Category Archives: Religion

Gender and Sexuality, Religion

Bridging the Gap: Dialogue is More Than Debate

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(This post is part of the Bridging the Gap Synchroblog which I mentioned previously.  I’d encourage all readers to check out other participants’ contributions to this event.  Links to appropriate blogs can be found at the BTG blog.)

pride-flag.pngAlmost a decade ago, I joined a Telnet-based BBS(1) called Jungle.  It was hosted on the campus of Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois, though the BBS itself and the machine that ran it was privately owned.  I first created my account at Jungle when I was still a Christian, but after I came out as a gay man.  I made a lot of friends there (a few of which I still have some contact with), and had a rather positive experience as part of that online community — a state of affairs that continued even after I embraced other gods.

Although my experience with Jungle BBS was mostly positive, there were the negative experiences, too.  I had — and started — my share of arguments and tense moments there.  I particularly remember a lot of arguments with one particular user, a young man (in his late teens, if memory serves) who went by the username Thyle on the site.  Almost every time Thyle saw me online, he’d send me an express message(2) and engage me in the same old debate.  He’d spend the rest of his time online trying to convince me why homosexuality was a sin and why I should try to become straight.  The arguments were endless and repetitive, and I can’t remember how many times we rehashed that same conversation over those early months.

One evening, when he sent me a message to initiate the same old routine, I decided that I wasn’t in the mood for it.  As I sat there for a moment, I decided that our conversation was going to be different that night.  I decided we were going to talk about something else.  So I started steering the conversation in various directions, such as what I had done earlier that day.  I also asked him about his day and various other questions.  As a result, we had a twenty minute conversation that night that was completely debate-free and even a little pleasant, if somewhat forced.  The conversation ended when Thyle said he needed to go and we exchanged pleasant goodbyes.

I can’t remember if Thyle and I ever talked after that evening.  If we did, it was only a few times.  Effectively, after that night, our debates came to an end.  Unfortunately, we never really developed a friendship, either.  I have no idea what happened to Thyle or where he is.  I hope he is well.  But I learned a lot from Thyle and that one evening we had a non-debating conversation.  I learned that it takes two people to debate, but often only takes one person to redirect the conversation away from that debate.

I think that often, we like to think of the constant debates as being at least mostly the fault of the other person in the debate.  We like to tell ourselves that if only they’d stop — or come to agree with us — the debates could finally end.  The truth is, however, that the debates could often end simply if we choose not to engage in them.  Granted, that might mean swallowing our pride and even letting it seem like the other person “won” because we’re choosing to bow out.  But I personally think that there are times when getting past the debate is far more important than “winning” it.  Because what comes after the debate can often be far more interesting and rewarding.

I’d say that’s one of the biggest challenges to dialogue in general and the dialogue between (Side B) Christians and gay people in particular.  Too often, we allow the debate to consume the dialogue, choking out everything else that matters — including those things that may be more important.  My experience with Thyle that one evening gave me a glimpse of that reality.  It let me know that there’s more for gay people and Christians to talk about than whether homosexuality is a sin.  And I think it’s important to have those conversations.

Truth be told, like most people, we probably have a lot more in common than we have differences.  Finding, acknowledging, and embracing that common ground is an essential part of dialogue.  I allows us to see each other as more than debate partners.  It allows us to become if not friends, friendly acquaintances.

This isn’t to say that there’s no room for debate, or that we should avoid those hard questions and tense moments.  Instead, we simply need to move away from the current model where they take center stage and push everything out into the wings — or out of existence altogether.  When we force the debates and disagreements to take a more appropriate place amidst all the positive interactions a group of people can have, there is room for a beautiful picture to emerge and develop over time.

It’s my hope to help make that a reality.

Notes:

(1)  I suspect that these terms might be complete gibberish to some of my readers, especially those who came to the Internet and computing after the World Wide Web all but replaced Telnet, Gopher, FTP, and other services as the preferred method of communicating and getting information on the Internet.  To put it simply, Telnet-based BBS’s (and their own predecessors, dial-up BBS’s) were the precursor to message forums.  Instead of using a web page and clicking links and filling in forms, BBS’s used a simple terminal interface with a menuing system.  You’d press keyboard keys to tell it what you wanted to do and it would respond with the appropriate information and prompts.

(2)  Think of it as a type of instant message within the BBS system Jungle used.

Around The Blogosphere, Gender and Sexuality, Religion, Society

Upcoming Synchroblog: Bridging the Gap

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profile pic.jpgFor the past month or two, I’ve been following the Bridging the Gap
blog.  I’ve also been publicly commenting there and privately
conversing with Wendy Gritter, the woman primarily behind the blog. 
Wendy is a wonderful woman and I’ve been blessed with her friendship.

A while back, Wendy told me about a synchroblog that New Direction and the BTG Project are sponsoring on June 24.  The press release for the event describes the event as follows:

New
Direction has been seeking to foster safe and generous space for
authentic conversation about faith and sexuality. We have committed
ourselves to building bridges. But we cannot do it alone. We need other
Christ-followers: gay and straight and everything in between, to speak
up and join the conversation, to share the heart of the gospel in the
midst of this conflict. We need those beyond the walls of the church:
gay and straight and everything in between, to speak up and join the
conversation, to share their thoughts on how the church can reach
across the divide and build bridges.

In light of her desire to get people of all walks of life
to join in the conversation, Wendy has asked me to participate in this
synchroblog.  As a friend and someone who believes that this dialogue
is an important one, I have graciously (at least I hope I’ve been
gracious about it) accepted her invitation.  I would like to invite any
of my other readers — regardless of sexual orientation or religious
persuasion — to also participate in this event.  It’s only through the
addition of a multitude of voices that a real dialogue — or rather a
harmony of related dialogues — can emerge.

Some may wonder why
I would choose to participate in such a dialogue or encourage others to
do so.  After all, they reason, it’s clear why Christians would wish to
engage in this dialogue in order to gain converts — though I
personally do not believe that’s the only reason Christians choose to
enter into this dialogue.  But what possible reason could a
non-Christian — especially one who has been hurt by Christians in the
past — have for entering into such a dialogue?  What do I hope to gain
from it?

Surprisingly,
the question contains its own answer.  I choose to participate in this
conversation because I’ve been hurt by Christians in the past.  To me,
reconciliation is an important part of the healing process.  Conversing
with Christians — even Christians who theology and sexual ethics
differ greatly for my own — gives me another opportunity to make peace
with my past.  It gives me the chance to realize that while I’ve been
hurt in the past, other Christians really are decent and loving.  It
also allows me to regain the love and dignity that was stolen from me
by those past experiences.

Participating
in such a dialogue also gives me the opportunity to tell my story and
serve as a representative for all those others who still might be hurt
by some Christians.  It enables me to raise some Christians’ awareness
of just how little it takes to create great pain for young people
struggling with a sexual orientation that their friends, family, and
church says is bad.  If offering my story will help one Christian
better reach out to and support another gay person when they
desperately need it, then my participation in this dialogue is well
worth it.

btg cover.gifI also wish to participate in such a dialogue because
that gay person sitting in the pew may need to hear my voice and know
my story.  Sadly, far too many Christians have a very stereotypical
understanding of gay people.  Too often, being gay is equated with
having multiple sexual partners, abusing drugs and alcohol, and
engaging in several other destructive behaviors.  And while I do not
deny that some gay people do engage in these and other behaviors, it is
not as universal as some Christians might believe or pretend that it
is.  As a well-adjusted — in my opinion at least — gay man with
relatively healthy sexual ethics, my participation in dialogue with
Christians serves as an opportunity to demonstrate first-hand that gay
men like me exist.  Coming to the table provided by folks like Wendy
provides me with an opportunity to demonstrate to conflicted gay
Christians with evidence that they have more choices than the dismal
options that others have painted for them.  (And I admit that I admire
the integrity, confidence, and grace of people like Wendy who are
willing to give me that opportunity despite their own desire to see
people make a different choice than the one I have in regards to
sexuality.)

Finally, I choose to participate in
such a dialogue because in the end, it is in my best interests to do
so.  To be honest, there are many Christians — including Christians
who believe that people should not get involved in same-sex romantic
relationships — that are in my life.  These people are my friends, my
coworkers, and my family members.  They are not going to change their
beliefs any time soon, nor are they going to disappear from my life
anytime soon.  So I can either choose to live a life where we are
distant from one another and suspicious of each other.  Or I can choose
to enter into dialogue in an attempt to find mutual understanding and a
better sense of peace despite our differences.

To me, the choice is obvious.

(The images in this post were provided by Wendy Gritter and used with her express permission.)

Religion

Pondering Justice, Reincarnation, and Wyrd

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justice-reincarnation-cluster-map-resized.pngMy own theological explorations can be quite focused.  Specifically, I tend to focus on theological issues that are pragmatic and reflect on the here and now.  Of utmost importance to me now is what it means to follow my gods today, to be a conduit for their blessings in the world around me, to build the proper relationships with others in my family, and similar such concepts.

This focus on the hear and now means that I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about what happens when someone crosses the threshold of death and walks out of this life.  I’ve thought about it enough to know that I believe in virtually endless reincarnations that serve as a way to celebrate life and contribute to the unfolding of creation multiple times.  I’ve thought about it long enough to ponder the nature of the soul and to wonder if a soul is an irreducible, cohesive unit or more of an ethereal essence.  But that’s about as far as my thoughts on these matters have gone so far.

As a result, I was caught somewhat unawares when Matt Stone asked me about my beliefs on these topics over on his blog.  He particularly focused on how I understood justice as it related to the next life:

I would ask though, what do you do with all the injustice in the world? What do you do with the fact that many people do not find justice in this life? What’s your response when a child abuser dies without repentance for his wrongs or restoration with those who he has wronged? Is there any consequence for our actions?

To be honest, I don’t feel that I can answer Matt’s questions at this
time.  There are too many questions and theological concepts that I
would need to explore and come to understand — both individually and
in terms of how they relate to one other — before I could hope to
answer the particular questions Matt raised.  So rather than answer
those particular questions, I will begin to do the necessary reflection
and exploration that I believe must come first.  This post is my first
attempt to try and record that process of exploration in a way that
someone might be able to at least follow even if they don’t completely
understand it.

I have taken some time to consider my understanding of justice as it
applies to the here and now.  As such, I will choose that as my central
starting point and work outward from there.

The heart of the concept of justice is the idea of right order.  As the
universe continues to unfold, there are certain directions and ways in
which this unfolding takes place that is deemed good and proper.  I
would characterize this right order by saying that when it is followed,
the basic dignity and well-being of all living things is honored and
upheld.  Justice is the process or collection of processes by which
this right order is maintained.  It also includes the process by which
that right order is restored when it has been violated.

Injustice, by comparison, would include any act or series of acts which
lead to the violation or break-down of this right order.  In practical
terms, it would mean a situation in which the basic dignity or
well-being of someone is violated or denigrated.  The examples of such
action are countless and can vary by the particular nature and general
degree of deviation from right order or the injury of the victims’
dignity and well-being.

The just response to injustice is to restore the right order.  This
involves helping the victims of injustice to restore their dignity and
well-being.  It also means taking right action in regards to the
purveyor of injustice.

That last statement deserves some consideration.  What is the right
action in regards to those who would visit injustice upon others?  The
most obvious answer is that they should be prevented from doing so. 
This is especially true if there is reason to believe that they are
inclined to intentionally(1) continue to act as an agent of injustice. 
In such a case, potential future victims must be protected, possibly by
isolating the agent of injustice from them.

Ideally however, agents of injustice should also be restored to the
right order of things as well.  After all, they are as much a part of
this creation as anyone else.  And in many ways, this restoration of an
agent of injustice is about healing as much as helping their victims
reclaim their dignity and well-being is.

Truth be told, disrupting the right order of things and hurting others
— especially when done intentionally and repeatedly — does terrible
things to a person.  This includes soul-injury and the lessening of
themselves a human being.  A proper understanding of justice cannot
ignore this fact, nor can it refuse to offer those who have degraded
themselves in such a way an opportunity to heal this damage they’ve
done to themselves.(2)

Ideally, injustice is dealt with as soon as it happens.  The victims
are identified as well as how they were injured so that those around
them can help with the healing process.  Those who are responsible are
also identified and prevented from doing further harm.  If possible,
those responsible are also healed and restored so that they may again
become a part of right order and agents of justice.(3)

Unfortunately, as Matt points out, justice doesn’t always happen in the
lifetimes of those involved — victims and offenders alike.  So it’s
natural to wonder if there is such a thing as justice beyond this (or
the current) life.  And this is where I delve into shakier (for me at
least) territories, surrounded by partially answered and unanswered
questions.

Does an act of injustice live beyond the deaths of those involved? 
Once those involved are dead, is there anything left that can be and
must be restored?  Does the damage done to the victim somehow remain
beyond death to be healed?  Does the damage the purveyors of injustice
caused themselves remain beyond death to be healed?  Is there such a
thing as restoring someone to the right order posthumously?  Is it
necessary?

I don’t ask these questions rhetorically.  Matt’s questions assume that
the answers to some or all of those questions are yes.  If the answers
to those questions are all no, there’s no point in talking about what
happens when people don’t find or are brought to justice before death. 
So I find it necessary to search for answers to those questions myself.

So what happens when we die?  Personally, I’m inclined to believe in
reincarnation.  I believe that our soul is infinite and continues
beyond death, being born again in a new body with a new identity and
personality.  I also believe that this is a virtually endless cycle,
with the rebirth in a new body being the desirable outcome.(4)

Since the soul continues beyond death, it is entirely possible and even
likely that some of the damage caused by injustice may live on in that
soul.(5)  I have implied as much when I used the term “soul-injury”
earlier to describe the damage that an agent of injustice does to their
own soul through their actions.  Such damage to a soul would manifest
itself during subsequent incarnations.  As they surfaced, they could be
healed, remedying the consequences of the injustice.

Bonds between souls may also suggest a way that injustice may still
need to be resolved beyond the deaths of those involved.  Injustice
often creates an unhealthy sort of bond between victims and those that
hurt them.  This is why forgiveness and restoration of the agent of
injustice is so important.  These acts provide a method for healing or
dissolving that unhealthy bond in the here and now.  If that process
does not take place in the lifetimes of those involved and those bonds
are on the soul level, they may be carried over by those souls into
future incarnations.  When this happens, they may create problems in
those subsequent lives.  Again, these bonds can then be identified and
healed or dissolved at that time, remedying that consequence of
injustice.

A consideration of how wyrd relates to justice and injustice is also
appropriate.  Every act contributes to wyrd, continuing to build and
shape our reality.  As such, an act of injustice gets woven into wyrd
and the very fabric of our reality.  This suggests both another avenue
for injustice to continue and a method for bringing it to resolution in
lifetimes beyond the one that introduced it.

It is entirely possible that the wyrd one weaves directly effects the
soul’s future incarnations.  This could mean that two souls may not be
bound by an unhealthy soul-link forged in a previous life, but by a
wyrd-link forged in a previous life, or both.  Again, this may require
addressing the past injustice in terms of once again removing this
intertwining of two soul’s respective parts of the fabric of wyrd.

It is also noteworthy to consider that wyrd is not individual, but
universally shared.  There is not “my” wyrd, “your” wyrd, or “his”
wyrd.  There is merely wyrd, the common reality that we are
collectively shaping through our individual actions.  The implications
of this fact are important when discussing justice and injustice.

When an injustice occurs, it becomes a part of wyrd and therefore a
part of everybody’s reality.  This means that on the level of wyrd, an
injustice ripples outward along the fabric of reality, effecting more
than those victims and agents of injustice that are immediately
involved.(6) The longer that the injustice goes unanswered, the further
those ripples travel.

In order for an injustice to truly be rectified, these ripples must
also be addressed.  Until all the negative implications of an injustice
have rectified, full justice has not taken place.  This provides
another way in which an original injustice may live on after the death
of those originally involved.

It is entirely possible that some mechanism could effectively place a
reincarnated soul of someone involved in the original injustice in a
position to rectify a ripple that has traveled long and far.  This
could offer further opportunities for both the restoration of a soul
that was previously an agent of injustice and healing for soul that was
previously victimized.

Wyrd and reincarnation both offer many ways in which injustice may
outlive those who were involved in it.  They both also offer ways in
which the reincarnated souls involved in a past injustice could be
healed, restored, and otherwise involved in the process of ultimately
rectifying all aspects of the injustice.  I do not claim to know
exactly which of these mechanisms actually come into play or how
exactly they work.  That will take much further reflection and
consideration.  However, I hope I have described some directions that
reflection and consideration may follow.

(The image include in this post is a scan of the cluster-map that I
drew out when I originally began to think about this topic.  I included
because comparing it to this post may prove interesting and even
instructive.)

NOTES:
(1) It’s important to note that human beings are imperfect and that
even the most well-intentioned, loving person is bound to cause some
(hopefully small) amount of injustice at times.  A proper understanding
of justice cannot ignore this and focus only on the “big” instances of
injustice or even those instances of injustice that were intentional.

However, it’s also important to note that a moral person who hurts
another even intentionally is most often an effective, willing, and
even eager agent of justice in such situations.  That is, they are
quick to do what they can to repair the damage that they have done. 
This is different from someone who hurts others with no regard for what
they’ve done (sadly, this includes those who would use the fact that
they “didn’t mean to hurt anyone” to excuse their actions) and would
continue to do so.


(2) The thing to remember here is that one cannot heal or restore one
who does not want to be healed or restored.  Some people simply want to
remain as they are, soul-debilitating pock-marks included.  In such a
case, no one can ultimately help them unless and until they change
their mind.  It is merely our job as just people to always be open to
the possibility that they will change their mind and be ready to offer
and even help with their restoration should it ever happen —
protecting ourselves and others from the harm they might bring about in
the meantime.

(3) In my opinion, one of the most powerful tools of the restoration
process is to actually have those who caused the hurt to help be part
of the healing process for those they have hurt.  It is one of the most
powerful ways to take responsibility for ones actions and even directly
rework the contributions to wyrd they have made through their unjust
acts.

As a tangential aside, this is why I often feel there is more real
justice in America’s civil tort system than in its criminal justice
system.  While the latter’s only real merit seems to be in separating
wrongdoers from society so they can’t do any harm, the former gives the
opportunity for those injured to get monetary compensation, which can
then be used to seek help in emotional healing, pay medical bills, and
otherwise try to “pick up the pieces.”

(4) Indeed, Gerald Gardner wrote in his books that the central point of
the witches’ rituals was to influence the reincarnation process,
ensuring that those working together would again be reborn in the same
time and place as one another.  Personally, I think Mr. Gardner was on
to something there.

I do want to take a moment, however, to make one thing perfectly
clear.  I find myself with a similar outlook to Gardner and Gardnerians
in general on many different topics.  As such, I often reference what
he or other Gardnerians have written and said as a way of communicating
my own ideas.  However, it would be a mistake for the reader to assume
that I am a Gardnerian witch myself — as some people have in the
past.  I am not.  I wish to clear up that possible misconception, as I
do have many wonderful Gardnerian friends who I respect deeply, and I
would hate for them to hear (however incorrectly) rumors that I am in
any way claiming to belong to their tradition.  They have enough people
doing that as it is, and I know how angry it makes them — and
understand why!

Also, I also value my own integrity too much to allow people to get the
idea that I’m something I’m not, even if unintentionally.

(5) One of the other things that I have considered is the nature of
souls.  At times, I often wonder if souls are not quantum units, but
pools of an essence.  The latter suggests that one dies, rather than
one’s whole soul moving onto another body, the pool of essence could
actually split into many rivulets and/or co-mingling with other pools
and rivulets.  The idea here is that one doesn’t have so much a soul as
“soul-stuff.”

I bring this up because the idea of damage to a soul seems to assume
the quantum unit view of souls.  I’m not sure that a pool-of-essence
model lends itself as well to the idea of soul-injury.  As such,
further consideration of the nature of the soul could require renewed
examination of the ideas I’m exploring.

(6) The most obvious examples of this rippling process when one pays
close attention to how a person’s past experiences color their present
choices and relationships.  I know I’ve personally made some bad
choices in life based on unhealed past hurts.  And I have no doubt that
those bad choices have in turn affected how other people affected by
them have made choices in their own lives.

Paganism, Religion

Community and Life

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100_0078.jpgPax posted an entry today talking about building Pagan community.  It’s well worth reading, and I highly recommend checking out.  (I also recommend checking out Pax’s blog in general.)

As one or two of my recent entries may have indicaed, the thought of community has been on my mind a lot, so Pax’s post really rang home with me.  I especially appreciated the following comments that he made when discussing the nature of Paganism:

I would observe that for the different Pagan faiths and paths there seems to be an overall theme of development into being a better person (personal growth and perhaps enlightenment, although it is not neccesarilly phrased as such) by practicing certain rights, and developing our relationships with the Divine (or the All That Is) and with the Spirits of the World Around Us (Elements and Land Spirits), and living certain  (intertwining and overlapping) virtues and values, and by building our relationships with others in our groups and faiths and societies through those virtues and values and practices…[Emphasis mine]

I’d say that overall, Pax pretty well sums up many of the central themes unfolding as I follow my own spiritual path.  But lately, it’s that last part — the part I emphasized — that has really been waying on me.  There is an aspect to my spirituality that is very dependent on my connection to others and my place in community.

In the past, I’ve explored the theme of passion and living life to the fullest, which is another important aspect of my walk.  To be frank, with a patron goddess like Freyja, it’s kind of hard not to take a passionate, fully-involved view of life.  And in some ways, I see this concern with community as a natural outgrowth of such an approach to life.  After all, the people we interact play an important part in our lives and are often an integral part of enjoying it to the fullest.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us are not hermits or recluses.  I know I’m certainly not one.  (Indeed, over the past few years, I’ve discovered just how much of a people person I really am.)  As such, while we may need, enjoy, and even cherish our moments alone, our lives would not be complete without sharing our lives and many of the special moments with others.  Indeed, I would argue that time spent with others is what actually makes a significant number of those moments so special.

Community enables us to help, heal, strengthen, and rejuvenate each other.  It makes even the strongest individual even stronger.  It is that glue which enables us to build something that is greater than each of us — both individually and collectively.  Because in the end, that whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

(The picture in this post is of the participants of an open Lammas rite sponsored by the now defunct Pagan Outreach Center back in 2006.)

 

Religion

Faith, Reason, and Unreason

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My second semester in college, I took an Honors Program class titled “Thought and Science.” Another appropriate name for this class would have been “The Philosophy of Science.” The class focused mostly on the philosophical underpinnings of the scientific method, how it works, and some of the common problems (such as researcher bias, which can even be unintentional).

Towards the end of the semester, we got onto the topic of pseudosciences and the difference between a pseudoscience and actual science. During this discussion, our professor, Dr. Holt, spent a lot of time discussing evolution and the debate over evolution and literal 7-day creationism. His lectures were fascinating, and I found much of what he said quite compelling and informative. I came out of his class with a much better appreciation for science and evolutionary theory even though I was a creationist at the time.

The most memorable event in the class took place during our lab period of the semester. During that lab, Dr. Holt decided to talk about and demonstrate the things that he felt made humans stand out from the rest of the animals: culture and art. He brought in a tape of various styles of music — most of them traditional songs from around the globe. When the second song began, he mentioned that there was a traditional belt dance that was associated with this new song. He then proceeded to demonstrate that dance.

We spent the next hour watching our professor — who had spent the previous few months educating us about observation, inductive reasoning, and many similar topics — perform and talk about several different dances from various parts of the world. It was a fascinating and amazing class, one that had a strikingly different tone from the rest of the semester’s lessons.

The main idea that I took from that experience and have since expanded upon from that point is that there is more to this world than science and what can be observed and rationally dissected through it’s methods. I learned that science can explain the interaction between light and atmospheric particles that create a colorful sunset, but it takes a poet’s soul to be able to express the sense of awe and beauty that comes from watching it. Some things about the human experience move beyond the rational and are even irrational at times. These things are by definition beyond science.

To me, religion encompasses the rational, the trans-rational, and even the irrational. In effect, it brings together and sums up the entire realm of human experience. This is something that science cannot do.

At its best, religion builds upon science. It takes the observations and rational explanations of science and merges them with the wonder of emotional and spiritual experience.

This post is part of an interfaith synchroblog on the topic of religion and science. Please check out the other participants’ contributions to this event:

Religion, Society

Interfaith relationships

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Today is where I finally give in to another “cosmic conspiracy.” For those who may not be familiar with such things, a “cosmic conspiracy” is where a topic or train of thought keeps coming up in my daily life to the degree that I begin to suspect that the very universe is conspiring against me to force me to face and grapple with that particular topic or train of thought. Today’s “cosmic conspiracy” (I use the quotes because I refuse to accept the idea that the universe really conspires against people) has to do with the topics of interfaith relations and interfaith dialogue. Actually, I’m just going to use the word interfaith relationships because I believe that dialogue is just a natural part of relationships, so it makes sense to roll the latter into the former.

A lot of people are talking about interfaith relationships right now. And I think that’s a great thing. I’m all for interfaith relationships, myself. It’s a good thing, too, because there are a lot of them in my life.

For this post, I’d like to try and focus on what interfaith relationships are really all about and why they’re important. Obviously, any answers I give will be my personal answers. Other people may see things differently and therefore may disagree with me in part or entirely. But as someone who engages in interfaith relationships regularly and seeks to increase my involvement in them, I think it’s important to explore my answers to these questions.

First, I would like to point out that faith traditions do not have relationships. Faith traditions are abstract concepts. Abstract concepts do not have relationships. Relationships require actors with personality. So people have relationships. Those people’s faith traditions just come along for the ride. Certainly, those faith traditions may influence and otherwise become reflected in the relationships, but in the end, the relationships are really about the people. No relationship — interfaith or not — works out unless those involved really grasp the truth of that statement. Because anything that isn’t about the people involved isn’t a relationship at all.

People surround us every day of our lives. Some of those people are going to be of different faith traditions. When we come into contact with those people, we have to make a choice. We can ignore them and pretend they’re not there. While such a choice may make sense in isolated cases, the effort of ignoring someone we see regularly can be inconvenient and even quite difficult. This is especially true of this person is a coworker, a friend’s significant other, or otherwise has any sort connection to us that would make avoiding any relationship altogether nearly impossible.

We can treat a person with hostility, keeping them at arms length. Again, this is rarely an effective strategy. In addition to being problematic if the person is someone we might be forced to have some sort of relationship with for other reasons, it takes a lot of energy to maintain and live in a state of hostility. That sort of thing tends to take its toll on us.

Our final option is to engage the person and establish a relationship. That relationship can be casual or intimate, depending on numerous factors. But in the long run, this choice is usually the healthiest and most convenient one.

I will also admit that on personal level, I enjoy building relationships. I love people and I love interacting with them. So I’m certainly biased in favor of this last option anyway. However, I will note that my bias does not necessarily negate the accuracy of my analysis of the other options.

Once we’ve accepted that engaging people in relationships is the best option, we are faced with another choice. We must decide whether we will allow our individual faith traditions to come into the picture. There’s certainly no rule that states that we must discuss our faith traditions into every relationship we have. In some cases, avoiding the subject makes perfect sense. For example, it’s not relevant in my relationship with my coworkers, so I generally don’t bring it up.

However, our faith traditions are usually important to us as people. As such, not discussing them with the people we relate to creates and maintains a certain amount of distance in our relationships. After all, it creates a part of us that is “off limits” and closed off to the other person. While this is acceptable in casual relationships where other factors are more important, it will not work with close friendships and other intimate relationships.

Similarly, the other person’s faith tradition is important to them. If we refuse to discuss and engage with their faith tradition, we have created an impediment for close relationship. I might as well change the subject abruptly every time a close friend brings up the topic of his children. I have no doubt that the net result would be similar.

There are other reasons why I find interfaith relationships both necessary and important, and I hope to share them in a future post. I also hope to discuss some of the pitfalls common in interfaith relationships. But for now, I would like to close by reiterating that like any relationship, interfaith relationships are about people. They are important because people are important. At least that’s the understanding I choose to live by.

This post has been submitted to the October 2008 Interfaith Dialogue synchroblog. The following is a list of other participants in the synchroblog.

Be sure to check out my fellow synchrobloggers!

Paganism, Religion

On Holy Passion

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Late last night, I ran across a copy of a typed transcript of a letter I sent to some college friends back in 2003. A month or two before that, we had talked briefly with each other during a get-together of old friends. During that conversation, both Tim and Kathryn had asked me about my spiritual path. Circumstances really didn’t lend themselves to the lengthy, private conversation their questions deserved, so I wrote them the letter instead.

As I read the letter, I thought about how I might write it differently today, after five more years of coming to understand my spiritual path more fully. In that spirit, I thought it might be nice to post a few excerpts from it and offer a bit of commentary.

For this post, I would like to focus on what I said in the letter about my patron goddess:

If I were going to try to describe my sacred lady in a single word, that word would have to be ?passion.? Or perhaps ?passionate? would be better. To her, life is one great passion which should be embraced and nurtured. To her, there is nothing worth doing that should not be done with great, unreserved intensity.

Naturally, she is a goddess who finds the passions of love and love-making sacred. Indeed, it is my experience that her love is a sensual love, even when it is the sensuality of a tight embrace between friends. (Indeed, communing with her often has the residual effect of heightening my awareness of my own senses.)

But her passion is not limited to romance and eroticism. It spreads to any and every undertaking in every aspect of life. This often makes her quite determined and single-minded when she sets her mind to any course of action. And she is inclined to nurture this quality in her devotees.

To this day, the initial description of Freyja still follows this same pattern. To me, understanding my lady’s passionate embrace of all life and her desire to share that passion with those who come to her is central to understanding her very nature. Those who wish to find her are likely to do so where life is not only revered, but celebrated and lived to the fullest. Some of the moments that I have most strongly felt her presence include times when I was dancing at a nightclub, having dinner with friends, or in the middle of a lively discussion at one of the local coffee shops.

I have come to understand that this is because to her, life itself is one of the sacred mysteries to be explored, enjoyed, and cherished. Her way is not one of self-denial (at least not self-denial for its own sake or as an end in itself), but one of responsible self-indulgence. It is one which honors life’s joys and sorrows (the latter being an inherent shadow side to the former) and recognizes them as sacred.

One of the other things that I have noticed as I’ve felt her presence and even conversed with her in these celebratory settings is that these joys and sorrows are meant to be shared. Her passion for and celebration of life are not meant to be a solo pursuit to be cherished alone. But instead, these are things that are meant to be celebrated with others, so that others may experience them and catch them. To put it another way, these are things that are meant to be contagious and be encouraged to spread like wildfire.

Of course, not all celebrations of life must be chaotic and wild. One of the other things that I have learned lately is that there is such a thing as a “cool passion,” much like the glowing embers of a carefully tended fire rather than the raging inferno. This approach to life has its place as well. Indeed, one of the challenges of following my goddess is coming to understand when each type of “fire” is most appropriate.

Religion

Religious tattoos

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This morning, as I was leaving the 7-Eleven to head into work, I glanced at a guy still standing in line. My path took me close enough to him that I noticed his tattoo on the side of his neck. While I can’t be absolutely sure from a two second glance, I’m relatively certain that the tattoo was of Jesus’s head. For some reason, this struck me as totally odd.

I honestly can’t say why it struck me as odd. I’ve seen plenty of religious tattoos in my life. Indeed, in my faith community, tattoos that have some sort of religious or magical signficance are rather commonplace. (Indeed, there are days where I feel like I’m the oddball among my friends for not having any such tattoos.)

I’ve even seen tattoos with signficance within Christianity. I’ve seen crosses and doves before. Some of them are quite beautifully done. And yet, a tattoo of Jesus’s head struck me as weird. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just some weirdness on my part. In the end it doesn’t matter.

I’m curious, however. Does anyone here have any tattoos of religious signficance? If so, what are they? Why did you get them? Do they serve any sort of purpose in your mind?

Religion, Sexuality

Spiritual Sexuality and Sexy Spirituality

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The question for this post comes from Rygel:

Why do you try to reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality?

The short answer to this question is that I had no other choice that was ultimately reasonable. I am both a spiritual person and a sexual person. There’s no escaping that fact. This means that when confronted with these two aspects of my choice, I had four basic options.

The first option was to ignore or repress my sexuality and focus on my spirituality. I actually tried this approach through various methods for over a decade. It not only didn’t work, it completely backfired. It drove me to such depths of misery and despair that I almost self-destructed. So I eventually gave up on it.

My second option was to completely walk away from my spirituality and focus on my sexuality. I suppose there are those who might argue that this is exactly what I did, since I left Christianity. (More than one person has accused me of walking away from God because I felt it was more convenient to “live with my sin.”) I respectfully disagree with them, as my choice to follow a Pagan path was much more complex than that. But at any rate, the idea of rejecting spirituality altogether was simply not an option for me. I’ve always been a spiritual person, and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

My third option was to accept both my spirituality and my sexuality, but try to keep them divorced from each other. I’m not really sure how this would work or what it would look like, but again, I also know this would not have worked for me. I want to be a whole person, and living a split life where half of you is compartmentalized away from the other half does not make you a whole person. Furthermore, given the nature of my spirituality, such a dualistic approach to life would simply not work. I serve a goddess who sees spirituality and sexuality as a beautifully blended and related whole. (In fact, this is such an essential part of my faith that I once wrote an article titled “Sacred Lust.”)

That left only the one option for me. My sexuality and spirituality had to come together, embrace one another, and find a way forward as a united whole.

Health, Humor, Religion

It rarely pays to argue with a goddess

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One of the interesting things about Freyja acting as my patroness and primary guide is that she often puts in her two cents on my health and any matter related to it. And while she certainly reaffirms my right to make my own decisions about what I should do, she both makes her opinion about the best course of action known and is brutally honest about the consequences of a bad decision I’m considering.

Consider, for example, a brief exchange we had tonight at dinner. After working at the shop all afternoon, Belinda, Amy, and I decided to go to dinner at Red Lobster tonight. The three of us sat in a comfortable booth enjoying our meals. After I finished my chicken linguini alfredo (one of the great ironies of my life is that I eat at Red Lobster at least once a month despite the fact that I don’t like seafood or fish), I pondered the possibility of dessert. After all, I absolutely love their ice cream sundae with the big chocolate chip cookie on the bottom. I considered it when Miss Thing decided to make her thoughts known. The exchange went something like the following.

Her: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Me: But it’s so good!

Her: Yes, but you’ve already had enough to eat.

Me: I can manage it!

Her: You also had the pina colada with dinner.

Me: I know, but I probably won’t come back for a few more weeks, and I really want the sundae.

Her: Okay, let me lay it out for you. Then you can choose whatever you want.

Me: Lay it out for me?

Her: Your digestive system is already a bit out of whack due to your recent changes in exercise and eating habits. You’ve eaten a large meal and had a drink. Before you order the ice cream, you might just want to stop and ask yourself how much time you really want to spend in the bathroom this evening.

Me: You mean….?

Her: Well, let’s just say that if you have the ice cream, you might want to move the television in there as soon as you get home so you don’t miss your shows.

I eventually saw reason and went without dessert tonight. Hey, it was my choice. But all the same, it sure feels like she play dirty some days. 😉