Gender and Sexuality, Religion

Musings on Alan Chambers’s Apology

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[Content Note:  Anti-LGBT Discrimination, Sexual Orientation Change Effort, Ex-Gay Rhetoric]

Just saying.
Just saying.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Alan Chambers offered an apology to the (other) members of the LGBT community.  I wanted to take a moment and look at it and offer my thoughts and reactions to it.

Before I get to the apology itself, I do want to offer a bit of criticism of his lead-in commentary.  Let me just say that I can sympathize with the fact that Chambers is taking a lot of flak from people who used to support him, not to mention the continuing flak that many in the LGBT community might be giving to him.  However, I also have to say that I find it highly inappropriate to start talking about one’s own struggles and how you feel you’ve been wronged when building up to an apology to the people you yourself have wronged.  Apologies 101 says that you keep the focus on the hurt you’ve caused one another.  I think that’s something Alan needs to keep in mind.

He opens the apology itself by telling a story about a four car collision that he caused.  He tells this story to draw home an important point:

I never intended for the accident to happen. I would never have knowingly hurt anyone. But I did. And it was my fault. In my rush to get to my destination, fear of being stung by a silly bee, and selfish distraction, I injured others.

This is actually something a few of us were concerned about.  We were concerned that Alan would try to pass off any harm done by Exodus and its member ministries as “accidental.”  It’s good to see that he instead chose to tackle this head on and say that he’s responsible for even the “unintentional harm.”

He then goes on to name some of the ways — mostly the more extreme ways — in which some people were hurt by their experiences with Exodus member ministries.  He even admits personal culpability in the fact that he wasn’t always up front about how much he still struggled (struggles) with same sex sexual attraction, thereby reinforcing a false image that others hoped to, failed to achieved, and felt grief and shame over.  He goes on to talk about the ex-gay narratives that shamed parents.  He confesses to not standing up against those Christian supporters he had who said horrible things about LGBT people.  Overall, Alan lists many criticisms that have been leveled against him and Exodus, acknowledges them, and apologizes without defense or excuse.

The one thing I note as lacking is that Alan never challenges how Exodus’s message of “change” was often used as political cover.  The relationship between those who promoted Sexual Orientation Change Effort (whether based in religion, some form of therapy, or a combination of the two) and those who would deny LGBT the full protection of the law and the same rights as their non-LGBT counterparts has always been mutually reinforcing and symbiotic.  Those who would deny LGBT people rights and protections often point to the ex-gay narratives and say, “See?  They don’t need these protections.  They can just turn straight.”  Similarly, the difficulties that LGBT people face due to discrimination and social stigma perpetuated by anti-LGBT activists also keep many LGBT people in a state of misery that makes them more susceptible to promises made by ex-gay organizations.  Alan’s failure to acknowledge those relationships between the two groups and apologize for contributing to the overall toxic mentality toward LGBT people is troubling to me.

Also, I note that Alan does not seem to acknowledge that, while Exodus will be closing its doors and he will personally be getting out of the ex-gay industry, the legacy he helped to build will still go on.  This apology will not stop people from building on the foundation he and the rest of Exodus have already laid.  It will not stop people from continuing to point to his relationship with his wife and his past words as “proof” that LGBT people everywhere should make the same choice and condemn those who don’t.  I hope that this is a truth that Alan comes to wrestle with and considers what more he might do to loudly decry those who would continue to build on the legacy he’s left.

Furthermore, an apology will not heal any of the wounds already inflicted or any of the damage already done.  That takes more effort, and I find myself wondering what Alan is prepared to do to go beyond simply apologizing and restoring those who he and the rest of Exodus have hurt.  Perhaps that is part of his and the other board members’ vision for the new organization they hope to start.  Only time will tell.

Gender and Sexuality, Religion

The End of Exodus International

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[Content Note:  Brief mentions of Sexual Orientation Change Effort and those who have promoted such efforts, both past and present]

Exodus International has announced that it is closing its doors.  In their announcement, Alan Chambers indicated that they have realized that the organization has become “imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical.”  Chambers continues thus:

From a Judeo-Christian perspective, gay, straight or otherwise, we’re all prodigal sons and daughters. Exodus International is the prodigal’s older brother, trying to impose its will on God’s promises, and make judgments on who’s worthy of His Kingdom. God is calling us to be the Father – to welcome everyone, to love unhindered.

Exodus Off SwitchThat’s a pretty stark, honest, and self-incriminating statement for Chambers to make, who has often been (justifiably) accused of equivocation in the past.  His apology, which he offered the same day as this announcement (and which I hope to cover in a future blog post), was equally candid and vulnerable.

Of course, Alan and the other Exodus board members don’t intend to merely disappear.  They hope to build a new organization:

For these reasons, the Board of Directors unanimously voted to close Exodus International and begin a separate ministry. “This is a new season of ministry, to a new generation,” said Chambers. “Our goals are to reduce fear (reducefear.org), and come alongside churches to become safe, welcoming, and mutually transforming communities.”

It will be interesting to see how this new organization shapes up and how they plan to live out their goals.  I’m curious to know what fear they hope to reduce?  Are they hoping to reduce the fear that many LGBT people justifiably have of many conservative Christian individuals, churches, and organizations?  Are they prepared to consider what they really may have to do to truly undo that damage and transform their churches into places that some LGBT people might again find welcoming?

Or will those involved fall into those same old patterns that are so familiar to them?  Will they fail to see some of the subtler attitudes and behaviors that will continue to leave many LGBT people feeling wary of them?

And as always, will they give up their own sense of safety in order to meet LGBT people where we are and where we already feel safe, or will they remain in their “more welcoming” cloisters and wonder why still so few seek them out?

One thing is for certain, while this is the end of Exodus, it is not the end of Exodus’s legacy or the ex-gay movement among Christian movements.  There will still be other organizations — such as the relatively new Restored Hope Network — to carry that torch for years to come.  All the same, I’m glad to see the Exodus board pulling the plug and refusing to carry that torch any further themselves.

Religion

Musings on Mimir’s Well and Ocular Sacrifices

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WellOne of my favorite myths is the myth of Odin’s sacrifice of his eye in order to earn the right to drink from Mimir’s well.  It’s one of the myths that explains how Odin gained his wisdom.

One of the most common interpretations I have heard of this myth — promoted by people like Edred Thorsson — is that Odin gave up his eye and dropped it into the well so that it could forever scan the well’s depths, giving Odin knowledge of the secret wisdom contained in the well itself.  It’s an interesting interpretation, but I’ve never really cared for it.  I came to my own understanding of this myth.

I’d say that my own understanding was greatly influenced by the fact that I lived almost the entirety of the first three decades of my life with strabismus, which caused me to learn a good bit about stereoscopic vision, depth perception, and how important two eyes that work in cooperation are to one’s vision.  When I finally had surgery (actually, the second one, this time as an adult) to correct my strabismus, I learned how messing with your eyes can severely alter the perception of the world around you.  (Imagine reaching for a glass only to realize that it’s several inches further away from you than you thought, for example.)

To me, Odin’s sacrifice seems to be more about a change of the way he looked at the world, giving up old perceptions rather than clinging to them.  To me, this is a powerful mythic message for the rest of us.  To gain wisdom and knowledge, we first have to admit that maybe the things we think we know, the way we look at things, our very assumptions, may need to be sacrificed.  Refusing to let go of these things keeps us trapped and bars us from the new wisdom that is being presented to us.

Interestingly, while doing a quick search in preparation for this post, I ran across a post by Wytch in the North.  In it, she describes a couple interpretations of the myths that come close to my own.  Those interpretations differ in that they seem to see the sacrifice as a shift (or a partial one) from linear/logical thinking to esoteric/creative thinking.  I’m not convinced of that, as I think that a true change of perception that can be caused by the loss of an eye affects both of those categories of thinking.  (I’m also hesitant to draw a huge distinction between those to modes of thinking, anyway.)  All the same, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s taken a different view of this myth than giants like Edred Thorsson.

Gender and Sexuality

Um, Seriously?

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Have you heard about Lulu?  I hadn’t either until Diane Duane reblogged a link to an article about it on her Tumblr.  Lulu is an app for women to offer their opinions and share their experiences with the men in their lives, most notably the men they’ve dated.  The article makes it sound like the app’s aiming to become a giant database of references that women can look at when considering whether to get involved with or even go on a first date with a guy.

I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing1.  What I do think is problematic, however, is how Alexandra Chong, Lulu’s CEO and founder, is pitching it:

My vision has always been to create a discreet, private space for girls to talk about the most important issues in their lives: their relationships.

Um, what?  Is Alexandra Chong really suggesting that for every single woman out there, the most important thing in her life is her relationships?  As opposed to her education?  Her schooling?  Her family?  Her dreams of being the next CEO of her own company?  Any health issues she might have?  I’m having a hard time believing it.  I think women are much more individually complicated and collectively diverse than that.

I’m also troubled by the suggestion because, let’s face it, we already have plenty of sexist people — especially sexist men — who think that a woman’s worth and importance is primarily and even solely defined by the men she is related to, whether it be romantically, biologically, or even just platonically.  So pitching any sort of relationship app in a way that reinforces that notion and suggests that women should see themselves in that same light strikes me as troubling.

On a semi-related note, I’m a bit weirded out by “Dear Dude,” which is apparently Lulu’s advice column on relationships and sex.  Seriously?  You create an app that’s strictly for women to share about their relationships and you think a guy — a “Dude,” no less — is the best person to offer your all-female userbase relationship advice?  Is this more “Mars/Venus” bullshit?  Because that’s the vibe I’m getting.

Society

Saying we’re all the same erases our differences and the problems they cause

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The comic included in this post hit my Tumblr dashboard this weekend thanks to Mad Gastronomer.  The comic was done by eighteen year old queer artist Elias Ericson and can also be found on his blog here.  I think it’s a great.  I also wish I had been half as wise and insightful at Elias’s age as he seems to be.  (For more examples of his great insight, see these two other comics.)

I love this comic because I too have heard the things said in that first panel.  And I get that the person saying it often has good intentions.  Zie sees people being treated poorly because they are different from the “average” person — for whatever that means.  Zie assumes that if we quit focusing on differences, then everyone will be treated better.  It’s a neat idea.  It’s a noble idea.  It just doesn’t work.

You see, pretending we’re not different doesn’t actually make us all the same.  It just makes our differences invisible.  That’s just as problematic, because it also tends to make invisible the unique difficulties and problems that people face because of their differences.  It erases the fact that society inherently privileges and disadvantaged different people based on those differences.  Ignoring that fact doesn’t make it go away.  In fact, it just makes it impossible to do anything to change it.

Plus, there’s the fact that if a person have to pretend that someone is “the same” as everyone else to treat them the same as everyone else, zie hasn’t accepted that person at all.  Acceptance requires accepting a person exactly as they are and embracing their idiosyncrasies, their unique characteristics, and everything else about them.  Acceptance of individuals means acceptance and acknowledgement of diversity.  Accepting a re-tooled image of someone that allows one to pretend that zie is just like everyone else is hurtful to hir.

And I love that Elias managed to capture that in this comic.

 

Writing

Short Story: Awkward Timing for a Conversation

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Last night, rather than work on my novel, I decided to write a short story.  I decided to cross-post that story here to my blog.  I hope you enjoy.

I walked into the restaurant and scanned the dining room. I spotted Trent sitting at a table for two near one window. He spotted me and waved, shooting me his patented smile. I nodded to the host and gestured toward my boyfriend. She nodded in response and said, “Enjoy.”

I crossed the thirty feet and sat at the empty table. “Well, hello there,” Trent said as he absentmindedly ran his hand through his meticulously combed hair. He already had a beer sitting in front of him.

“Did you order me anything yet?” I asked.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d want, to be honest. But if you know, I’ll call our waiter.” He raised a hand and shouted toward the server station. “Cody!”

A young man about five years younger than me walked over. He had blonde hair, was about 5’9” and a somewhat slim build. “Hi. You must be Alex,” he said to me. “May I get you something to drink?”

“A virgin daiquiri, please,” I said. I was a bit taken aback that the waiter knew my name.

“Certainly. I’ll have that for you in just a moment,” Cody said as he hurried away.

“Thank you,” I called after him. I turned back to Trent at that point. “Have you been here long?”

“Ten or fifteen minutes maybe,” he replied. “Just long enough to get to know our waiter a bit.”

“That’s cool,” I said. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I got hung up at work. Sue asked me to review a short document right at four.”

“No problem. Cody was a dear and kept me entertained.”

I tried hard not to wrinkle my nose. Was he trying to make me jealous again? “Well, that’s good. He seems like a sweetheart.”

“I didn’t flirt with him, in case you’re wondering,” Trent said in a tone that was almost too nonchalant.

“Oh, okay,” I said as I tried to resist the urge to rise to the bait.

“So, were you wondering?”

“Not really,” I said. It amazed me that I was being honest when I said that. Even one month ago, I would have been wondering. Hell, I would’ve been paranoid.

“It’s tempting though. I bet you he’d call me if I gave him my number.”

“It’s possible,” I said. This was getting irritating and I didn’t want to make a scene in the middle of the restaurant. “So, must be you mentioned my name to him?”

“Yeah, I said you were meeting me. And yes, I told him you were my boyfriend,” he said.

“Ah, okay.” I still wondered why he’d give a guy who knows he’s taken his number, but I had quit trying to understand Trent’s actions a few weeks ago.

Cody returned with my drink. “Here you are. Do you both know what you’d like?”

“Is the chicken in the chicken caesar salad grilled or fried?” I asked.

“Oh please, Alex. Like it matters. Having grilled chicken for one meal isn’t going to magically make you lose twenty pounds,” Trent said. He was often annoyed with my finicky food choices.

Cody stood looking at Trent with an astonished gaze. “It’s grilled.”

“Then I’ll have that. I prefer the taste of grilled chicken to fried chicken,” I said.

“And you?” Cody asked Trent.

“Oh, I’ll have a small order of ribs. Standard barbecue sauce.”

“Alright. And for your potato?”

“Baked and loaded.” Cody nodded and left to enter our order into the system. Trent commented to me, “I really think I will give him my number. Just to see what he does.”

I took a sip of my drink. “Okay.”

“You’re not going to object?”

“No, I’m not,” I said.

“So what? Are you going to punish me with the silent treatment?”

“No.”

“Oh,” he said, his face a mix of relief and confusion. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Let’s wait until after dinner, shall we?” I said.

“Oh, it’s going to be one of those conversations!” he said. “And here you said you weren’t going to make a big deal over me coming on to Cody. You just need to accept that this is the way I am already.”

I set my drink down. “I do,” I said trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.

“Well, good. It’s about time you just accept the relationship the way it is.”

I sighed. “I didn’t want to talk about this in the middle of the restaurant, but you keep pushing. So maybe it’s better if we just get it out of the way. I do accept this is way you are and the way our relationship is going to keep going.” I took a deep breath, then added, “That’s why I’ve decided that it’s time to end our relationship.”

Trent laughed. “You can’t be serious.”

I nodded. “I am.”

“You’re dumping me?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. I just think we’re in different places in our life and we both need to accept that. I need to accept that.”

“I can’t believe this. I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you.” I shrugged. I felt that point was debatable, but didn’t feel like debating it. I just wanted this conversation to be over. He pressed, “You’ll never land someone as good looking or as sexy as I am again.”

I shrugged again. “You might be right. I’m willing to take that chance.”

“I’ll replace you by the end of tonight! You’re likely to be alone for weeks or even months.”

A thought occurred to me. “Are you really trying to get me to stay with you by trying to get me afraid of being alone?”

Trent stuttered. “What? How can you accuse me of that?”

“I’m not. I’m asking.”

“Whatever. This is all your therapist’s fault. She’s been turning you against me, hasn’t she?”

I laughed out loud at that one. “You mean the therapist that you insisted I go see in the first place because you felt I was just too paranoid?” Another thought occurred to me. “You wanted her to convince me I was just fucked up in the head, didn’t you? It’s just another way you’ve tried to manipulate me.” I paused, then added, “And yes, that one was an accusation.”

Trent sputtered. “I don’t have to stand for this. I’m out of here. He stood up and stormed toward the door.

I sighed and pulled out my phone and sent a text message to my friend, Sally. “It’s done. It wasn’t pretty, but thank god it’s done.”

I had just hit send when I heard Cody’s voice from beside me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I will be. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you try to put a stop on the ribs?”

“Sure, no problem. Um, do you want me to cancel your salad too? I mean, if you need to leave after that, I understand.”

“Actually, I think I’d rather stick around and enjoy a pleasant meal.”

“That’s cool,” Cody said. “Let me run to the kitchen and take care of the ribs. I thanked him as he ran back to the kitchen.

Sally responded, congratulating me and asked when I’d be seeing my therapist next. I told her I had scheduled an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, though I was feeling surprisingly good about it.

Cody came back. “I was able to cancel the ribs. I also talked to the manager and he agreed to take the beers off your bill.”

“Beers? So he had more than just the one.”

“Yeah, he finished one before you got here. So, not that it’s any of my business, but I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “Thanks. But I’m glad it’s over. I wish I had ended it even sooner. Putting up with him for ten months was just way too much.”

“No doubt. You certainly deserve better.”

The host came over and spoke to Cody. “When you get a chance, I need to talk to you.”

I smirked. “Let me guess, my ex gave you a business card to give to Cody.”

She blushed and shuffled her feet. “Yeah. I’m sorry. That was a really shitty thing of him to do.”

Cody asked her, “You tossed it, right?”

“I figured that’s what you’d want me to do.”

“Damn right. Are you sure you’re okay, Alex?”

“I’ll be fine. To be honest, I’m feeling kind of relieved. And I hope you didn’t turn him down just because of me.”

Cody snorted. “Hell no. He was an ass. Besides, at the risk of being too forward, I’d rather have your number.”

I blinked. “Are you serious?”

His coworker laughed. “Honey, he’s serious. Besides, he’d never play you after the experience you just had. He’s not like that.” Cody just nodded in agreement with her.

“Well, I’m flattered. But I think I need a bit of time. I’m feeling good about breaking up with him, but I still need to sort through things.”

“Understandable,” Cody said. “Though if I gave you my number, would you hold onto it and consider using it when you got things sorted?”

I considered this for a moment. “Sure. Though it’s probably going to be a few weeks.”

“That’s fine.” He tore a page out of his pad, scribbled on it, and handed it to me. It had his name and number written on it. “Thanks, Cody. And could I get another daiquiri? Non-virgin this time.”

“Coming right up.” He walked away. I smiled, surprised that the night wasn’t a total disaster.

Politics

It’s a feature, Rick. Not a bug.

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So at some point, for some reason that eludes me, someone invited Rick Santorum to speak and voice his critique of why the Republicans lost the presidential election last year.  Here’s a wonderful little gem that Santorum came up with:

“One after another, they talked about the business they had built. But not a single—not a single —factory worker went out there,” Santorum told a few hundred conservative activists at an “after-hours session” of the Faith & Freedom Coalition conference in Washington. “Not a single janitor, waitress or person who worked in that company! We didn’t care about them. You know what? They built that company too! And we should have had them on that stage.”

My initial reaction to that statement was to laugh.  In fact, I offered the following thoughts on the subject in a comment over at Shakesville:

Rick, Rick, Rick, I’d love to agree with you. There’s just one problem. If the GOP suddenly started talking about how important factory workers, janitors, servers, and other such people are to building the company they work for, those people might start wondering why the GOP keeps doing things that let their bosses pay them such lousy wages and do other things to screw them over.

I mean, seriously, we’re talking about a party who has been been carrying water for powerful executives.  This is the party that keeps telling us that those executives are the most important people in the world, who keep the businesses they run and therefore the whole world running.  Of course they’re going to keep parading executive after executive.  If they started talking about the importance of working class people — people that the Republican party refuses to protect by raising the minimum wage to something people and even families can live on — it would undermine that message faster than you can say “trickle down economics don’t work.”  (Granted, I will be very surprised if I ever hear a Republican utter that particular phrase.)

You can’t parade a janitor across a stage and talk about how important his contribution to building a company or keeping it operational (and make no mistake about it, that contribution is of incredible importance) while insisting that it’s okay to pay him barely enough (if he’s lucky) to keep his family out of poverty while simultaneously offering his CEO gets bonuses, golden parachutes, and tax breaks.  At least not without causing a lot of people to experience cognitive dissonance.  Or figure out what utter bullshit you’re trying to peddle.

(h/t Melissa McEwan at Shakesville)

Gender and Sexuality

Starting to Review the Pew Research Center’s Survey of LGBT People

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On Thursday the Pew Research Center released their findings from a survey of 1,197 LGBT people.  I’m currently looking over it, as it’s not exactly a short document.  However, I wanted to share a few points from he summary and my observations.  One of the opening statements in the release has to do with how LGBT feels about societal acceptance:

An overwhelming share of America’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender adults (92%) say society has become more accepting of them in the past decade and an equal number expect it to grow even more accepting in the decade ahead. They attribute the changes to a variety of factors, from people knowing and interacting with someone who is LGBT, to advocacy on their behalf by high-profile public figures, to LGBT adults raising families.

At the same time, however, a new nationally representative survey of 1,197 LGBT adults offers testimony to the many ways they feel they have been stigmatized by society. About four-in-ten (39%) say that at some point in their lives they were rejected by a family member or close friend because of their sexual orientation or gender identity; 30% say they have been physically attacked or threatened; 29% say they have been made to feel unwelcome in a place of worship; and 21% say they have been treated unfairly by an employer. About six-in-ten (58%) say they’ve been the target of slurs or jokes.

While the text of the summary does not include this information, the graphs accompanying it break down the percentage of LGBT respondents who reported facing each form of bigotry in the last year:

  • Been subjected to slurs or jokes:  16
  • Been rejected by a friend or family member: 6
  • Been threatened or physically attacked: 4
  • Been made to feel unwelcome in a place of worship: 6
  • Received poor service in a restaurant, hotel, or place of business: 5
  • Been treated unfairly by an employer:  5

I think some of these figures are quite telling when compared to the percentage of LGBT people who have experienced these things ever in their life.  For example, of the 21% of all LGBT people who reported being treated by an employer, nearly one fourth of them say that this happened in the last year.  I’m curious how the experiences of the other 16% would map out on a timeline.

I also think that this underscores why ENDA and hate crimes legislation that protect LGBT people are so important.  People who claim that violence and discrimination against LGBT people are a thing of the past need to be directed to surveys like this.

Speaking of legal protections, I found the commentary regarding marriage equality and other LGBT issues worth noting:

Despite nearly universal support for same-sex marriage among LGBT adults, a significant minority of that population—39%—say that the issue has drawn too much attention away from other issues that are important to people who are LGBT. However, 58% say it should be the top priority even if it takes attention away from other issues.

Personally, I’d like to see that significant minority to gain more traction.  The other issues mentioned in that paragraph — as well as healthcare coverage for trans* people, which are mentioned later — are of great importance as well.  And I tend to think that some of them are things that many who are in charge (and I’m thinking of myself and my fellow cis white gay men who are financially secure) tend not to have to worry about and/or can take for granted.

I’ll hopefully have more to say as I digest the rest of the findings over the next few days.

Religion

Meditation: The Web of Wyrd

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I originally received this meditation as a working to do with my coven during our first year together.  I thought I’d share it on my blog.

Cosmic WebClose your eyes.  Breathe in slowly and deeply.  When you lungs are full, hold in the air for just a moment, then allow it to leave your body, exhaling fully.  Then pause and breathe in once again.  Continue this pattern, allowing any tension, negativity, and distraction to leave your mind and body with each breath expelled from your lungs.  Each time you breathe in, draw in light and life and divine blessings.  Allow your body to become filled with these things.

Become aware of fiery red and gold strands of energy that criss-cross all around you and touch you.  These are the strands of wyrd.  See how they support you and make up everything around you.  Appreciate the substance and energy of them.  Study these strands of energy as they flow away from you, connecting to other people in your life.  Family.  Friends.  Coworkers.  These strands are what hold the universe and connect all things together.

Notice how your actions, your choices, affect these strands.  Notice how each choice you make is woven into their web and change the energy that flows through them.  Consider how these changes affect everyone and everything else through their connections to you in this web.  Watch how their choices and changes to the web of wyrd likewise affect you.

After a few moments of studying the web of wyrd and appreciating how it connects you with the rest of the universe, allow the image of the web to fade from your mind’s eye, knowing that it is still there.  Allow yourself to become once again more aware of your body and your present circumstances.  Become more connected to your body as you return to regular consciousness, never forgetting your experience.

Gender and Sexuality

The shocking discovery that women are sexual beings too

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[Content Note:  Sexism, Rape Culture, Objectification of Women]

Don't tell him that some women hit on guys. I fear his head may explode!
Don’t tell him that some women hit on guys. I fear his head may explode!

I didn’t get a chance to write a blog post for today as i was having too much fun celebrating my birthday yesterday.  However, I wanted to spotlight Libby Anne’s post from today.  In it, she discusses a preacher who is pro- modesty movement and who recently wrote an article in the Christian Post in which he discovers that (heterosexual and bisexual) women experience sexual desire when they see men.  I love and fully agree with Libby Anne’s response to this discovery:

He had never considered it.He had never considered it. Twenty years of ministry, twenty years of preaching modest, and he’d never thought about the fact that women are also sexual beings. This alone is illustrative of a huge blind spot in the circles that preach modest, if you ask me.

Of course, experience tells me that this isn’t just a problem with people in the modesty movement.  The idea that women are sexual beings seems to escape the notice of a lot of people, especially a lot of men.  There are too many narratives about men being the sex-seekers and women being the gatekeepers of sex.  Those narratives also tend to ignore the idea that women might actually want and seek out sex rather than try to prevent it.  In many ways, the erasure of women as sexual beings with sexual desire is a key component of treating women as sex objects and the proliferation of rape culture1.

So I’m not entirely surprised that this minister missed the memo that women have pantsfeelings too.  After all, we live in a society that too often ignores a lot of things about women, including the fact that they are fully human and therefore sexual as well.  And it contributes to a lot of problems.

At any rate, be sure to go read the rest of Libby Anne’s post if you haven’t yet.  It’s great.

1As an aside, Libby Anne’s blog is a great resource for exploring how both the modesty and purity movements influence and reinforce the objectification of women and rape culture as well, despite the fact that their stated intent is to uphold the value of women.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.