Don’t bring victim blaming into the Craft

(Updated 17 April 2024 to change the shortcode to a tweet to a direct link.)

(Updated 19 December 2024 due to the fact that the tweet referenced has been deleted.)

On Wednesday, Twitter user @kelmardino (account now deleted) sent out a tweet expressing concern about an image containing tips on manifesting.

I have to say that I completely understand her reaction to that image. I had a similarly negative reaction to it. I felt so strongly about what I had read that I decided to tweet a thread about it. I’ve since decided to turn that thread into this post.

I will note that the message in the image is not completely without merit. When it comes to magic, there are some nuggets of helpful advice in there. But they are buried in what is overall a heaping pile of garbage. So in the interest in addressing this state of affairs, I’d like to take each point in the image and study them for nuggets of truth while combating the awfulness they propagate.

“Always stay positive.”

Okay, I’m going to start by taking this point in a different direction than was probably intended. When planning a magical working, you should focus on what is wanted, not what is unwanted or what you want to avoid. Magic is supposed to be about positive action, like “soothe my muscles,” rather than negating action, like “stop the pain in my shoulders.” This phrasing can make a difference, especiailly when you start looking for “mundane” acts (Remember that the distinction between “mundane” and “magic” is actually nonexistence) to help achieve your goal.

Taking the statement the way it was probably intended is highly problematic. It’s okay to have doubts. It’s okay to be frustrated. Too many people who advise you to “stay positive” are basically telling you repress things that are unhealthy to repress.

Now, when you’re doing magic, it’s good to temporarily do your best to set your doubts and fears aside to work on focusing your energies toward your goals. But this should never be a permanent state of being.

“Say it like it’s already done.”

There is value to saying something is done and/or visualizing things as if there they’ve already happened. If nothing else, this helps get us excited and motivates us to keep working, especially in our “mundane” efforts.

“Do not spend time thinking about anything opposite to what you want.”

I see little value in this one outside of the magical working itself. Acknowledging that things don’t always go exactly as we like is important. And considering contingency plans or potential “course corrections” to still achieve our goals is smart. Also, if your goal does not manifest (and it happens to everyone at times), adherents to the sixth point will use this to blame you for your “failure.” We’ll talk more about that when we get there.

“Meditate on what you want.”

It’s good to spend time focusing on what you want and putting that energy into getting it. But it takes more than just meditation to accomplish something, and it’s at this point in the list where I start feeling like we lose sight of that. Accomplishing our goals also takes physical effort. If we want a new job, we have to work on writing our resume and going to interviews as well as lighting a green candle and visualizing the perfect job.

“See it, smell it, feel it, hear it.”

In a magical working, it’s good practice to involve as many senses as possible. Especially in visualization. It’s a way to get our whole body involved and committed to the effort of accomplishing our goals. However, I again note that a good visualization alone is not going to make it happen. And I feel like this is another set up to explain away the “failed spells” as somehow the individual’s fault. “You just didn’t make it real enough in your mind!”

“If it’s real in your brain, it will be real in the physical.”

This statement should be shot directly into the sun without fanfare. There is nothing redeemable about it. It is problematic in so many ways. For starters, it’s false. There are limits to what you can accomplish with magic. Some things are just too big. Some things would involve overcoming many other forces and factors in this world.

Part of learning witchcraft is learning what you really can do and how to best go from there. Sometimes, a problem has to be broken down. Sometimes, you have to figure out how to get to point X before you can move on to point Y. You can’t get to point Y in a single jump.

And again, this whole list sounds like you’re just going to meditate imagine something into existence. That’s not how this works, either. It takes effort. It takes time.

One of the things I appreciated about the Builder’s of the Adytum teaching program (which I never completed) is that they stressed that a person’s goals had to be (1) attainable and (2) often broken down into a series of goals. It’s a teaching that protected against a lot of the sloppy thinking that seems to come from the “manifestation” crow.

It’s also important to remember that some goals just aren’t obtainable for various reasons. So don’t blame yourself if something you want doesn’t come to pass.

And that’s the ultimate problem with that last statement. According to it, if you don’t get what you wanted, it’s because you did something wrong. You didn’t believe enough. You didn’t make it real enough in your mind. That’s victim blaming. Fuck that noise.

Witchy Questions: Do you worship nature?

This post was inspired by Question #19 from this list.

In order to judge whether I worship nature, I feel we just first understand what it means to worship something. Worship is one of those words that is often tainted by our primarily Christian culture and the images of what it means to worship something in the most vocal and visible expressions of Christianity.

In that context, worship has taken on a connotation of giving something — usually the Christian god — ultimate praise and honor, usually at the price of bowing and scraping and humbling (or humiliating) oneself before that which is being worshiped. I do worship nature in that sense. Hell, I worship nothing and no one in that sense.

However, if we look at a more general definition of the word, we see that to worship something is to give it honor and adoration. Looking at the word’s etymology, its roots suggest acknowledging worth. In this sense, yes I do worship nature. I honor it and adore it and enjoy expressing that honor and adoration. But then, seeing as I see everything and everyone as sacred, you could apply that same definition and say that I worship everything and everyone. Nature is no more or less worthy of my honor than my husband, my friend, my cat, my coworker, or the person around the world and have never met.

Witchy Questions: Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up?

This post was inspired by Questions #18 from this list.

I’m going to get a bit pedantic in this post. You see, it’s my understanding and opinion that a lot of people conflate a Book fo Shadows and a witch’s notebook/journal or grimoire.

A Book of Shadows is a book that contains the rituals and lore that is passed down as a part of a given tradition in order to preserve it. Part of the training process in such traditions involves making a copy of the Book of Shadows by hand. Usually, this involves talking over what you are copying and learning more about each bit of written lore (including the unwritten lore ore mysteries that go along with it). I’m not part of such a tradition, so I don’t have a Book of Shadow. At this point, I’m not trying to create my own tradition, so i see no need to create a Book of Shadows. If I ever create my own unique and cohesive craft practice that others might be interested in learning and imitating, I might actually write out such a book.

What a lot of people call a Book of Shadows is more of a journal or notebook of spells, often called a grimoire. These are much more deeply personal and tend to represent a witches personal experimentation with magic. Some such books will even include information about the results of trying a given spell in a certain situation. I don’t keep this kind of journal or book either. Part of that is simply from the practical part that I am disorganized and lazy. Plus I never learned how to take notes in school, and it feels like keeping such a book would be far easier and even more attractive to someone with that skill set.

I also rationalize my choice with the fact that I’m not really one to do the same spell more than once. I prefer to tailor my magical workings to a given situation and base how approach it to what I have on hand. Granted, I suspect that I might find such a book useful to keep track of and remember clever turns of phrase or really beautiful chants that I might re-use in a new working. But again,I lack the self discipline for that so far.

Witchy Questions: Do you write your own spells?

This post was inspired by Question #17 from this list.

Back in April, I wrote a post about my issues with finding spells on the Internet. I half feel like cut and pasting that post into this one, as it basically brings out one of the reasons I think writing our own spells (or constructing our own magical workings, to use my preferred language) is practically essential. Figuring out how to go about doing a given magical working myself makes it more meaningful to me. It resonates with my own energies more than following someone else’s instructions. And it puts more of my own effort and energies into the working. After all, always remember that magic begins building when you decide what you want to accomplish, not when you start lighting candles, chanting, or whatever other ritual actions you perform as part of the working.

Witchy Questions: Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

This post was inspired by Question #16 from this list.

When it comes to witchcraft, being knowledgeable is an interesting idea. There’s so many things to know it’s literally impossible to know all of them. Fortunately, it’s also not necessary to know all of them. You can focus on certain areas and learn all you possibly can and remain blissfully ignorant. Personally, I can teach classes (and have done so) on runes and give satisfactory tarot readings, but couldn’t tell much more about Kabbalah beyond the fact that there are ten sefirot and give you the names of two or three of them.

Even with the things I’m most knowledgeable about, i know there are things that I could still learn. I can expand my experiences and understanding infinitely more. So to the true witch — and I dare say any honest seeker of knowledge — I would argue that the greatest knowledge one can possess is knowledge that there’s still more to learn.

Witchy Questions:What was the last spell you performed?

This post was inspired by Question #15 from this list.

I have to admit that I’ve always found some witches’ choice to discuss their magical workings with others rather odd and bizarre. To me, my magic is way too personal. The only people I’d feel comfortable discussing a magical working with are those I did the working with. Or have at least worked magic with in the past.

Also, if the goal of a given working has not been yet achieved, I will absolutely not discuss that working. Not with anyone. That invites too much “picking” at the power raised and the things set in motion. I believe that sort of things can actually mess things up. No, I’d rather let my magic work in secret and do its thing.

Witchy Questions: Are you “out of the broom closet”?

This post is inspired by Question #14 from this list.

What does it mean to be out of the broom closet? I mean, in one sense, I post blog posts about being a witch, so I’d say I’m pretty “out.” I’ve also been known to wear Pagan themed tee shirts in public. So yeah, I suppose you could say I’m “out.”

But then, there are people in my life that probably don’t know I’m a witch simply because the topic has never come up. Most of my coworkers probably know nothing about my spiritual or magical views. That’s mainly because I don’t have the kind of relationship with them where such conversations would come up naturally or be appropriate.

Being gay, I’ve also come out of that closet, which I think has affected my views on the broom closet a little. I came out as gay hard. I had to as a matter of reclaiming my sense of worth and to survive. As part of that, I came out at my first job. That led to weird situations. I often felt like the “zoo exhibit” because of my sexuality. One coworker asked questions that weren’t really appropriate. Others make jokes that were far less subtle than they thought.

When I changed jobs, I decided to be a little less conspicuous and decided that I would only come out if it was appropriate. At the time, I was single, then got into a relationship that I wasn’t sure was ever going to go anywhere (it didn’t). So it was pretty easy to keep my sexual and romantic life (the former was non-existent at the time anyway) away from the water cooler conversation.

I will note that at that job, I did accidentally out myself as a witch. I had a tendency to check out the Wiccan and Pagan message boards I frequently on my break, and more than one coworker managed to walk into my cubicle at the perfect time to see what I was reading. Fortunately, they just chuckled and moved on.

So yeah, I’m more or less open about my spiritual and magical practices. I don’t hid them. But I am selective about who I start up a conversation about them with.

Witchy Questions: Do you have a magical name?

This post is inspired by Question #13 from this list.

I’ve never used a magical name. A friend once suggested a magical name for me, Ing. It seemed quite apt to me, given that it’s another name for the god Freyr and often is associated with his role of promoter of the piece and maintenance of the prosperity of the land. In many ways, that image of Freyr is something I can identify with and aspire to. If I had ended up joining that friend’s coven, I probably would have taken her recommendation and adopted Ing as my magical name. If I ever feel the need to adopt a magical name, I will probably give that one some serious consideration.

However, my personal practice does not call for a magical name. Freyja calls me by my real name as do my former covenmates and my husband and working partner. It works for us, and I don’t feel a compulsion to take on an alias.

I certainly don’t feel the need to take on an alias for my safety, which is a common reason cited for the use of magical names. I am fortunate that I have enough relative privilege that I don’t need to keep my witchy life and, say, my professional life separate. In fact, I’ve been able to discuss my magical and spiritual beliefs at work quite comfortably in the past.

I get why a lot of people adopt magical names. I just don’t feel like those reason apply to me, personally. So I’m just Jarred in circle and out.

Witchy Questions: Do you believe in Karma or Reincarnation?

This post was inspired by Question #12 from this list.

I’m not a big fan of the concept of karma, at least not in the sense that there is some cosmic scorekeeper that makes sure you receive the same amount of good and/or bad as you put out into the world. I do get the impression that my own understanding of wyrd is very similar to the tradition Hindu understanding of karma. But my understanding of the Hindu understanding of karma is limited by the fact that I’m not terribly familiar with that religious tradition. So my understanding may be completely wrong. So I prefer to focus on wyrd rather than attempt to co-opt the word “karma.”

As for reincarnation, I tend to have complicated beliefs about that. The short answer is that I believe in reincarnation and actually consider rebirth into a new life after death to be the desirable outcome rather than something to be escaped through some sort of reunion with the Divine. This life is full of wondrous things and I want to live again so I can experience them again. Or maybe have all new experiences.

I’m also not convinced that souls are atomic units, either. I tend to believe that it’s more a case that our essence — that vitalizing force within all things — flows back into the universe and flows where to wherever it may. So my essence may end up helping to revitalize a bunch of different people and living things rather than just getting repackaged as a whole into a single body.

Witchy Questions: Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

This post is inspired by Question #11 on this list.

Picture of a dilute tortie lying on the end of the couch.
The current queen of the Harris household. Taken 17 January 2020.

I have grown up all my life with pets. Currently, Joe and I share our home with Precious, the delightful sixteen year old dilute tortie pictured in this post. I had both cats and dogs when I lived with my parents and hope to add a dog to our family at some point in the future.

I have never considered any of my pets familiars. I have met many people who seem to think that merely being a witch means that any pet they have is a familiar. To each their own, but that’s not how I see it personally. For me to consider an animal a familiar, that animal would have to enhance or aid in my Craft in some palpable way to me. That’s never happened.

But even if she’s only a pet rather than a familiar, you gotta admit that our current fur-baby is downright adorable, right?

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.