In my previous post, I mentioned that a witch’s magic starts the moment she decides to set her will toward accomplishing a given goal. That means that the first step in any magical endeavor is answering the following question:

What do I want?

True story: Over a decade I started taking an online course in spiritual development under a given tradition. The first lesson in that course was defining what I wanted. One single goal that I hoped to accomplish. The lesson was all about how to go about selecting and refining that goal. That’s basically what this post will also be about, because I find it is an essential first step in any magical endeavor.

So what do you want? Do you want money? Do you want to be a successful author? Do you just want to get your kids to go to bed on time for once? (Considering no magic can actually short-circuit another person’s free will, that’s some truly complex and difficult magic, right there. I’m not sure I’d even try it!) Or do you want to find someone who will love you?

For the sake of this post, I’m going to focus on that last one. Besides, love spells seem to always be in high demand, so it’s probably worth exploring anyway. So what do you mean when you say that want someone to love you? What does someone loving you look like? What exactly is it about yourself that you want them to love?(1)

How long do you want them to love you? Forever? A year? A month? A week? Until the end of your first date? Okay, if you answer yes to that last one, you may want to admit you’re probably not looking for love. That’s perfectly okay, by the way. just be honest with yourself, the universe, and everyone else about what you really want. Then look for it without shame or guilt.

Now that we’ve talked about what we’re looking for, let’s bring the goal in a little closer so it’s a bit more manageable. Looking at the big picture was helpful because it helped us define what you’re looking for and what qualities you’re looking for in that “someone” who will love you. But now it’s time to acknowledge that doing magic to bring you someone who’s ready to get married next week (assuming we can even book a reception hall on such short notice) probably isn’t going to work out well. So maybe we should think about just finding someone that you can hang out with or go on a first date with. You know, trying to meet someone who has all (or most of) those qualities you think would make them your perfect partner who happens to be available Friday night. So now let’s think about what you’d like to do on that date or while hanging out for the first time. Do you want to have dinner? Should that person be a bit of a foodie or just be happy to munch on some McDonald’s? Do they need to be vegan? Or do they have to understand and respect food allergies so that they understand you mean it when you say you absolutely cannot eat anything that came within ten feet of any milk product? Do you see yourself going to see a movie? Are there any genres of movies you’d really like your date to be into? Are there any you cannot stand, so that someone who considers those kinds of movies their staple would not be a good fit for you?

Okay, now consider the end of the date. Do you want someone who is all about those romantic notions of the good night kiss? Or do you want someone who will end the first date on a hug and a handshake and still express and/or welcome interest in a second date? Or are you one of those who are hoping the date will end with both your clothes scattered throughout one of your bedrooms?

Knowing exactly what you want and why is important to effective magic, because it offers clarity and focus. It ensures that what you are going after is what you want, leaving nothing to chance or miscommunication. Also, clearly understanding what you want helps you when it comes time to think about the symbolism of any spell or rite you might perform. You can make sure that your symbols — words, phrases, color choices, herbs, and/or oils — all reflect what you are aiming for without ambiguity. And it does the same for your unconscious mind, which should be on the lookout for opportunities to achieve your goal.

Notes:

(1) I would like to take this moment to gently point out that if you have trouble answering this question or it makes you uncomfortable, it may be time to gently put the search for someone else to love you on hold and work on figuring out how and why you can love yourself. I’ve seen it plenty of times. Hell, I’ve been there a few times myself. It’s frustrating to realize that’s where you are, but the work to build self-love can be extremely rewarding. Trust me. Or better yet, don’t trust me. Try it and find out for yourself.