Gender and Sexuality, Politics, Society

Of no consequence? Really?

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According to Danny Hakim over at City Room, New York State Senate majority leader Joseph L. Bruno announced that the Senate will not be voting on gay marriages. His reasoning is that they have too many other matters to vote on to “spend hours debating an issues that, you know, is not going to be of consequence.”

I find myself wondering what color the sky is in Mr. Bruno’s world. Because if he honestly thinks that gay marriage is not going to be of consequence, it’s quite clear that he doesn’t live in the same world I do. One merely needs to look at the states who have rushed to create constitutional amendments to ban same sex marriages over the past few years to realize that Mr. Bruno is quite possibly the only person in the entire country that considers the matter so inconsequential.

Also, bear in mind that in New York, there are currently over 170 same sex couples who are seen as legally married. A court ruled that those New York couples who got married in Massachusetts prior to the July 2006 court ruling that determined that there was no constititional right to same sex marriage in New York had valid marriages. This fact alone makes same sex marriage something of a legal problem in this state. Suddenly, legal decisions on how to handle just those 170 marriages — and how to verify that said marriage took place before the July 2006 deadline — now have to be considered. In effect, same-sex marriage is going to have to be addressed by the legislature anyway, so Bruno is merely putting off the inevitible.

Of course, according to 365gay.com, Bruno is strongly opposed to gay marriages, which is the real reason he’s intent on keeping this matter from a vote. Of course, this merely demonstrates that in the end, Bruno and those like him are concerned that the legislation could pass. So their only way of preventing it is to stop the vote from happening at all. This is a strange and hypocritcal move on the part of those belonging to a party who has be decrying that this matter should be decided by the legislature rather than “activist judges.” Apparently, the legislature should only decide if the legislature happens to decide in Mr. Bruno’s favor.

Hopefully, Mr. Bruno will discover just how “inconsequential” this issue is when he comes up for re-election.

Family, Going Out, Pets

A Pleasant Weekend With the Parents

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This weekend was absolutely fantastic. I managed to get out of work at 2:30 on Friday. I drove home, finished putting things in the car, and went to put Precious in her carrier. Unfortunately, she had figured out what was going on and had already hid under the guest bed. I actually had to tear the bed apart to get her — which stressed her out more. I’ve decided that in the future, I’m waiting at least an hour after I get home before I try to cage her for a trip. She was rather worked up the entire trip because of everything. And then she was moody towards Kisa when we got to my parents’ home.

The two cats didn’t get along the best this weekend, though they were both starting to mellow by Sunday afternoon. Of course, it doesn’t help that Precious is such a domineering bully and Kisa isn’t one fifth her size. Things were exacerbated on Friday night when Precious decided to divebomb the little runt. From then on, Kisa was afraid of Precious and would hiss and spit any time she came near. Of course, this didn’t keep the pipsqueak from being downright fascinated by Precious. Of course, the bigger cat had to remind Kisa who was the real boss whenever Kisa started to hiss and spit. I figure that when I go on retreat in August, things should be slightly better. By then, Kisa will be considerably larger and hopefully able to stand her ground better. Of course, I’m not sure if that will be an improvement or just a recipe for further confrontations.

On a side note, I have a one minute video of Kisa. I hope to eventually put it on YouTube. However, it’s currently huge (30MB) and I first need to see what I can to do shrink the file size. This should be interesting, as I’m no expert when it comes to video. In fact, I’m rather out of my element.

Friday night, I took my parents’ out to Chili’s. I don’t think I’ve taken them out to dinner since I moved up here to Rochester. That’s someowhat troubling to me, as I used to take them out regularly. In fact, while I lived at home, every birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day involved a dinner on me. So I figured I was well overdue. We had a great time, though the music was a bit loud for our tastes. Mom and Dad had never eaten at Chili’s before, and they felt their first experience was quite well. And I had a great time admiring our waiter’s aesthetic qualities.

Saturday, Mom and I wandered over to the Laurel Festival in Wellsboro. We wandered the craft fair and had a great time. I ended up picking up a gorgeous throw pillow with a black bear on it. I also picked up the Brat Queen a pillow filled with catnip, which she adores. (I figured it’d give her something besides the kitten to beat up on.) I also checked out a gorgeous stone fountain and a framed painting of a cougar sitting next to a cliff. I loved both items, but decided they each cost more than I was prepared to spend that day. (Besides, getting the car to that part of town to pick up the rather heavy fountain would’ve been a headache.)

Beyond that, I just had a pleasant visit with my parents. It was a fantastic weekend.

Daily Life, Emotions, Introspection, Love, Memories, Music, Personal Development

Musical flashback

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While driving to Applebee’s tonight, Aerosmith’s song, I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, came on the radio. There are many songs that are deeply connected to memories of people and events in my life, and this is one such song. In fact, it’s probably one of the most strongly connected songs I can think of.

Tonight, this song took me back to my relationship with my first boyfriend. At the time Chris (not his real name) and I were dating, this song was relatively new and seeing a lot of airtime across the nation. And every time I heard it, I became more deeply convinced that it was the perfect song to describe how I felt about our relationship. In fact, I think I pointed this out to Chris at the time.

Thinking about the relationship now, I can still understand why I felt this way. Chris and I seldom saw each other (we probably spent barely over a week total together throughout the six months we were “involved”), and it was perfectly reasonable for me to want to make as much of that precious rare time as I could. On more than one occasion, I ended up taking a sick or personal day off work just so I could have those eight more hours with him.

Of course, there were other reasons for feeling like this, too. The relationship wasn’t healthy, and I knew it. And that made me want to cling to it even tighter, holding it together out of my own desparation. Aerosmith’s song spoke to me powerfully and romantically about that desparation I was feeling. In many ways, I used that song to validate my sense of desperation.

As I listened to that song this evening and allowed these memories and thoughts to play through my mind, I began to ask myself many questions. The first question was whether there was any pain associated with this song or the memories that it evoked. There wasn’t, and I have to admit that I’m a little surprised by that. Certainly, there’s a certain morose feel to the whole thing as I think of mistakes made and lessons learned. And there’s the memory of the pain that used to be there. There’s the knowledge that years ago, hearing this song would’ve driven me to tears almost instantly. But not this evening. This evening, there was merely a sense of familiarity and a knowledge of what has passed. And while I find it somewhat strange, I also find it rather comforting.

Of course, I also asked myself how I felt about the message of the song today. If I were with someone, would this song still reflect how I would feel about a new relationship? And I think that for the most part, I can say that it doesn’t. Because now, my love relationships aren’t about desperation, they’re about something else.

The underlying premise of the song is about a relationship that would consume my whole life, an that’s not what I’m lookin fo at all. Certainly, I want a lover I can share my life with, and I’d prefer to spend the rest of my life with him. And there are certainly those moments I will want to get lost in, but only for a time. Because there are other things in my life that are equally important. And I do not wish to give up those things completely just so I can make sure I “don’t miss a thing” with my lover. That just isn’t healthy.

It’s strange to think of the thought processes a song can initiate. Of course, I also find it interesting that this all started on the same day that I had a dream about Chris (sadly, I don’t remember any details) while napping.

Randomness

I’ve been tagged

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Eileen has tagged me (unless there’s another Jarred who reads her blog) for a meme. Fortunately, this one is only asking for “random” facts about me rather than “werid” facts. Of course, as a software engineer, I suspect my facts will actually be pseudorandom rather than truly random. At any rate, here goes the meme:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don?t forget to leave them a comment telling them they?re tagged, and to read your blog.

My random facts:

1. I used to be terribly shy and rarely spoke around others. In fact, one woman who used to attend the church I went to while in college admitted to me after two years that she originally thought I was mute.

2. I’m 5’10”. My first boyfriend was 5’3″. My second boyfriend was 5’10”. My most recent boyfriend (though I’m not sure that word applies, considering we weren’t together for much more than a week) was 6’2″. If this trend continues, I suspect I’ll need a stepladder to kiss my next boyfriend.

3. There are two points in my life where I seriously considered going into the ministry. The first was in junior high. The second time was in college. I’ve since changed religions (obviously).

4. I kissed a guy for the first time in my life this past February.

5. I absolutely love mathematics. However, I prefer abstract mathematics. This is rather strange for someone who is a software engineer, as engineers prefer practical applications of mathematics. (After all, it’s what our job is about!)

6. My hand-eye coordination is terrible, if not non-existent. This is due to the fact that I had a lazy eye for the first twenty seven years of my life. My point of focus would change instantaneously, making it rather difficult to hit or catch a ball moving towards me at relatively high velocities.

7. I can count the number of musicals I’ve seen (either on television or live) on one hand. The gay male community is still debating whether to revoke my membership. (Note: Anyone who even thinks of complaining about my invocation of this stereotype should stop reading my blog now.)

8. I only have one planet in my entire natal chart that’s in an earth sign. The planet is Venus. It’s in Taurus. For those familiar with astrology, that explains a lot about my personality. (For those who know nothing about astrology, Neener!)

Okay, now for eight people I think will respond to a tag, but haven’t been tagged by someone else (I hope):

The Crew
The Sentinel
Susan
Tracie
Craig
RampoPreacher
Mark
Estella

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out, Health, In and Around Rochester, Personal Development

Not a good way to find out you need new shoes.

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Yesterday came and went, and I’m proud to announce that at least half of the activities I had planned took place. A couple got dropped for various reasons, but I’m willing to consider my birthday celebration a stunning success. Blistered feet and all.

Granted, I could’ve done without the blisters, but it’s my own fault. And I figure they’ll heal eventually. They’re from my successful trek along the canal path from Genesee Valley Park to Schoen Place. The walk took me right about two and a half hours along and was well worth the trip.

I got up at seven yesterday morning, showered, grabbed my water bottles out of the freezer, and left the house for the day. By the time I bought a backpack (necessary for the water and snacks I was taking on the trip), had a quick breakfast on the go, and make it to the park, it was just after nine. And I was off and walking.

The weather was absolutely perfect for this walk, as it was still in the sixties when I started and ony got up to the seventies or eighties by the time I was done at half past eleven. The view was absolutely gorgeous along the way. Sometimes I was walking through areas with dense vegetation, while the trail took me through broad fields in other places. The canal was visible 90% of the time, and I even managed to see a couple boats making their way through the water. I think the best sight, however, was near the end when I managed to spot a mother mallard with several tiny ducklings. I think any of her children would have fit easily in the palms of my hand. I might’ve even been able to close my fingers around their tiny bodies. I wish I would’ve taken my camera, and plan on taking it when I repeat the walk in July.

I’ve already decided to take this trek once every month while the weather stays warm enough for me. However, I do need to be sure to plan a bit better in the future. For example, I need to get a good pair of walking shoes or hiking boots. Of course, I didn’t realize that my current walking shoes (the ones I wear every day) had some major holes in the insoles. That didn’t help the blisters that formed on my feet at all. So I will be getting new shoes, and probably a pair just for this trip. (Michele is also recommending I get the gel inserts for this walk, and I’m inclined to see wisdom in that suggestion, too.)

The other mistake I made was not getting sunscreen. My face, forehead, and forearms are nice and red. In fact, my forehead is still itching a bit from the burn. Fortunately, the backpack protected the back of my neck. I figure I may even have to consider a hat next time, as I think parts of my scalp under my hair got a bit burned too.

But despite these lessons learned, I enjoyed the trek. It was great to be in the great outdoors. And besides the sunburn and sore feet (and the fact I’ve been napping half the day today), I don’t feel any worse for the wear.

After that, I called Belinda to come get me. She didn’t realize how far out Schoen Place is from Psychic’s Thyme up on University Avenue, so she eventually was afraid she got lost and went back to the shop to get Michele. They eventually found me, though I note with some humor that my wait for my ride was over half as long as the seven mile hike I took. Of course, since Michele was working, I had her take me directly to the shop rather than having her take me to the car. Char immediately started harassing me for taking such a walk, pointing out I should’ve only gone half the distance and then walked back to my car. I pointed out to her that the whole point of the walk — and what makes it fun — is that you’re walking from a certain point to another point. I’m not sure she appreciated the concept, but that’s okay.

After the store closed, a group of us went to Red Robin. Michele and Belinda were nice enough to cover my dinner, even with the strawberry dacquiri I ordered. We had a good time and I spent my usual time ogling the various waiters that passed by. Unfortunately, our own server was a woman. That’s actually pretty good, considering I was feeling impish enough that I might’ve teasingly hit on any guy unlucky enough to get our table. I was bad enough that Jim even called me a slut. I just looked at him and asked him if it had really taken him that long to figure it out. (Of course, any of my friends know better, when it comes right down to it.)

After that, we ran to Equal Grounds to listen to the live music there. This guy was a good musician, but he doesn’t have quite the stage presence of the Monastery Dropouts. As such, we stayed in the other room where we could enjoy the music but still talk amongst ourselves without disturbing anyone else.

After an hour or so a the coffee shop, I decided I needed to get home. My feet were really starting to bother me and I was developing a headache. (Earlier today, I finally decided the headache was due to a lack of calcium. The quart of peanut butter cup ice cream seems to have solved the problem.) So we took Jim back out to Chili and Michele and Belinda dropped me off at my house so I could get to bed.

As a final note, I discovered at the end of my journey that they were having a regata in Pittsford yesterday. Had I realized that, I would’ve taken a chair with me and spent the day there after my walk. I love that sort of thing. And there were certain enough shirtless guys wandering around to keep me in eye candy.

Friends, Going Out, Health, Personal Development

If I’m going to get older, I might as well get a party out of it!

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Last Wednesday, Brian and I got talking after Game Night was done. Brian was waiting for Woody to get done looking at JOhn’s laptop, and I was just in no hurry to go back home. It’s the first chance I’ve really had an opportunity to talk to Brian much, as he only comes to Game Night rarely. (His job usually keeps him away.) In fact, besides a brief hello at the Vickie Shaw show, this was the first time I’ve seen him since the first Game Night I attended in March.

While we were talking, he paid me a huge compliment. The topic of ages came up, and I found out that Brian and Woody are actually only two years older than me. When I commented on this, Brian mentioned that he had originally assumed I was about twenty eight. I told him thank you and probably grinned from ear to ear. Believe me, considering I turn thirty three next Monday, it’s nice to find out some people look at me and still think I’m in my twenties. What can I say? I’m just superficial enough to wish I could look young forever.

I’m starting to think about what I want to do this weekend for my birthday. It’s rather funny, considering that during the 1990’s and even up until 2004, I didn’t really care much about my birthdays. I was just content to practically forget them. And yet now, I want to celebrate them and do something special for them. I suppose a lot of that has to do with the fact that my opinion of myself and my life has changed. These are things that, in my mind at least, not only deserve to be celebrated, but even demand it. And fortunately, I have friends who seem more than happy to humor me in this matter.

I’m considering taking the long walk I’ve been thinking about for the past month. I want to walk the canal trail from Genesee Valley Park to Schoen Place. I just need to find a friend who is willing to pick me up at the end and bring me back to my car at my point of origin. (That or else have them drop me off as well as pick me up.) It’d be quite a few miles and a good morning/afternoon activity.

That evening, I’ll probably go out to eat with friends. I’m thinking about pushing to go to Red Robin. Yeah, there are places with much fancier meals. But to be frank, I’d be choosing that place for the aesthetically pleasing waitstaff. Hey, I know where my priorities are!

I’m also thinking about pestering a couple of friends to go out dancing that night. It’s been close to a year since the last time I’ve been dancing, and I feel way overdue for it. And of course, I’m also thinking about getting a hotel room for the weekend. Who knows, maybe I can find a hotel that has a room with a jacuzzi available….

Deep Thoughts, Friends, Gender and Sexuality, Going Out, Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Thoughts from Game Night

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Last night was another COAP game night. It was a fun time, despite the relatively low turn-out. There are actually a number of things I could write about based on last night’s events. However, for now, I’m choosing to focus on something that came up during a discussion between Woody and Mark during the “meeting” portion of the night.

Woody and Mark have been involved in COAP for long periods of time, so they got reminiscing. At one point, Woody started talking about his history with COAP and his pattern of disappearing and coming back. One of the things that he pointed out was that often, his disappearances occurred at the same time he started seeing someone, while he came back after the relationship ended. Mark commented that this is common, and even joked that it’s the “gay lifestyle.”

At this turn of the conversation, a couple of thoughts entered my mind. The first one was a sense of relief that I’m not the only one prone to this kind of behavior. Indeed, one of the things that I realized when I started coming to COAP events was that I’d have to fight the urge to drop out when I eventually get into a relationship. So it was nice to know that other people have those same tendencies.

But then, I had to ask the question. Why is that? Why is part of the “gay lifestyle” to drop off the social circle when you meet that special someone. Is it because we see the social circle as nothing more than a marketplace for picking up our next lover? That’s certainly a frightening thought in itself!

Of course, I should note that I don’t think this is strictly a gay thing. I’ve noticed that a good number of heterosexual couples tend to lose track of their friends over time, too. After all, my parents don’t get out nearly as much as they used to (though my father does socialize more through their church than my mother does). Often, they’re content to do their work, meet a few communal obligations, then head home.

But it seems to me from my observations that it happens much more quickly and suddenly amongst gay people (especially men). While heterosexual couples may become more insular and reclusive over time, it seems like we do it at the earliest opportunity. Which I don’t think is healthy, for reasons I covered before. So why do we do it?

Personally, I think it’s in part because we’re often afraid of finding true love that we’ve become obssessed with it to the exclusion of everything else. So when we’re with someone, all of our attention turns towards building and maintaining that relationship. After all, we’re not sure when the next one is coming along (and with only a small percentage of the population to work with, finding eligible, desirable lovers can seem like a daunting task), so we want to do everything we can to make it work. So we allow other friendships and our other activities to come along. Add to this the fact that the early stages of any relationship can be quite intoxicating and addicting, and it becomes an understandable pattern.

But realizing this doesn’t make continuing the pattern a good idea. In some ways, I think it demonstrates why we — both individually and collectively — need to break this pattern.

Personal Development, Work

I’m amazed by how much I remember

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This afternoon, I attended the first session of the five session “Signal Processing Fundamentals” class that my company is offering to all interested employees. I figured that since a few customers have inquired as to my knowledge of DSP’s (which is nonexistant at the moment), I figured I best sign up. Granted, this class covers the theory of signal processing rather than implementation, but I figure I can learn the latter on my own as I come to understand the former.

Today’s session consisted of a math review, going over the basic mathematical concepts (integration, differentiation, linear algebra, complex numbers, etc.) that are used in signal processing. Fortunately, it’s all stuff I learned in school. I was even surprised how quickly most of it came back to me. Matrix multiplication took a few seconds, but it eventually clicked.

Of course, there are things that I only vaguely remember. For example, I don’t remember all the methods for integrating and deriving more complex formulas. Fortunately, I was able to find a great website that helped with that.

I’m thinking that this weekend, however, I would be wise to try digging up a few of my old math books just for reference. Fortunately, I had the foresight to keep them. At least I hope I did. It’s possible I tossed them during the move. But I’m hoping I had more sense than that.

Friends, Going Out, Humor, Music

The local bishop must really hate these guys.

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Last night, I took Belinda and Jim to Equal Grounds to hear the musical and comic stylings of a local group called The Monastery Dropouts. Unfortunately, this group doesn’t appear to have a website, so I can’t link to them (or keep track of their future performances).

I had never heard of group until a couple weeks ago when I received an email from Equal Grounds (I’m on their mailing list) announcing that they would be performing live at the coffee shop. I forwarded the email to Michele, knowing that she and Belinda would be in town the day of the show and suggested it as possible entertainment for the evening. Everyone seemed to like the idea, though Michele was unable to go with us.

The group’s act can probably be best described the way Jim put it, part cabaret, part comedy act. The two members of the show are quick-witted, funny, and sing quite well. Their musical repertoire included such songs as The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer. In between songs, both men would banter back and forth and even with the audience, making for a humorous atmosphere. It’s not clear how much of the banter was scripted and how much was improvisational, though both men would probably claim it’s 100% the latter. If so, I would certainly never want to get into a battle of wits with either of them.

The show was marvellous and lasted for over two hours. The four of us (Becky joined us there late) all agreed we’d go see The Monastery Dropouts again if given the chance.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.