Why “Musings of a Confused Man”?

Shortly after I started this blog in May 2004, my friend, Tracie, asked me about the name I chose to give it:

btw why did you call your blog “Musings of a Confused Man?” I always thought you were among the LEAST confused.

Now, to be honest, I’ve always felt Tracie tends to give me way too much credit.  She tends to look at some of the statements I make with sincerity and earnestness, and mistakenly perceives this as evidence that I have it all figured out.

The truth is, I gave my blog the name it has because I felt it was very appropriate.  Further more, I’m convinced it’s still entirely appropriate.  At my core, I am a very confused man.  And in reality, I wouldn’t want to be anything other than a confused man.

I am confused because I have wandered along this far in life and have pondered many things.  And while I have come up with many tentative conclusions, I find that they lead only to more questions.  I come to realize something, and I find myself wondering what implications that new realization holds for everything else I’ve come to believe and understand.  What old understandings will my new understanding force me to reevaluate and revise?  And what will tomorrow’s revelation bring on the heels of today’s new understanding?  Will the former merely build upon the latter?  Or will it force me back to square one?

Confusion is about uncertainty.  It is about realizing that I don’t have all the answers, only the spirit to continue seeking them out.  And there is a certain freedom in that kind of confusion.  There’s a freedom in understanding I don’t need to have all the answers.  The search can continue tomorrow, and if it means backtracking or even starting over, that’s okay too.  Because that’s what the search is all about.

This blog contains the musings of a confused man.  They reflect snapshots of the thoughts, ideas, and conclusions, that I have had at various points in my journey through life and my quest for understanding.  They are imperfect and subject to change.  And that’s how they should be.

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The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.

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