Emotions, Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Painful realizations

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I’ve always hated making mistakes. In fact, the fact the ability and tendency to make mistakes is one of the few things that drive me batty about the human condition. Fortunately, I’ve slowly learned to accept that aspect of my own humanity, and I can usually avoid excessive self-flagellation when I goof up.

What still bothers me, however, is when I make a mistake, only to realize it’s a mistake I’ve made in the past (or at least similar enough to one that I should’ve realized it was a mistake). It’s one thing to make a mistake due to lack of experience. It’s another thing to make a mistake despite experience. It’s even worse when deep down, I know I made the mistake against my better judgement. I let other factors override my judgement, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

It seems that some lessons need to be repeated. Hopefully, I do better on the next test.

Friends, Religion

Considerate friends can be odd

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My previous entry reminded me of something else I wanted to comment on. A couple weeks ago, my friend James and I talked on the phone. Recently, he and his girlfriend of three years got engaged. I congratulated him on this development and we talked about their plans. He spent a considerable amount of time talking about their wedding plans. It appears that there wedding will be nontraditional in a number of ways. (Knowing James, this is not exactly a surprise.)

However, what really got me is when he got talking about the religious undertones of their wedding ceremony. Understand that James, like most of the people with whom I forged friendships before 1995, is an evangelical Christian. James in particular is a United Methodist minister. He and Michelle met at seminary. To be honest, the religious undertones are to be expected. What surprised me is when he commented that he hoped it didn’t make me uncomfortable.

First let me say that it’s a sign of the kind of friendship James and I had that he’d even bother expressing concern about my comfort level during his wedding. It says a lot about his character. Of course, I assured him that I’m not concerned about it. I’ve sat through church services before. I think I can be comfortable during a wedding ceremony for someone I’ve been friends with for over a decade.

The one area in which I did appreciate his concern is when he mentioned that they will be serving Communion during the ceremony. Naturally, I won’t be participating in that part of the service, which is fine with me. What I appreciate is James’s understanding that being one of the few people (if not the only person) who does not participate in this part of the service can make you feel rather conspicuous. I’ve been to church services with my parents over the past couple years, only to find out too late that it was a Communion Sunday. There’s nothing quite as disconcerting as watching everyone else walk by you and giving you a quizzacle look because you’re not going forward to partake.

All in all, though, that whole part of the conversation struck me as odd.

Love, Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

Weddings and Funerals

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It’s been quite some time since I’ve participated in Witches Weekly. When I checked the site on a whim and read the current questions, I felt they were well worth considering.

If you were to plan your own Wedding or Funeral ceremony, would you create two separate ceremonies for pagan and non-pagan folk, or would you just plan a ceremony around your beliefs. How would you feel if any non-pagan friends or family did not wish to attend such a ceremony?

This is a question (at least when discussing weddings) I used to ponder when I was dating Mike. In that situation, the question was further complicated by the fact that he was not Pagan, but nominally Christian. Because of that fact, I felt that a completely Pagan ceremony made absolutely no sense. So I had always envisioned a single ceremony that we both found acceptable. Because of our difference in faiths, I figured that it would probably be fairly generic, and would not bother any of our potential guests.

If I was marrying another Pagan, I’m not entirely sure what I would do. On the one hand, I’d be inclined to just do a Pagan themed ceremony and not bother with another one. After all, most of my friends would be okay with such a service, as they respect my beliefs and would be willing to respect incorporating my beliefs into my own wedding ceremony. And to be perfectly frank, those who could not handle that choice would also be unable to get over the fact that I was marrying another man. As such, they wouldn’t show up, and I see little reason to worry about their sensibilities because of that.

But as I think about it, I think that I don’t really want a “Pagan wedding” at all. I want a handfasting, and I want it in the truest sense of the word. I want a private, magical act which not only affirms our bonds with one another, but actually creates (moreso than they already exist) and strengthens them. I don’t feel that kind of magical act is appropriate for the normal participant-spectator model that most weddings involve. After all, a huge guest list does not work well with the small numbers needed to keep everyone a direct participant.

Also, such a handfasting does not lend itself to meeting the needs of the civil marriage ceremony and contract (assuming I’m ever granted access to such civil rights, mind you). And even if it did, I’m not sure I’d want to combine the two. So perhaps I will have two “ceremonies,” a civil ceremony where the papers are signed and most guests are invited, and then the magical act, which is kept between myself, my love, and those who we trust to work with us in the working of such magic. (Of course, that all assumes I have a lover open to these things, himself.)

As for my funeral, I’m not sure I care much about that one. While I see my wedding as something for my lover and myself, I see a funeral as being for the benefit of those loved ones I’ve left behind. To be perfectly honest, I’m inclined to let my closest loved ones plan the funeral service in any way that will help them to grieve properly. However, this permission will come with the caveat that if they invite a Christian minister to speak and he goes into an evangelistic spiel, I will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

Randomness

Week in review

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This past week was pretty uneventful, really. Well, up until Wednesday, at least. Wednesday, we got a pretty good storm that came through the area. The good news is that we didn’t get anything near the 20+ inches they were originally predicting on Tuesday. The bad news is that this meant that I didn’t get a snow day off from work. So that meant driving on messy roads with snow still falling from the sky. Granted, it was still better than back when I lived in Pennsylvania and drove all the way to Ithaca and back each day for work.

The only down side to the experience was that Wednesday was my day to be split between projects. That meant that when I got up in the morning, I had to clean my car off to drive to the customer’s site, only to clean my car off again at lunch time to drive over to my own office and finish out the day there. When I cleaned off my car in the evening night to drive home, I decided that was the last time, stocked up on anything I possibly thought I could need before morning, and locked myself in my house for the night. It was actually quite relieving.

Of course, when I came home, I noticed some kids climbing a snow bank accross the parking lot from my home. They appeared to be having a good time. It gave me quite the smile, and made me think of my nieces and nephews down in Mississippi. Poor Liam is begging for snow, it seems. So I called my sister and jokingly told her she needed to bring the kids up here for some winter play. She laughed and told me in no uncertain terms that I can’t even mention the idea to Liam or he’d be all packed.

In other news, I have a coffee date tomorrow. I won’t say much about it other than that I’m quite excited about it.

Work

Changing my schedule is exhausting for some reason

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The past week or so, I’ve been focused on work too much to put much thought into blogging. I’m still trying to work out a satisfactory schedule that works with my current work situation.

You see, I’m currently working on two different projects (I’ll call them Project A and Project B) at the moment, focusing on each one for twenty hours of my work week. This is not unusual when you work in the contracting/design services industry. This is especially true when your involvement in Project A is winding down and the customer for Project B wants you get as early a start as possible.

Of course, this particular situation is further complicated by the fact that for the time being, Project B requires me to work on the customer’s site. So that means that when I’m working on Project B, I’m driving to the customer’s office, and when I’m working on Project A, I’m coming to my own company’s office. For four days of the week, that’s no big deal. During those days, I’m only working on one project, and simply show up at the correct location for the day and stay there until it’s time to come home.

However, the fifth day of the week (and which day that actually falls on varies from week to week), I work for hours on one project and four hours on the other. This means that for that day, I go to one site in the morning, drive to the other site halfway through the day, and then return home from the second site when its quitting time. Thank goodness both sites are relatively close to each other! Add to this the fact that I have two weeknights (and some weekends) that I spend doing business for Paths of the Old Ways, and I have a pretty busy schedule.

Oh, did I also mention that while my hours are extremely flexible at my company’s office, work on Project B is requiring me to standardize my workday a bit more? Also, getting up earlier than I like has become a necessity. So I’ve been spending most of my free time trying to get rested up and recovering from the schedule change.

Hopefully, I’ll have more time to seek out inspiration. I had a pretty good blogging pace going at the end of January, and I’d like to recover it in the near future.

Humor

I’m going to hell (big surprise)

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I don’t normally post quizzes and memes, but since I was tagged by Pisco on this one, I’m making an exception.

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Low
Level 1 – Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful) High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Low
Level 6 – The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Moderate
Level 9 – Cocytus (Treacherous) Low

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

The running commentary going through my head for some of the questions was funny.

Religion

Protect yourself from predators masquerading as spiritual leaders

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John Hainsworth, owner of a witch shop in Lititz Pennsylvania, was arrested for aggravated and indecent assault earlier this month. Apparently, he performed a “spiritual healing” on three different women that turned into something far more personal and totally inappropriate.

Sadly, as much as many Pagans would like to believe we’re above this sort of thing, such abuse is all too possible in our community. Truth be told, the lack of central authorities or systematic methods to identify less than honorable individuals who like to depict themselves as spiritual leaders and gurus makes Paganism a perfect outlet for this sort of thing. This is why it is so important that we as individuals need to be vigilant and careful in order to protect ourselves.

To that end, I would like to offer the following advice to people so that they might further protect themselves from incidents like the one that played out in Lancaster County on at least three separate occasions (and personally, I suspect there were more).

1. Be wary of anyone who’s quick to offer their services.
In this story, two of the women got into this situation not because they went looking for a “healing session,” but because Hainsworth suggested the idea to them. He saw that they had some deep needs and were vulnerable, so he presented himself as the solution to their problems. Unfortunately, this is all too common an approach for predators to take. Their “veil” of helpfulness is appealing and helps create the kind of confusion these women felt when things went wrong. Doubt created by thoughts like “he’s just trying to help” are an excellent tool that a predator can use to keep a victim in his clutches. It’s far safer to go to someone who waits for you to ask for help rather than someone who takes the initiative.

2. Check people out before you seek out or accept their services.
When seeking out spiritual help of any sort, take the time to make sure the person you’re considering going to is on the up-and-up. Whenever possible, ask other trustworthy people about them. Find those who have had experiences with this person and ask them to tell you about those experiences.

3. Interview the individual you are going to about themselves and what they plan on doing.
Eight years ago, when I went to a Reiki practitioner for the first time, we spent half an hour talking before I even got on the table. She was quite open about how long she had been practicing, as well as when and where she received her attunements. She then went on to tell me about Reiki and exactly what would be involved in working on me. This kind of discussion is vital, as it sets expectations and makes boundaries clear. Had that particular practitioner done anything beyond what we had discussed before she started working on me, I would have been gone instantly.

4. Trust your instincts.
One of the things that saddens me about this story is that the third woman felt things had gone wrong, but didn’t say anything because she was afraid she was “being stupid.” I hope that someone who cares about her has reassured her that she wasn’t being stupid. If something in a situation like that makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s time to put an end to it. If you feel a boundary has been crossed, it probably has. And you have not only a right to stand up for yourself in such a situation, but an ethical mandate to do so.

5. Always be wary when disrobing (either partially or fully) is involved.
Some may disagree with me on this point, but I feel quite strongly about it. While I have nothing against nudity, I do not feel it is appropriate in a private situation between people who are practically strangers, especially when spiritual healing is involved. Most spiritual healing practices (in fact, I can’t think of any where this doesn’t apply) do not require it to be effective. And if a particular practice does require it, I think it is important that a stronger bond between healer and client be formed first, preferrably over an extended period of time in which the character of both individuals can be better gauged by the other party.

These are just a few points that I can think of. I would encourage everyone to think about them and the topic in general. Perhaps others around you — or even you yourself — might be able to offer more advice on the matter. I can’t guarantee that this will keep you completely out of harm’s way, but I dare say that it certainly help a great deal.

Humor, Work

A comedy of side orders

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Today, I started working on a new project. As part of this new project, I will spend a considerable amount of time working at the customer’s site. This means that I spent most of today getting set up onsite and going through some training about their processes.

As a part of project kickoff, the customer took the three of us who are coming on board from our company out to lunch. This is a rather common practice in my line of work. But this was a remarkable unusual lunch. (And let’s just say that singling out any particular lunch that is attended by a bunch of engineers as unusual is saying a lot!)

Our waiter, for reasons that totally escaped us, decided not to write our orders down. Instead, he decided to keep all eight lunch orders in his head. We found it a strange thing to do and even joked that maybe he had a lapel microphone and was recording our orders as we said them. Naturally, this proved to not be the case, though our waiter thought it was a great idea.

Well, after he left our table, he came back and asked Brian which side he had asked for. Someone else jokingly commented that he hoped this meant that the young man had remembered all of the rest of our sides (and main orders, for that matter) correctly. Those hopes were proven unfounded when he came back again, and asked the four of us on my end of the tabe to repeat what sides we wanted. (Oddly, he didn’t write them down this time either.)

Well, when the food came, all four of us on my end of the table indeed got the wrong side. We ended up having to swap sides. By this time, the whole thing had reached the point of farce, and we just got a couple plates, dumped the sides (two orders of steak fries and two orders of sweet potato frieds) into a couple of bowls and just shared them communal-style. Strangely, they got Brian’s sandwich order wrong too, so the poor guy had to wait for them to make the right sandwich.

I’ve never laughed so much at a luncheon (except maybe for the WOTL luncheon). The food was great, but I hope the service doesn’t always get confused so easily. And hopefully, someone learns to use that pad he was carrying around.

Introspection, Paganism, Religion, Tarot

Tarot Musings: Strength

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Deck: Tarot of Transformation
Card: Strength (XI)
Keyphrase: Moving from the Core

A female figure stands in the foreground of the card, towards the right. She wears a patterned skirt and a veil flows across her arms and chest. A vine or branch travels up through her transparent body, suggesting a link to the earth. A bright line begins in a spiral near her feet and also travels up through and aalong side her body, flowing towards her uplifted left arm. Both of her arms are spread wide, transforming into feathered wings as they extend from her shoulders.

The woman looks over her right shoulder, gazing at the pyramids behind her in the scene. Two smaller, solid pyramids are visible a short distance behind her and to the left. A third, large pyramid takes up muc of teh background. It glows with golden light, and an eye floats just above its tip, radiating light on the rest of the card.

This card reminds us that we are at our strongest when we are deeply rooted. When we draw on the traditions of the past and the inner wisdom that lies in our core, we are revitalized. We can draw on these sources of strength and wisdom to aid us in our current growth.

The winged figue reminds us that being rooted in tradition is not as stifling as we might first think. Instead, understanding such tradition enables us to truly find and understand our wings, teaching us to use our uniqueness and freedom wisely.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.