Tag Archives: marriage

Then and Now: Weddings

Occasionally, I read through all blog posts just to see what I wrote (and if applicable, what people had to say in reply). During my most recently perusal, I rediscovered a post where considered what I might want to do for my wedding. Seeing as I just recently (16 months ago this coming Wednesday!) got married, I thought it would be good to take another look at that post and compared it to what actually happened.

It turns out that after dating many (mostly non-devout) Christian or non-theistic men, I found Hubby, who is a Witch like me.  So we ended up getting a handfasting like I wanted. Also, while members of my family became much more open to my relationships and might have come to a wedding, we decided to keep the whole thing private.  We asked the members of our coven to perform the handfasting and be the sole attendees of it as well.  Out of the six coven members (including Hubby and myself) at the time, five of us were able to make it for the big day.  We all met at one coven member’s cabin in the woods and performed the rite at one of the outdoor altars that had been constructed in the woods.  We wrote our own vows.  I don’t think I remember any of mine and very few of Hubby’s.  I will say that Hubby was creative and crafted vows that were both sweet and funny.

After the rite itself, we built a nice bonfire in the “front yard” and set our vows on fire as an offering to the gods.  Then we celebrated with food we all cooked together and some fireworks.

It also turned out that we had enough people that we were able to treat the handfasting as our marriage ceremony.  The person who presided over the rite signed the marriage license and the other two acted as witnesses.  So we didn’t have to do a civil ceremony afterward.

Overall, it turned out almost exactly as I wanted, but even better.


Let’s leave Kim, Britney, and others alone

I’m sure that by now, all of my readers are well aware that Kim Kardashian’s marriage ended this past Monday.[1]  Most of you have also probably seen one of the snarky jokes in support of marriage equality suggesting that it’s not gay people who cheapen marriage.  I’ve even seen photographs edited to add such comments.

This isn’t the first time a celebrity’s failed marriage has been tossed about like this by marriage equality advocates.  A similar flurry occurred when Britney Spears had her marriage to Jason Alexander annulled a mere 55 hours after they tied the knot back in 2004.  And it’s certainly understandable why those of us who want our relationships protected by law would enjoy a certain amount of pleasure in pointing out the hypocrisy of accusing QUILTBAG people of being incapable of taking marriage seriously while heterosexuals — and prominent ones at that — don’t seem to do much better.

But by Wednesday, I was getting tired of all the snark.  To be honest, while I can certainly identify with the sentiment behind it, I’m not convinced that “heterosexuals treat marriage like a joke, so quit blaming us” is a good or effective argument.[2] And it’s certainly not our best argument.

I think we need to get back to talking about how the legal protections of marriage are numerous and impossible to duplicate.  I think we need to continue to point out that SCOTUS has already determined that the right to marry the person of your choice is a fundamental right and challenge the anti-equality crowd’s arguments for denying us that fundamental right.  I think we need to remind people why marriage matters.

And let’s live Kim’s, Britney’s, and any other heterosexual person’s failed marriage alone already.  We don’t need to resort to pointing out that we can “do better” than them.[3]  We’re better than that.

[1]  Seriously, I heard about this already, and I normally don’t find out about these things until someone living under a rock mentions it to me in passing.

[2]  Some might argue that it’s not meant as a real argument but as a joke.  The problem with this argument is that, like most jokes, it’s gotten old through repetition.  So while I might accept the “it’s a joke” stance on the face, I’d still argue it’s time to put this one to bed.

  Seriously, isn’t that what the argument boils down to?  A snarky reply of “well, we can do better than this loser“?  And talk about judgmental!