Today is one of those peaceful, quiet days. I have absolutely no plans. I was originally going to see Susan, but she had to cancel her trip up this way. And while I’m sad that I don’t get to see her this weekend, I’m also glad to have the weekend to myself. I need the break. I think I needed the downtime to get some really good relaxation in.

I think I’m going to spend a good portion of the weekend reading. I really need to get started on The Triumph of the Moon. The online discussion group is already on chapter 11, and I haven’t even finished chapter 1 yet. I’ve been so bad about my reading. I’m hoping to manage to get through at least a few chapters this weekend. It’ll help if I can keep my commitment to keep the television off most of the time. I watched television from noon until 2pm today, and I’m going to try to keep it off the rest of the day. I’m thinking aobut doing the same thing tomorrow.

I also started a new book last night before bed. It’s one that I ordered through Amazon.com last week. It’s called Journal to the Self. Yes, I’m reading yet another journal book. What can I say? I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. I guess I’m mostly just looking for more ideas. I’m looking to improve my journal writing.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m just trying to improve what I get out of my journals. In a lot of ways, I feel like my journal writing has suffered lately. Hell, a lot of things in my life have suffered lately. And I don’t know entirely why. And something tells me that it’s time to look within.

I mean, sure, I’ve blamed it on finding out that Precious has FeLV at one point. I could go on about what work’s been like recently. I could even complain that I haven’t seen Mike lately. But these all feel like excuses to me. They really have nothing to do with it. It has to do with me.

I feel like I’m stagnating. I feel like I’m not doing anything. And I’m not entirely sure why. Is it just a lack of motivation? Where has my motivation gone, anyway? Or is it a matter of a lack of self-discipline. I know I have self-discipline problems, and I’m trying to figure out how to resolve them. But the difficulty there seems to be that improving self-discipline almost requires self-discipline itself. So what’s a guy to do?

And of course, then there’s the fact that I just skimmed over my last paragraph and I’m having trouble resisting the urge to delete it. I read it, and my first reaction is to chide myself for whining and complaining. But maybe that’s what I need right now. Maybe I just need to get a few of these things off my chest. Then maybe, just maybe, I can start looking at myself and my life and get things moving in the right direction again. That’s what I’m hoping for.