Tag Archives: boundaries

A Test for Progressive Christians Who Might Want to Befriend Me

I pride myself on the fact that I can associate with, talk with, and even be friends with people from a wide range of religious backgrounds and beliefs. I have friends and associates who are atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Hindu, Pagan, Heathen, and even Christian. That last one can be difficult, and I will admit that anyone who is an evangelical and/or conservative Christian should count themselves lucky if I consider them a valued acquaintance. That’s really probably the best you can hope for, given your theology.

Recent events on Twitter, however, have reminded me once again that the few Progressive Christians I count among my close acquaintances and friends are truly rare finds and I should definitely appreciate our relationship more. Because a lot of the Progressive Christians are reminding me that they are no more trustworthy or safe to be around than the average evangelical/conservative Christian.

So if you are a a Progressive Christian and you want to know how I feel about you and how much I will ever trust you, read the following and consider the questions I ask:

I categorically reject the notion that there is only a single deity (or any deity) that is personal, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omni-benevolent. I emphatically hold a complex view of the Divine which includes the belief in multiple gods (the exact nature of whom I only claim to tentatively understand and expect my understanding to change over time). I categorically reject the notion that I am separated from the Divine and need any sort of mediator — not even a divine being — to connect with and enter into relationship with the Divine. I categorically reject the notion that my soul or any other part of myself needs any sort of “Salvation” from any external source — again, not even the Divine itself. I believe that communion with the Divine is simply a matter of me reaching out (or within) and making contact. And I believe in magic as an inherently morality-neutral discipline that I can tap into.

The above statements of belief are firm and absolutely unlikely to change. Nor are they negotiable. So, dear Progressive, what does your theology have to say about me? My value? The state of my soul? My eternal destination?

How you answer those questions will go a great way in revealing how much I can and will trust you and how open and vulnerable I will be with you. And just for the record, trying to shy away from those shy away from those questions are an answer in themselves.

Real friends don’t do boundaries?

Fake Friends vs. Real Friends
Fake Friends vs. Real Friends

The above image is something an acquaintance shared on Facebook today.  The text reads as follows:

Fake Friends – Never ask for food..

Real Friends – Are the reason you have NO food.

Fake Friends – Call your parents Mr/Mrs.

Real Friends – Call your parents DAD/MOM.

Fake Friends – Have never sen you cry.

Real Friends – Cry with you.

Fake Friends – Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

Real Friends – Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

Fake Friends – Know about you…..

Real Friends – Could write a book about you.

FAKE FRIENDS – Would knock on your front door..

Real Friends – Walk right in and say “I’m home”.

Fake Friends – Will help you when you fall over.

Real Friends – Will jump on top of you and shout “DOG_PILE”.

Fake Friends – Are around for a while..

Real Friends – Are for life.

Fake Friends – Say “Love you.” in a joking manner.

Real Friends – Say “I love you” and they mean it.

Fake Friends – Will read this.

Real Friends – Will steal this.

I get that it’s trying to explain how real friends are people who are close to you, but some of the items in the list just creep me out.  It’s as if the image’s creators think there’s no such thing as boundaries between good friends.

To be frank, no one who is not living with me is entitled to walk into my home (in which case it would be our home) without knocking.  In fact, everyone is encouraged to call me and let me know they’re coming.  I may not be in.  Or I may not feel like having company.  Even my closest friends don’t get to override those times when I need or want my privacy.  (And fortunately, my friends understand this.)

And that whole thing about real friends being the reason one has no food?  That sounds more like a moocher than a friend to me.  Yes, I’m more than happy to share my food (and just about anything else) with my friends.  But I also expect my friends to understand there’s a limit to what I can share.  In the end, someone who eats me out of house and home isn’t a friend.

Same thing with that “keeping your stuff so long that they forget it’s yours” business.  A true friend respects me.  That includes respecting my property.

What this image describes isn’t friendship.  What it describes is a dangerous relationship with someone who doesn’t respect the other person.