Tag Archives: entitled assholes

Entitled Assholes Online: The Caught Liar

Today’s installment of this series is compliments of the social networking site, Tagged.  I’ve been on Tagged for a few years now and I deal with all kinds of interesting people there. As a result, I recently updated my “About Me” section on my profile to read as follows:

I’m not LOOKING for anything. I’m here to meet people and chat. If a friendship comes of it, great. If I meet someone LOCAL and we end up romantically involved, that’s fine too. But I am not on any quest to find love or anything else. So don’t ask me what I’m looking for. Don’t ask me for my Yahoo ID, my Skype or anything else. I’m not interesting in camming. And I swear, if you ask me my age, my sexual orientation, or anything else that is already listed in my profile, I will BLOCK you for failing to take the time to go through the information I’ve already provided to everyone

I suspect that today’s entitled asshole didn’t bother to read that, otherwise I would think he might have a clue that the following first message would not be well received:

hi handsomer baby, can we hook up? am single and searching. how are you today? am seriously looking for a man to be my wife your response would be an honor. regards

First of all, I’m not sure why he both asks if we can hook up and indicates that he’s looking to find a man who will be his wife.  In my experience, those tend to be two different activities.  Furthermore, while I’m sure there are exceptions, the kind of guys interested in the former aren’t generally interested in the latter and vice versa.

As for bringing up marriage in the first email:  Seriously?!  All he seems to know about me is that he finds me handsome — or possibly that he suspects I’m easily seduced by guys who compliment my looks.  He has a long ways to go with me before I’ll be ready to talk about marriage.  Unfortunately for him, the trip just got permanently canceled as far as I’m concerned.

Plus there’s the whole fact that he specifically said that he wants me for a wife.  If you’re going to use gender-specific terms like “husband” or “wife” rather than something gender neutral like “partner,” then you’d better use the term that’s appropriate for my gender.  This is particularly important because I get the strong guy that this guy is intentionally using the term “wife” to indicate that he’s looking for a guy to be the subordinate, weaker, and/or more submissive partner in the relationship.  That just pisses me off.  No person should be expected to be the “lesser” partner[1] in any relationship.

This also suggests to me that I don’t matter.  As the potential “lesser partner,” I seem to merely exist in this guy’s mind to possibly meet his needs and desires.  My feelings, my needs, my expectations do not seem to matter at all.

I noted that Tagged indicates that the guy is in Kenya (hey, I told you my profile information would come in handy), so I decide to go with a curt and pointed response that says the distance is an issue for me rather than climb the “you’re being an entitle ass” mountain that looms before me.

Try someone on the same continent as you.

He came back with the following response:

am in pensacola Jarred, why you scolding me away from your heart ?

Okay, so now he claims to be in Florida.  Given that I’m practically dipping my toes in Lake Ontario, the distance is still an issue.  But I have bigger issues than that, so let me go through them.

First of all, he corrects me and claims we’re on the same continent.  But he doesn’t say, “Wait a minute, why do you think we’re on different continents?”  That’s one big misconception for me to have.  If I were in his shoes, I’d want to know how someone got such an allegedly wrong idea.  (Frankly, I think he’s lying and he really is in Kenya.)

Instead, this EA starts asking me why I’m “scolding him away from my heart.”  Again, this is why I think he’s ultimately lying.  Rather than trying to clear up the misconception, he’s attempting a guilt trip here by suggesting that he’s just a nice guy and I’m trying to keep him at arm’s length.

Except here’s the thing:  I have every right to keep him at an arms length.  By asking me why I’m “scolding him away from my heart,” he’s implicitly assuming that he’s entitled to have my heart.  No way.  I decide who gets near my heart since, you know, it’s my heart.  And this dude has already given me plenty of reasons to put a full army battalion between it and him.

So given his total sense of entitlement and the fact that he has presented me with conflicting information and has made no effort to explain it, I decided to call him on it.

According to Tagged, you are in Kenya.  Liar.

Finally he decided to offer an explanation:

am not in kenya i went there on a contract business am i have completed my contract

I’ll be honest, given the rest of his behavior, I’m considering the other experiences on the site.  I’ve heard a lot of people talk about being from the United States, yet in Africa “on contract.”  While I’ll grant that this is the first EA that’s claimed to be back stateside, I also recognize this is a common ruse of scammers.  I’ve heard the whole “I’m on contract and there’s an issue with money, please help me out” bit before.  And given this guy’s total sense of entitlement and the fact that his story reeks like last week’s roadkill already, I’m thinking it’s not much of a stretch to imagine he’s a conman as well.

Before I could respond to that message, he sent me a follow-up:

how could you just make conclusion on something so irrelevant?

I’m simply amazed that someone could consider the question of where they actually are and the fact that their profile and what they are telling me don’t even match up is irrelevant.  Again, this is a sure sign that what’s really irrelevant is me.  As far as he’s concerned, I should just STFU and be delighted that he wants me to be his “little woman.”

Like that’s going to happen.  So I made my feelings clear:

Still not interested.

The fun thing about EA’s is that they’re often masters of butthurt.  I got two final replies from him before he blocked me:

then bounce
who cares

Yeah, because he contacted me looking to get something out of me, yet I’m the one who should get lost.

As for who cares, I don’t know.  Which guy spent a lot of time trying to get the other one to just trust him and give him a chance despite other guy’s stated lack of interest?

Notes:
[1]  I actually think that this is a reason that gendered terms are best avoided when talking about people in relationships.  No one should be a “wife” if by “wife” we mean “lesser partner.”  I think it’s much better to go with gender-neutral terms[2], suggesting a more mutual and egalitarian relationship.

[2]  Though I’ll admit I have a different problem with the term “partner,” especially when it comes to same sex relationships.  It can be somewhat vague and allows some people to pretend that the partnership is something other than the romantic and sexual relationship it is.

Entitled Assholes Online: Policing Emotions and Behavior

My previous installment of “Entitled Assholes Online” involved threats involved threats of physical violence.  While this installment will be devoid of such threats, I promise that it will not be any less manipulative, nor will it be lacking in its own awfulness.

By way of background, a few months ago, I posted the following ad online:

I’m a 38 year old computer professional looking to talk and connect with guys who are mature, funny, interesting, and personable. I tend to be the shy guy who is a total treasure and keeps a person in stitches once I get to know them enough to feel comfortable around them. I’d love to meet someone who enjoys movies, dining out, conversations that range anywhere from silly to deeply serious, and just having a good time. Someone who also believes in romance would be a good thing as well.

Drop me an email and lets see if we can relate.

I didn’t really expect it to get many, if any replies.  I posted it to a site that is notorious for hookup ads.  But I figured there was the lonely section that was clearly marked “romance, NO HOOKUPS” and there was nothing to lose by giving it a shot.

This is the first message I got from one guy:

I’m 225 6ft and 6in cock.
It is so hard to meet a nice guy to connect with. I’ve almost given up.  Looking for a good good friend.
Let’s talk.  Please send some kind of pic.

Attached to this message was FOUR PICTURES (or four copies of the same picture, I’m not sure which) of said cock.  And we’re not talking about this kind of cock, either:

rooster-j.jpg
I was flabbergasted and reviewed my ad, wondering what I said that would give any indication that this was the kind of reply I wanted.  After reassuring myself that I had made it pretty clear I was looking for romance and a chance to get to know a guy and just not what he was hiding in his pants, I sent a reply:

Wow.  Four pictures of your penis, but none of your face.  You told me how tall and how heavy you are, but not your name.  You say you’re looking to connect, yet you’ve told me nothing that might help us find a point of common interest.

I think it’s safe to say you responded to the wrong craigslist ad.  Your actions make it pretty evident to me that we’re looking for different things.

I figured that would be the end of it, but I got a reply from the guy:

Yea I know sorry.  It’s hard to figure this out.  I’m not really ok with sharing face pic right away.  It’s ok.  Never mind.  Just trying to connect with someone.  🙂

Okay, I could get that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a face picture right off the bat, though it did leave me wondering if he was another closet case.  I figured he responded, so I’d offer some admittedly unsolicited advice:

Bit of helpful advice then:  When answering an ad that talks about romance and never mentions sex, try starting with, “Hi, my name is ___.  My hobbies and interests include _____.”  Go from there.

If you’re just looking for sex – and that’s how your email came across – then don’t respond to ads that talk about romance and never mention sex.  Instead, respond to ads that have titles like “looking to get fucked tonight” or “nsa fun.”

I figured that would be enough to make it clear that he really should either revise his approach or stick to ads that were more geared toward casual sex and anonymous anyway.

He replied:

IC.  Ok thanks.  Good point.  Well that’s why I responded to the add.  I do want romance and not just sex.  I need a guy I can hang out with and play golf or basketball with.  But I do want sex…  I just now it’s not all about sex.  :). Well Im am also married and need discretion.  Anyway….

FYI,  you sound univiting and angry.  Did mean to set ya off.  Just sayin…

At this point, I was livid.  Note that it took him three emails before he admitted that not only is he closeted, but he’s married.  So he’s looking for someone to sneak around with behind his wife’s back.  I saw nothing in my ad (go read it again) that suggested I was interested in being some married man’s dirty little secret.  Quite frankly, I pretty much find “Gee, thanks for letting me fuck you, now I got to get back to my wife” the antithesis of romance.  Others are free to disagree, of course.

And that bit about “sounding uninviting and angry”?  Pure manipulative and entitled bullshit.  (And agin, I suspect this is something my female readers could write entire dissertations on and lecture me on for hours.)  Did he really expect me to be grateful for any attention from him or any other guy?  Was I supposed to simply bend over for whoever expressed interest?  It sure seemed that way.  I shot off my final message, deciding it was time to remind him that he’s not the only one that has expectations, wants, and needs:

Ah, so you’re looking for a friend wirh benefits that you can hang out with and have sex with before going back to your wife.

Did you see the part where I said I was looking for romance?  Have you considered what I want at all?  Have you considered how your current situation runs contrary to what I said I’m looking for right up front?  Because it sure doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting.

If I seem angry, it’s because I am angry.  Frankly, I think it’s an understandable emotional response, given how you approached me compared to what I said I was looking for.  Wouldn’t you agree?

And if I seem uninviting, it’s because your every action so far has left me finding you an unlikely prospect in terms of what *I’m* looking for.

He got in the last word:

Right.  Friends with benefits.  But friends can be romantic too.  Anyway.  I see we are not a fit.  Thanks and good luck.  🙂

Now, I don’t know.  Maybe some people do act romantically toward friends.  That’s just not my experience.  And quite frankly, this guy hadn’t shown any indication that he was capable of romance or even understood romance as I understand it.  Like I said, I don’t find it romantic to get all sexed up and then abandoned for the wife.  (And that’s really not cool for the wife either.)

I’ll also note that he didn’t even acknowledge my question about whether he thought my anger was understandable.  Once again, he demonstrated that he didn’t want to even consider my point of view or my needs.  He simply wants someone to give him what he wants and feel satisfied with whatever — if anything — he feels like giving in return.

And I loved how he mentioned that he saw weren’t a good fit.  Gee, I’m pretty sure I said that five messages earlier in the exchange.