Category Archives: Personal Development

Health, Introspection, Love, Memories, Personal Development

Health Stuff and Heart Stuff

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I think I took my last outdoor walk of 2004. I had my light, nylon jacket on, and until I got heated up and sweating, I was pretty darn cold. I suppose I could keep the outdoor walks going if I switched over to my winter coat, but I’m not sure I want to do that, yet. Besides, that’s only a temporary fix, and the way that the weather is feeling, it wouldn’t last long. Soon, it will be my face, hands, and feet getting too cool. And I can’t forget that my jeans are still pretty loose. No, I think it’ll be better to switch to indoor walking. I’ll just have to start going to the Pyramid Mall during lunch so that I can walk there. Though that mall is almost too small for a real walk.

My other option is to wait until after work and go to the Arnot mall so I can walk there. It’s a larger mall and better for walking. But I think I prefer to walk during the middle of the day. I found it’s helping me some with my appetite problems in the middle of the afternoon. If I get a good walk in just before I eat lunch, I find lunch much more satisfying and it seems to keep me satisfied longer. I don’t exactly get that, since walking should increase my metabolism, causing my body to burn through the calories of lunch even quicker. There must be a piece to the equation I’m missing. Probably several, if I think about it.

Well, I guess it’s time to write about the time of year. I’ve been putting it off because I don’t want to, but it’s been on my mind too much to avoid it any longer. I knew I’d have to get it out there sometime, so I might as well get it over with. This week marks the six year anniversary since the nuclear explosion between Z, S, and myself. It’s hard to narrow it down past “this week,” since the whole thing strung out over a period of seven to ten days. I mark the time period from when S sent me the “I’m mad at you and I don’t want to talk to you for at least six months” email on 9 October and she replied to my email telling her off on 17 October with a statement that she didn’t care what “my side of the story” was and made death threats. In between, both she and Z told me that they never wanted to talk to me again and lots of other nasty things. I grant you, some of them were deserved. I was no innocent, and I don’t want to give the impression that I was, or the impression that I think I am.

I don’t know, but part of me wonders if this is why I’ve been a bit morose and on edge lately. I’ve been trying to deny that, as I really don’t want to admit that this might still bother me. But then again, the fact that it’s on my mind suggests that it might. But then I find myself wondering. Am I morose and on edge because the time of year has reminded me of these past events? Or has my mood simply caused my mind to dredge all this back up. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I suppose all that matters is that it’s on my mind and I have to write it out.

Damn, I really didn’t want to write about this. I’m not entirely sure I want to think about it. At least not in this emotional context. It’s been six years. I’ve made new friends. I’ve met a wonderful man and I’m in a relationship I enjoy. I’d rather just let all the past hurts slip gently away. But I guess they have to do that in their own time, don’t they?

The funny thing is, the whole thing with Z himself doesn’t really bother me anymore. It seems to me that I made peace with him, and that’s all water under the bridge. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t feel a tinge of something — sadness maybe? — over how things went with him. But there’s a certain peace there. If not perfect, it’s been resolved. But I don’t have that feeling with S. Isn’t it strange that the person I was theoretically closer to — the one I had a romantic relationship and the first person I ever had sex with — causes less of an emotional reaction than the one I was just friends with?

I suppose part of that is because of the betrayal involved. It’s because I thought she and I were good friends. I let myself be vulnerable to her — possibly in ways I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable to Z. And she betrayed that. Not only did she betray that, but she practically declared me evil incarnate, and I think that’s what really hurt. I mean sure, I was in the wrong in some ways. But evil incarnate was pushing it a bit far.

I think it also is because I took her crap onto myself. For a while, I believed her accusations. I let myself be crushed by her hurtful words. In effect, the hurt and anger towards her is also partly the hurt and anger towards myself for accepting that kind of wounding. Maybe even for making myself vulnerable in the first place.

But I’m not angry at her anymore. At least not as near as I can tell. Anger takes up too much energy. It has to be constantly kindled, and I’ve quit wasting that energy. Heck, I can’t even say that I hold her in contempt any more. Contrary to what I’ve often thought, I’m finding that just takes too much effort and energy, too.

Do you know what I do feel for her? Pity. And maybe a little sympathy. But mostly pity, I think. She reacted the way she did not just because she didn’t know everything and made assumptions, but because she let her own emotional demons rule her reaction. And unless things have changed for her in the last six years, she’s still living with that, and may have to live with that for the rest of her life. She’s built a cage for herself out of the past and her own bitterness and anger, and she doesn’t even see that she’s trapped in it. I hope I’m wrong. I hope she’s moved on from that point in her life, breaking the bonds she helped strengthen. But I don’t know if that’s happened. All I know is what I saw. And it’s that S of the past that I pity.

I hope I’m not doing the same thing. I want to be free of this past. And I think I’ve done my best to set myself right. I think I’ve broken many thigns that have held me from these betrayals and I hope I have the wisdom to recognize those that remain and the strength to break them as well when I do recognize them.

But I still find myself wondering why this is still coming to my mind.

Introspection, Love, Personal Development

His Initiative = Happy Jarred

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I got a pleasant surprise from Mike. First of all, I got a text message from him. Not that this is a surprise, mind you. He sends me a text message at least two times a week, any more. He finds it more convenient than email. I can’t imagine how, though. It takes way too much work to enter in any message of any length. But he manages to do it somehow. But like I said, that’s not the surprising part of the email. The surprising part was part of the content.

He asked me what I was doing 2 October. He suggested that it would be a good day to get together if I was available. The only thing I was worried about is that my sister is planning a small birthday party for her oldest child and our father that weekend. So naturally, I had to make a frantic call home to find out when the party was. My luck turned out good, because she’s planning the party for Friday night. So I’m free on Saturday. I was glad to hear this, because if she planned the party on Saturday. I was going to have a quandary. Gosh darn it, it’s not every day that Mike messages me out of the blue and asks if I can get together with him on a certain day. And saying no on one of the few occasions he did would’ve just about killed me.

That’s what really surprised me. It’s been almost a month since I’ve asked him when we’re going to be able to get together. Usually, I feel like I have to hound him and pester him to get an answer. And naturally, that leaves me feeling upset. After all, it’s disheartening to feel like you have to pester your own boyfriend just to get time with him. So when he pretty much found a date and brought it up pretty much “out of the blue,” it really lifted my spirits. It was good to get the feeling like he was putting in the effort to find some “us time.”

Of course, in fairness, he probably puts in that effort a lot of times. Just I’m usually such a go-getter that I tend to start asking about it quite quickly. So most of it is probably just perceptual on my part. But it’s nice to have this one instance. It really helps me to relax and soothe the insecurities.

Books, Introspection, Paganism, Personal Development

Silence and Reading

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It’s a bit crazy here tonight. The kids are really carrying on. Their mother is currently working on rounding them up and sending them to bed. As I sit here listening to their insanity, I find myself wondering how long it’s going to take them to calm down and actually fall asleep. I half suspect that we’re going to end up wishing that we had some tranquilizers or something. Ah well, hopefully I’ll get a few quiet hours before I head for bed. Besides, I got plenty of quiet time earlier today. So I can’t complain.

When my sister was getting ready to go to her in-laws, I decided to take a quick nap. I figured that I needed it after staying up until after 1am. I was planning a nice short nap, but I ended up dozing for a full two hours. Oops! But I think I needed it, so it was all good.

Once I got done napping, I decided to read Witchcraft Today. I had three chapters left to read and I decided to finish it tonight. That way, it’s all fresh for the book discussion. I do need to reread chapter two though. I plan on rereading each chapter as we start to discuss it, and Brian just called for the start of the chapter two discussion.

I’ve enjoyed reading the book this time around. Last time I read it (I think that was back in this past winter), I didn’t get as much out of it. I guess I’m just in a better mental space to be able to appreciate what I’m reading this time. (I remember reading many of the quotes from the “What Gardner Said” site I love and being surprised at what I didn’t remember, so I was glad to reread it anyway.) One of the things that I’m really noticing this time around is the number of times he repeats certain things. He tells about certain beliefs or about certain practices multiple times. In fact, there were a few times that I had to make sure I didn’t accidentally “jump back” in the book because it sounded so familiar. Though each time he repeated something, I usually noticed he phrased it a bit differently or seemed to almost look at “another angle.” (Not exactly, but I don’t know how to express it better.) I’m thinking that these repetitions and the subtle differences in the presentation might be good to look into. I’m thinking at some point, I might reread with an eye to writing down the repeated material, copying what is said each time to look at it all side by side at some point. I’m not sure if it’ll prove worthwhile, but I think there’s only one way to find out.

Gender and Sexuality, Memories, Personal Development

A blast from the past

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Tonight, I was snooping through my old files that I pulled off my old computer just before I gave it away. And I found something that I had written quite a few years ago. I’m not sure whether I originally wrote it in 1997 or 1998. I figured I’d post it here for old times sake. Perhaps another time, I’ll look through it and see how much my attituded have changed since writing this.

Greetings. As I write this, April Fool’s Day is coming up quickly. This is a day where many people enjoy themselves and have a great time. However, this is a day that will always be extraordinarily special in my life. I’d like to take a few minutes and share that with you.

Traditionally, April Fools Day is a day to celebrate the comical figure “The Fool” and all of the foolishness that he represents. This celebration usually involves people playing practical jokes of some sort on each other, as this is probably The Fool’s greatest form of comedy. However, as of April Fool’s Day 1996, the day has become a day for me to reject destructive foolishness. You see, that particular April Fool’s Day was the day that I came to accept the fact that I’m gay.

Let me tell you a bit about my own experience. I was raised American Baptist and had always been taught that same-sex relationships were wrong. Therefore, when nearly all sexual dreams I had as a teen involved only men, I tried to convince myself that it was “just a phase”. During my sophomore and junior years in college, I came to realize that it was more to it than that; I realized that I was indeed exclusively homosexual. During those two years, however, I was determined to change that fact. I spent much aggravating months trying to suppress the feelings and desires that I had towards various men — including my roommate. This unsuccessful struggle continued through most of my senior year. I became increasingly frustrated until it came to a head on Saturday, March 30. That night, I had become so frustrated and tired of trying to change that I lay in my bed for thirty minutes considering slitting my wrists. Let me tell you, the statistics about gay people killing themselves because they can’t deal with their sexuality means a whole lot more to you when you almost become a part of those statistics.

Well, when I realized that night what I was considering, it terrified me. The rest of that night and Sunday are a lost memory to me. The next thing that I remember happened that Monday. I went to my friend, Merion, and asked if she could talk to me sometime. She and I agreed to meet in one of the dorms at about 8:30pm. When we got there, we found a private corner to talk where no one was likely to wander by. I then took a deep breath and told her. It wasn’t until I told her that I actually accepted it for myself. We talked for a while that night, and she reassured me the entire time. We have since become extremely close friends.

My life was quite chaotic after that point. Since most of my friends were conservative Christians, I found myself drifting away from them. At the same time, I began making other friends which would be more supportive in my upcoming hardships. I had to undo a lot of negative feelings concerning my sexual orientation. It was difficult work, but I found it worth it. It gave me a new sense of freedom that I had never experienced before. This sense of freedom has grown incredibly during the last two years, and is continuing to do so.

The reason I told you all of this is to give a framework for the challenge I wish to give each of you: Help put an end to the foolishness. You see, I spent years trying to deny my feelings for men. I then spent months trying to change those feelings. I did all of this because of the foolishness that this society teaches about non-straight sexual orientations. My acceptance of this foolishness almost cost me my life. I write this today in the hopes that it will help someone else put an end to the foolishness in their own life, possibly someone who may be — like I was — about to lose their life for that foolishness.

If you think you may be gay or bisexual, but have been afraid or unwilling to accept that fact, then I encourage you to stop the foolishness in your own life. You are a wonderful person and there is nothing wrong with you. There are others out there who have been there, and we want you to know that you’re not alone. Don’t let your self-hatred or other’s hatred of what you are destroy you. You deserve better than that.

If you have already accepted the fact that you’re bi or gay, then I’d encourage you to take another look at your life this week. Is there any internalized homophobia still lingering in your life? Are you still in the closet with anyone? If you are comfortable enough with your own sexuality and can do so safely, I encourage you to overcome these forms of foolishness as well. Don’t settle for partial freedom, my friend. There is much more out there to claim for yourself. Every day, I try to reach for that increased freedom a bit more.

Finally, I have a challenge for those who are in a position to do so: Help others stop the madness in their own lives. Make yourself available to talk with those who are still struggling with their own sexuality. Offer to share your own experiences and feelings with those who may approach you. It’ll help them out a great deal. I can’t stress how important this is. About sixmonths ago, I told Merion that I had been considering committing suicide two nights before we talked. She sat there in complete shock. Her only response was to wonder aloud what might have happened had she not been visitting campus that week. Neither of us are sure what would have happened, but I’m certainly glad that I never found out. But it serves to remind me that I don’t want to find out who I could have helped after it’s too late to do so. I urge each of you to keep that from being something you experience, too.

I hope that you will join me in my compaign to end the destructive foolishness of homophobia this April Fool’s Day. It is the best thing I can think of to do to celebrate my own coming out anniversary. The best thing that could happen to me next Wednesday is if at least one person decides to confide in me that they are gay or bisexual and seek my reassurance.

And do me a favor. If you see The Fool, give him a message for me. Tell him that my life continues to improve without him.

— Jarred Harris, aka Lorkon.
lorkon@ptd.net

Personal Development

Good weekend and realizations

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I had a great weekend. I particularly liked how my Saturday turned out. I got up at around 8:45 that morning and took my shower. Then I decided to drive over to IHOP and have breakfast. I decided to go with the biscuits and eggs with sausage and sausage gravy. It was absolutely delicious. And it sounded good to me because it’s one of their few menu items that doesn’t come with pancakes. I was not in the mood for pancakes. I tend to get in moods where it’s very clear to me that I don’t want certain foods, and I try my best to listen to it. I often find there’s good reason for it after the fact.

After breakfast, I decided to run to Barnes and Noble. I love the store in Vestal. It’s quite huge. It’s not as impressive as the two story buildings that I’ve heard stories about. But it has a lot of books in stock. So I ended up doing some window shopping, which turned into a shopping spree of way too much money. I’m glad that I don’t go to the Vestal Barnes and Noble very often. If I did, I’d be broke. But I found some excellent reading material, including an unabridged copy of Gregory Maguire’s Wicked on tape. I started listening to it yesterday.

After that, I went back to my hotel room and read for a while. At around 1pm, I decided that it was time to think about food. I decided that Applebee’s was a block or so away, so I decided to walk there. As I went, I decided to walk some extra distance (around the entire plaza Applebee’s is in) in order to make a full twenty minute walk. Hey, I decided that I might as well get my exercise in, too. In fact, I did a lot of walking on Saturday. In all, I know for sure that I walked over forty minutes total that day. Go me!

When I got done with my walk, I decided I didn’t want to go to Applebee’s, though. Instead, I decided I was in the mood for Chinese, so I hit the buffet in the same plaza. I think I mainly wanted it because of the beef and broccoli. I’ve been wanting more vegetables again, and I’m tired of raw vegetables. I think I might look into having more stir fries for meals.

After lunch, I decided to go for a soak in the jacuzzi. That was highly enjoyable. And then after that, i decided to go for a drive around the Vestal and Binghamton areas. I’m trying to learn those areas better. I’d really like to know where I am and how to get where I want to go. I mean, usually, I just have Mike drive while we’re together. But it’d be nice if I could get around when I’m not with him. So I’m working on improving that.

Other than that, I just relaxed the rest of the day. It was quite nice. I had the curtains in the hotel room open for most of the day, too. I’m coming to the conclusion that I’m not getting enough sunlight. On Saturday, I was very energized and relaxed, and I think a lot of it has to do with how much time I spent in the sun. So I might have to make some lifestyle changes there. I’m also looking at seeing if putting those “full spectrum light bulbs” in my computer room would help a bit. I don’t think I can rely on that alone, but maybe it would at least help my motivation enough to get me out of the house to get some real sunlight.

I also think I gained a bit of insight into my struggle to exercise. For some stupid reason, my brain fights the idea because I feel like it’s an “obligation.” I know that’s stupid, but it’s true. So I need to find a way to make it an enjoyable thing. More than that, I need to make it something I want to do. I had absolutely no problem walking all that time in Vestal.

Of course, part of that is because I was walking someplace. I wasn’t just going for a twenty minute trek around a walking path, or weaving through the mall for twenty minutes. I was going for a stroll to eat lunch. Or I was walking over to the gas station to get a couple liters of water. Or I was walking to the drug store to get some odds and ends I forgot. I can handle that so much better. Too bad there’s no place to walk to here at home. Well, there’s the gas station, but that’s three miles away.

I’ll have to figure something out.

Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Unsent Letter

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Dear Z,

Well, hello there. I doubt you never expected me to write you another letter, did you? I mean, it’s been over four years since we’ve had any contact at all. I’m not sure you even think of me. I don’t know how I feel that. For the most part, I’m fine with it. You’re out of my life, I’ve moved on, and I’m happy to keep it that way. That’s while you’ll never actually “receive” this letter. But that’s okay. I’m not writing it for you. I’m writing it for me. So you’ll forgive me if I picture you on the other end reading this. I know it’ll never happen, but just picturing it makes me feel content.

I’m not sure what kind of letter this is going to be. I’m not entirely sure why I’m even writing it. I just know that even after all of this time, I still think of you every now and then. I even wrote a couple of diary entries about you last Fall. So I figured I’d write you a letter. I don’t know. Maybe this is my goodbye letter. Maybe some part of me hopes that once I write this, I can quit thinking about you from time to time. Though another part of me doubts that’s going to happen.

At any rate, I just wanted to share my thoughts and memories of “our” past with you. Even if I continue to think of you — and it’s not a totally terrible thing to think of you — at least I’ll have gotten a chance to express those thoughts. And I guess that’s all I really feel that I need right now. So anyway, here we go.

We broke up five and a half years ago. No, let’s rephrase that. You dumped me five and a half years ago. I’m not exactly bitter about that, you know. As I say it, I’m not even really angry about it. I just want to state how things went down clearly. Maybe it’s petty of me. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. But like I said, I’m not angry. In retrospect, I now realize that it was bound to happen.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was angry with you once upon a time. But you know that, don’t you? I chewed you out in an email a year after the fact. What can I say? I’m human, and I get angry. I will neither excuse it nor rationalize it. Just don’t expect me to apologize for it, either.

Of course, in fairness, I don’t blame you for everything bad in that mess I thought of as a relationship. (I’m still not sure whether you ever actually considered it one.) I made my share of mistakes. I was less than a model boyfriend. And for that, I’m sorry. But I’ve grown since then.

I suppose most people would say the regretted the relationship and the breakup, considering how messy it was. But I’m not most people. I can only look back, nod, and say what a fool I was. But I also have to look at the path leading on from there and realize that my foolishness earned me wisdom. One of the people on a mailing list I frequent often comments that experience is the thing that you get after you needed it. I’ve always liked that saying since the first time I heard her utter it. I think that’s partly because that’s how I see the nightmare I went through with you.

I learned a lot about myself and relationships from dealing with the emotional rollercoaster dating you put me through. Or perhaps I should say that I discovered the kinds of things that I needed to unlearn because of it. Either way, it works. And it makes a lot of sense.

I’m dating a wonderful guy now. His name is Mike. We’ve been together for three years now. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, though the relationship hasn’t always been easy. Like I said, I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things. I still have things I need to unlearn, but I’m doing better now. Unlearning is rough business. Especially because things go to hell until you do.

There were little things about Mike that would give me flashbacks to my experience with you. Like the way he’s so tightlipped with his feelings. He doesn’t wear his heart on his shirt sleeve like I do. So there have been times when I would see him not expressing how he felt, and it would terrify me. I’d become frightened that, like you, he would suddenly decide he doesn’t have feelings for me after all. And let’s face it, you did that more than once, despite the obvious truth to the contrary.

But I’m slowly learning something. There’s a huge difference between you and Mike. Mike simply feels uncomfortable expressing his feelings at any great depth. But he acknowledges that he has them. You’d never do that. Hell, half the time, you weren’t willing to admit your feelings to yourself. In a way, I kind of pity you for that. But understanding that has enabled me to start seeing Mike in a different way. I now can rest comfortable on the knowledge that he does have those feelings, regardless of whether he expresses them. Sure, I might have a moment’s insecurity. But I can let it wash over me, and then take a serious look at our relationship. And there comes a point when I can acknowledge that while my insecurity — while very real on an emotional level — is not rational. And I can live with the occasional irrational fear, I think. Especially considering that addressing them in this way seems to make them quite short-lived.

At one point, I think I was mad at you about all this. Or at least I think I thought that I was mad at you about all this. I was mad that I had to unlearn things. I was made that I found myself comparing Mike to you and getting all emotional on him. But in reality, I think was more mad at myself. I was frustrated.

You see, I’m not even sure how much of this was “you” at all. Oh sure, everything I’ve said about you is true. YOu did deny your feelings. You did vascillate on how you saw our relationship. You did put me through an emotional game. But in the end, I played that game. I stuck in there. And to be honest, you only played off of things going on in my own heart. I can’t help but wonder, if it hadn’t been you, would it have been someone else? I think it probably would’ve been.

Like I said, I’ve grown stronger. I’ve grown older. I’ve grown wiser. And I’ve been able to rebuild myself into a better person. And in a sense, this all came from my experiences with you. But don’t pat yourself on the back too much. As I said, I think that if I hadn’t gotten messed up with you, I would’ve experienced much the same with someone else. So I’m taking 95% of the credit for this myself. I’ll leave you 5%, just as a token of my love for you.

Yeah, that’s the strangest part. I still love you. I probably love you more now than I did back when we were together. But it’s a very different kind of love. For starters, it’s not the kind of love that I’d ever build a relationship on. I don’t see you that way at all. Besides, like I said, I’ve been with a man I dearly love in that way for three years.

Instead, it’s the kind of love that one has for past memories. It’s the kind of love that one has for people and experiences that have touched them somehow. Let’s face it, you were a part of my life. In a way, you still are a part of my life. I think you always will be. I’m not sure I’d want you to be an active part of my life, even as a friend. I’m just not sure how I feel about that. But my time with you has shaped what I am now, and that is something I will cherish and honor. After all, it’s a matter of cherishing and honoring myself. And I deserve that. I owe that to myself.

So there you go. Take care of yourself. And I hope that your own experiences have led you out of your own nightmare.

Love,
— Jarred.

Health, Personal Development

Another good day

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Well, this was another day of doing little, but getting things done that will benefit me overall. For starters, I managed to do yet another fifteen minute meditation. I could grow to enjoy that. I may have to try and figure out a way to continue it while at work. I could take fifteen minutes out of my lunch break, but I need to work out the circumstances. I don’t think I’d manage to do it at the office. People don’t respect a person’s lunch break if they’re still in the building. So I’d end up getting interrupted. So I might see about trying it in my car. I could just sit in the driver’s seat. If I leaned back a bit, most people might even assume that I was taking a nap and leave me alone. I might have to try that.

I have found that having some sort of timer is an absolute benefit when meditating. It creates a situation where you can relax and really get into the process of calming and focusing your mind. Before I got this little programmable digital timer I now use, I’d find myself having to worry about what time it was or how long it’s taken. But now that I can just set the timer, close my eyes, and remain confident that my little “buddy” will let me know when it’s time to stop, I found I can focus much more on what I’m attempting.

If I remember right, I got the fifteen minute time limit from the ADF Dedicant’s program. It’s the nominal time for daily meditations that they recommend (though they actually require much less to complete the program — or least used to). I’m beginning to understand why. There seems to be something about that time frame. Today, as I was doing my meditation, I found a certain pattern forming. And I’m pretty sure that yesterday worked the same way. It seems as though the first few minutes of that time span is spent trying to relax and actually get into the right state of mind. Then the majority of the time is spent in a good meditative state — I completely zoned today, I think. But by the end of the fifteen minutes, I’ve been finding that my mind starts “resurfacing” on its own. My state of meditation tends to get much lighter. And this usually happens — at my best guess, since I don’t actually look — about two to three minutes before the timer goes off.

I also went for my mile walk today, again. This time, I made the circuit in sixteen to seventeen minutes. I think that’s a minute faster than yesterday. I”m really quite surprised that I’m able to walk it that quickly. Maybe it means that I’m not in quite as bad shape as I thought I was. Sure I still have to lose about 100 pounds, but I’m not just doing this to lose weight. I’m also doing this for my stanima and other health concerns. The weight loss — which I do hope comes eventually — is just one more benefit . And a healthy one at that. Of coruse, I also need to cut back on the sweets again and generally watch my eating habbits. But that’s next on my list. I honestly think that my biggest concern is my lack of physical activity. So hopefully, we’ll be fixing that soon enough.

Tomorrow, I’m walking at the mall. I don’t want to go down to the park because they’re having a tractor pull there. From what I understand, that will be right next to the walking path — if not straddling it! So I figure it’ll be just as safe to go someplace else. And with any luck, the mall will be empty. But I know it’s open, because Raechel says Friendly’s will be open.