A bit of housecleaning, maybe?

Today is one of those peaceful, quiet days. I have absolutely no plans. I was originally going to see Susan, but she had to cancel her trip up this way. And while I’m sad that I don’t get to see her this weekend, I’m also glad to have the weekend to myself. I need the break. I think I needed the downtime to get some really good relaxation in.

I think I’m going to spend a good portion of the weekend reading. I really need to get started on The Triumph of the Moon. The online discussion group is already on chapter 11, and I haven’t even finished chapter 1 yet. I’ve been so bad about my reading. I’m hoping to manage to get through at least a few chapters this weekend. It’ll help if I can keep my commitment to keep the television off most of the time. I watched television from noon until 2pm today, and I’m going to try to keep it off the rest of the day. I’m thinking aobut doing the same thing tomorrow.

I also started a new book last night before bed. It’s one that I ordered through Amazon.com last week. It’s called Journal to the Self. Yes, I’m reading yet another journal book. What can I say? I’m a sucker for that sort of thing. I guess I’m mostly just looking for more ideas. I’m looking to improve my journal writing.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m just trying to improve what I get out of my journals. In a lot of ways, I feel like my journal writing has suffered lately. Hell, a lot of things in my life have suffered lately. And I don’t know entirely why. And something tells me that it’s time to look within.

I mean, sure, I’ve blamed it on finding out that Precious has FeLV at one point. I could go on about what work’s been like recently. I could even complain that I haven’t seen Mike lately. But these all feel like excuses to me. They really have nothing to do with it. It has to do with me.

I feel like I’m stagnating. I feel like I’m not doing anything. And I’m not entirely sure why. Is it just a lack of motivation? Where has my motivation gone, anyway? Or is it a matter of a lack of self-discipline. I know I have self-discipline problems, and I’m trying to figure out how to resolve them. But the difficulty there seems to be that improving self-discipline almost requires self-discipline itself. So what’s a guy to do?

And of course, then there’s the fact that I just skimmed over my last paragraph and I’m having trouble resisting the urge to delete it. I read it, and my first reaction is to chide myself for whining and complaining. But maybe that’s what I need right now. Maybe I just need to get a few of these things off my chest. Then maybe, just maybe, I can start looking at myself and my life and get things moving in the right direction again. That’s what I’m hoping for.

10 thoughts on “A bit of housecleaning, maybe?”

  1. RE: Chant workshop

    It was held at First Unitarian today, and we learned some new chants and experimented with singing in rounds and weaving chants and all that kind of thing. As you know, chanting can be a really good way to move energy, but a lot of people just don’t feel confident with getting really involved in chanting. I thought this workshop might help people feel better about it.

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