Category Archives: Paganism

Paganism, Religion

Bonus Post: A Norse Pagan rite to support someone severing ties with a loved one

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Explanation and Background Information

Happy Saturday, dear readers! I decided to publish a bonus post today due to something that an acquaintance from an online deconstruction community said over on Threads:

Thoughts on grief & estrangement.

The thing about no contact with a parent is they have basically died.

But society doesn’t have a way to really grieve that.

My uncle died and my health (and said estranged parent) is precluding me from going to the memorial.

I wrote cards to my aunt and cousins this week, sending my condolences.

But before I sent those, some internal work was required, bc my mom has died – but no one really knows that.

Threads post by joyfulsojournr.

What joyfulsojournr said struck a cord with me. This is something that we as a society — especially those of us who like to build religious community — really need some sort of rite for. After all, we have rites for funerals, weddings, births, coming of age, and many other life events. Why not rites to honor cutting ties with someone and mourning the loss of that relationship?

At first, I wrote a draft of a simple solitary rite for grieving the loss of relationship. However, as I thought about it more, I realized this is a moment in people’s lives where they need community recognition of and support for this important and often painful transition in their lives. So i have chosen to expand the rite into something that a kindred or other group might do. I’m including the entirety of this new community-oriented rite in this post.

I will note that this rite is deeply rooted in (my understanding of) Norse mythology and cosmology and draws on that symbolism extensively. As such, this rite won’t meet the needs of everyone. But hopefully it will give even those who do not honor the Aesir and Vanir ideas on how they might develop their own rites to help one another through such a life decision.

The ritual

Participants:

  • Mourner (the person cutting ties with a loved one)
  • Ritual Leader
  • Priest of Thor
  • Priest of Freyja
  • Priest of Idunna

Note: The ritual leader and three priests can be of any gender. Also, the same person can take on more than one role. However, when possible, the role of each priest should be taken on by someone who has a close connection with that deity.

Items Required

  • Two drinking horns or cups filled with a suitable beverage
  • An apple or a few apple slices
  • An offering bowl (can be excluded if the rite is to be performed outdoors and offerings may be poured directly onto the ground.

Ritual Body

Gather everyone to the ritual space and get everyone’s attention.

Priest of Thor: (Making the sign of Thor’s hammer at each of the four cardinal directions, then toward the sky, then the earth.) Mighty Thor! Hallow this place that we might gather with the gods, the ancestors, and the spirits of land here!

All: Hail Thor! Hallow this place!

Ritual Leader: Gods. Ancestors. Spirits of this land. Please attend this rite that you might witness what we say and do here today. For with this rite, we seek to influence wyrd.

All: Hail to the Powers! Witness our rite and our working of wyrd.

Ritual Leader: Today, we both witness and participate in a shift in wyrd. A member of our community, [Mourner] has chosen to cut someone from their lives. Step forward and name the person.

Mourner: I have chosen to remove [person] from my life. (Mourner may acknowledge who this person is and what relationship there has been between them if they wish.)

Ritual Leader: Have you made this choice of your own free will?

Mourner: I have.

Ritual Leader: And do you believe that this is the best course of action for the sake of your health and well-being?

Mourner: I do. (Mourner may briefly elaborate on why they have made this decision if they wish.)

Ritual Leader: Then as your community in frith with you, we shall honor this choice.

Priest of Thor: As Thor guards the enclosures of men and gods from those chaotic forces that would do harm, I swear to help you maintain your separation from [person] so long as you wish it.

All: So we all swear.

Mourner should take up the first cup or drinking horn at this time.

Priest of Freyja: Freyja, the queen of the Vanir was once separated from her lover, Od. During her separation she cried tears that turned to gold, demonstrating that grief itself is precious and valuable. And while you have chosen to cut off [person], we acknowledge that there will still be grief involved. I invite you to pour out your grief at this time.

Mourner should pour out an offering from the vessel they hold.

Note: The participants should discuss each of the next three offerings and only include the ones relevant to Mourner. For example, if Mourner has no good memories with the person they’re cutting from their life, that offering should be left out.

Priest of Freyja: Even relationships that no longer serve us often had its bright moments. These will lead to memories that need to be grieved. And there may be grief that no such future memories will be created.

Mourner should pour out another offering. Optionally, they may also share some of the memories they are grieving.

Priest of Freyja: Often when we end a relationship, it is because we realized that it was not the kind of relationship we had originally thought of us. Such disillusionment is often painful and we must grieve the loss of what we thought we had as much as we grieve those things that were real.

Mourner should pour out another offering. Optionally, they may also share what some of the shattered illusions the termination of this relationship is forcing them to grapple with.

Priest of Freyja: The termination of a relationship often comes with the loss of hope. Hope that the relationship will improve. Hope that we can somehow fix or salvage it. The loss of that hope deserves to be grieved.

Mourner should pour out another offering. Optionally, they may also share what hopes they had for the relationship up to this point.

Priest of Freyja: Hear us, Queen of the Vanir! Having witnessed [Mourner’s] offering of grief, we acknowledge the pain of her loss and the value of her grief. Like your own tears, let their grief be a precious as gold to you.

All: Hail Freyja! Accept their grief!

Reilgious Leader: Grief is not a one-time experience that can quickly left behind. As your community, we recognize that these offerings are just the start of your grieving journey. We swear to support you as that journey continues.

All: So we swear!

Priest of Idunna: (Picking up the apple or apple slices) As Idunna nourished the gods with her apples and kept them strong, let us nourish, comfort, and strengthen you during this time of change and grieving.

The Priest of Idunna should offer the apple to Mourner, who should then eat it.

Ritual Leader: (Picking up the second cup or drinking horn) Let us all share a drink and toast our love and support to [Mourner].

Hold a one-round sumbel where each participant affirms Mourner’s decision, offers a blessing during their time of grieving, or otherwise demonstrates their support. Mourner should drink from the cup last, offering gratitude to those in attendance and stating their hopes moving forward.

Ritual Leader: Gods! Ancestors! Spirits of this land! We thank you for witnessing this rite. We ask you to continue to bless our community and especially [Mourner] during this time and grief.

All: Hail to the Powers! Thank you for your attendance!

Ritual Leader: This rite is concluded. Let us break together bread in kinship and frith.

Retire to feasting and good conversation.

Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

The Wyrd-Worker rants: The harmfulness of the body/spirit dichotomy

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See the update at the bottom of the post.

A common idea that much of our society seems overly invested in is the separation of the body and spirit or soul. Often, the soul is viewed as something that is contained by — or worse, trapped by — our body. At death, it moves on to some sort of afterlife. In my emphatic opinion, this line of thinking devalues the body in toxic and harmful ways.

I maintain that our bodies are both integral and essential to our experience as human beings. After all, without our bodies, we would have no way to experience this life. So while I believe that something of myself will probably “move on” from this life after I take my final breath,1 that could never be fully me. Without my body, it is at best a shadow or a ghost (see what I did there?) of my full, living, and human self.

To my way of thinking, this issue isn’t just a matter of making sure we have the right theology or cosmology regarding the afterlife.2 For me, this issue is much more important because the resulting devaluation of our bodies and an over-inflation of the importance of spirit or our souls leads to negative thought patterns and behaviors. To give just one example, I’ve noticed some people in the New Age and even witchcraft movement seem to be adopting purity culture style ethics. Some have gone so far as to view maintaining their virginity and/or embracing cisheteronromative, patriarchal relationship models as the only correct ones as some sort of spiritual ideal. I don’t know whether the people thinking this way are reinventing these ideas or if they’re former Christians who just haven’t abandoned those notions as they’ve moved into a new spiritual tradition. Either way, I find it a disturbing trend. As those who have spent years talking about purity culture in Christianity have repeatedly noted, that kind of thinking is toxic and harms people, often to the point of fully traumatizing them.3

I think that being a devotee of Freyja strongly impacts my view of this topic. As I continue to grow in my relationship with her, I find that Freyja is all about embodiment. Not only when it comes to our sexuality, but in all aspects of our lives. So to devalue the blessings of our bodies and the experiences we have through them in favor of some sort of focus on the spirit and/or soul just feels like spitting on those blessings.

And Freyja does not seem unique among the Pagan deities in this matter. Many of the deities in many cultures strike me as being embodied and make the experiences of our bodies an important part of their rites and mysteries. I’d hate to see modern Pagns and witches lose that.

This post was inspired a journal prompt I found online: Do I believe I’m a spiritual being in a human body? What does this concept mean to me?

Updated 07/19/2024: After I completed and scheduled this post, David Hawyard posted a tweet talking about how this divide between the body and the soul can also lead to ableism.

I think he makes an excellent point and wanted to draw my readers’ attention to it.

Footnotes

  1. Personally, I tend to envision that something as an “enlivening essence” rather than a soul containing my full consciousness and mental faculties. I’m open to the possibility that said essence might carry a vague imprint of some of my memories or personality quirks, but once again, this isn’t fully me. Heck, I doubt it’s even my full consciousness. ↩︎
  2. Ultimately, I think such theology and cosmology is unverifiable and not that important anyway. I’m all for focusing on this life rather than what may come after it. ↩︎
  3. Okay! Time for a break for nuance, lest my aro-ace friends (and others) who are sex indifferent or even sex-repulsed think I’m invalidating them. Not being interested in sex is entirely valid for certain people. And if you’re one of those people, you should embrace that rather than trying to be someone you’re not. But I thank all of those people who don’t want sex, yet manage not to turn it into some sort of sign that they’re somehow “more spiritual” than the rest of us. And I’d ask you to continue to call in those who tend to present their lack of sexual interest as such. ↩︎
Paganism, Religion, Religious Discrimination

“Religion” and “Christianity” are not synonyms: Why it’s important we don’t surrender words the the hegemony

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Yesterday, I ran into the following image over on Threads:

For those who cannot see the image, it’s a lovely block of text written by Witch Joseph. The text reads as follows:

Dear Religious People…I don’t know what I believe and post about offend you…it’s not like I follow a book that teaches that you will be torture in flames for eternity for not believing as I do…now that would be offensive.

Over all, I think it’s a powerful statement and one that I agree with. However, the fact that it’s addressed to “religious people” bothered me a bit. You see, I’m religious myself. In fact, a lot of witches are.

Witch Joseph and I had a brief conversation about that fact and I think was a productive one. To summarize, he acknowledged that he too is religious and that he’s using “religious” in the context of the above statement to mean a very particular kind of religiosity. In many ways, I can respect that. After al, I’ve written more than a few answers about what people possibly mean when they say they’re “spiritual but not religious”1 over on Quora and those answers usually involve acknowledging that people using a very particular definition of “religiosity as well.”

And yet, I’m still personally uncomfortable with it. After all, I’m not convinced that people who read the text in the image are aware that the author is using a very particular definition of “religious people” or “religion” or that there are other definitions out there. As the title of this blog post suggests, it feels to me as though it helps to further embed the idea that “religion” and “Christianity” are synonyms. In a society where Christian hegemony is rampant and often goes unrecognized, I think that’s concerning.

I think it’s a bad idea to let Christians define what it means to be “religious” and surrender the word to their mechanizations. As someone who is a member of a minority religion, I think it’s important to point out that “religion” and “religiosity” comes in many shapes, sizes, colors, and flavors. Otherwise , we help pave the way for those who want to say that our religions are not “real religions” because they’re nothing like Christianity, the “gold standard” of religions in many people’s minds.

Relatedly, I want to draw people’s attention to Yvonne Aburrow’s series of videos in which they advocate for Pagans reclaiming certain words (including “religion“). I think it’s important to show that these words have other meanings and remind everyone that there are ideas in the “religious marketplace” that are substantively different than (a particular kind of) Christianity.

Footnote

  1. Personally, I find that phrasing troubling as well, and for many of the same reasons. I think this is important to note that my issue is not with Witch Joseph (in fact, I think he’s awesome). My problem is with a broader trend that I find concerning because it’s so common. Joseph merely provided a recent example of that trend. ↩︎
Books, Paganism, Religion, Sexuality

Inclusive Heathenry: Exploring a journal prompt from chapter 13 of “Changing Paths”

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Happy Friday, dear readers!. I hope you’ve all had a great week. And for my readers who, like me, are in the United States, I hope you had a pleasant and safe Fourth of July! Does everyone still have all their fingers?

For today’s post, I’d like to explore the following journal prompt from chapter twelve of Changing Paths by Yvonne Aburrow:

Do you feel that everything about you is accepted and welcomed by your spiritual community?

I should note — as I briefly mentioned in an earlier post in this series — that I don’t have much interaction with our local community at this time. At one point, I was part of a local non-initiatory Wiccan coven, which did fully accept me. Of course, I helped found that coven, so I had a strong say in the ideals, values, and inclusiveness of that coven. And there was a general idea of “everyone is welcome’ in the greater community. But I can’t say that we as a broader community made an intentional effort to welcome and accommodate people from diverse background and life experiences.

What I want to focus on i this post, however, is the question of inclusiveness in the greater (world-wide) Heathen and Norse Pagan community. I think most people are aware that there are large movements of white supremacists who use Norse/Germanic mythology and a twisted version of those cultures’ history to support their racist views. There are also many in those communities that are transphobic and homophobic, many of whom raise the specter of ergi1 in the lore to justify their restrictive views on gender and sexuality.

Fortunately, many Heathens and Norse Pagans have worked hard to condemn and counteract bigotry within their ranks. One of the most famous examples of this is the creation of the Declaration of Deeds, which many organizations and kindreds have signed.

The reality is that whether my community makes me feel fully accepted depends entirely on which segments of the greater Heathen/Norse Pagan community you’re talking about. There are groups that I avoid. There are groups I would gladly join in a blot or sumbel and feel perfectly welcome and safe to do so.

As I wrap up this post, I would also like to note that this series is coming to a close soon. I only have one more chapter to blog about, which I will do next Friday. After that, I will have to figure out a new Friday blog series to start on July 19. If any of my readers would like to recommend another book you’d like me to blog my way through, an alternative source of journal prompts I might work through, or any other ideas, I’d love to hear about them. Drop me a comment with your ideas.

Footnotes

  1. The link I have provided is to an article by inclusive Heathen and author Diana L. Paxson that explains ergi and provides the historical context that explains why she does not believe the concept is a condemnation of homosexuality. ↩︎
Introspection, Paganism, Religion, Spiritual Development

#ChangingPathsChallenge2024: The Future

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Note: Today brings #ChangingPathsChallenge2024 to a close. Many thanks to Yvonne Aburrow for creating this challenge. It has been fun — if challenging at times — to create a post for each day this month. I look forward to doing more such challenges in the future. I hope you enjoy my final contribution to this challenge.

For those interested, I’ve also been blogging my way through Yvonne’s book, Changing Paths, on Fridays. Those who have enjoyed my posts for this challenge may want to check out that series as well.

On to today’s challenge topic.

To me, the future is undecided. That’s because I view the future as something that people — indeed all living things — are building together. Every choice we make and every action we take shapes the future and what the world will look like in that future. Personally, I look forward to seeing what that future and the world looks like as we continue the creation process.

Having said that, I am hopeful for the future. I believe that people are increasingly becoming more mindful about the kind of world they want to live in and what they can and need to do to help bring that world into existence. I am hopeful that our numbers will increase and that we will learn to cooperate and strategize together more effectively.

I also think that there will be challenges ahead. I suspect challenges will remain an ever-present reality. There will always be those who simply don’t care about living in or creating a better world. There will always be those whose idea of what a better world would look like is fundamentally different from my own. There will always be disagreements about the best way to create that better world.

As such, I know struggle will be a part of that process. We will have to fight. We will have to counter those who would force us to live in a world that we don’t think would be better at all. We will have to try to iron out differences of opinions on how to go about creating a better world, even among our compatriots and allies.

But ultimately, I believe that ongoing struggle will continue to pay off. We will continue to make progress with each effort and things will move towards the better world we envision, even if that movement is slower than a glacial pace. And I can be satisfied with that. After all, my job is not to reach the destination. My job is to help move us just a little bit closer to it. Future generations can take it from there.

In closing, I would like to give a shout-out and due credit to Andre Henry. His discussion of hope in his book, All the White Friends I Couldn’t Keep, greatly influenced my views in this matter. In fact, he said many of the things I said here first and much more eloquently.

Paganism, Personal Development, Spiritual Development

#ChangingPathsChallenge2024: Inspirations

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I don’t think I could possibly list all the people and things that inspire me and from whom/where I draw inspiration. I tend to look for inspiration everywhere. Most of the time, I find it. Whether I’m picking up a book fiction book, reading about the life and work of another person, watching a person live their authentic lives, or having a deep conversation with one of my many friends and acquaintances, I often find myself inspired.

Engagement with life in all of its variety is inspiring. Learning about lives different from my own is both educational and inspiring, gently urging me to expand my horizons and adjust my understanding of the world to be more broad and nuanced.

Inspirations are everywhere, just waiting to be discovered.

(This post is part of #ChangingPathsChallenge2024. For more information on this challenge and a list of topics, see Yvonne Aburrow’s post announcing the challenge.)

Books, Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

Deities in my spiritual practice: Exploring a journal prompt from chapter 12 of “Changing Paths”

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Good morning, readers! It’s Friday and it’s time to explore the next chapter of Changing Paths by Yvonne Aburrow. This blog series is up to chapter twelve, which is titled “Changing Paths Within the Pagan Sphere.” I have chosen to focus on the following prompt for this post:

Does your practice focus on self-development, creating community connections, or devotion to gods and spirits? Does that sit comfortably with the tradition you currently practice?

In many ways, I think my practice tends to incorporate all of these things without over-emphasizing any of them. I view them as all related. For me, creating community and helping to create a better and more just world is in part accomplished through self improvement, and my relationship with my deities helps drive those processes.

I will note that while I consider my relationship with my gods to be devotional to some degree, I do not mean that in a way that I think many people think of when they think of being devoted to a deity. In a previous post, I offered a few comments on the “human/deity divide,” and my views on that matter impact the nature of my relationship — even the devotional aspect — with my deities. For me, being devoted to Freyja — and the other Norse deities to a lesser degree — is more like being devoted to my husband or a good friend. There is much affection there and I revere my deities’ wisdom and guidance, but I also still have my independent spirit. And quite frankly, I don’t think my deities would have it any way.

But my relationship with Freyja and the other deities goes beyond devotion as well, just as my relationships with my husband and my friends do. We are also partners in a great effort — that effort to make the world a better and more just place. So we have discussions. We occasionally even have arguments. I’ve even been known to swear at my deities before. And again, they respect me for it. In the end, we are bound together in our desire to build community, a better world, and a better place.

As for whether my current tradition supports this, I would say so. After all,e I’m building my own tradition in many ways. But the lore I’m drawing inspiration from aligns with these ideas, I think. One of the things I noticed about the Norse myths and sagas pretty quickly is that there seems to be this constant balance between personal freedom and communal obligation. And I see that dance of building community, working with the deities (and other spirits), and improving myself reflected in that balance.

Movies, Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

#ChangingPathsChallenge2024: Movies and TV

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I love watching television shows and movies that involve witchcraft. Some of them are quite fun. Some manage to get at least a small amount of factual information about witchcraft — or at least certain traditions/expressions of witchcraft — in there with the Hollywood sensationalism. Some days, I even enjoy that Hollywood sensationalism, as I’m a huge science fiction, fantasy, and horror buff.

And yet, there are times I wish they’d give a more realistic portrayal of witchcraft. One where all the witches don’t have supernatural powers and/or are locked in some sort of cosmic battle between good and evil.1 I’d just like a nice movie or television show about some witches living their everyday lives.

I’ve often described this wish as a vision of a show I have. In the 1990s and 2000s, I used to watch 7th Heaven. I want a show like that one, but where the parents are a lesbian2 couple. One of them is Wiccan and the other is an atheist. They’re just raising their kids together and navigating the world and the challenges they face together like any other adults. To be honest, I wish I had the chops to write this show.

Personally I think my favorite show that has witches in it right (though it got canceled too soon) is Disney’s The Owl House. Granted, that show’s portrayal of witchcraft was pure fantasy and bore virtually little to witchcraft as most real people practice it. But the showrunner didn’t pretend otherwise. The witchcraft and magic in the show was jut a tool put forward a story and share some ideas. The show wasn’t so much about witchcraft as it was discovering your authentic self and being true to it,3 building friendships, and sticking up for what’s right. I totally respect that.

(This post is part of #ChangingPathsChallenge2024. For more information and a list of topics, please check out this post by Yvone Aburrow.)

Footnotes

  1. Such a cosmic battle seems to be more a Christian thing. So it’s both amusing and annoying that Hollywood keeps taking witches and then throwing them in a universe that still seems to be run by the principles of Christian cosmology. ↩︎
  2. Because in addition to being a witch, I’m a gay man and want queer representation as well. ↩︎
  3. I maintain that this is the real reason that show upset most evangelical Christians and other conservatives. That message is more toxic than any talk of witchcraft could ever be. In that sense, it was also one of the things about the show I found most “authentically witchy.”
    As an aside, I owe the evangelicals a great deal of gratitude regarding that show. I never would have even heard of it if they hadn’t raised such a huge fuss over it. But they did, and it prompted me to check it out and become a fan. ↩︎
Books, Paganism, Religion, Spiritual Development

#ChangingPathsChallenge2024: Books

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I love books. Reading a book can be such a mind expanding experience. I can learn how to do something (at least in part) from reading a book. i can introduce myself to different perspectives by reading a book. I can learn about experiences beyond my own by reading a book.

It’s not just non-fiction books, either. My spirituality and my views have been greatly impacted by authors like Isaac Asimov, Douglas Adams, Neil Gaiman, and Terry Pratchett. Fictional worlds have this way of letting us explore ideas in an environment not quite unlike our own (or totally unlike our own in some cases). And once we come to terms with those ideas, it can them feel almost easier to bring them into our own world and lives.

Of course, that brings me to the limitation of books. Reading is not the same as doing. So at some point, I have to remind myself to put the books down and actually act on these new Ideas I’ve been exploring during my reading. But thank goodness books are their to introduce those ideas to me in the first place.

(This post is part of #ChangingPathsChallenge2024. See Yvonne Aburrow’s post announcing the challenge for more details, including a list of topics.)

Paganism, Religion

#ChangingPathsChallenge2024: Music

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Back when I was in an eclectic Wiccan coven, one of my co-founders was really into music. She had spent the first part of her adult spiritual life as a choir director, so music was important to her. So naturally, as she put together our basic ritual structure, she decided to include music in the background during various parts of the rite. I even ended up (ientionally) selecting the pre-ritual song (We Are The Wick by Castalia). I’d be hard pressed to remember the other songs we used. However, they were all well chosen and added to the tone of our rituals.

Granted, there were also some technical issues at first. The coven member who did this was a bit older and not the most tech-savvy person. So figuring out how to play the music cue at the right time was a bit challenging. We started out using her old stereo and a CD changer, but hitting the correct buttons to switch to the correct song was a bit of a challenge. We used my iPhone for a bit. I think when we got another member who was good with technology and had the time and inclination to sort through it got all the kinks worked out. In fact, I think we were able to use his solution even after he left the coven.

I was glad he did that, though. To be honest, during the time period working out the kinks, there were a few times if I wondered if the music was worth all the hassle. But thanks to those who had the inclination and patience to work through things and come up with a smooth and easily handled solution, we eventually had a wonderful addition to our rituals that we all enjoyed.

(This post is part of #ChangingPathsChallenge2024. Please see Yvonne Aburrow’s post announcing the challenge for more information and a list of topics.)