Friends, Going Out, Health, Movies, Randomness

Great Day Yesterday

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I spent most of yesterday with Becky. We had a pretty good time. The day started with me going to the one office she works out of for a massage. I didn’t have anything in particular I wanted her to work on, so she basically did a full body massage. In practice, though, she spent most of the time on my legs.

She yelled at me during this part of the massage. I was having trouble relaxing my legs. Particularly, when she would go to move my legs, I’d move them for her. Apparently, that makes certain part of the massage process difficult to do effectively. I don’t know why it was such an issue for me. Probably because I have control issues, anyway.

Once the massage was over, I got dressed and we ran some errands together. Becky had to go to the printer to get flyers printed and get new business cards created. I ended up helping her with figuring out some of the details of her business cards — such as what color paper to use and the font to use for her name. Once we were done there, we swung by my bank so I could deposit a cashier’s check. You see, over Thanksgiving break, I decided to close out my savings account at the bank near my parents’ home. Because of the amount, I had them give me a cashiers check rather than giving me the balance in cash. So now that’s in my checkign account up here. Which is good, because I needed money to pay rent and a couple bills.

Once the errands were done, we decided to go catch a movie. After looking over our options, we finally decided to see “Deja Vu.” Personally, I thought it was a pretty good movie, though I found some annoying inconsistencies in the underlying concept. (Warning: Stop here if you don’t want any spoilers.) The big problem is they never made up their mind whether they wanted past events to be unchangeable with a single, permanent timeline or whether they would allow changes to the past to spawn alternate timelines. As a result, they ended up alternating between the two scenarios based on what was convenient for the plot. The end result was that they created a alternate timeline in the end, but allowed things that should have been only in the alternate timeline (such as finding the ATF agent’s fingerprints in the victim’s home) appearing in teh original timeline anyway. So it got messy. But other than that, it was a good movie. And Denzel Washinton was as great as ever when it came to playing his part.

After the movie, Becky and I went to check out Red Robin, which just opened here in the past couple of weeks. It was a pretty nice experience, though it’s quite obvious that they’re not kidding about their reputation of being a “Burger and Spirits” establishment. They’re just about the only things on the menu. But the BBQ burger I had was excellent and the desert was practically orgasmic, though entirely too big. Fortunately, Becky was there to help me eat it all. And of course, there were plenty of cute guys to check out.

All in all, I felt it was a delightful day.

Introspection, Personal Development, Religion, Tarot

Tarot Musings: Seven of Swords

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Deck: Robin Wood Tarot
Card: Seven of Swords

A man shrouded in a gray hooded cloak is climbing over a waist-high stone wall. Only eyes, nose, and mouth are visible from within the hood, wearing a scowl that suggests anger and bitterness. Sticking out from beneath the man’s cloak are four swords, while a line of tents is visible in the background, suggesting an encampment from which the man stole his treasures. His left boot rests on a flat surface of stone that sticks out halfway down the visble side of the wall, aiding the man in his escape.

This sword speaks of ill-begotten gain, both material and intanglible things which we have aquired in less than honorable ways. Like the man on the card, we sneak away feeling that we have gained something, but at the expense of our own integrity. Most often, these occasions occur when we feel that we are due something and have been cheated out of it. After all, the expression on the man’s face makes it clear that he feels that his pilfered blades are rightfully his. Perhaps he too feels that he was beguiled out of them unjustly and sees his thievery merely as the best way to rectify the situation.

However, this card reminds us that even the right result achieved in less than honorable ways robs us of something greater. While the man may be collecting what is rightfully his, his methods of doing so shall permanently mar him as someone who is slippery and less than trustworthy. Indeed, the relatively small size of his stepping stone in the escape — barely big enough to rest his boot upon — suggests a precarious path, and one that can easily result in a sudden downfall. And so it is with the path of going to dubious means to aquire our goals, no matter how noble they may ultimately be.

This card calls us to consider our methods of getting what we want and going where we want to be. It calls on us to be upright in our dealings, even when those we deal with fail to return the favor. After all, the way in which we make the journey for ourselves can have as lasting effect on us our final destination.

Introspection, Personal Development, Religion

Peer Pressure in Strange Places

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Just last night, I started participating on a religious discussion message board on another site. I’ve met some interesting people, but I’ve also noticed there seems to be a very large contingent of people who are using the sight for a good bit of ego-stroking and demonstrating their own “spiritual superiority” (whether it takes the form of righteousness or enlightenment) at the expense of others. It makes for a harsh evironment, in many ways. I’m just hoping that those of us who are interested can create enough positive discussion to make it worthwhile.

But the big thing I noticed was how easy it would be for me to slip into the same kind of posturing. Each time I read an ego-driven post there, I find myself sorely tempted, almost eager, to tear the person down, with the painful realization that my own motives at heart are equally ego-driven. It troubles me how easily I could fall into that same trap just by being around it.

As such, I need to work on guarding myself against that temptation.

Friends, Tarot

Tarot Musings: Three of Cups

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Deck: The Cosmic Tribe Tarot
Card: Three of Cups

Three cups rest towards the bottom of the card, forming an equilateral triangle between themselves. Hovering over these cups, positioned in such a way as to suggest they each just emerged from their own cup, hover three golden fairies. The two on the “outside” strike poses that suggest both playfulness and a bit of showing off. The figure to the left is holding the hand of the fairy in the center — who is also slightly lower than the outter two. The center figure appears to be reaching for the foot of the third figure, as if to grab hold of her as well. Golden rays of light also rise from within each o the cups, casting the figures and the entire card in a warm glow.

This card suggests both playfulness and togetherness, and the relationship these two qualities have with one another. Individually, each figure is light and free, full of joy and fun. And yet, by joining together, they each augment and improve on one another’s joy. The end result is a unified bliss that is more than the sum of each individual’s lone experiences.

The relationship between the figures in the image also suggests that is the fairy’s ability to free themselves from worry and have fun — both individually and collectively — that keeps the bond between them so strong. It is their unity in joy that enables them to maintain their partnership.

This card calls us to look at our own relationships, past present and future and examine why we maintain and cherish them. While maintaining healthy relationships are hard work, healthy relationships also lead to the kinds of benefits, most notably joy, which make that work well worth it. It is important that we keep that in mind in all of our relationships, lest we lose sight of why they are important to us during those moments when such bonds are painfully tested.

Personal Development, Tarot

Tarot Musings: One of Disks

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Deck: Tarot of Transformation
Card: One of Disks
Keyphrase: Birth Into Form

This card has a number of eggs and seeds in the foreground. The largest egg is lying on the ground, surrounded with grass and other plants. A brown haze round it suggests a nest, cushioning the fragile container. The other eggs and seeds hover around and just above this one, suggesting an almost ethereal, not quite real quality to each of them.

In the center of each egg and seed is either a light spot — suggesting an inner glow — or a pattern. This hints of the new life growing within, waiting to burst forth when the time is right. It suggests the new beginnings that is so often assocated with the the one or ace card of each suit.

This card symbolizes and embodies that point in any process where an idea, concept, or thing first starts the journey out of the mental and/or spiritual realms to manifest in the physical world. It marks the transition from thinking and planning to acting and doing.

It’s important to note that this card speaks not of the completion of that transition, but the process itself as it is occurring. A seed is not a plant, nor is an egg a chicken. It is merely the first physical stage, a tentative one at that, from which the end result will develop.

This transition stage is one of the most critical ones for any project, any goal, any dream, or anything else one hopes to manifest. Too often, that which was planned dies in this stage. We change our minds and don’t move forward. We don’t pay enough attention to the situation or properly nurture it through the gestation and birthing process. As a result, many of the seeds we bring into existence never properly develop and grow. Instead, they remain seeds until they die and eventually break down again.

This card calls us all to consider those things we’d like to gain or accomplish and the plans we have made. It encourages us to take that next step and put action to those plans and begin the birthing process. And it reminds us to guard the process carefully, so that our desires will ultimately have the opportunity to manifest.

Deep Thoughts, Emotions, Introspection, Love, Memories, Paganism, Personal Development, Religion, Witchcraft

Turning Inward

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I’m not sure how many people read this blog any more. I know I’ve been silent for almost a month now. To be honest, I’ve logged in to write something several times since my last entry, but have never been able to get past the blank textbox.

This is one of those cases where many aspects of my life have caused me to turn inward, to work on projects and go through things that I’m not ready to post about yet. There’s just so much going on that still needs to be worked out in the stillness of my own mind before broadcast to the world, and as such, I leave what readers I may have wondering what’s going on.

What I can say is that my spiritual life is getting rather interesting right now. There are certain things that I need to work on and certain changes in my life that I’m making in order to prepare for the “next big step.” At some point, I hope to talk about some of that. But for now, I must leave it at this simple teaser.

I’m also working on a writing project, which I have several guides telling me will eventually coalesce into a publishable book. However, I’m in the very early stages of that process. Currently, I’m at the point where the project involves me spending regular times with a separate journal (as opposed to my “everyday” one) and writing about past experiences, people, and choices that I can remember, and my emotional reactions to them. It’s been both a rewarding and trying process, as not all of the memories or the realizations related to them are entirely comfortable. They’re not exactly painful, either. But they take a bit of processing at times.

One of the interesting things is that as I continue with this project, I find myself remembering little things that I had completely forgotten about, things that I haven’t thought about in a decade or more. That in itself can be a bit shocking. Of course, on the flip side, it’s also nice to suddenly discover that I have more memories of my life before high school than I might’ve thought. They’re just there waiting to be found.

Of course, a side effect of this process is that I find myself growing nostalgiac. I find myself wondering what ever happened to old friends, old school chums, and even an old lover or two. I find myself wondering what kind of people they are today. After all, it’s been at least a decade since I’ve seen some of them.

You can’t go home again. But at least you can visit. Even if only in your mind.

Emotions, Introspection

Weird mood

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I feel strange tonight. To be honest, I’m having a hard time describing my mood and emotional state. I think that the best word for describing the underlying theme is melancholy. but it’s a strange melancholy. I’m finding a certain comfort in it. It doesn’t depress me, if that makes any sense.

There’s also a strong sense of impermanence to it all. It’s as if in my sadness, there’s a deep knowledge that it will pass soon enough, departing to let my heart fill with light and joy. This knowledge lets me find comfort in my temporary darkness, wrapping it around me gently like a warm blanket as I wait “sunnier” times.

It’s not like I’m totally devoid of joy, anyway. Evenin my morose state, I can see the myriad little bright spots. I can see where I have treated myself with more honor and respect than I have in the past. I know I have friends I can turn to when I need an ear, and have even dared to call on them to offer those very services. I am loved, and I know it. What is a little sadness in the face of that?

Family, Friends, Going Out, Health, Personal Development, Randomness, Work

Bits and Bobs

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The last couple of weeks have been more or less uneventful. Well, as long as you disregard the funeral I attended for a cousin. His battle with Parkinson’s finally took a turn for the worse. It was a pretty good service and well attended. I particularly appreciated the number of firemen who came to the event. Not that this is entirely surprising. The fire department was a big part of Tim’s life. Even after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, he spent as much time as he could at the fire house, doing whatever jobs he could manage. The head of the department commented at the funeral that he was going to have to find four new volunteers to replace Tim.

My sister and her kids are in the area. She decided to make the drive up from Mississippi for the funeral. Her husband told her she had to stay for at least a week, though. So she’s here until Monday. I plan on running down to my parents’ house tomorrow and spending the day with her and the kids. It should be fun.

I think the lack of employment is starting to get to me on some level. So next week, I’ll have to start getting more serious about the search for a job. I had really hoped one of the opportunities Rick and Kevin had found would pan out, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. So it’s time for me to get off my duff and take matters into my own hands again. The only down side to that is that I probably won’t find something temporary. I really wanted that because I wanted to eventually go back to the company that moved me into this area.

I’ve started walking again. I haven’t decided if I’m doing it to “lose weight’ (probably not), exercise (again, not necessarily), or just for the fun of it (I’m leaning towards this answer). It’s gotten me out of the house a bit more and that’s been well worth it. I’m rediscovering that I really do like doing things like that.

I’ve also gone on a couple outtings with Becky, which is always nice. A couple Thursdays ago, we went to a local coffee shop. I had a delicious drink consisting of hot apple cider, caramel, and whipped cream. Then we just sat and talked. It was pleasant. And I got to check out a couple cute guys, which is always a plus.

Animals, Books

Reading a great bear book

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The other day, I picked up a rather interesting book at Borders. The book is Among the Bears and is written by Benjamin Kilham and Ed Gray — though I get the impression that Gray’s contribution was more editorial while the bulk of the content is Kilham’s. It’s a fascinating story about Kilham’s experiences rehabilitating wildlife cubs near his New Hampshire home.

The book starts with the story of LG and LB (short for “Little Girl” and “Little Boy” respectively), two cubs whose mother abandoned them before they even left the natal den. LG and LB were the first bear cubs that Kilham is asked to care for. Kilham relates his experiences how he worked through the process with very little information to go on — and the looming knowledge that no one had yet managed to rehabilitate black bear cubs to the point of being able to successfully returning them to the wild. In the process, he makes some fascinating discoveries about black bear behavior and the development of cubs.

Currently, I’m only on chapter 5 and into Kilham’s first summer with LG and LB. So in the great scheme of things, I haven’t read but a small part of the story. I still have the rest of his experiences with LG and LB as well as the subsequent cubs he’s raised to read about. But if the rest of the book is like the chapters I’ve read so far — and I suspect there may be even bigger discoveries ahead — it will be a most interesting book.

As an aside, I’d like to point out the idiot who gave this book a bad review on Amazon. This is clearly a case of someone brainlessly adopting a cause without understanding the issues. Which is a shame, because it’s quite clear that they were so focused on their anti-hunting rhetoric that they missed an excellent opportunity to learn about the animals they claim to love.

Friends, Going Out, Randomness, Religion, Witchcraft

Rochester Pagan Pride 2006

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Saturday, I spent the day at the Rochester Pagan Pride Festival. I had an absolutely wonderful time, and look forward to going again in the future.

Most of the day, I spent hanging out with Wendy and her friends. She was kind enough to let me put out a few fliers for the POC on her table. Quite a few people ended up taking them. With any luck, that means we’ll see some new faces real soon.

I didn’t attend many workshops, as I was having too much fun talking with friends and what-not. The one that I did manage to attend was the Crystal Singing Bowl meditation, led by the good folks from Singing Bowl Expressions. I’ve been to one of the monthly meditations that Dawn and Jeff hold at Psychic’s Thyme before. While I certainly enjoyed my experience there, it paled in comparison to the demonstration at Pride this year. This workshop involved ten different bowls, each vibrating at their own frequency. While I was not one of the many people who immediately found themselves out of their body, I could certainly feel my own energy channels responding to the experience. I also remember opening my eyes a couple of times and realizing I couldn’t focus my vision. It was an incredibly rewarding experience.

I also got a book on Pagan ethics that Patricia Telesco recently wrote under another pen name. As Ms. Telesco was one of the invited speakers at the festival (and I bought the book directly from her), I had the chance to discuss it with her. I told her about my desire to do some research and planning over the next year and put together a local workshop on Pagan ethics. She was quite happy about the idea and encouraged me. I also shared with her about my blog entry concerning the line in the Charge of the Goddess that declares “all acts of love and pleasure” to be rites of the Goddess. She paid me a rather high compliment in regards to how I approached that line and the sentences surrounding it. It was rather encouraging.

I think the person who impressed me most at the festival, however, was someone I never actually got the opportunity to speak to. That’s the young man, Adam, who stood about ten to fifteen feet from the entrance to the festival, handing out Christian tracts to anyone who would take them. According to one of the organizers I spoke with later, Adam is a regular “attendee” of Rochester Pagan Pride. And I think he deserves a great deal of credit for the level of respect he showed. Despite Adam’s obvious disagreement with the religious views of most of the festival goers and his desire to “save” us, he was able to offer his message in a rather unobtrusive way. He was alwas polite when people refused his tracts (strangely, he never actually offered me one) and never attempted to start an argument. I can totally respect the way he chose to demonstrate his convictions.

In a mostly unrelated topic, I’d just like to say that my friend, Becky, also thinks that the guy who waited on me at the sub shop we bought lunch at was interested in me. I’m not sure I agree with her, but it was kind of nice to entertain the notion. I just wish that if he really were interested in me, he’d have said something.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.