The Musings of a Confused Man

It's been a pretty good day, really. I didn't do a whole lot. I was lazy and laid about. I played a lot of video games. I'm currently getting hooked on Phantasy Star Online for the Game Cube. I know, I bought both the console and that game to do embedded Linux development and "home geek time." But I figured, hey, why not get some good old fashioned game playing in at the same time. I just have to remind myself not to get addicted or something.

Of course, I never stay addicted to games long at all. I usually go nuts over them for about a week or two, and then I lose interest. It's been over a decade since I played a game so religiously that I completely beat it. In fact, I think the last game I won straight through was the original Legend of Zelda. I wonder if I still have that game somewhere. I don't even know where my NES console is.

But these days, things just don't seem to hold my attention like that. I sometimes worry about that. Because it's not just about games. I tend to be...easily distracted...about a lot of things. I sometimes wonder how well I can honestly commit to something. And that has me worried.

Though, to be honest, I do know that I can commit to things. After all, I've been committed to Mike. I mean, I've been with him for three years now, when some of my friends can't understand why we're taking things as slowly as we are. I have one friend who can't understand how I can stick with someone who won't even tell his family about me. That kind of commitment has to count for something, right?

Of course, that's something that bugs me about some of my friends. A few of them seem to have a preconceived notion about what my relationship would be like. And they tend to make it well known at times. That gets very frustrating. No one likes to feel like they have to "defend" their relationships. It's something I understand about Christy very well. She occasionally complains about how people criticize her relationship with Noah, and I don't blame her. I feel the same way at times.

This has been a pretty good for today. I'm not sure how productive I'd call it. Except that some of the things I did will definitely prove beneficial for me. Especially if I can manage to keep up with them over a long period of time.

The first thing that I did was a fifteen minute breathing meditation. It went quite well, once I got over the shakes in the beginning. That was quite interesting, really. There's nothing like having small shudders through your body as you're tryign to relax and get your breathing into a slow, steady rhythm. But once I managed that, I did quite well. I did have to adjust my body's position about ten minutes through it, though. I suddenly found myself feeling slightly uncomfortable. I really need to make time to do this more often. I don't meditate nearly often enough.

The next thing I did was go down to the park and walk the path there. I even went a full mile. I'm trying to convince myself to get up the dedication to walk regularly again. It's something I know I need to do. I also know how good it is for me. I know that when I walk regularly, I'm much more clear minded. My emotional state tends to be better, overall. Isn't it funny how we fail to do things that we know are good for us?

This evening, I also went out. I needed to just get out of the house for a bit. So I ran out and bought a collar and leash for Precious. I want to be able to take her outdoors under controlled circumstances. I don't want to let her out to roam free -- I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable doing that even if her next FeLV test comes back negative. But I do want to be able to let her go out with me. She gets so jealous when Dad takes the dog out on the front porch to sit.

While I was out, I also ate at Friendly's. I had a nice conversation with Rachael. She and I haven't talked for weeks. It was nice. And her little boy is growing up quite quickly. He looks like such an imp, too.

While I was at the restaurant, I also sat down and read chapter twelve of Triumph of the Moon. Of course, I still have to reach chapters four through eleven. However, J pointed out to me that each chapter is mostly self-contained, so I decided to read the chapter that the online discussion group is currently discussing. That way, I can keep up with the conversation and participate. I just have to remember to go back through and read the other chapters.

Well, I hadn't originally planned on taking a short hiatus, but it appears that's what happened. It was a matter that I got so busy the last few days, that I just didn't take the time or find the energy to write an entry. Oh well, I think I needed the break, anyway.

I needed a break from life in general, I think. This afternoon, I took a two and a half hour nap and did hardly anything today. In fact, the only thing I did was go down to the park and go for my walk. I haven't been doing that for over a month now. Well, not regularly, at least. I've been walking here and there at different times, but I need to work on my consistency again.

My sister and her kids are away for a couple of days. They decided to drive down to New Jersey today and spend a couple nights with a friend my sister made while she and her husband were stationed down there. That means that I got a relatively quiet house all day. So I don't have to stay up until almost midnight to get two solid hours of peace and quiet before bedtime.

I'm finding I need that peace and quiet before I go to bed. It helps me to relax more, so I'm more ready to drift off to sleep. And anything that will help me drift off more easily is definitely a welcome change. I think that's part of why I'm still cutting back on my television watching so much. Not having my brain inundated by television is more mentally calming too. Though I watched more television this week than the previous week. That's partly because I decided to watch a couple of movies on DVD. I was in the mood to watch Blade Friday night (I didn't get home in time to watch it on TNT from the beginning). But I couldn't find my DVD. So I ended up watching The Matrix instead. Though now I'm going a little crazy wondering where that DVD got off to.

On Friday, I had to take my mother's miniature schnauzer to the groomer. We got his shaved down. He looks funny, but I'm getting used to the look. Instead of looking like a giant dust mop with legs, he now looks like a real dog. He still needs to be trimmed up around the chin a bit, but the groomer said she was having problems with him because the sound of the clippers bothered him. But she's sure that he'll get used to it after a couple of groomings. The next one will be in six to eight months. Hopefully, getting it done will convince Mom that regular grooming will help the poor guy with his skin problems.

On Saturday, I went to see my friends Mike and Amber. I finally got to meet their little bundle of legs, fur, and teeth, Shamrock. He's a twelve week old Italian Greyhound. And he's absolutely adorable, but he's a handful. He's about the only dog I've met that is more hyper than my mother's dog or my sister's black lab mix. And unlike either of those dogs, Shamrock is flexible enough to still chew on you if you try to hold him with your hand on the underside of his neck. But I didn't get any visible scratches, so it's all good.

This has been a pretty good weekend. A bit too short, but that's the nature of most weekends, isn't it? We just have to learn to appreciate what we have and live in the moment. And that's what I'm trying to do here.

I got up at about 7:30 on Saturday morning. I had hoped to sleep later than that, but it wasn't to be. I actually woke up at 6:45, and I tried to go back to sleep. But after half an hour, I decided that I wasn't going to get back to sleep. Not only that, the longer I stayed in bed, I realized I was just going to make myself feel tired. So I got up and got dressed. I took the extra time to spend some time with my sister and her kids, as well as having a small breakfast of toasted homemade bread and peanut butter. And then I got on the road between 9:00 and 9:15.

I actually got to the meeting place later than normal. I usually make sure I get there a half hour early. That's an almost obsessive trait I picked up from my parents. "It's always better to be way early than a few minutes late." That's not an exact quote, but you get the idea. So I was only about ten minutes early for a change. I had to run to the bathroom, so I ran over to Cracker Barrel and made quick use of their facilities. When I came back out and walked over to the car, Mike was there waiting for me. He got out of his car and we chatted for a few seconds. Then we hopped in my father's car (I borrowed it just so we knew we had a card that could make the 100 mile round trip without incident) and headed for the Carousel Mall.

Now, I've driven four or five cars with standard transmissions now. I've never been a fabulous driver when it came to driving standards, mainly because I lack the consistent practice it takes to learn to shift perfectly smoothly and all the other minor details involved. But I can generally manage a trip without grinding the gears (or at least not doing so too badly). But I have never driven a better stick shift than this one. I could just about convince myself to offer to trade cars with my father -- if it weren't for the minor detail that his car is only a two door. I have to have a four door just because it means a slightly larger car.

I even managed to drive through the construction zone between Cortland and Syracuse with a certain grace. I was quite impressed, to be honest. I figured that being on a slight uphill grade and going six feet before stopping, I'd have all kinds of problems. But I actually managed to keep things going well and didn't stall too bad. Though there were a few points where I should've shifted gears a bit sooner. Mike even commented on how calmly I handled the driving and even my few mistakes (I did stall at a few traffic lights). But that's something I learned back when I took the trip down to Delaware with K. Getting frustrated only makes things worse. You make more mistakes just because you've allowed yourself to tense up and get your mind all worked up. So I've slowly learned to keep myself relaxed. Well, at least when I'm driving stick.

At the mall, we had a pretty good time. We had lunch at Uno's, which we finished at about 1:30. And then we spent the next four hours walking around the mall and shopping. We had a great time. We just chatted and went through stores. Mike hassled me about how he knew I was going to spend money, though. I really didn't know what to make of that. Do I really spend that much money? Of course, at least I didn't buy the Vaio desktop I was looking at. Mainly because I didn't have enough available credit on my credit card, but that's beside the point. I'll just have to wait until after Christmas.

While there, I also learned about the joys of the Build-A-Bear Workshop. Now that is an absolutely awesome store. I'm hoping to take my nieces and nephews up there sometime in the future. I think that it would be fun to take each one through the store to make and dress their own stuffed animal. I thought it was an incredible idea. I almost made one for myself, but decided against it.

Speaking of stuffed animals, I also seriously considered picking up a present to send to Marisa (or maybe it would've been better directed to her littles). We went to the Disney store and I got looking through the stuffed animals. And I found some small stuffed Eeyores -- with removable tails! But I figured she already had one. Had I had her number, I might've considered calling and checking. It was just too cute. Of course, I'm an Eeyore fan myself.

Mike looked around for a shirt for his nephew. His nephew needs a light-colored shirt for band concerts. We looked all through JC Penny, but he really couldn't decide on what he should get. While there, though, I found the perfect Christmas gift for my father. They have remote "weather stations" that record the temperature and relative humidity. My father being the major weather buff he is, I figured it'd be the perfect gift for him. Apparently, Mom agrees, because she just about gasped when I sowed it to her after I got home. But this makes me happy. Dad's usually one of the hardest people to shop for when it comes to gifts. So it's nice to have one already picked out for him. And this is the first time I've started my Christmas shopping so early. I usually wait until December.

We finally headed home at about 5:45, stopping in Cortland for supper. We had a nice meal at Friendly's. Mike ended up getting ice cream. Personally, I thought he was nuts, but it was his stomach that would hurt afterwards (and actually, it didn't). Then we went the rest of the way home. I decided to get a hotel room in Binghamton, since it was getting so late. That and my muscles were getting terribly stiff. Between that and tiredness, I decided that I was real close to becoming a dangerous driver. I couldn't get Mike to spend the night with me, since his nephew was staying over (especially since he and David had been fighting the night before), so that was kind of a bummer. And I ended up having to search for a hotel. A lot of them were booked, apparently due to a college sporting event or two. It seems like I've run into that problem the last few times I decided to get a room at the last minute. Apparently, I have perpetually bad timing. But I finally found vacancies at the Holiday Inn.

Today, I came home and spent most of the afternoon napping. I decided that I needed it after this weekend.

Today was a pretty good day. I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep last night (I was awake until after 2:30), so I ended up staying in bed until 9:30. I'm still a bit tired, but I'm functional for now. I got up this morning and got online. I then took my shower and got ready to go to P's house. She and I watched a couple of movies and ran out for a short shopping trip. Overall, it was a pretty good day.

One of the movies we watched was "The Convent." I think that movie defies any real classification or description. It was a horror movie of sorts. But it was a bit...well, I guess camp would work. There were a lot of stereotypes involved. You know, you had the sex fiend boy that bragged that he could sleep with any girl they saw ("just give me five minutes"), the frat-boy jock and his ditzy cheerleader girlfriend, and of course, the woman that everyone thinks is crazy who has to be called on to save the day at the end. So there was a lot about the movie that was cheesy and predictable. But on the same hand, it wasn't a total nacho-fest, either. It had a certain serious quality to it. The only real problem I had with the movie is that the first person to die was the best character in the whole show. I'm sorry, but anyone who can sit up in the middle of the ritual where she's about to be sacrificed and accuse the leader of being a pretentious goth wannabe is aces in my book.

I got to meet P's new dog, too. He's big and lovable, but boy is he going to be a handful. He's young and excitable. If my sister's dog, Cody, was still around, the two of them would make great playmates, I think. They're both nuts. Speaking of which, Precious is going crazy looking for a playmate. Bandit isn't interested in playing (his skin is still bothering him) and with the kinds and my sister's dogs gone, my poor little cat has no one who's willing to play with her at the drop of a hat. So she's been raring around and trying to get everyone's attention. It's actually quite cute.

I'm sitting here listening to Enya's album, "The Memory of Trees." I love this album, though I may have to switch to something more upbeat once I get through it. I'm feeling very sleepy for some reason, and I'm not quite ready to head off to bed. So soft music of an almost lullaby-like quality is a bad thing. I'll have to replace it with something like one of Delirium's albums. That usually keeps me awake.

Last night, I slept with Darien. Darien is the small, brown teddy bear that Mike gave me on the first Christmas we celebrated together. He's such a cute bear, but a bit on the small side to cuddle with properly. He slips out of my oversized arms way too easily. It's funny on those nights when I sleep with a stuffed animal. I suddenly feel like a little kid again. There's a sense of vulnerability and youth. It's a very strange thing to feel, really. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it.

Speaking of Mike, he's absolutely exhausted from his trip to New Jersey. Not that this surprises me, mind you. He was up for a full 23 hours on Saturday. He and his family left their home at five in the morning, and he didn't get back into bed until four on Sunday morning. Then the poor guy only slept until about 11:30 Sunday morning. Personally, I think the guy is way too committed to his amusement parks. He should think about getting a bit more commitment to a regular sleep schedule, if you ask me. But I suppose that if it makes him happy to do such things, that's all that really matters.

It's been a pretty good day. I went for my walk on my lunch break. That's the second one for this week. I need to get one more in. I'm looking at Saturday for that. I figure I'll give myself tomorrow off. Besides, I have to run out to lunch tomorrow. I figure I'll need the extra time to stand in line at Subway.

While I was at the mall today, I picked up Mike's Christmas present. I got him one of those "pictures in motion." They're a neat idea. Basically, they're a picture of some scene with water in it. There is a light behind the picture and there is some sort of mechanism that causes the light to shift slightly. The net result is that the water looks like it's actually flowing. The specific picture I got Mike has a watefall flowing into a pool. It's absolutely gorgeous. Hopefully, he likes it. I think he will, because he was practically cooing over such "moving pictures" when we saw them at the Carousel Mall. So when I found the same place had a kiosk set up at the Pyramid Mall, it became a pretty obvious gift idea.

This evening I tested my blood sugar when I got home. It was 55. Needless to say, everything got dropped and I made a quick hunt for food. I ended up having yogurt, six cups of popcorn (the proper serving I'd normally have in the evening is three cups), and a quarter cup of dried pineapple -- which had way too much sugar added. Frighteningly, though, when I tested my blood sugar again at 9:30 or so, it was still only up to a 78. This is just insane. I hope Dr. Lee changes my medications soon-ish.

...and probably didn't want to.

1. At one time, I was involved in an online "relationship." At the time, I considered the other gentleman -- who lived in the UK -- my boyfriend. However, for various reasons (the fact that I never actually met him in person not being the least of them), I do not count it as a "real relationship," nor do I count him as an ex.
2. I have never kissed a man.
3. I have, however, kissed a woman.
4. I actually worry about kissing. Even at thirty, I worry I won't be "any good at it."
5. My favorite drinks are pina coladas, strawberry daiquiris, mudslides, and long island iced teas.

I haven't put an update in here lately. I thought I'd go ahead and give the basic rundown of my life in a nutshell.

We'll start with the major life change. I am now single. After four years, I have ended my relationship with Mike. It wasn't an easy decision to make and it hurts like hell. But despite my best faith efforts to change things, it became perfectly clear where the relationship was heading. As painful as walking away is, I also know that continuing down that road would be even more painful.

I am leaving a number of message boards. I'm starting to discover that they're little more than "distractions" to me. I really don't get much out of staying there, other than the occasional bout of frustration. And at the moment, I just don't have much to offer there, either. So it's time to "cut bait," so to speak.

In more pleasant news, my old college roommate has now been a Daddy for about two days. His wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy this past Saturday. I just found out this morning from an email. I sent my congratulations to the proud parents and look forward to meeting the little guy. Hopefully, that won't be too far in the future.

I'm thinking over a couple of projects I'm considering working on. I don't want to say too much about them now, but I just thought it'd be good to indicate that I'm looking to make life more productive.

I have officially decided to take a month or two off after my current job finishes. Given all the changes going on right now, I decided I could use some time to just relax and possibly do some intensive personal exploration. I'm not sure what this will really amount to, but time will tell.

That is the number of words I have written, according to the unofficial, "lightweight" NaNoWriMo word counter. It's funny, because the Word Count utility in MS Word gives me a number that's about twenty words less. Oh well, I'm trying my best not to let the numbers get to me anyway.

Yes, I've decided to give my novel idea a try. I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. I may decide to delete it all and call it a failure next week. But I've given it a start. And so far, I think it's been a pretty good start. And I'm thinking that maybe I can get a basic "skeleton" worked out and then go back to it after all this madness is over. After all, I feel I really need to research a few issues a bit more (maybe get some feedback from more experienced people). But then I'll at least have something to work with. Perhaps researching and rewriting will be easier than trying to do everything up front and then writing it all done. Only time will tell.

In other news, I went to Tinker Nature Park today. The World Wide Labyrinth Locator indicated they had a gravel and brick mideival labyrinth there, and it's about ten miles down the road from me. So I decided to check it out. It was pretty good, though I think I'd prefer to walk a labyrinth that had actual walls rather than one that's just laid out on a flat surface. I think the sense of beign physically enclosed would have added to the experience. But I guess we can't be too picky, can we.

While there, I also checked out some other parts of the park. It actually looks like a pretty neat place. I may suggest that Dad and I check it out together next Spring or Summer when he's up for an evening. I think he might enjoy the fitness trail. It seemed like a neat idea, and I'm considering doing it myself at some point. (We'll have to wait and see.) And I still need to check out the nature walk and nature trail itself. Not to mention the homestead and farm museum. It's quite a neat place. And to think, I've been living here for two months already and never realized all that was so close until today.

In case anyone's interested, I have started yet another new blog. Before everyone groans and call me crazy, let me explain that this is a specialty blog. To be specific, it's the site where I'm going to start posting all of my "Dear Lover" letters. For those who don't know what letters I'm talking about...well, read the blog!

I realize it's been a while since I posted anything. To be honest, life has been a bit crazy, recently. My project at work has hit a critical point, and I've been putting a lot of time and energy into sorting through some difficulties we're having. In fact, in about half an hour, I need to leave to spend a few hours at work this morning. Yes, I have to go into work on a Saturday. But I refuse to pity myself over this.

Needless to say, by the time I get home, I just don't have the mental capacity or motivation to sit down and write. I certainly don't have the capacity to write something interesting or witty, which is something I still feel I need to work towards whenever I write. I hate to feel like I'm writing something that no one -- not even me -- will ever want to read.

However, my life hasn't been devoid of all things non-work. I did manage to get a few odds and ends done around here. This past Wednesday, I took a two hour class in bead-making. The class used Italian glass and a propane-oxygen torch. Amazingly, I made it through both hours without burning myself a single time. Being the clumsy person I am, that's saying something. It was an interesting experience, and I think I kind of like bead-making. The instructor was quite pleased with many of us. She said that some of us (including me, apparently) were already showing a certain level of control in the process (learning where to hold the bead in relation to the flame so that the glass is malleable but not flowing uncontrollably is a bit of a trick) that usually takes several hours of practice to develop. This afternoon, I'm going back to the studio to pick up my beads. I'm anxious to see how they turned out. Maybe I'll even post pictures.

I enjoyed the experience enough that I'm seriously considering signing up for the next class and participating in a few of the "Open Torch" classes. Open torch is actually more of a lab where you get three hours with a torch to work on your own at your own pace. These sessions are good for experimenting more and improving technique. Also, my mother's interesting in giving it a try, so I'll probably end up taking the intro course with her again in a couple months.

I also had a bit of a personal conquest here on my MT blog. I have MT configured on this site so that I can set up blogs on multiple subdomains. This means that the CGI scripts are set up in the main domain. Well, due to Internet Explorer's attempts at security, the Typekey comment validation system wasn't quite work right. Basically, people could sign in with their Typekey account, but the comment page would never show them as logged in. All SixApart offers as a solution for this problem is instructions on how to set up IE to get around the problem.

Now, I'm a stickler about certain things. I'm strongly opposed to the idea of asking readers to adjust their web browser's settings -- especially their security settings -- to make my web page work correctly. So I did a bit of research, studied the MT code, and found a workable hack to fix the problem on my end. So now, if you're using IE and choose to use Typekey to comment, everything works beautifully.

As an aside, I highly recommend using typekey. For starters, it's free. Also, by using it, I can make you a "known good commenter," which means that your comments will never end up in the junk comment bin by mistake. (So far, I've never had that problem, but I've heard of other MT users finding "real" comments in the junk filter enough to be concerned about it.) Plus there's also the handy fact that if you use Typekey, I can actually view all of your comments on a single page. I like that kind of functionality.

So that's my life in a nutshell. Maybe I'll have more to write later this weekend. After all, I am going to a psychic faire this afternoon (weather permitting).

Saturday, I spent the day at the Rochester Pagan Pride Festival. I had an absolutely wonderful time, and look forward to going again in the future.

Most of the day, I spent hanging out with Wendy and her friends. She was kind enough to let me put out a few fliers for the POC on her table. Quite a few people ended up taking them. With any luck, that means we'll see some new faces real soon.

I didn't attend many workshops, as I was having too much fun talking with friends and what-not. The one that I did manage to attend was the Crystal Singing Bowl meditation, led by the good folks from Singing Bowl Expressions. I've been to one of the monthly meditations that Dawn and Jeff hold at Psychic's Thyme before. While I certainly enjoyed my experience there, it paled in comparison to the demonstration at Pride this year. This workshop involved ten different bowls, each vibrating at their own frequency. While I was not one of the many people who immediately found themselves out of their body, I could certainly feel my own energy channels responding to the experience. I also remember opening my eyes a couple of times and realizing I couldn't focus my vision. It was an incredibly rewarding experience.

I also got a book on Pagan ethics that Patricia Telesco recently wrote under another pen name. As Ms. Telesco was one of the invited speakers at the festival (and I bought the book directly from her), I had the chance to discuss it with her. I told her about my desire to do some research and planning over the next year and put together a local workshop on Pagan ethics. She was quite happy about the idea and encouraged me. I also shared with her about my blog entry concerning the line in the Charge of the Goddess that declares "all acts of love and pleasure" to be rites of the Goddess. She paid me a rather high compliment in regards to how I approached that line and the sentences surrounding it. It was rather encouraging.

I think the person who impressed me most at the festival, however, was someone I never actually got the opportunity to speak to. That's the young man, Adam, who stood about ten to fifteen feet from the entrance to the festival, handing out Christian tracts to anyone who would take them. According to one of the organizers I spoke with later, Adam is a regular "attendee" of Rochester Pagan Pride. And I think he deserves a great deal of credit for the level of respect he showed. Despite Adam's obvious disagreement with the religious views of most of the festival goers and his desire to "save" us, he was able to offer his message in a rather unobtrusive way. He was alwas polite when people refused his tracts (strangely, he never actually offered me one) and never attempted to start an argument. I can totally respect the way he chose to demonstrate his convictions.

In a mostly unrelated topic, I'd just like to say that my friend, Becky, also thinks that the guy who waited on me at the sub shop we bought lunch at was interested in me. I'm not sure I agree with her, but it was kind of nice to entertain the notion. I just wish that if he really were interested in me, he'd have said something.

The last couple of weeks have been more or less uneventful. Well, as long as you disregard the funeral I attended for a cousin. His battle with Parkinson's finally took a turn for the worse. It was a pretty good service and well attended. I particularly appreciated the number of firemen who came to the event. Not that this is entirely surprising. The fire department was a big part of Tim's life. Even after he was diagnosed with Parkinson's, he spent as much time as he could at the fire house, doing whatever jobs he could manage. The head of the department commented at the funeral that he was going to have to find four new volunteers to replace Tim.

My sister and her kids are in the area. She decided to make the drive up from Mississippi for the funeral. Her husband told her she had to stay for at least a week, though. So she's here until Monday. I plan on running down to my parents' house tomorrow and spending the day with her and the kids. It should be fun.

I think the lack of employment is starting to get to me on some level. So next week, I'll have to start getting more serious about the search for a job. I had really hoped one of the opportunities Rick and Kevin had found would pan out, but that doesn't appear to be the case. So it's time for me to get off my duff and take matters into my own hands again. The only down side to that is that I probably won't find something temporary. I really wanted that because I wanted to eventually go back to the company that moved me into this area.

I've started walking again. I haven't decided if I'm doing it to "lose weight' (probably not), exercise (again, not necessarily), or just for the fun of it (I'm leaning towards this answer). It's gotten me out of the house a bit more and that's been well worth it. I'm rediscovering that I really do like doing things like that.

I've also gone on a couple outtings with Becky, which is always nice. A couple Thursdays ago, we went to a local coffee shop. I had a delicious drink consisting of hot apple cider, caramel, and whipped cream. Then we just sat and talked. It was pleasant. And I got to check out a couple cute guys, which is always a plus.

I spent most of yesterday with Becky. We had a pretty good time. The day started with me going to the one office she works out of for a massage. I didn't have anything in particular I wanted her to work on, so she basically did a full body massage. In practice, though, she spent most of the time on my legs.

She yelled at me during this part of the massage. I was having trouble relaxing my legs. Particularly, when she would go to move my legs, I'd move them for her. Apparently, that makes certain part of the massage process difficult to do effectively. I don't know why it was such an issue for me. Probably because I have control issues, anyway.

Once the massage was over, I got dressed and we ran some errands together. Becky had to go to the printer to get flyers printed and get new business cards created. I ended up helping her with figuring out some of the details of her business cards -- such as what color paper to use and the font to use for her name. Once we were done there, we swung by my bank so I could deposit a cashier's check. You see, over Thanksgiving break, I decided to close out my savings account at the bank near my parents' home. Because of the amount, I had them give me a cashiers check rather than giving me the balance in cash. So now that's in my checkign account up here. Which is good, because I needed money to pay rent and a couple bills.

Once the errands were done, we decided to go catch a movie. After looking over our options, we finally decided to see "Deja Vu." Personally, I thought it was a pretty good movie, though I found some annoying inconsistencies in the underlying concept. (Warning: Stop here if you don't want any spoilers.) The big problem is they never made up their mind whether they wanted past events to be unchangeable with a single, permanent timeline or whether they would allow changes to the past to spawn alternate timelines. As a result, they ended up alternating between the two scenarios based on what was convenient for the plot. The end result was that they created a alternate timeline in the end, but allowed things that should have been only in the alternate timeline (such as finding the ATF agent's fingerprints in the victim's home) appearing in teh original timeline anyway. So it got messy. But other than that, it was a good movie. And Denzel Washinton was as great as ever when it came to playing his part.

After the movie, Becky and I went to check out Red Robin, which just opened here in the past couple of weeks. It was a pretty nice experience, though it's quite obvious that they're not kidding about their reputation of being a "Burger and Spirits" establishment. They're just about the only things on the menu. But the BBQ burger I had was excellent and the desert was practically orgasmic, though entirely too big. Fortunately, Becky was there to help me eat it all. And of course, there were plenty of cute guys to check out.

All in all, I felt it was a delightful day.

This past week was pretty uneventful, really. Well, up until Wednesday, at least. Wednesday, we got a pretty good storm that came through the area. The good news is that we didn't get anything near the 20+ inches they were originally predicting on Tuesday. The bad news is that this meant that I didn't get a snow day off from work. So that meant driving on messy roads with snow still falling from the sky. Granted, it was still better than back when I lived in Pennsylvania and drove all the way to Ithaca and back each day for work.

The only down side to the experience was that Wednesday was my day to be split between projects. That meant that when I got up in the morning, I had to clean my car off to drive to the customer's site, only to clean my car off again at lunch time to drive over to my own office and finish out the day there. When I cleaned off my car in the evening night to drive home, I decided that was the last time, stocked up on anything I possibly thought I could need before morning, and locked myself in my house for the night. It was actually quite relieving.

Of course, when I came home, I noticed some kids climbing a snow bank accross the parking lot from my home. They appeared to be having a good time. It gave me quite the smile, and made me think of my nieces and nephews down in Mississippi. Poor Liam is begging for snow, it seems. So I called my sister and jokingly told her she needed to bring the kids up here for some winter play. She laughed and told me in no uncertain terms that I can't even mention the idea to Liam or he'd be all packed.

In other news, I have a coffee date tomorrow. I won't say much about it other than that I'm quite excited about it.

I had a rather long day at work. I ended up working a ten hour shift, which is an hour longer than the shift I worked on Tuesday. But I needed to work that many hours to get my time in on a particular project. I believe I mentioned earlier that I was working on-site for Customer A and at my own company's office for Customer B. Well, in theory, I'm now assigned to Customer A full time.

However, Customer B still needs some of my time. That project took longer than expected, and we're still doing testing. As the only software engineer on the project, they need my support. So in addition to working a full week at Customer A's site, I'm trying to come in to our office for a few hours a week to support the work on Customer B's stuff. I put in two and a half hours total over Tuesday and Wednesday morning. As I had things to do that evening, I didn't put in a full eight hours at Customer A's site those days. So today was the day to make up the difference.

As a reward to myself for working so hard this week, I decided to come directly over here to Equal Grounds again after work. I decided to give their black bean wrap a try for dinner. It's actually pretty good. So here I sit, munching on a wrap and nachos and washing it all down with an iced tea. It's practically a perfect evening, especially when you consider that an episode of Law & Order is on the television, which is about fifteen feet or so directly ahead of me. So while I'm doing my writing, I also get treated to a great show. Of course, I've already seen this episode, but there aren't many I haven't seen already. I used to be a Law & Order fanatic.

Oh, back on the work topic (sort of), let me just say that I'm amazed by the incredible number of good looking guys that work for Customer A. Of course, most of them also seem to be incredibly young. I'm beginning to wonder if they hire 85% or better of their employees directly out of RIT. And actually, I know that at least two of the guys working on my team are co-ops from there. It's just crazy.

Not that I'd chase any of them. That would be a nightmare waiting to happen. Besides, I've decided I'd rather be the one being chased. ;)

I'm sure I commented earlier on the youth of some of the people working for my current customer. I think I've even mentioned that I think they have a lot of co-ops from RIT working for them. Well, today, I think I met the youngest one of them all. Well, it'd be more accurate to say I saw him, as he was sitting in a meeting and I was passing by the conference room. I'm pretty sure he's a co-op. But now, I find myself wondering if they take co-ops that are still in high school. He looked that young.

He had to be a college kid, and at least a junior at that. But man, he didn't look it. That or everyone's starting to look that young to me because I'm getting so old. I really may need that cane after all.

Tonight is one of those strange nights where my mood is undefinable. I'm sitting here at Equal Grounds again. It's becoming my favorite post-meditation spot for Tuesday nights. I like being able to run over here and cap off my night with a nice snack, a good drink, and a pleasant atmosphere to seek out my muse in.

Before meditation, I managed to sneak in a forty five minute nap. I ran over to the POC immediately after work, eating a bite of supper on the drive. Once there, I let myself in, locked the doors, and camped out on one of the couches. I meant it to only be a twenty minute nap, but when I finally decided to get up and check the time, it was ten of seven. What's more, Terry had just gotten there. I'm not sure how long Rob had been sitting outside, but he said hi to Terry as she approached from down the hallway.

Terry led the four of us in a nice meditation, incorporating both colors and the ocean waves. It was a nice experience, and I found myself flowing into the appropriate state of consciousness rather quickly. I did end up coming out of my meditative state a bit before the others, though. So I had to wait for the meditation to conclude. Then we sat around talking for a bit before we locked up.

I'm going to miss the space the POC has. Our lease is up as of Saturday, and we will have to look for other places to hold our events. I will especially miss that ability to get there early and either take a nap or work on my writing. The space has been good to us, but the money just isn't there to keep it right now. So we'll make do with what we have.

The music playing here today is rather jazzy. It's pretty good, though not entirely my style. However, I will admit that it doesn't keep my head from bobbing every now and then. Nor does it prevent my fingers from trying to type to a rhythm that compliments the percussion track of the current song. In many ways, it's quite amusing.

Friday night, I took Becky back to her place after spending a few hours running around town with her and watching a movie at my place. As we were driving, I noticed that my brake light kept coming on. Being a bit concerned, I called my favorite mechanic Saturday morning. He informed me that it sounded like I was losing brake fluid, especially considering my answers to his questions ruled out the other possiblities. Unfortunately, he also informed me that he wouldn't be able to get to my car until Monday, but I was free to drop it off and leave it there, just in case he found some free time this weekend.

As I didn't want to have to take extra time on Monday to get my car there, I agreed to drop it off Saturday morning. However, I decided I still needed a car, so I picked up the phone a second time and called Enterprise. They indicated they had a car available and I could have it through Tuesday. So when I dropped my car off at the garage, I walked the two blocks over to Enterprise's Henrietta office and filled out the paperwork to get my rental car.

As the woman who was taking care of me went to get keys, she asked her coworker what midsized cars they had available. He told her the PT Cruiser would be the best bet. Now I have to admit, I think PT Cruisers are ugly cars, but I'm not inclined to be too picky when it comes to a rental car. After all, I only have to drive it for a few days.

Apparently, I was completely oblivious (probabl due to the list of items running through my head that I really should've been doing at that exact moment rather than worrying about transportation), because I never noticed the color of my new rental car when I got into it and drove it off the lot. It wasn't until I got back to my townhouse, gathered up the stuff I needed for the day, and walked back out to the car before I realized that it was this incredibly light shade of lavendar. I looked at it and started laughing. The only thing I could think to say was, "Well, I guess I don't have to worry about anyone assuming I'm straight for the nex few days." I also wondered if the people at Enterprise gave me this car because I happened to be wearing my "2QT2BSTR8 shirt at the time."

I have to admit that as Saturday progressed, the car actually grew on me. I've affectionally named it "The Queermobile," much to friends' amusement. I've especially fallen in love with the color. I'm actually considering saving up my money and finding a body shop that can paint my car that same color, or at least something close.

Isn't it strange the things I find amusing?

As friends are doing the "six weird things about me" meme, I decided I wanted to play along. Of course, I'm still struggling with the whole fact that enough of my life is weird that I'm not sure how to pick six "exceptionally weird" things to list. But at any rate, here goes:

1. I don't like revealing skirts or shorts. Both should come down to the point where the knees are just barely visible.
2. My favorite musical of all time is "Sweeny Todd."
3. I don't really see what everyone sees in Brad Pitt.
4. I usually cry at some point during animated movies.
5. I love Frank Peretti's books.
6. At least seven times out of ten, given the choice between the two, I'd choose a nice long cuddle over sex. Of course, if I can have both at the same time, all the better.

I think most of the people who read my blog have already done those, so I'm not going to bother tagging anyone.

Back on Tuesday, Pisco listed ten tangible things he'd appreciate. I thought it was a neat idea and decided to do the exercise myself. Now I'm actually following through with that decision.

1. A walking partner.
2. A stable, somewhat assertive, compassionate, communicative, and passionate guy to share my life with.
3. An all-expenses paid trip for two to some exotic place.
4. A couple more good friends.
5. A hot tub.
6. A full body massage.
7. A paid holiday to work on my writing
8. A new wardrobe
9. A night of dancing
10. More opportunities to practice my tarot reading

Pisco posted the results of when he went to a site that let's you create your own painting. I decided to try it out.

Click here to create your own painting.

Personally, I think Pisco's painting came out much better. Just further proof I'm a writer and not a painter/sculptor.

Eileen has tagged me (unless there's another Jarred who reads her blog) for a meme. Fortunately, this one is only asking for "random" facts about me rather than "werid" facts. Of course, as a software engineer, I suspect my facts will actually be pseudorandom rather than truly random. At any rate, here goes the meme:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My random facts:

1. I used to be terribly shy and rarely spoke around others. In fact, one woman who used to attend the church I went to while in college admitted to me after two years that she originally thought I was mute.

2. I'm 5'10". My first boyfriend was 5'3". My second boyfriend was 5'10". My most recent boyfriend (though I'm not sure that word applies, considering we weren't together for much more than a week) was 6'2". If this trend continues, I suspect I'll need a stepladder to kiss my next boyfriend.

3. There are two points in my life where I seriously considered going into the ministry. The first was in junior high. The second time was in college. I've since changed religions (obviously).

4. I kissed a guy for the first time in my life this past February.

5. I absolutely love mathematics. However, I prefer abstract mathematics. This is rather strange for someone who is a software engineer, as engineers prefer practical applications of mathematics. (After all, it's what our job is about!)

6. My hand-eye coordination is terrible, if not non-existent. This is due to the fact that I had a lazy eye for the first twenty seven years of my life. My point of focus would change instantaneously, making it rather difficult to hit or catch a ball moving towards me at relatively high velocities.

7. I can count the number of musicals I've seen (either on television or live) on one hand. The gay male community is still debating whether to revoke my membership. (Note: Anyone who even thinks of complaining about my invocation of this stereotype should stop reading my blog now.)

8. I only have one planet in my entire natal chart that's in an earth sign. The planet is Venus. It's in Taurus. For those familiar with astrology, that explains a lot about my personality. (For those who know nothing about astrology, Neener!)

Okay, now for eight people I think will respond to a tag, but haven't been tagged by someone else (I hope):

The Crew
The Sentinel
Susan
Tracie
Craig
RampoPreacher
Mark
Estella

After doing recent memes I was reminded of a blog post I did back in 2004, listing 100 random facts about myself. I've decided it's time to generate another such list, because eight facts just wasn't enough. I will probably repeat items from the 2004 list (and the truly bored are invited to compare the two and see how much overlap there is), but I'm okay with that.

I promise to get back to blogging soon. But in the meantime, I thought I'd post what I consider very accurate results from an online test.

What Is Your Daemon?

DOG - Your daemon may be a dog if you are loyal and caring, and like to know what is expected of you. You probably are very family oriented, and have a small group of friends that you are very close to, rather than a large group of acquaintances. You dislike confrontation, but you will stand up and fight for the people and issues that you really care about. You may prefer someone else to take the lead in a situation, although you would rather take the lead yourself than have the situation fall apart. You probably enjoy routine and order, but that doesn't mean you don't like to have fun. If anything, your friends probably know you for getting intense, child-like pleasure in the small things in life.
Take this quiz!

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The picture above is of Grey, Kisa, and Paw, two of the barn cats and my parents' indoor cat. The small group decided to curl up on the love seat together tonight, and Dad shot this perfect picture of them. I think it perfectly describes the quiet, intimate evening we've all had here in the Harris household this Christmas evening. Well, everyone except for Precious, who is stressed over the number of kittens currently occupying the house.

The Yule ritual went well Saturday night. A small group of us gathered at around eight, had a light meal, and then retired to the living room for a time of honoring the gods and working magic. Everyone seemed rather satisfied with the ritual I planned. (Though a certain goddess might take some small issue with my claim to have planned it.) After all was said and done, I think the party broke up around evelen that night.

I spent the night with friends, then headed on down to Mom and Dad's Sunday. This morning, Dad and I ran out to finish our Christmas shopping together, then came home to relax. Tomorrow, we'll open gifts together and have lunch before I head back home in time to get a good night's sleep before work on Wednesday.

Overall, it's been a good holiday season. I hope my readers have also found equal times of peace and the company of loved ones at this time of year.

If there was ever a week where I might wish I could find the long-wished-for "do-over button," this is that week. The insanity of my week began on Sunday night when I went out to my car and hit the starter only to have the car instantly respond by going dark. So I ended up calling AAA on Monday morning to have the darn thing towed to the dealership. I then spent most of the rest of the day fretting over what could be wrong and how I was ever going to pay for it.

The good news was that it turned out to be nothing more than a dead short in the battery. The dealership was able to replace the battery and send me on my way. The down side is that because I took it to the dealership rather than just calling AAA and having them bring me a new battery, the repair cost about twice as much as it should have (figure in diagnostics and labor) and took most of the day to take care of. The loss of a full day of work (rather than an hour or two) is probably the most frustating part. But alas, I never would've guessed it was just a battery problem, given how the car behaved Sunday night. So that's just the way life goes.

On Tuesday night, towards the end of dance class, I ended up twisting my ankle. We were practicing our phrase, and when I got to the part where we do a hop and turned, I turned wrong and went down. I think I gave everyone -- especially my instructor -- a bit of a panic. I'm doing much better, but it hurt for a couple days. I even missed Wednesday night's dance class as a result, which is frustrating.

On top of those two unfortunate events (am I in a Lemony Snicket novel?), I've also been struggling with allergies all week. This means stuffed up sinuses, a cough (caused by post-nasal drip, I think), and just general fatigue doing to "feeling off" from the allergies. Wednesday night, I finally broke down and bought some over-the-counter antihistimine tablets. They seem to be helping.

Needless to say, all of this put something of a damper on my birthday on Wednesday. I was in pain and tired, so my desire to celebrate was rather diminished. This is a bummer, because I had already decided that I was actually going to enjoy my birthday this year. I've decided not to let getting older get to me and go back to enjoying having a special day that's all about me. (Yes, Narcissus lives.)

On the bright side, the car is now fixed, my ankle is feeling mostly better, and my allergies even seem to be clearing up. So hopefully, I can put this week behind me and enjoy a great weekend. And hopefully next week will be better.