Category Archives: Humor

Gender and Sexuality, Humor

Oopsie!

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Generally speaking, I do not “officially” come out at work.  It’s not that I deny or hide the fact that I’m a gay man, and I suspect that most people who see me at work at least suspect or even assume that I’m gay, given the number of stereotypical characteristics I happen to exhibit.  But after becoming the “office curisiosity” at my first job, I otherwise tend to not discuss my sexuality or my love life on any job.

But like I said, I don’t hide who I am either.  In fact, I don’t even think about what it would take to hide who I am, as my experience yesterday so aptly proved.  For various reasons, I decided to bring my iPad in to work with me.  As much of my desk is covered with computers and equipment for my job, I placed my beloved device on the safest space still left clear on my desk:  The corner that’s right next to the walkway through my work area.  I then started taking care of my work and didn’t think of my iPad again until around 2pm (five hours later).

That’s when it occurred to me that I had, as is my custom, laid my iPad so that the screen was face down and the cover was facing upward, visible to anyone who walked by and happened to glance down at my desk.  That cover happens to look like this (except it has a few stains on it now):

ipad.JPG

Well, if people at work didn’t suspect, they surely do now!

Personally, beyond being somewhat embarrassing and a sign of how little I think about these things these days, this really isn’t a big deal for me.  I’m very fortunate — even privileged — by the fact that I work in a field (software engineering) that (in my experience at least) tends to be fairly tolerant of those who fall outside of many societal norms in exchange for the work done by such people.  Plus, I’m privileged enough to live in a state that includes non-discrimination protections based on sexual orienation.  (We’re still working on getting non-discrimination protections based on gender identity and gender expression, though.)  As such, I can rest comfortably in the knowledge that, unlike someone who works in a less skilled job and/or has the disadvantage of working in a state that permits hostility toward and workplace discrimination against non-heterosexual people, the worst thing that will happen to me is a bit of embarrassment.

While I’m grateful for that, I also want to take this time to advocate for those who are not as privileged, who might face much more severe consequences if it became known in their workplace that they were part of the QUILTBAG community.  If you live in a place that doesn’t offer non-discrimination protections for QUILTBAG people, please advocate for such protections.  Here in New York State, the Empire State Pride Agenda is still pushing for the passage of GENDA, and I’m sure other states have organizations pushing for such policies.  Please consider supporting them with your voice and possibly your money.

And don’t forget the national organizations that help with these fights not only on a federal level, but with assistance on state levels as well.

Gender and Sexuality, Humor, Videos

NCOD Humor

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Yesterday, I did a serious post about National Coming Out Day and cominng out of the closet.  Today, I want to share a fun little video I did.  I figure coming out is scary enough, I might as well find humor in it where I can.

I do want to take a moment to issue an apology, however.  After I made the video, I realized that I flubbed up and said “transexual” instead of “transgender.”  I should have used the latter word, for countless reasons, such as the fact that gender identity issues delve into far more than physical sexual characteristics.  Normally, I do a better job than that.  But rather than trying to explain why I used the wrong word, let me just say this:

I fucked up.  I am sorry.  This is just proof that I need to work even harder at being a better ally to the transgender community.  I hope that the transgender community will give me a chance to do exactly that.

Humor, Sexuality

But I like shaving my palms!

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gum.jpgI’m an avid follower of FAILblog, the blog where people post the most bizarre pictures mocking something that is or just seems wrong by marking the photographs with the word “FAIL.”  Things mocked include bizarre car accidents, poorly worded signs that end up giving an unintended message, and people just doing crazy (and usually dangerous) things.

To be honest, I often find myself wondering if some pictures are faked.  The picture for the “anti-masturbatory gum” (see left) is one of those cases.  Setting aside the fact that I can’t begin to understand how gum can make you lose interest in pleasuring yourself (short of messing with hormones, which I find a rather scary thing to do just to avoid a bit of sexual relief), I just can’t imagine why anyone would WANT such a product.

Well, anyone who isn’t a repressed bundle of unexpressed sexuality who’s afraid that some Higher Power is going to strike them dead for enjoying their own bodies and the pleasure it gives them.  Thankfully, my gods tend to have a much more tolerant view of sexuality and sexual pleasure.  In fact, they think it’s something to be celebrated!

Granted, they stipulate that such celebration should be done in a manner that is responsible.  But what could be more responsible than pleasuring yourself?  Let’s face it:

  • No one has ever gotten pregnant from pleasuring themselves.
  • No one has ever gotten an STD from pleasuring themselves.
  • No one gets used or abused when you pleasure yourself.
  • Everyone involved — you — is bound to enjoy the experience.

So please, if you’re feeling the urge, give yourself to take care of that urge.  It’s far more ethical and responsible than using someone else to take care of your physical needs and hurting them in the process.

And really, am I the only one who thinks that trying to stop people from masturbating by encouraging them to develop a possible oral fixation might be a bit unwise?  😉

Gender and Sexuality, Humor, Man-Crazy

Incorrigible!, Scene One

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Cast

Queer:  A flamboyantly gay man in his mid-thirties.  Bears a striking resemblance to the playwright.

Straightboy:  A slender, fit man in his late teens or early twenties. Has a brush cut and looks like he works out a lot.

Straightboy Too:  A friend and near carbon copy of Straightboy.

Clerk:  An easy-going, mellow gentleman in his early forties.  Knows Queer, who is a regular customer at the gas station.

Bystanders:  A small group of people of various ages and genders.

Setting

The gas station where Clerk works.  Straightboy and Straightboy Too are at the counter and Queer is standing directly behind him.  The bystanders fill out the line behind the trio.

Action

Straightboy Too:  Do you need to see my ID, too?

Clerk:  Yes.  (Takes the card offered by Straightboy Too.)  I can’t take this ID.  I see you have a New York driver’s license.  Give me that.

Straightboy Too:  (Handing over a second card.)  You can’t take military ID?

Clerk:  They don’t have a barcode I can scan, so no.

Straightboy Too:  (Collects his ID and turns to Straightboy.)  I’ll go move your truck to one of the pumps.  (Exits.)

Straightboy:  (Turning to address everyone in line behind him.)  I’m sorry it’s taking so long.

(Several seconds pause.  Queer looks mildly amused at this point.)

Straightboy:  (Turning to Queer.)  I’m sorry to slow things down.

Queer:  (Smiling and affecting a nonchalant tone as Straightboy turns to face Clerk again.)  That’s okay, hon.  You’re cute so I’ll forgive you this time.

(Straightboy turns with a startled, disbelieving look.  Queer continues to smile and Straightboy turns around and finishes paying Clerk before exiting.)

End Scene

Humor

Talk about voter incentive!

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MSNBC is reporting that an adult store chain is giving out free sex toys to voters:

The rewards are no-so-subtle reminders of this year?s campaign rhetoric. For men, it?s the ?Maverick,? a “sleeve” for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, ?He?s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.? Women can choose the ?Silver Bullet? mini-vibrator, which is ?a magical solution to difficult problems? and ?a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!? The promotion lasts through Nov. 11.

I have to admit that this is the most bizarre and most humorous “reward” I’ve heard of for doing one’s civic duty. Then again, I suppose it also makes sense. I’ve often joked that the presidential election is merely the process by which we choose which party is going screw us for the next few years. At least Babeland is offering a consolation prize we can use to make it a more pleasurable experience for ourselves.

Hat tip: Greg

Health, Humor, Religion

It rarely pays to argue with a goddess

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One of the interesting things about Freyja acting as my patroness and primary guide is that she often puts in her two cents on my health and any matter related to it. And while she certainly reaffirms my right to make my own decisions about what I should do, she both makes her opinion about the best course of action known and is brutally honest about the consequences of a bad decision I’m considering.

Consider, for example, a brief exchange we had tonight at dinner. After working at the shop all afternoon, Belinda, Amy, and I decided to go to dinner at Red Lobster tonight. The three of us sat in a comfortable booth enjoying our meals. After I finished my chicken linguini alfredo (one of the great ironies of my life is that I eat at Red Lobster at least once a month despite the fact that I don’t like seafood or fish), I pondered the possibility of dessert. After all, I absolutely love their ice cream sundae with the big chocolate chip cookie on the bottom. I considered it when Miss Thing decided to make her thoughts known. The exchange went something like the following.

Her: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Me: But it’s so good!

Her: Yes, but you’ve already had enough to eat.

Me: I can manage it!

Her: You also had the pina colada with dinner.

Me: I know, but I probably won’t come back for a few more weeks, and I really want the sundae.

Her: Okay, let me lay it out for you. Then you can choose whatever you want.

Me: Lay it out for me?

Her: Your digestive system is already a bit out of whack due to your recent changes in exercise and eating habits. You’ve eaten a large meal and had a drink. Before you order the ice cream, you might just want to stop and ask yourself how much time you really want to spend in the bathroom this evening.

Me: You mean….?

Her: Well, let’s just say that if you have the ice cream, you might want to move the television in there as soon as you get home so you don’t miss your shows.

I eventually saw reason and went without dessert tonight. Hey, it was my choice. But all the same, it sure feels like she play dirty some days. 😉