Taking another bold step while quaking in my shoes

One of the inherent problems with agreeing to enter into a working relationship with a specific deity is that said deity actually expects you to work. And eventually, that work will include tasks that require you to step outside of your comfort zones and do things you’re not sure you’re ready for. This morning, I experienced one such instance in my own life.

A small group of friends and I have been talking about getting together more regularly to do ritual. This is the group (or at least the core part, though I hope we invite a few of the others for Yule) that gets together every year to celebrate Samhain together. The rest of the year, we get together more sporadically. As I said, that’s something a few of us would like to change.

As I was driving in to work this morning, I got thinking about this fact, and the upcoming solstice. A couple of us had been talking about the fact that we really should do a Yule ritual. However, no one has sat down to actually make any plans. It was this last fact I was considering when Freyja decided to speak her mind.

“You know, you could plan the ritual.”

I blinked and immediately thought to myself that I’m not sure where I’d begin. Suddenly, I had a handful of ideas running through my head. Obviously, she wasn’t going to let me off that easy. So I thought about it for the rest of the drive to the office. Once I got here, I made a call and offered to plan the ritual. It turns out that this was a good thing, because the others had already agreed to do ritual for Yule and even set the date, but weren’t sure what they were going to do. So it looks like I’ll be taking the lead on the planning as long as they provide the space.

I’m also getting the inkling (another one of her ideas, I’m afraid) that I’m going to suggest that we trade off. I’ll plan the solstices and equinoxes if the others will take care of the other four high days.

Egads, what have I gotten myself into? But then, I keep getting told that I need to quit hiding and take on a more active role. I guess this is a step in that direction.

Darn goddesses, anyway.

5 thoughts on “Taking another bold step while quaking in my shoes”

  1. I’ve always been a very passive person when it comes to practicing my faith (as far as group activities), and I always hated the times when God challenged me to step out of my comfort zone on that. Especially when that came to planning activities, because then if it did not go well or if people didn’t like what I had planned, then I felt like I had failed. Of course, in Christianity (I don’t know if this is true of your tradition) people put so much emphasis on the “experience” and if they don’t get the “experience” they are looking for, they like to blame the “facilitator”.

    But, I found this was more of an internal conflict than really about the other people,. Not having confidence in myself, not believing that I’m not responsible for other people’s spiritual experiences, and that being faithful to what my God asked of me was more important than what people thought about me. And usually things went really well.

    Sorry for the long comment, I just so understand what you’re saying.

  2. Erin: Actually, I love it when you leave me such long and thoughtful comments. (Though short and thoughtful ones are good too. ;))

    I will have to admit that amongst Pagans, people do tend to put a lot of emphasis on “experience.” In fact, I’d say it’s probably more common in Paganism because many of the Pagan traditions (including my own) tend to focus on orthopraxy rather than orthodoxy. Fortunately, though, the people I’ll be having ritual with are close friends, and we’ve all worked together anyway. So things should go just fine.

    I’m just nervous because I lack self-confidence. Thanks for empathizing, though!

  3. Doorman-Priest: First, let me welcome you to my blog. It’s always a pleasure to hear from new readers, especially when they presumably find me through such wonderful fellow bloggers as Pisco.

    I agree that I’ll enjoy the creativity. But as I said, it’s just a case that it’s a new experience to me and I lack self-confidence. So I’ll have to push through the initial fear first. But I’m sure it’ll be a rewarding experience.

  4. Question for you. Hehe.

    Christianity has been much more focused on orthodoxy than orthopraxy for a long time. However, some of us are beginning to say (maybe idealistically) this is a bad thing, because if one doesn’t rightly practice what he/she rightly believes, what value does the belief have?

    So anyhow…do you think it’s possible to swing too far the other way; or in your tradition does it work well to be more practice oriented than belief oriented, as you say it is? Do you see too much of either being a problem? Or do you think it really depends on the tradition and what it’s values are, my question is comparing apples to oranges?

    I know so little about Pagan traditions, mostly what I’ve learned from books like Drawing Down the Moon and The Druid’s Handbook…and from Phil Wyman, and a couple Pagan blogs I read. (Ironically, entirely knowledge over experience, exactly what I rail against in my own tradition.) So please forgive me if this is an ignorant question, but it’s what came to mind when you said that.

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