Spiritual Sexuality and Sexy Spirituality

The question for this post comes from Rygel:

Why do you try to reconcile your spirituality with your sexuality?

The short answer to this question is that I had no other choice that was ultimately reasonable. I am both a spiritual person and a sexual person. There’s no escaping that fact. This means that when confronted with these two aspects of my choice, I had four basic options.

The first option was to ignore or repress my sexuality and focus on my spirituality. I actually tried this approach through various methods for over a decade. It not only didn’t work, it completely backfired. It drove me to such depths of misery and despair that I almost self-destructed. So I eventually gave up on it.

My second option was to completely walk away from my spirituality and focus on my sexuality. I suppose there are those who might argue that this is exactly what I did, since I left Christianity. (More than one person has accused me of walking away from God because I felt it was more convenient to “live with my sin.”) I respectfully disagree with them, as my choice to follow a Pagan path was much more complex than that. But at any rate, the idea of rejecting spirituality altogether was simply not an option for me. I’ve always been a spiritual person, and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

My third option was to accept both my spirituality and my sexuality, but try to keep them divorced from each other. I’m not really sure how this would work or what it would look like, but again, I also know this would not have worked for me. I want to be a whole person, and living a split life where half of you is compartmentalized away from the other half does not make you a whole person. Furthermore, given the nature of my spirituality, such a dualistic approach to life would simply not work. I serve a goddess who sees spirituality and sexuality as a beautifully blended and related whole. (In fact, this is such an essential part of my faith that I once wrote an article titled “Sacred Lust.”)

That left only the one option for me. My sexuality and spirituality had to come together, embrace one another, and find a way forward as a united whole.

9 thoughts on “Spiritual Sexuality and Sexy Spirituality”

  1. I think I would add to this how it pains me that people are forced to walk away from Christianity because of something so important as retaining their healthy sexuality. While I’m glad you you have found the right path for you, I’m sorry for those who would like to remain in Christianity feel they have no choice but to leave.

  2. Erin: I agree, it is unfortunate. Though there certainly are those who manage to remain in the Christian faith. The Reverend Boy is a fine example of someone doing just that.

  3. RevBoy: That doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve always found that despite religious differences, many of us have a lot in common. Even when it comes to spirituality.

  4. Good for you, Jarred. There are so many versions of the Bible, and so many different sects of Christianity, they can’t even agree amongst each other what’s the best way to live your life. They may have said you’ve “walked away from God” but I don’t think it’s occurred to them that perhaps you just found a way that works for you.

  5. Ahh, yes, I do know several Episcopalians who have been able to reconcile these two aspects of themselves, and I’m glad to hear it.

    Several other Christians I know went the route of Exodus (the organization, not the book of the bible) because they were told there was no other way. Sigh. That’s what makes me sad.

  6. i wish i could say the same thing like Reverend boy… my spirituality and sexuality exist on entirely different planes… putting them together would be like breaking the law of nature that states “no two objects may occupy the same space at the same time” or something like that

  7. Thanks, Jason. I tend to agree with your assessment. Of course, I also know that there was more to my spiritual journey than just the question of my sexuality.

    By the way, welcome to my blog.

  8. Erin: I never went through Exodus or any other ex-gay ministry, though I do recall trying to change using some of the same methods.

    Due to my interactions with groups like Ex-Gay Watch, Box Turtle Bulletin, and Beyond Ex-Gay, I’ve heard a lot of the painful stories from people who tried to go that route. Some of their experiences are truly horrifying.

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