume that it’s highly likely that Ted is a gay man. This leads me to several thoughts, in fairly random order:
What does her ability in bed have to do with her awful and erroneous statements about gay people?
Why does a (presumably) gay guy care how she is in bed?
Why is a (presumably) gay guy placing a woman’s value on how good she is in bed?
I do not care for Linda Harvey. I have major issues — and I’d argue rightfully so — with the horrible things she has said about gay people and how she constantly fuels the anti-gay fires in our society. I do not, however, feel that this gives me any right to speculate about her sex life, how satisfying she finds it, or how satisfying her partner or partners may find sex with her. It’s none of my business, and it would be downright rude of me to speculate.
Furthermore, it would be downright misogynistic of me to suggest that her ability in bed in any way reflects on her value as a woman. And that’s exactly what the above comment is intended to do, as far as I’m concerned. It’s a sexist way of dismissing the (admittedly awful) things that she says on nothing more than a personal attack framed in “women are only good for one thing” mentality.
This thing is, this is not a one-time thing. Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of gay men make personal attacks against anti-gay women. I’ve sen many call Maggie Gallagher ugly, fat, and similar things. Again, Maggie Gallagher says plenty of ugly things about gay people, and I don’t like that. But I do not take that as an invitation to fall into the sexist mentality that because she’s a woman, I can simply dismiss her because she doesn’t fit some standard of beauty.
Please, my fellow gay men. These anti-gay women give us plenty of ammo with their words and deeds to discount, discredit, and shame them. Please stick to that and don’t fall into the pettiness of name-calling and misogyny.
 And again, I cannot stress enough that I find this particularly bizarre and disgusting coming from a (presumably) gay man, because on the whole, gay men aren’t interested in getting that “one thing” from women! I have plenty of reasons to value the women in my life, and their sexual prowess does not make that list. Ted’s comment makes me wonder if he has any female friends and if so, what exactly he values about them.