A while back, while I was in one of my desparate “I want a boyfriend” states of minds, I created profiles on a couple of online personal sites. One of the sites I joined was not to my liking, and I pretty much gave up on it. This was mainly because while the site catered to gay an bisexual men and women, it seemed like almost every other gay man on there was just interested in sex. Being a hopeless romantic, I decided to quit wasting my time there and looked elsewhere.

Apparently, I forgot to disable email notifications, however. The other day, I got an email from the site to tell me about a potential match. The guy lives in Buffalo, which is a bit far away. But if that had been my only objection, I would’ve at least considered it. However, the excerpt from his profile that they included was the ultimate deal-breaker. In fact, I found it reprehensible enough that I decided it was worth a bit of a rant on my part. So let’s take the sucker point by point.

Almost always have sex on my mind.

Now, I’m not generally one for faulting someone for having sex on their mind a lot. I will be the first to admit that it can consume a large amount of my thoughts, too. But to make such an admission the first thing you tell someone strikes me as insane. This line alone tells me that to this guy, it’s all about the sex. If I’m looking for romance, love, emotional intimacy, or anything other than a wild ride in the bedroom, I’m just plain out of luck. So on second thought, maybe I should thank him for letting me know right up front that I’d be wasting my time on him.

I am a spiritual person that sees a real connection to the power of an orgasm and a spiritual experience.

Now, given my patroness, I’m all for seeing sex as a sacred thing. But you know, this doesn’t sound like seeing sex as sacred at all. This sounds more like someone mistaking self-gratification and self-serving sex for a spiritual experience. I find myself wondering if this guy even thinks about his partners during the road to his so-called “spiritual experience.” I mean, if his spirituality is just about him getting off, that’s what his hand is for.

I am always ready to cum.

And entirely too eager, if you ask me.

Wanna cum with me.

To his credit, he actually takes a moment to think of his potential partner’s needs here, even if only as an afterthought. But again, I’m interested in more than just getting my rocks off, too. (After all, I have a perfectly working hand as well!) I want someone who’s going to be attentive. I want someone who is going to look to share the entire experience with me, not just the “squirt at the end.” I want tenderness, strength, and many other qualities that this man just hasn’t shown.

All this man has shown is that he’s an egomaniac with enough smarts to throw some pseudospiritual comments into a personal site profile.