Category Archives: Religion

Paganism, Religion

On Holy Passion

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Late last night, I ran across a copy of a typed transcript of a letter I sent to some college friends back in 2003. A month or two before that, we had talked briefly with each other during a get-together of old friends. During that conversation, both Tim and Kathryn had asked me about my spiritual path. Circumstances really didn’t lend themselves to the lengthy, private conversation their questions deserved, so I wrote them the letter instead.

As I read the letter, I thought about how I might write it differently today, after five more years of coming to understand my spiritual path more fully. In that spirit, I thought it might be nice to post a few excerpts from it and offer a bit of commentary.

For this post, I would like to focus on what I said in the letter about my patron goddess:

If I were going to try to describe my sacred lady in a single word, that word would have to be ?passion.? Or perhaps ?passionate? would be better. To her, life is one great passion which should be embraced and nurtured. To her, there is nothing worth doing that should not be done with great, unreserved intensity.

Naturally, she is a goddess who finds the passions of love and love-making sacred. Indeed, it is my experience that her love is a sensual love, even when it is the sensuality of a tight embrace between friends. (Indeed, communing with her often has the residual effect of heightening my awareness of my own senses.)

But her passion is not limited to romance and eroticism. It spreads to any and every undertaking in every aspect of life. This often makes her quite determined and single-minded when she sets her mind to any course of action. And she is inclined to nurture this quality in her devotees.

To this day, the initial description of Freyja still follows this same pattern. To me, understanding my lady’s passionate embrace of all life and her desire to share that passion with those who come to her is central to understanding her very nature. Those who wish to find her are likely to do so where life is not only revered, but celebrated and lived to the fullest. Some of the moments that I have most strongly felt her presence include times when I was dancing at a nightclub, having dinner with friends, or in the middle of a lively discussion at one of the local coffee shops.

I have come to understand that this is because to her, life itself is one of the sacred mysteries to be explored, enjoyed, and cherished. Her way is not one of self-denial (at least not self-denial for its own sake or as an end in itself), but one of responsible self-indulgence. It is one which honors life’s joys and sorrows (the latter being an inherent shadow side to the former) and recognizes them as sacred.

One of the other things that I have noticed as I’ve felt her presence and even conversed with her in these celebratory settings is that these joys and sorrows are meant to be shared. Her passion for and celebration of life are not meant to be a solo pursuit to be cherished alone. But instead, these are things that are meant to be celebrated with others, so that others may experience them and catch them. To put it another way, these are things that are meant to be contagious and be encouraged to spread like wildfire.

Of course, not all celebrations of life must be chaotic and wild. One of the other things that I have learned lately is that there is such a thing as a “cool passion,” much like the glowing embers of a carefully tended fire rather than the raging inferno. This approach to life has its place as well. Indeed, one of the challenges of following my goddess is coming to understand when each type of “fire” is most appropriate.

Religion

Religious tattoos

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This morning, as I was leaving the 7-Eleven to head into work, I glanced at a guy still standing in line. My path took me close enough to him that I noticed his tattoo on the side of his neck. While I can’t be absolutely sure from a two second glance, I’m relatively certain that the tattoo was of Jesus’s head. For some reason, this struck me as totally odd.

I honestly can’t say why it struck me as odd. I’ve seen plenty of religious tattoos in my life. Indeed, in my faith community, tattoos that have some sort of religious or magical signficance are rather commonplace. (Indeed, there are days where I feel like I’m the oddball among my friends for not having any such tattoos.)

I’ve even seen tattoos with signficance within Christianity. I’ve seen crosses and doves before. Some of them are quite beautifully done. And yet, a tattoo of Jesus’s head struck me as weird. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just some weirdness on my part. In the end it doesn’t matter.

I’m curious, however. Does anyone here have any tattoos of religious signficance? If so, what are they? Why did you get them? Do they serve any sort of purpose in your mind?

Religion, Sexuality

Spiritual Sexuality and Sexy Spirituality

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The question for this post comes from Rygel:

Why do you try to reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality?

The short answer to this question is that I had no other choice that was ultimately reasonable. I am both a spiritual person and a sexual person. There’s no escaping that fact. This means that when confronted with these two aspects of my choice, I had four basic options.

The first option was to ignore or repress my sexuality and focus on my spirituality. I actually tried this approach through various methods for over a decade. It not only didn’t work, it completely backfired. It drove me to such depths of misery and despair that I almost self-destructed. So I eventually gave up on it.

My second option was to completely walk away from my spirituality and focus on my sexuality. I suppose there are those who might argue that this is exactly what I did, since I left Christianity. (More than one person has accused me of walking away from God because I felt it was more convenient to “live with my sin.”) I respectfully disagree with them, as my choice to follow a Pagan path was much more complex than that. But at any rate, the idea of rejecting spirituality altogether was simply not an option for me. I’ve always been a spiritual person, and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

My third option was to accept both my spirituality and my sexuality, but try to keep them divorced from each other. I’m not really sure how this would work or what it would look like, but again, I also know this would not have worked for me. I want to be a whole person, and living a split life where half of you is compartmentalized away from the other half does not make you a whole person. Furthermore, given the nature of my spirituality, such a dualistic approach to life would simply not work. I serve a goddess who sees spirituality and sexuality as a beautifully blended and related whole. (In fact, this is such an essential part of my faith that I once wrote an article titled “Sacred Lust.”)

That left only the one option for me. My sexuality and spirituality had to come together, embrace one another, and find a way forward as a united whole.

Health, Humor, Religion

It rarely pays to argue with a goddess

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One of the interesting things about Freyja acting as my patroness and primary guide is that she often puts in her two cents on my health and any matter related to it. And while she certainly reaffirms my right to make my own decisions about what I should do, she both makes her opinion about the best course of action known and is brutally honest about the consequences of a bad decision I’m considering.

Consider, for example, a brief exchange we had tonight at dinner. After working at the shop all afternoon, Belinda, Amy, and I decided to go to dinner at Red Lobster tonight. The three of us sat in a comfortable booth enjoying our meals. After I finished my chicken linguini alfredo (one of the great ironies of my life is that I eat at Red Lobster at least once a month despite the fact that I don’t like seafood or fish), I pondered the possibility of dessert. After all, I absolutely love their ice cream sundae with the big chocolate chip cookie on the bottom. I considered it when Miss Thing decided to make her thoughts known. The exchange went something like the following.

Her: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Me: But it’s so good!

Her: Yes, but you’ve already had enough to eat.

Me: I can manage it!

Her: You also had the pina colada with dinner.

Me: I know, but I probably won’t come back for a few more weeks, and I really want the sundae.

Her: Okay, let me lay it out for you. Then you can choose whatever you want.

Me: Lay it out for me?

Her: Your digestive system is already a bit out of whack due to your recent changes in exercise and eating habits. You’ve eaten a large meal and had a drink. Before you order the ice cream, you might just want to stop and ask yourself how much time you really want to spend in the bathroom this evening.

Me: You mean….?

Her: Well, let’s just say that if you have the ice cream, you might want to move the television in there as soon as you get home so you don’t miss your shows.

I eventually saw reason and went without dessert tonight. Hey, it was my choice. But all the same, it sure feels like she play dirty some days. 😉

Family, Personal Development, Religion

Struggling with the collision of faith and family

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This past Saturday, I took my parents out to dinner at TGIFriday’s. While there, our waitress asked me about my pendants. I normally wear two pendants:

  1. A silver pentagram which is a little bigger than a dime. It has a bear at the top point, walking on all fours.
  2. A brass spherical cage, which contains a piece of amber resin.

Both pendants are religious in nature and are deeply personal to me. I’ve had a handful of people ask about them, and I’m usually quite happy to answer their questions. In fact, the only two times I’m hesitant to say anything are as follows:

  1. When I’m at work (or a work-related function) and there are customers around
  2. When I’m with my parents, especially my mother

Sadly, this situation falls into that second category. And I could already see my mother’s expression when the waitress asked about it. The problem with being the sole witch in a family that consists mostly of evangelical (and even fundamentalist) Christians is that it can certainly strain family relationships a bit.

After a brief hesitation, I simply told the waitress that they are religious symbols of significance to me. I think she realized I was being somewhat avoidant (and I hated that I was being avoidant) and let the matter drop. Fortunately, the subject quickly changed.

Then again, maybe that’s not so fortunate. One of the messages that I keep getting over and over is that I need to be more open with my family. I need to let them into all aspects of my life. The problem is, that’s difficult when there are certain aspects of it that they don’t really care for. Certain subjects cause hackles to raise.

In fairness to my parents, it’s not just them, either. Any time the subject of my faith comes up around family, I get defensive. I automatically expect a problem. And that’s not fair. Not only that, I’m beginning to wonder if on some levels, my own family is unconscioually reacting to my own defensiveness. It wouldn’t surprise me.

But at the same time, I still haven’t found a good way to overcome my first reaction in such situations.

Religion

Amway without the soap indeed!

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For the past few years, Fred Clark over at Slacktivist has been doing an in-depth critique of the book Left Behind by LeHay and Jenkins. I began to read through this review about a month ago and have enjoyed Clark’s analysis, which has covered literary, theological (Clark himself is an evangelical Christian), and political perspectives alike.

Yesterday, I ran across this installment, where Clark takes a step back from the book’s plotlines to discuss one of the concepts touched upon by the book, evangelism, in a broader context. Primarily, he speaks of a shift from evangelism as hospitality to evangelism as a sales pitch, expanding upon a familiar (or at least familiar to anyone who’s been involved in the evangelical Christian community) metaphor:

…it is not “one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread,” but rather one fat man trying to convince another fat man that he’s a beggar in order to close the sale on another loaf.

The rest of of the post goes on to talk about how this approach to evangelism amounts to a sales pitch with little or no product to go with it (in fact, the title of my post references another great comment made by Clark). I highly recommend reading the whole post, as it’s quite insightful.

Religion, Society

A Multi-Faith National Day of Prayer?

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Today, the following email was forwarded to me:

Merry Meet,

The National Day of Prayer is this Thursday May 1st. Our Coven has been watching and listening to the media on this and we decided to organize a group prayer meet to create positive change in our country though our Pagan perspective. This is also to enhance the day of prayer as Pagans and to show our faith and religious morals since many right wing groups want to make this a Christian day of prayer only.

If anyone would like to join us our group and others from our area will be at the Ontario County Court House, (27 North Main Street, Canandaigua, New York 14424) May 1st, ironically Beltane, at 7PM. Please bring a friend and a self contained candle to light as we silently pray for our country and for positive change. Signs are welcome so long as they are relevant to the topics of the day and are not vulgar or inflammatory to other religious groups.

Parking in the back of the court house is free and plentiful.

We look forward to coming together as a community and be counted as part of the solution.

Blessed be,

Shelly O’Brien and Heidi Gleber
High Priestesses- Coven of the Sacred Pentacle
Local Coordinators Fingerlakes Pagan Pride

First, let me say that for those who are close enough to the Canandaigua area to participate and are inclined to do so, I would highly encourage you. I suspect that this could be a great experience for many people.

I have to admit, however, that a National Day of Prayer makes little sense to me. To be honest, I tend to think of prayer — even corporate prayer — as a deeply personal thing. The idea of setting aside a “special” day to honor it and practice this spiritual discipline in a highly visible manner seems a bit odd and foreign to me. (I also tend to wonder how Christians in particular reconcile the National Day of Prayer
with Christ’s exhortations against “public religiosity,” which even address prayer specifically.) Personally, I don’t think I would feel comfortable participating in such an event because of how I see prayer, though I support everyone who feels differently and honor their right and choice to participate.

I also wonder if we might want to be careful about setting up religiously segregated prayer groups for the National Day of Prayer, as well. If we are to take a day to celebrate prayer as a nation, it seems that we should do so as a nation rather than as separate groups within the nation.

Now, I realize that not every Christian, Jew, or Muslim would be willing to pray alongside Pagans. (Heck, some of them are quite unwilling to pray alongside certain members of their own faith!) But some of them are, and it seems like it would be wise to use this opportunity to build such bridges. I think a group of people from radically different faith groups praying together would be a far better statement — not to mention a powerful act — than splintered groups of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans, and other faiths doing their own thing.

Who knows? Maybe that’ll be part of next year’s National Day of Prayer events. To the folks gathering to pray in Canandaigua, I wish you the best with your gathering this weekend.

Gender and Sexuality, Movies, Religion, Sexuality

Movie Review: Rock Haven

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Tonight, I rented and watched a copy of Rock Haven. This movie is the tale of young man, Brady, who moves to a new town (I get the impression it’s actually a small island off the west coast based on clues from the movie). Brady is a quiet young boy raised in a conservative Christian environment, planning to head to Bible college at the end of summer. However, Brady’s plans and life become quite upset when he meets his new neighbor, the nineteen year old Clifford who comes from a non-traditional background (his mother appears to be a part of the New Age movement). As the movie progresses, the two boys become friends and fall in love. Indeed, the entire plot revolves around Brady’s struggle to come to terms with his feelings for Clifford in light of his faith.

Let me first say that as I’ve lived some aspects of Brady’s life, I am struggling not to be too critical of the movie. The writer, director, and actor set a monumental task for themselves by taking on the challenge of trying to portray this subject matter in a seventy eight minute movie. There is simply no way for them to truly portray the struggles — not to mention the intensity those struggles reach — in such a short amount of time. If I were to measure their portrayals against my own experiences without considering this fact, I would have to call the movie a complete failure. However, given the time constraints, I admit that they did a fair job.

I think that one of the things the movie did quite well was to demonstrate how lonely this struggle can be. As Brady first reacts poorly to Clifford’s advances, Brady realizes that the “problem” lies within himself and he feels drawn to Clifford despite what he believes about such attractions. And yet, he realizes that there is no one he can turn to. He suffers through this alone. Certainly, he goes to the pastor of his church a few times to discuss Clifford, but he takes care never to tell the pastor the whole truth. I recognized this self-editing and self-imposed isolation all too well and found myself thinking of my own past.

The movie also does well to demonstrate that this struggle ultimately affects everyone around Brady. Clifford finds himself facing a new challenge each time he comes into contact with his love. Brady’s mother confesses that she can feel the walls building between herself and her son. Even Peggy, the girl that Brady’s mother tries to fix him up with (with the help of Peggy’s own mother, of course) is the occasional target of Brady’s frustrations.

I did feel that the movie lost me after Brady and Clifford spent the night together. Perhaps it was because my own life took a different path (I actually clung to my first lover for dear life out of a sense of desperation), but Brady’s choice to seek help afterwards just seemed ill conceived to me. It seemed too unreal to me for Brady to lay in bed with another man and talk about being safe, yet turn around and decide to abandon his love and try counseling after a single conversation with his mother. Perhaps if the movie had done more to re-instill the sense of guilt over a couple more scenes, it would’ve made more sense to me.

I will say that the conflict between Brady and his mother was well done, (though not as well as the conflict between young Aaron Davis and his mother in Latter Days. The scene where the two talk in Brady’s bedroom after he announces he’s not going away to get help was truly touching and showed the pain of two people who love each other facing off from immovable points of view. Of course, I particularly loved the extra touch where Brady announced to his mother that he forgave her.

The other part I loved about the exchange was when his mother told him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life by staying. Brady simply responds by noting that he has already made the biggest mistake of his life (presumably letting Clifford fly to Barcelona to live with his father). I think most of us who went through a period of denying our sexuality can identify with those sentiments. I know that as I watched this movie, I found myself thinking of my teen years and what I might have done with them had I come out to myself sooner.

Going Out, Health, Introspection, Personal Development, Religion, Spiritual Development

Goals for 2008

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After watching other people do likewise, I decided to take some time this month to set out my goals for this coming year. I realize I’m a bit late, considering we’re already three days into the new year, but I figure it’s better to be late than to never do it at all. Besides, I did some of my goal setting at Yule, so in some respects, I was ahead of the game.

1. Lead more rituals.

This is actually a goal that was set for me. The Yule ritual last month was just the beginning. I have agreed (not quite at knifepoint) to plan the rituals for the two equinoxes and two solstices in 2008. To be honest, I need the experience, and it’s just time for me to continue.

2. Share what I know and what I’ve learned.

This goal is a bit vague because I’m not sure how it’s going to play out right yet. All I know is that I need to start sharing with others what I’ve learned over the past few years, even as my own learning process continues. This may mean some classes and/or workshops in the local community. Or it may mean signing up to lead a workshop at the Naturist Festival this August (as I’m pretty sure I’ll be going again). But at any rate, it’s time for me to start contributing in this arena.

3. Continue to become more social.

This one isn’t so much a new goal as a continuation of a theme from last year. I’ve gotten out to meet more people, and I’ve even learned to do a better job of stepping out socially rather than hoping people will seek me out or otherwise find me. I simply need to continue this trend and improve on the progress I’ve already made.

4. Continue the exercise trend.

Last summer saw me walking regularly. When the weather warms back up, I’m going to be right back out there. In the meantime, I’m also going to try to keep some level of exercise going on, though probably not to the same degree. But I figure if I can make it over to the fitness center for an hour or two every week, that should hold me over until the summer returns.

I’m simply decided that my real form of exercise is and will remain walking. Nothing works as well for me. New Year’s Day, I walked down to the 7-11 and back, which is about a mile in each direction. Despite the snow and cold air, I loved it. Riding a stationary bike is exercise and work. Going for a nice walk is pure joy.

On the bright side, the time I’m spending at the fitness center appears to be enough to maintain the reduced waist size I reached towards the end of last year.

Family, Friends, Going Out, Health, Love, Memories, Personal Development, Religion, Spiritual Development

The Highlights of 2007

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Pam over at Willful Grace created a wonderful post in which she describes the major events in her life in each of the last twelve months as well as the lessons she learned from those events. It’s a fantastic post and I encourage everyone to read it.

More importantly, Pam inspired me to do something similar. Sadly, my post won’t be nearly as organized or well thought out as Pam’s is. To be honest, I don’t think I could come up with a single even for every month since last January. And besides, there are a couple of months that I doubt I could boil down into a single event or a single lesson learned from the events of some months.

The good news is that I’m not in a competition with Pam, so I’m under neither obligation nor pressure to match her excellent post. This gives me the freedom to simply allow her to inspire me and see where the inspiration takes me. So for that, I’d like to say thank you to her. And without further ado, I devote this post to the highlights of the previous year of my life.

I think that the first major highlight of the year came in February, when I met Rob. I didn’t talk about Rob much in this blog, and there’s a good reason for it. Rob represented the first time that a potential (and real, however temporary) love interest actually read my blog. As such, I struggled with finding the balance of what I could say, knowing that I didn’t want to reveal anything I hadn’t already discussed with him. After all, reading about what another person is feeling about you in his blog rather than firsthand strikes me as a horrible thing.

Rob found me online — on Valentine’s Day no less — and contacted me to express a desire to get to know me and explore the possibility of a relationship. In many ways, we hit it off quite well. And I have to admit that I was swept off my feet. Rob was the first guy to actually pursue me. (Usually, I’ve had to chase after the other guy.) I learned just how much I could enjoy being the object of pursuit. In fact, I’d say that one of the things I learned about myself due to my encounter with Rob is that I like a slightly aggressive guy.

Sadly, things with Rob were fast-paced and terribly short lived. After a few dates and immediately after our first night together, Rob decided I wasn’t what he was looking for after all. I have to admit that after being pursued that hard and dropped just as quickly, I was stinging. Though I did learn an important lesson in that respect, too. My guides tried to tell me things were going too fast and I should slow things back down. But I allowed myself to get carried away in the heat of the moment.

Of course, I don’t think things would’ve ended any differently. After much time, I realize that Rob and I just weren’t right for each other. And that would’ve been the case no matter how slowly we took things. Though I do admit that I wonder if slowing down would’ve enabled us to realize this before we took things as far as we did, saving at least some heartache. So the lesson I learned from that is that when spirit says slow down, it’s best to listen, even if you are enjoying the heat of the moment.

March and April brought new choices with them. After the events of February, I realized that I needed to get out more and put myself in positions where I could meet more people. Before then, I had a small group of great friends, and I’m still thankful for them. But I realized that if I wanted more out of life (especially in the realms of socializing and dating), it was time to expand my circles even farther. So I began to join various groups and look for other ways to get out in the wider community. I would say I’ve seen some mixed results from those efforts, but I’d say they were positive overall. And it’s still a work in progress. And I’ve made some great friendships (especially one in particular) as a result that I think I will always cherish.

The summer months, starting with June, brought unexpected changes in me. In June, I started walking more. In fact, the weekend before my birthday, I took my first ever seven mile walk along the Erie canal. That first walks was both exciting and draining. I came away with a sunburn and some pretty serious blisters on my feet, but I also developed a passion for the trek. In fact, I loved it so much, that I repeated the walk once a month through September and am even counting down the days until the warm weather returns and I can resume the little tradition.

In addition to the canal walk, I began taking a walk after my weekly dinner with friends on Monday nights. Those walks began when I got ready to leave the restaurant one Monday night and decided it was too gorgeous an evening to just go home. So a second walking tradition was born. By the end of summer, I was up to three one-hour walks a week (except on the weekend I’d take the canal walk, in which case that trek would replace one of the regular walks). I began to see this as something I did for enjoyment.

As an aside, this is also the summer that I began to enjoy sunbathing. This is something I had considered a waste of time while growing up and would often shake my head at my sister in disgust during summer vacations when she’d sunbathe daily. In fact, when I confessed to my sister this summer that I’d started enjoying the practice myself, she immediately asked, “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

In August, I went with friends the Northeast Naturist Festival. I had a pleasant time while there (though I will note that I kept my clothes on 99.9% of the time I was there) and enjoyed my first real vacation (i.e. a prolonged period off where I did something other than visit family) in years. I came to appreciate again the importance of pampering myself.

The naturist retreat also marked the point in time where I’d say I really began to start coming into my own in terms of spirituality. I had a few moving experiences while there, and they initiated changes in myself that continued over the next several months, and will likely continue into the coming year.

At this point, I will also note that I started really “coming into my own” in general around this time. Or at least I began to notice it. I began building much more self-confidence and a willingness to take risks and make myself more vulnerable. In some ways, I’d say my transformation into a minor social butterfly started to become more noticeable at this point.

In September and October, I had more spiritual awakenings. It is at this time when my patroness, Freyja, began to make it more clear that the nature of our relationship was going to change significantly. (I’m still not ready to publicly discuss the nature of that change, however.) Again, I found myself in situations where my comfort zones were pushed and I was encouraged (not quite at knifepoint) to stretch as a person.

Also in October, I went to a cousin’s wedding. While making the trip with my parents and members from my father’s side of the family, Freyja also impressed upon me the fact that I’ve cut myself off from my family. She began to impress upon me the fact that I need to get closer to them. She says it’s because there are ways in which I can help various people in my family. Of course, I’m not sure how that’s going to work, considering that the kind of help I can best offer is something most of them would be opposed to. But I guess time will tell.

Then in December, the bombshell dropped. About two weeks before Yule, Freyja suggested (again, not quite at knifepoint) that I should plan the Yule ritual for a small group of friends. So I placed the necessary calls, made the commitment, and moved forward. I have to admit, I was rather nervous, especially after becoming sick for the week prior to the ritual, which I had originally hoped to better use for planning. But things turned out beautifully and everyone had a pleasant time. And fortunately, I have much more advanced noticed for the next ritual I’m expected to plan, which isn’t until the Spring Equinox.

I’d say it’s been an interesting, profound, and profitable year. Hopefully the coming one will continue in that trend.