Gender and Sexuality, Politics

Some days, you just can’t win

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[Content Note:  Homophobia]

Today, I ran across this Right Wing Watch post:

American Family Association talk show host Sandy Rios this week once again connected the gay community to child abuse, this time telling Peter LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality that the fact gay people want to serve as Scoutmasters or Big Brothers or Big Sisters is “big proof” they are pedophiles.

As I noted on Facebook:

This is what gets me. Some anti-gays will scream “gay people don’t have children, so they contribute nothing to society!” [Libby Anne did a post on this phenomenon yesterday.] Yet, when some LGBT people choose to get involved in programs where they can mentor and otherwise help youth (often at-risk youth), they turn around and scream “Oh look, they want to be around kids! They must be pedophiles!”

Some days, you just can’t win.

 

Gender and Sexuality

Happy National Coming Out Day

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"National Coming Out Day: I'm gay...Ask me how!"To all my QUILTBAG friends and readers:

May your day and every day be filled with more opportunities and the freedom to be authentically you and open about every aspect of your life.  All in accordance with your need for personal safety and security, of course.

To all my supportive friends and readers:

Support your QUILTBAG friends.  As I noted on Facebook, your friends’ gender or sexual orientation may be “no big deal” to you — and that’s great.  But bear in mind that they’re still taking a risk in sharing that deeply personal information with you, so the act of sharing is a huge fucking deal to them.  Don’t lose sight of that when responding to anyone who comes out to you.

 

Health

A Personal Update, Health Edition

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I haven’t blogged much in a while.  Part of the reason for that is that I haven’t been sure what to blog about.  The other part of that reason is that I haven’t been doing well health-wise since at least August.  This blog post is going to be about my health, the (ongoing) road to recovery, and my thoughts along the way.

A collection of five pills.
All but my metformin.

Back in August (maybe July), I started noticing I was getting winded pretty easily.  Climbing stairs took extra effort and occasionally a break about halfway up.  I didn’t think much of it at the time.  I just figured I had been to sedentary, since I hadn’t gone for my walks this past summer like I do most summers.  Things got progressively worse until they got really bad in September.  By the last two weeks of September, it took multiple pauses to make it up a single flight of stairs.  September is when I also started noticing the swelling in my feet and legs.  A lot of swelling.  (We’ll get to the details in a bit.)

At first, I was my stubborn self and insisted things would straighten themselves out, right up until September 17.  At that point, I decided it was time to run to one of the urgent care facilities.  At this point, I was thinking maybe an infection of some sort (I know some infections can cause edema).  The doctor there checked me out and had me get a chest x-ray.  Then she gave me the bad news:  I was experiencing congestive heart failure.  So much for getting some antibiotics and heading home.

Instead, the doctor ran an EKG on me, looked at it and gave me a choice:  I could solemnly swear that I would drive myself to the hospital that day or she could call an ambulance.  I asked her if I could drive myself home first to pick up my cell phone first, which she said was fine.  So I went home, grabbed my cell phone, threw together my laptop case, and called my parents to come get the cat, since I knew I’d be in the hospital for at least a couple days.  I also decided to call a friend and have her drive me to the hospital.

I got to the Emergency Department at around 4:30 and they had me in a bed by 5:00pm. They also began the Lasix almost immediately to start getting the edema off.  They kept me in emergency until 3:30am and then moved me into a room in 4-34.  (That also happens to be the floor where they tend to keep transplant patients, which freaked out at least one friend who came to visit me at first.)  My first thirty six hours in the hospital consisted of little more than eating, sleeping, and peeing as much as humanly possible, thanks to the Lasix they were pumping into me.  (The switched me over to an oral diuretic my second morning there.)

Glucometer with reading.
Great reading!

The first morning, they also took me for an echocardiogram, where they discovered all the gory details about my heart (the left side is enlarged and it’s pumping at around half the strength it should be).  They also started putting me on medications to lower my blood pressure, slow my heart rate, and lower my cholesterol (which actually isn’t that bad anyway, thankfully).  They also put me on insulin for my diabetes which was not as under control as I had imagined.

In all, I ended up being in the hospital for eight days.  That’s mainly because it took my body until Sunday to be able to do much of anything without being on oxygen and they didn’t want to send me home on it.  Then they kept me until Monday so they could do an angiogram (no arterial blockages or damage, thankfully).  The cath lab didn’t get me in for the procedure until almost four, so they kept me one more night.  By the time I got out of there on the 24th, I was ready to get home.

The good news is that things are greatly improved.  I’m feeling a lot better — which isn’t surprising considering that the doctor estimated I went in carrying around about fifty pounds of extra water.  Right now, my doctors are in the process of tweaking my medications to get the best results and making sure my body  can tolerated the medications.

On the bright side, this finally forced me to find a doctor (and a cardiologist now) so I can get back to monitoring my health more closely.  It’s unfortunate that it took such a serious health crisis to force me to do so, but there you have it.  It also forced me to get things straightened out (with countless thanks to my father for helping with this) at home so I can start cooking again.  The low sodium lifestyle just isn’t compatible with eating nothing but delivery and takeout.

Hopefully, in time, I will even find the time and energy (the only problem I’m having right now is I still tend to tire quickly) to return to blogging. Then I just have to work out what to blog about.  😉

Gender and Sexuality

Search Engine Questions: Homophobia

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One of the search phrases that landed a hit on my blog today today:

if someone is homophobic are they gay?

It’s possible, but not absolutely.  Unfortunately, this is an all too common assumption that some people like to make about homophobic people.  (It’s even made it’s way into at least one film.)  It’s one that needs and deserves to be addressed.

You know, I get why it’s a commonly promoted hypothesis.  It’s very compelling, especially to those of us who are gay.  There’s a certain comfort in the idea that our most virulent attackers are secretly one of us.  It’s half sympathy and half schadenfreude.  Plus, some very notable homophobes (see Larry Craig and Ted Haggard for two examples) have been outed for the very activities they’ve condemned.  It’s quite compelling (though cannot be proven) to assume that their anti-gay activities are motivated by self-loathing and a sense of guilt.

But just like it’s bad for ex-gays and anti-gays to universalize certain (often ex-)gay people’s experiences, I think it’s wrong to universalize the fact that some people who are homophobic turn out to have a “gay secret” to all people who express homophobic views or hurt LGBT people.

I also think it ultimately doesn’t help anyone or anything to make that assumption.  There are plenty of motivating factors to homophobia.  Some people may be homophobic simply because the idea of same-sex relationships challenges their gender essentialist and patriarchal beliefs, just to give one example.  Putting everything down to “oh, they just must be secretly gay” detracts from exposing and addressing real issues and arguments.

Gender and Sexuality, Politics

The latest dishonesty of Maggie Gallagher

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[Content Note:  Homophobia, Sexual Orientation Change Efforts, Infertility]

This morning, Maggie Gallagher used her column at the National Review to chime in on the law New Jersey governor Chris Christie recently signed that prohibits licensed therapists from offering “conversion therapy” to minors.  Of course, Maggie is dead set opposed to the new law and considers this the latest example of Christian persecution and infringement on (Christian) religious liberties.

Of course, in decrying this law, she fails to exercise her religious liberty to be honest, something that I’m fairly certain is supposed to be pretty central to the Christian faith.  She starts out by decrying a press release that someone wrongly slapped her name on it, offering the following criticism:

I dislike using language that portrays gay people as “homosexuals” who are “tormented” by same-sex desires.

Um, since when?  Let’s go to Gallagher’s own words:

Please note, this is different from saying that homosexuals are mentally ill. In a simple biological framework, abstracted from all religion and morality, homosexuality is like infertility. It is a sexual disability, preventing certain individuals from participating in the normal reproductive patterns of the human species.

While Maggie can technically argue that she’s not saying gay people are mentally ill the above statement, I’m not sure that calling them “disabled” is any better.  And no, my being gay is not the same as my being infertile (and I am deeply sympathetic and sorry to anyone who is infertile and hurt by Gallagher’s choice to appropriate what may be a painful reality for them).  To the best of my knowledge, I am perfectly capable of sexually reproducing, either by having sex with a fertile woman or via sperm donation.  My being gay simply means I am not inclined to engage in sexual or romantic relations with women.  There’s a whole world of difference between the two things she’s comparison and the comparison strikes me as insulting and demeaning to everyone caught by it.

So yeah, for her to say that she “dislikes” it when gay people are portrayed as “homosexuals” who are “tormented” by their desires when she has much said things just as horrible?  Completely dishonest.

Of course, her continuing statement in today’s column suggests she’s not really opposed to saying that gay men (and note how she’s now going to erase all the lesbians in addition to the bisexuals she’s already been erasing) are “tormented” by their sexual desires so much as she’d in support of portraying all men as so tormented:

Among other things, as far as I can see for most men, of whatever orientation or state in life, being tormented by sexual desire is pretty much the human condition for long stretches of life, rather than an unbearable cause for condescending pity.

I don’t know what men Gallagher is hanging out with.  I certainly don’t feel tormented by my sexual desires.  I don’t get the impression that most of the men — regardless of sexual orientation — I know feel particularly tormented, either.

Of the bill itself, Gallagher makes the following claim:

Governor Christie just endorsed a law that thus excludes many gay teens who wish to live in accordance with Bible-based values from the circle of care; he has outright banned chastity as a goal of counseling.

Now having looked at the text of the bill, I admit that it’s a bit confusing, and it’s not immediately clear to me what qualifies as “attempts to change behavior” as mentioned in the bill.  However, I will note what Dr. Warren Throckmorton said back in May concerning the bill and the Sexual Identiy Therapy Framework he promotes:

I believe SITF would be safe if this bill passes. I have discussed this issue with some of the bill proponents and they agree. In any case, since we do not attempt to change orientation, we are not doing anything covered by the bill. I do not attempt to reduce attractions since I don’t think it is possible in any psychological manner. I think people succeed in handling their attractions in such a way as to better comport with their beliefs. Avoiding situations and practicing religious disciplines may help give a sense that attractions are being reduced but I don’t think this is what the NJ bill is aiming at. If ever it is, I will be more vocal in opposition.

Note that Throckmorton actually talked to the bill’s proponents about his questions regarding the law and SITF, which does consider helping a client remain celibate a valid course if the client decides it’s the best choice for hir life.  I’m inclined to take his interpretation of the law and how it will be applied compared over Gallagher’s who admits that she hadn’t even looked into the law before yesterday.  I sincerely doubt she contacted any of the bill’s backers for clarification.

Acknowledgements:

  • I found out about Maggie’s commentary on the bill via The New Civil Rights Movement.
  • I gleaned the link to the bill’s text from Dr. Throckmorton’s blog.
  • I found the link to Gallagher’s quote comparing homosexuality to infertility through GLAAD’s Commentator Accountability Project page for her.

 

Gender and Sexuality

And now, Randy Thomas’s apology

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Following in the footsteps of Exodus International President Alan Chambers, The organization’s Vice President, Randy Thomas has also offered an apology to the gay1 community.  I don’t have much to say about the quality of the apology.  (If you want to see thoughts on that, check out Zack Ford’s post on the subject.

I did find a couple of interesting bits in the apology though.  For example, when Randy acknowledged that he wasn’t originally aware of some of Exodus’s policies, he said the following (bold emphasis mine):

My understanding of public policy at that time was limited to the talking points I was given to tailor my testimony around.

I find this admission that such talking points existed and that testimonies given by ex-gays were apparently expected to fit those talking points rather interesting.  While I was critiquing the Yuans’ book, Out of a Far Country, I noted the following about how Christopher’s own testimony followed a certain narrative and how some love to promote that narrative as universal:

Unfortunately, that’s not the reality I occupy. In reality, I live in a world where some people — influential people — have invested a great deal of time and money in presenting QUILTBAG people — particularly gay men — in the worst light possible. There are those who still either explicitly or implicitly seek to link homosexuality with substance abuse, pedophilia, risky sex, and other destructive behaviors.

Such people like men like Christopher Yuan. They love such men’s stories, because they can point those men’s experiences, generalize them, and say, “See? This is what all gay men (and QUILTBAG people in general) are like!” Courageous men like Christopher — and I do not discount his courage or the truly amazing nature of his transformative journey — become tools in the anti-gay political machine’s to inaccurately paint and even dehumanize an entire class of people.

It strikes me that organizations like Exodus might have been actually pushing that narrative by encouraging its members to tailor their testimonies around talking points.  Perhaps such organizations went to a great deal to not only push such narratives about LGBT people, but helped construct them in the first place.

The other thing that I noticed was Randy’s reason for keeping quiet about some of the problems when he encountered them in Exodus and various member ministries (again, bold emphasis mine):

There are many good people in the broader Exodus movement that I didn’t want to hurt by sharing the bad we’d uncovered. Other staff members and I dealt with some of these ills privately…To protect some leaders, which wasn’t totally inappropriate, others didn’t know how bad some things had gotten. Therefore, some have been shocked that Alan apologized and that I, among others, were supportive. In order to protect the reputation of some, I chose silence.

In order to protect the reputation of some — and I speculate the organization as a whole, Randy Thomas chose to remain quiet about the harms he knew about.  I doubt Randy was the only one involved in Exodus who did this, either.  The thing is, this is a pattern among religious organizations and institutions.  In order to “protect reputations,” things are “handled privately” and then swept under the rug where they are out of view and those involved cannot be held more fully accountable.

Religious leaders need to learn that it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, this shit isn’t right.

Some might wonder why this matters.  After all, Exodus is closing its doors, so this should all be over, right?  Well, no.  Setting aside that Exodus 2.0 (by some other name) is still an unknown up-and-coming thing.  Exodus Member Ministries are still in operation.  Other organizations like Restored Hope Network and J.O.N.A.H. are still around and pushing the ex-gay myth.  N.A.R.T.H. and its affiliates are still around pushing pseudo-scientifically based conversion therapies.  And the anti-gay political organizations and individuals who still argue that LGBT people don’t need equal protection under the law because they can “change” are still in operation.

Randy’s admissions should be taken as things to look for in all these other organizations?  How many of them are still covering up harm to “protect reputations”?  How many of them are still carefully orchestrating ex-gay testimonies carefully selected and tailored to promote narratives about LGBT people as if they’re universal?

These are the things that those who used to be involved now admit to.  We need to be vigilant to see who is still involved and are still engaging in such things.

1That’s the word he used.  I’m not intentionally ignoring the damage that ex-gay ministries have caused bisexual or trans* people.

Gender and Sexuality, Politics

A few brief words.

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Colorful ExplosionsI haven’t posted anything since this past weekend.  That’s because I’ve been a bit busy and a bit tired.  I’ve been sleeping through most of the evenings.  I’m hoping to feel rested again soon.  of course, staying up last night to keep tabs on Wendy Davis’s incredible filibuster efforts and the support she received from the feminist army through to the end didn’t help that.  But all the same, it was worth it.  I went to bed after they GOP senators tried to sneak in a vote after midnight and started making the claim that the vote happened first.  I was glad to see that their last ditch attempt at fraud failed.  Just one question:  What do we as nation have to do to make sure they never try such a thing again?

Naturally, I’m very excited to learn that the Supreme Court has struck down DOMA.  I’m pleased that they also sent those who were trying to get Proposition 8 reinstated packing, but I’m disappointed that they didn’t tackle the constitutionality question and destroy all such discriminatory marriage laws and state amendments for good.

Finally, I’m concerned about the impact of the Supreme Court’s ruling regarding the Voting Rights Act.  While I’m certainly glad that we’re that much closer to marriage equality and I’m glad women get to maintain control over their bodies, I can’t forget those who will be disenfranchised by states who now can do what they can to screw over non-white voters because no one is looking.

I hope to be back soon with something a bit more insightful to offer.  In the meantime, go read the wonderful links of what other people are saying.

Gender and Sexuality

Why I appreciate John Shore’s letter

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[Content Note: Sexual Orientation Change Efforts, Moral Judgement of Same-sex Relationships, Some mentions of racism.]

Angry LetterA couple days ago, a friend on Facebook shared a link to John Shore’s open letter to Alan Chambers regarding Alan’s apology.  I read it and winced.  It was full of John’s well-known snark and sarcasm and is, in my opinion1, way over the top.  Plus, I often disagree with John about some of his positions.  For example, I’m willing to give people a lot more leeway on their views of same-sex sexual relationships2.  And that whole KKK comparison?  Yikes3.  So like Wendy Gritter4, I found myself uncomfortable with John’s letter.

But as I thought about this letter more and more, I’ve also come to appreciate it.  Yes, there are things about it I’m uncomfortable with.  There are things that I would have said differently or possibly not said at all if I had been the one writing it.  But on the flip side:

  • It is nice to see someone who is all in for supporting my rights and protections and defend not only my humanity and my dignity, but even my (relative) moral rectitude.
  • I look at the number of people (including that friend from facebook) who not only found validation for their own feelings about Alan’s apology through John’s letter, but were better able to understand and clarify what their feelings were because of it.
  • As someone who has gotten a bit of the “why can’t we all just forgive Alan” pushback and even got accused of “yelling” at someone when I objected, I appreciate the fact that there’s a voice that’s full of even more fire that makes my already calm (in my opinion, at least) objections look downright gentle by comparison.

I consider all of those outcomes good things.  So yeah, maybe John’s comment is unhelpful in the sense that it does nothing to smooth things out between Exodus and those hurt by them.  But maybe smoothing things out between the two groups isn’t the only goal.  Who knows, maybe it’s not even one of the top five priorities right now.

1Several other people will disagree with my opinion, including many LGBT people.  That’s cool.

2Ultimately, I do think John is right.  To truly be 100% in the corner of LGBT people, I think someone has to give up their right to pass moral judgment on our relationships5.  However, I do agree with Warren Throckmorton when he says that we all have to live together, and I’m willing to have some degree of relationship with someone who thinks there’s something sinful about same sex sexual relationships.  However, that belief will create boundaries between that person and myself that don’t exist between myself and those who feel otherwise.  So my position may be close to John’s or miles away from it depending on your perception the nuances I’m hinting at here.

3Confession time.  My problem isn’t that I don’t think that there should never be comparisons between homophobia, transphobia, and racism, or the struggles of various marginalized groups.  What bothers me more with this analogy is that far too much of LGB6 activism is being spearheaded by white men who are notorious for only bringing up issues of race to make analogies like this.  We as a community have been rightfully called on this, and John’s analogy makes it clear that many of us and our allies have not internalized that challenge.

4I don’t know if Wendy did this intentionally, but I appreciated the way she phrased her statement regarding the letter.  “I’m uncomfortable with….”  Not “John shouldn’t have said that.”  Not “his tone wasn’t helpful.”

5But then, I think that when a person goes from a morality that focuses on “this is what I believe I am called to do” and instead starts to focus on “this is what you should do,” that person is in trouble territory.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking sexual choices or any other kind.

6I’m intentionally leaving off the T because the activists I’m thinking of also have a tendency to ignore or pay minimal attention to trans* needs as well.

Gender and Sexuality, Politics

Admitting we exist is an endorsement?

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Dallas > AIDS BillboardThe image attached to this blog post displays a billboard currently on display in Dallas is meant to raise awareness of HIV and encourage people to get tested.  To anyone who cares about their fellow human being’s good health, this is a good message to get out.  Regular testing for HIV and other STD’s allows for early detection and treatment of infections.  And while HIV and certain other STD’s cannot be cured (at least not at this time), early and proper treatment can mean for a longer life and a better quality of life for the person infected.  Also, it means that such a person can take precautions to protect hir own partners.

Writing for LGBTQNation, Brody Levesque notes that the billboard’s choice to depict a black male couple was based on demographics concerning who is most affected in the area by HIV:

A report released in 2011 by the Dallas County Health and Human Services Department revealed that the new infections rate among the city’s black community had increased to nearly half of all newly reported infections.

The report also noted that county’s rate of HIV infection was the highest in the state of Texas and that the rate was disproportionately higher among African-American men who have sex with men.

There’s a certain logic in choosing advertising that most closely represents a group you’re particularly interested in reaching out to when it comes to health concerns.  So it makes sense that Dallas Health and Community Services would choose this image.

Of course, not everyone sees it that way, including Dallas city council member Vonciel Jones Hill.  Hill has decried the billboard as something in which “African American men who engage in homosexual conduct [are] presented as acceptable.”

Funny, it seems to me that the message of the billboard seems more along the lines that African American men who love and have sex with other men should get tested, just like every other sexually active person.  How Hill comes to the conclusion that the billboard is making any moral judgement in either direction is a bit of  mystery.

Or it would be a mystery if I haven’t seen this song and dance a thousand times before.  To people like Hill, acknowledging that LGBT people and same-sex couples exist at all — at least not without a sufficient amount of self-righteous condemnation strewn in with the acknowledgement — is an automatic endorsement.  Hill has aligned herself with the other reality-deniers who wish to pretend that LGBT people don’t exist and don’t form relationships, and instead imagine whatever horrible straw-queers their own — dare I say depraved? — imaginations can come up with.

That such people are willing to prioritize their desire to promote ugly stereotypes of LGBT people and decry anything that undermines those stereotypes over concern for the actual health and well-being of LGBT people speaks volumes.

Meta-Blogging

This is either a statement of why I love WordPress or a Staple’s Commercial

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That was easy.

About half an hour, I logged into my dashboard for this blog and got a notice that there was a newer version of WordPress available.  I’ve been keeping my plugins up to date since converting to WordPress last month, so I figured I’d do the same with the blog software itself.  I figured it was probably easy enough to do.

I’m sure the folks WordPress could find a way to make the upgrade process even easier.  I’m just not sure how they would.  The actual upgrade process took less than thirty seconds, and two of those seconds involved me clicking a button on my Update page in the dashboard.  That was all that was required of me.

The full process took between ten and thirty minutes because I followed the recommendation of backing up the blog’s database and the files on the site first.  Even that was pretty easy.  I couldn’t remember how to do a MySQL backup.  Fortunately, the folks at WordPress were kind enough to include a link to thorough and easy to follow (though I think some of their screenshots may be for older versions of VDeck and myPHPAdmin) instructions on how to do just that.  Then backing up the files was a simple matter of logging into my server with Filezilla and pulling the entire directory structure over to my computer.  (That’s why i don’t know how long the process actually took.  Once I started the transfer, I swapped windows and did other things.  When I came back, Filezilla was idling and waiting for me to tell it what to do next.)

Back when I used Movable Type, I upgraded the software a couple times.  It wasn’t nearly as pleasant.  I had to go searching for backup instructions.  I had to download the software myself, then move it to my server. Then I had to initiate a database update process from an included upgrade script.  The last time I tried to upgrade Movable Type, it’s that last step that failed.  The upgrade script kept locking up on me.

If future updates with WordPress continue to go as smoothly as this one did, it’s just one more reason I’ll be glad I made the switch.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.