Last night, I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I wrote an erotic story. I think the last time I did that was back in 2005, maybe even 2004. I forgot just how much I enjoyed it. It’s a way to really express myself. And since it’s about the only sexual outlet I have right now (well, other than the obvious one), I think I’ll be making use of it more often.
As a result, I found myself in a rather mellow mood. I came home practically floating. And that’s even after writing another rather personal part of Journey!
The singleness thing is starting to get to me again, though. The problem is, it’s difficult to go through all of this intense self-exploration and revealing such intimate parts of myself, only to know that I don’t have someone to share them with in that special way. I’ll manage, though. After all, I really do want someone special, and not just someone I can make use of. That’s not my style, and I’ve felt guilty the few times I even came close to doing any such thing.
I’m also feeling pretty vulnerable right now, which is both good and bad. It’s good, because I like that my feelings aren’t locked away, wishing desperately to get out. But at the same time, it also means I’m vulnerable. And that’s scary.