My domain registration expires on Wednesday. I’m working on renewing it, but I’ve hit a bit of a speed bump. I’m not sure everything will be resolved by then, so this blog (and the whole NorthernGrove.com domain) may disappear for a while. I apologize for this inconvenience, and promise to get things back up and running as soon as possible. If you wish to keep following any thoughts I may have during this downtime, I recommend that you check out my Blogger.com blog.
Dorian teaches to let go
I just finished watching Dorian Blues. It’s a curious movie that I had never heard of until I ran across it in Blockbuster’s tonight. I have to say that I’m glad I rented it, as it was well worth watching.
The movie centers on Dorian, a young man who discovers he’s gay and attempts to deal with his self-discovery in light of his less than supportive family. The movie takes us through his senior year at college, his conversations with his therapist, his first sexual experience, his coming out experience, his first relationship in college, the eventual breakup, and the resulting depression. All through these experiences, Dorian consistently demonstrates himself an intelligent and wonderful man, held down by past hurts and his unwillingness to let them go.
Most of Dorian’s problems stem from his relationship with his father, an overly demanding man whose general displeasure with his older son only became more intense when Dorian came out to him. This situation was further exacerbated by a mother who would do anything to avoid a confrontation and a younger brother, Nick, who loved Dorian but was constantly held up by their father as the “perfect” son, who Dorian should strive to be more like. This of course, created a strain in the two brothers’ relationship, though the two tried their best to support each other in their own way. This emotional baggage weight down Dorian in every aspect of his life, causing him to be bitter and edgy. This cost him more than one friend and even the perfect relationship.
In the end, Dorian and Nick — who had been visiting his older brother at NYU — end up making the trip back home to attend their father’s funeral. Their father had died of a heart attack due to stress — most likely due to the fact that Nick had been cut from Syracuse University’s football team earlier that week and had therefore lost his scholarship.
The bes scene of the movie was the conversation between Dorian and his mother outside the church just before his father’s funeral. In it, his mother confronts her son about the fact that he had become mean and disapproving lik his father. She tells him, “I want you to be a good man, despite the fact that your father was never good to you…and your mother never stood up to him and made him stop.”
I cannot express how appropriate this theme is. Far too often, coming to term with one’s sexual orientation is the easy part. The hard part is learning to let go of all of those past hurts and fears, as well as the defense mechanisms and bitterness that we tend to build up in the process. Learning to let go of these things so that they don’t continue to affect our current lives is a painful and difficult process. Watching this movie enabled me to revisit this lesson, identify with Dorian’s character, and experience this letting go process one more time.
And I have to admit that scene where Dorian is franticly brushing his teeth was well worth a laugh.
Fun at the Zoo
Saturday, I decided to go to the Seneca Park Zoo after doing a bit of shopping for things needed at the POC. It’s something I’ve been talking about doing “when it got warmer,” so I decided it was time to quit talking and just do it. I have to admit that i would’ve preferred to have gone whe there was someone to go with. But reason convinced me that waiting for an undetermined period of time — after all, I’m not sure when anyone would be available to go — was not the route to go. So I grabbed my wallet and ran off. And overall, I had a pretty good time.
I think one of my favorite parts was the polar bear exhibit. This is mainly because one of the polar bears decided to sun himself right out in the middle of the exhibit, giving everyone the perfect view of him. What a beautiful creature! I had to chuckle at the little boy beside me who asked his parents if the polar bear could come over by the fence we were standing at. The little tyke wasn’t old enough to understand that if the polar bear could do that, he’d probably be snack (or the appetizer for me, the main course). Of course, as tempted a I was, I didn’t try to explain this to the youngster. I figured I didn’t need his parents getting mad at me for traumatizing their child.
I also enjoyed watching the sea lions. I don’t think I’ve ever seen sea lions swimming so close. They have the exhibit set up so that you can go into this viewing area that is under the level of the water, wich is quite nice. What really surprised me is when the sea lion came swimming right towards me. If the glass wall hadn’t been there, I swear he would’ve crashed right into me. Of course, that would’ve also meant I would’ve been underwater and having trouble not breathing, but that’s besides the point. But I think the thing that really amazed me about this was that this entire time, the darn sea lion was upside down! He was swimming on his back. I never knew they did that. It was fascinating to watch.
Of course, like a dummy, I forgot to grab my camera. So I don’t have any incredible pictures. This is a shame, since the darn thing was actually in my car the whole time. I’ll have to go back again some day soon and remember my camera this time.
Thoughts on “The Visitation”
This weekend, I ran to Blockbuster and rented a copy of “The Visitation,” a movie that is “loosely based” on the novel by the same title, written by Frank Peretti.; I originally started reading Peretti’s novels when I was in high school. A good adult friend from my little hometown church recommended them to me, and I was hooked. Even now that I don’t agree with the author’s theology, I can still enjoy many of his works.
Unfortunately, I was dismayed by the changes made when transforming this book into a movie. This was particularly dismaying as Peretti was listed as one of the producers, suggesting that he had (though limited I’m sure) some say in these changes. Primarily, a number of characters were changed, merged, or just plain deleted. A prime example of this was the circumstances surrounding the death Travis Jordan’s wife. This had the effect of transforming Jordan from a man mourning the loss caused by a disease he and his church couldn’t “pray away” into a man who was bitter do to an unsolved murder.
Normally, I can be fairly understanding when things are changed in order to make a book-based movie “work.” Books and movies are completely different media, and what works in one doesn’t always work in the other. But the changes to the characters and plot-lines in this case represent a change to the entire theme of the original book.
“The Visitation” was a rather unique book amongst Peretti’s writing experiences. It was different in that it was about something Peretti doesn’t often write about. Unlike books where he’s focused on the spiritual or supernatural — like “This Present Darkness” — or some particular issue of religio-political significance — like “Prophet” — this book focuses on people, as well as people’s experiences with “church stuff.” The supernatural “miracles” of the man who would be the new Jesus take a secondary role to the people who are reacting to him, or to Travis’s painful memories of his memories — both pleasant and unpleasant — of life in the church. It is these things that made me appreciate this book most out of all of his other novels. And I was saddened to see all of this missing from the movie.
The movie itself was pretty good for a movie. But I think that everyone did both the movie and an excellent novel a great disservice by associating it — even “loosely” — with Peretti’s awesome book. And I’m disappointed that Peretti would not only allow it to happen, but appears to have been at least partly involved in such a travesty.
Wow, ten years….
Earlier this morning, I realized that it was April 1. I then realized that it was April 1, 2006. That’s exactly ten years after April 1, 1996. For those who might not be aware of it, April 1, 1996 was the day that I quit trying to “fix” my sexuality, and came out to both myself and my friend Merion. That means that as of about 8pm this evening, I have been “out” for ten years. So happy anniversary to me!
I’m not big on commemorating “life changing moments” every year. But for some reason, remembering my tenth coming out anniversary struck me as important today, so I thought I’d say a few things about it.
First of all, let me just reiterate that if you’re about to come out to your best friend and you find yourself prefacing your announcement with the phrase, “Please bear in mind this isn’t an April Fool’s joke,” you’ve probably chosen a bad day to come out. It’s something that Merion and I have joked about every so often for the past ten years.
I remember that night with some amazing details. I remember meeting Merion in the small alcove where our Small Group Bible Study (the one I was helping to lead and that Merion used to attend) met on Wednesday night. My stomach was all in knots and I think I was visibly shaking. It took me several long moments of hesitation to get the words out. I had a certain feeling like this was it. Once I took this step, there was no going back. And it’s hard to jump off the proverbial cliff like that. Ultimately, I’m glad I did and I’ve hardly looked back since, but my perspective was quite different back then.
Merion was momentarily stunned. I’m not sure whether she wasn’t expecting it (if so, she may well be the only person who hadn’t at least suspected something was up by then) or if she was just so surprised that I decided to tell her. She did tell me she was honored that I told her, which I sort of understand all of these years later. To me, it only made sense at the time. After all, she had come out to me the previous year.
I think that part of the reason thinking back to this event ten years ago is that it was my first “big change.” Considering the number of changes I’ve been through in the last ten years — including several changes in the past year — thinking back to the event that “got the ball rolling,” seems appropriate. I mean, on March 31, 1996, I was a “straight” (okay, that’s not entirely true, but that’s another complicated topic) evangelical Christian with highly conservative political leanings. The next day, I officially took the first step towards becoming the person I am today, a gay witch with a mostly left-leaning political outlook. Had you asked me back then if I ever thought I’d be where I am today, I think I would’ve laughed. Maybe even offended.
Isn’t life strange?
Cute waiters and other minutia
Sunday, I ended up going over to the POC again. Originally, I figured I’d just stop by for a bit of “face time” and then leave after a few minutes. Well, as it turns out, I ended up staying for quite a while. They were sanding furniture to get it ready to be repainted. I’m not big on sanding and it’s certainly not one of my strong points, but I decided to stick around and help out a little. After all, it meant being social and hanging out with other people. I’ve wanted a lot of that lately. And it was fun.
After working, a group of us decided to go out to supper together. We went to Denny’s and had quite a good time. Of course, once again, I decided that I really wanted to skip the food and just take our server to go. His name was Jason. He must’ve been in his mid-twenties and let me just say that he was fine. Both of the women I was with agreed that my taste was impeccable. In fact, they pestered me about asking him for his phone number. I decided against it.
It was a tempting thought, if I could’ve ever gotten up the nerve to do it. I don’t know, I’m still too afraid of rejection to ask a perfect stranger for his phone number or if he’d like to go out sometime. Of course, I also just feel I’m not ready to date someone. I realized the other day that there are just some things about my self-perception I need to change. Otherwise, I run the risk of expecting any boyfriend I have to make up for those issues, and that’s not right. I’ll probably write more about that sometime.
At any rate, it was a good day.
Finding good neighbors at the Village Gate
The last few months, I’ve been involved with starting up a Pagan Outreach Center. Today, we started to set up the office space we’re renting at Village Gate Square. A couple of us made trips to the various homes of people who offered furniture and other items to furnish the office.
One of the things I learned today while helping move heavy furniture is that contrary to what we sometimes think, there are still perfect strangers willing to lend a helping hand. While another volunteer and I were unloading a large and rather heavy display case from the truck, another delivery man walked over and helped us get it unloaded. Then as we were rolling it through the building on our way towards the elevator, we had to go through a closed door. As we were halfway through the door, a shopper passing by offered to hold the door for us to make our job a little easier.
Finally, a shopkeeper near the elevator saw our slow progress. We were moving the display case using a couple of old rollers off a printing press (a moving trick I learned from my father, who actually services such machines). It’s a workable solution — and certainly easier on the back than trying to carry such a heavy piece of furniture — but it makes for slow progress, as you have to stick a roller back under the front of the item you’re moving every six to ten feet. As we went by the one shop, the proprietor saw us and offered us the use of his cart. This more than tripled the speed at which we could finish the move, and both of us were quite thankful.
Each of these events reminded me that our society isn’t quite as filled with the self-absorbed and unhelpful individuals as we sometimes think. In a moment like this, there still are those people who are willing to offer a helping hand like the good neighbor we all wish we had. And it gave me a smile.
Of course, I immediately suggested that we send a thank you card to the shop-owner. (I’d love to send one to the other two a card too, but I have no idea who they were or how to find them again.) It seems that the right thing to do is for us to show that we can be good neighbors and properly show our appreciation for our “neighbor’s” kindness.
This experience certainly has made me feel pretty good about our choice to set up shop at the Village Gate. If everyone there is as friendly and community minded as the people I met today, it should be a great environment. And you can never have too many friends.
Witches Weekly — Curses
I decided I really needed to post a blog entry tonight. I’ve been way too quiet. I also decided to check out The Witches Weekly, and discovered some interesting question. I’m not answering all of them, but I figured I’d put out a few thoughts on some of them.
Is it possible to curse someone?
Absolutely. In fact, I feel quite strongly about this. The belief that magic can be used for harmful purposes is something I consider essential to witchcraft. As the saying goes, “if you cannot harm, you cannot heal.” A belief that magic will only be beneficial is antithetical to the the dual pillars of self-empowerment and personal responsibility that support most of magical philosophy and witchcraft in particular.
How often do you think it happens?
I’m sure I can’t even begin to quantify this in any meaningful way. I think it happens more often than the “white light brigade” would have the world believe. But at the same time, I think that working effective magic is hard work, more hard work than most people (including myself some days) have the discipline to follow through with. Truth be told, people expect it to be easy: a matter of saying a pithy phrase, using the right color candle, and/or the right herbs. As such, I also think it’s less common (at least in our society, we won’t talk about other societies where magical practices might get more disciplined attentn) than the average “scary evil witch” would like everyone to think, too.
What would make you believe that someone was working magic against you, and how would you handle the situation?
In order for me to suspect such a thing, I’d have to experience a concerted string of misfortunes that either have no “rational” explanation or are just too amazing to be considered coincidental. Even then, I’d have to do some thinking, some divination, and possibly even ask for the insight and advice of a trusted other party. Personally, I just have a hard time imagining there are people out there that’d hate me enough to go through the effort required to do that sort of thing.
As for how I’d handle the situation if I found out someone was working magic against me, it really depends on the situation and the numerous factors involved.
Finding a new home for religious discussions
The powers that be over at the Paintball Review Forums decided to permanently remove the Religion and Philosophy forum. (They also axed the World Politics forum, but I tended to stay out of there as a rule, and don’t mind it’s disappearance.) I have to admit that I’m a bit saddened by this. While I certainly respect PBR administration’s right to make this decision — and even admit that they probably thought long and hard before making the decision — I can’t think about the handful of awesome, respectful, and insightful posters there. I’m going to miss that.
Anyone who has spent any time at any sort of religious forums quickly discover that creating an atmosphere that attacts and keeps the kind of discourses people can truly enjoy are few and far between. So when you find such a place, you tend to latch on to it. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The R/P forum at PBR had its problems But compared to a lot of places, it really managed to rise above the “noise” and get some great discussions going.
The only other forum that I can think of that might come close to that is the CPPA Forums. Unfortunately, it’s a forum that tends to focus on Christianity and it’s promotion — and rightfully so. That means that I can’t be quite as open and forthright as I felt I could be at PBR. So I guess I’ll need to start looking for a new place.
A new perspective on paid Pagan clergy
This evening, I was catching up on reading my favorite blogs. During this process, I ran across a post by Stacey (not to be confused with The Sentinel/Stace) in which she talks about what she terms “the pastor disconnect.” In it, she discusses the dismay that ministers experience when they realize how much time they spend doing administrative work for the church compared to the amount of time that they spend doing “ministry” — all of the stuff that they anticipated when feeling “the call.”
As I read Stacey’s thoughts, I could’t help but think how it relates to my feelings on Pagan clergy. As I’ve made it clear in the past, I’m not a huge fan of the concept. But as I read about “the pastor disconnect,” I found a new perspective from which to dislike the whole idea. As I read Stacey describe what new ministers go through when they realize how administrative their job is and how that’s not what they were expecting at all, I couldn’t help but thinking of someone like my friend Jasmin (or myself) eventually having a similar experience as a Pagan minister. After all, most people I know who are interested in becoming paid Pagan clergy want to do so because they want to help others grow spiritually and otherwise. So as the infrastructure to support such an effort grows, I can see these people becoming disillusioned by the increasing amount of administrative work that they’d have to do in order to keep the infrastructure running smoothly. Just like the Christian ministers that crash and burn because of this, I can easily see this becoming a huge issue for many would-be Pagan ministers — maybe more so, as we Pagans tend to be quite free-wheeling and often seem to dislike any structure that gets “too complicated” anyway.
I don’t know. Maybe paid clergy would still work out in the Pagan community. Maybe those who felt called would somehow manage to make it through it, just like so many Christian ministers do. Personally, though, I can’t help but feel there has to be a better way. I don’t know what it is. (My initial reaction would be to suggest getting people who like to do administrative stuff and pay them to do only that while the “ministers” like Jasmin do the stuff they’re strong at. But I know churches that in theory try to do that, too. And it just doesn’t work out.) Hopefully someone will figure it out.
Personally, though, if I ever decide to start doing any sort of “ministering,” I still think I’d rather do it as some sort of professional counselor rather than as a paid head of a Pagan church. In the end, I just think it’d be a more workable solution for me.