On another site, I ended up asking all my friends to reassure me that I didn’t sound as emo as I feel like I’ve been sounding. I even went so far as to tell them to lie to me if they have to. I just reached the point today where I just feel like I’ve been way too emotional and whiny. And I hate it when I get like that.
Of course, I figure I’ve had good reason to be emotional and whiny. I’ve been going through a lot of things lately. I’ve been dredging up memories, past hurts, current troubles, and personal revelations that haven’t been entirely comfortable to face. So while I hope to break out of this state of feeling like I’m often on the verge of tears, I think I’ve had more than enough valid reasons to be in such a state.
And it’s not like I’ve falled into a deep pit of despair or anything even half that melodramatic. There have been the moments of cheer, the reasons to smile, and just a sense that there’s still good in both the world and my personal life, no matter how topsy turvy it may feel right this second.
Truth be told, such emotional periods like this are a part of the path I’ve chosen to walk this time around. In reality, they’re a part of any path, but I do think they are somewhat amplified on my journey. After all, I serve a goddess who is all about passion, and passion has it’s down sides, too. After all, passion is also a synonym for suffering. And let’s face it, my Lady is not one to do anything half-way, no matter what that thing happens to be.
And in reality, I’m not sure I’d change it anyway. After all, the fact that I’ve tasted such sorrow and bitterness has enabled me to feel great joy and ecstasy as well. Allowing myself to fully experience even the unpleasantness has granted me the freedom to discover and embrace astounding blissfulness as well. And in the end, I think it’s worth it.
But all the same, I’ll be glad when this downturn has passed. And I really do hope I don’t sound too emo.