Tarot Musings: One of Disks

Deck: Tarot of Transformation
Card: One of Disks
Keyphrase: Birth Into Form

This card has a number of eggs and seeds in the foreground. The largest egg is lying on the ground, surrounded with grass and other plants. A brown haze round it suggests a nest, cushioning the fragile container. The other eggs and seeds hover around and just above this one, suggesting an almost ethereal, not quite real quality to each of them.

In the center of each egg and seed is either a light spot — suggesting an inner glow — or a pattern. This hints of the new life growing within, waiting to burst forth when the time is right. It suggests the new beginnings that is so often assocated with the the one or ace card of each suit.

This card symbolizes and embodies that point in any process where an idea, concept, or thing first starts the journey out of the mental and/or spiritual realms to manifest in the physical world. It marks the transition from thinking and planning to acting and doing.

It’s important to note that this card speaks not of the completion of that transition, but the process itself as it is occurring. A seed is not a plant, nor is an egg a chicken. It is merely the first physical stage, a tentative one at that, from which the end result will develop.

This transition stage is one of the most critical ones for any project, any goal, any dream, or anything else one hopes to manifest. Too often, that which was planned dies in this stage. We change our minds and don’t move forward. We don’t pay enough attention to the situation or properly nurture it through the gestation and birthing process. As a result, many of the seeds we bring into existence never properly develop and grow. Instead, they remain seeds until they die and eventually break down again.

This card calls us all to consider those things we’d like to gain or accomplish and the plans we have made. It encourages us to take that next step and put action to those plans and begin the birthing process. And it reminds us to guard the process carefully, so that our desires will ultimately have the opportunity to manifest.

Turning Inward

I’m not sure how many people read this blog any more. I know I’ve been silent for almost a month now. To be honest, I’ve logged in to write something several times since my last entry, but have never been able to get past the blank textbox.

This is one of those cases where many aspects of my life have caused me to turn inward, to work on projects and go through things that I’m not ready to post about yet. There’s just so much going on that still needs to be worked out in the stillness of my own mind before broadcast to the world, and as such, I leave what readers I may have wondering what’s going on.

What I can say is that my spiritual life is getting rather interesting right now. There are certain things that I need to work on and certain changes in my life that I’m making in order to prepare for the “next big step.” At some point, I hope to talk about some of that. But for now, I must leave it at this simple teaser.

I’m also working on a writing project, which I have several guides telling me will eventually coalesce into a publishable book. However, I’m in the very early stages of that process. Currently, I’m at the point where the project involves me spending regular times with a separate journal (as opposed to my “everyday” one) and writing about past experiences, people, and choices that I can remember, and my emotional reactions to them. It’s been both a rewarding and trying process, as not all of the memories or the realizations related to them are entirely comfortable. They’re not exactly painful, either. But they take a bit of processing at times.

One of the interesting things is that as I continue with this project, I find myself remembering little things that I had completely forgotten about, things that I haven’t thought about in a decade or more. That in itself can be a bit shocking. Of course, on the flip side, it’s also nice to suddenly discover that I have more memories of my life before high school than I might’ve thought. They’re just there waiting to be found.

Of course, a side effect of this process is that I find myself growing nostalgiac. I find myself wondering what ever happened to old friends, old school chums, and even an old lover or two. I find myself wondering what kind of people they are today. After all, it’s been at least a decade since I’ve seen some of them.

You can’t go home again. But at least you can visit. Even if only in your mind.

Weird mood

I feel strange tonight. To be honest, I’m having a hard time describing my mood and emotional state. I think that the best word for describing the underlying theme is melancholy. but it’s a strange melancholy. I’m finding a certain comfort in it. It doesn’t depress me, if that makes any sense.

There’s also a strong sense of impermanence to it all. It’s as if in my sadness, there’s a deep knowledge that it will pass soon enough, departing to let my heart fill with light and joy. This knowledge lets me find comfort in my temporary darkness, wrapping it around me gently like a warm blanket as I wait “sunnier” times.

It’s not like I’m totally devoid of joy, anyway. Evenin my morose state, I can see the myriad little bright spots. I can see where I have treated myself with more honor and respect than I have in the past. I know I have friends I can turn to when I need an ear, and have even dared to call on them to offer those very services. I am loved, and I know it. What is a little sadness in the face of that?

Bits and Bobs

The last couple of weeks have been more or less uneventful. Well, as long as you disregard the funeral I attended for a cousin. His battle with Parkinson’s finally took a turn for the worse. It was a pretty good service and well attended. I particularly appreciated the number of firemen who came to the event. Not that this is entirely surprising. The fire department was a big part of Tim’s life. Even after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, he spent as much time as he could at the fire house, doing whatever jobs he could manage. The head of the department commented at the funeral that he was going to have to find four new volunteers to replace Tim.

My sister and her kids are in the area. She decided to make the drive up from Mississippi for the funeral. Her husband told her she had to stay for at least a week, though. So she’s here until Monday. I plan on running down to my parents’ house tomorrow and spending the day with her and the kids. It should be fun.

I think the lack of employment is starting to get to me on some level. So next week, I’ll have to start getting more serious about the search for a job. I had really hoped one of the opportunities Rick and Kevin had found would pan out, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. So it’s time for me to get off my duff and take matters into my own hands again. The only down side to that is that I probably won’t find something temporary. I really wanted that because I wanted to eventually go back to the company that moved me into this area.

I’ve started walking again. I haven’t decided if I’m doing it to “lose weight’ (probably not), exercise (again, not necessarily), or just for the fun of it (I’m leaning towards this answer). It’s gotten me out of the house a bit more and that’s been well worth it. I’m rediscovering that I really do like doing things like that.

I’ve also gone on a couple outtings with Becky, which is always nice. A couple Thursdays ago, we went to a local coffee shop. I had a delicious drink consisting of hot apple cider, caramel, and whipped cream. Then we just sat and talked. It was pleasant. And I got to check out a couple cute guys, which is always a plus.

Reading a great bear book

The other day, I picked up a rather interesting book at Borders. The book is Among the Bears and is written by Benjamin Kilham and Ed Gray — though I get the impression that Gray’s contribution was more editorial while the bulk of the content is Kilham’s. It’s a fascinating story about Kilham’s experiences rehabilitating wildlife cubs near his New Hampshire home.

The book starts with the story of LG and LB (short for “Little Girl” and “Little Boy” respectively), two cubs whose mother abandoned them before they even left the natal den. LG and LB were the first bear cubs that Kilham is asked to care for. Kilham relates his experiences how he worked through the process with very little information to go on — and the looming knowledge that no one had yet managed to rehabilitate black bear cubs to the point of being able to successfully returning them to the wild. In the process, he makes some fascinating discoveries about black bear behavior and the development of cubs.

Currently, I’m only on chapter 5 and into Kilham’s first summer with LG and LB. So in the great scheme of things, I haven’t read but a small part of the story. I still have the rest of his experiences with LG and LB as well as the subsequent cubs he’s raised to read about. But if the rest of the book is like the chapters I’ve read so far — and I suspect there may be even bigger discoveries ahead — it will be a most interesting book.

As an aside, I’d like to point out the idiot who gave this book a bad review on Amazon. This is clearly a case of someone brainlessly adopting a cause without understanding the issues. Which is a shame, because it’s quite clear that they were so focused on their anti-hunting rhetoric that they missed an excellent opportunity to learn about the animals they claim to love.

Rochester Pagan Pride 2006

Saturday, I spent the day at the Rochester Pagan Pride Festival. I had an absolutely wonderful time, and look forward to going again in the future.

Most of the day, I spent hanging out with Wendy and her friends. She was kind enough to let me put out a few fliers for the POC on her table. Quite a few people ended up taking them. With any luck, that means we’ll see some new faces real soon.

I didn’t attend many workshops, as I was having too much fun talking with friends and what-not. The one that I did manage to attend was the Crystal Singing Bowl meditation, led by the good folks from Singing Bowl Expressions. I’ve been to one of the monthly meditations that Dawn and Jeff hold at Psychic’s Thyme before. While I certainly enjoyed my experience there, it paled in comparison to the demonstration at Pride this year. This workshop involved ten different bowls, each vibrating at their own frequency. While I was not one of the many people who immediately found themselves out of their body, I could certainly feel my own energy channels responding to the experience. I also remember opening my eyes a couple of times and realizing I couldn’t focus my vision. It was an incredibly rewarding experience.

I also got a book on Pagan ethics that Patricia Telesco recently wrote under another pen name. As Ms. Telesco was one of the invited speakers at the festival (and I bought the book directly from her), I had the chance to discuss it with her. I told her about my desire to do some research and planning over the next year and put together a local workshop on Pagan ethics. She was quite happy about the idea and encouraged me. I also shared with her about my blog entry concerning the line in the Charge of the Goddess that declares “all acts of love and pleasure” to be rites of the Goddess. She paid me a rather high compliment in regards to how I approached that line and the sentences surrounding it. It was rather encouraging.

I think the person who impressed me most at the festival, however, was someone I never actually got the opportunity to speak to. That’s the young man, Adam, who stood about ten to fifteen feet from the entrance to the festival, handing out Christian tracts to anyone who would take them. According to one of the organizers I spoke with later, Adam is a regular “attendee” of Rochester Pagan Pride. And I think he deserves a great deal of credit for the level of respect he showed. Despite Adam’s obvious disagreement with the religious views of most of the festival goers and his desire to “save” us, he was able to offer his message in a rather unobtrusive way. He was alwas polite when people refused his tracts (strangely, he never actually offered me one) and never attempted to start an argument. I can totally respect the way he chose to demonstrate his convictions.

In a mostly unrelated topic, I’d just like to say that my friend, Becky, also thinks that the guy who waited on me at the sub shop we bought lunch at was interested in me. I’m not sure I agree with her, but it was kind of nice to entertain the notion. I just wish that if he really were interested in me, he’d have said something.

Vacation Pictures: Shrimping Tour

I’m still here in Mississippi, enjoying a nice time with family and a well-earned vacation from work. Today, we decided to take it easy and laze about the house. About the most taxing thing I did all day was play a game of checkers with my nephew, Liam.

However, I still need to write about yesterday afternoon’s shrimping experience. After the kids got done playing at Lynn Meadows, we loaded everyone back into the van and headed to the beach to catch the Biloxi Shrimping Trip aboard the Sailfish. This is a tour where the elderly, eccentric, and entirely lovable captain of the small vessel takes people out just a short distance from the shore, drags a small shrimping net for twenty minutes, and then goes through the catch to point out the various aquatic life he caught. The captain gives you a bit of information about the Mississippi shriming industry in the process. It was an enjloyable experience, and I thought I’d share some pictures.

First, we have a picture of the boat as you approach it:

The interior has a number of interesting sea artifacts and educational information:

Notice the small “gift shop” area in the far corner. There were plenty of postcards, tee shirts, baseball caps, and other assorted items to purchase.

Except while the net is dragging, the captain spends his time standing on the aft platform, either going through the haul or working on letting out or hauling in the net:

As the net drags along behind, the seagulls gather in hopes of a free meal:

Once the net is pulled in, the captain dumps the catch into his work area:

Notice the stingray in the middle of the picture. This was probably one of the most notable animals in this catch.

As he’s picking up various species of fish, the captain dumps many of them into the aquarium for display purposes:

About five minutes before we reach dock, the captain will dump the contents of the aquarium back into the gulf.

Of course, the captain never forgets the seagulls. All through the demonstration, he occasionally tosses a fish up to them. And when he’s done sorting through the fish on the deck, he will scoop the remaining ones up with a shovel and toss them into the air and overboard, just to create a great opportunity to catch a seagull feeding frenzy on film:

If you’re ever in the Biloxi area, I strongly recommend you check out this experience for yourself. The captain is an excellent showman and the educational aspects of the trip are rather interesting.

Vacation Pictures: Lynn Meadows

This morning, Stephanie and I took the kids to Lynn Meadows Discovery Center. The kids got to run from section to section, playing and having a good time. I took my camera and got a lot of great pictures. There are too many to post here, but I thought I’d post some of my favorites.

I’ll start by introducing each niece and nephew as they got dressed up in the one sections. Alyssa went for the southern belle look:

Kyra, on the other hand, decided to go with the grieving widow look:

The white hat somewhat ruined the look, but she eventually found a more appropriate black hat of a similar style.

Liam made a dashing young man, though now amount of fancy clothes can hide his inner imp completely:

Of course, fancy clothes didn’t work much for hiding Warren’s inner imp, either:

Before he was fully dressed, I snapped this picture of Warren because the oversized hat just made him look like a homeless boy in nineteenth centry London (or at least the stereotypical image):

Can’t you just see him stopping you on the street and asking you for a bit of loose change?

After getting dressed up, Kyra and Warren went over to the nearby hotel desk to check in:

They also had a small room with a “green screen” set up. The center of the room had a kayak the kids could get in. Here’s a picture of Kyra:

And here’s the image that appeared on the television screen outside the room:

I later found out there was a large LCD television in the room so the kids could see the image too. I snapped a picture of Liam on this screen, and got a classic look:

One of the last sections we visited at the Discovery Center was the section set up like a small seaport. All the kids decided to play at being longshoremen. Here’s a picture of crane operators Liam and Kyra:

Alyssa and Warren were in the ship hanging cargo on the crane’s hook:

From this picture, I can only assume that Alyssa was the foreman of the operation:

And here’s a final picture of three of the little hard workers. Doesn’t Warren look cute in his hard hat?

Mississippi Vacation

I’m sitting here in my sister’s computer room in Mississippi. Due to a lag-time between projects at work, I have at least a week off. Fortunately, I knew this early enough and was able to buy relatively cheap plane tickets down to visit my sister’s family. After all, I haven’t been to visit since they’ve moved down here to Biloxi.

Mississippi is actually a pretty nice place. So far, I’ve even been fortunate in that it hasn’t been too hot or humid. Bill actually asked me if I had packed all the dry air into my suitcase, because the humidity has been relatively low here since I arrived.

It’s always a joy to spend time with my nieces and nephews. Warren and Liam have both been tackling me every chance they get. And even Kyra occasionally finds her way into my lap. Alyssa’s happy to see me, though she doesn’t have quite the need for the physical affection that her younger siblings have. To be honest, I think she’d rather read a book. This makes her a girl after my own heart, of course.

Tomorrow, we’re going on the shrimping boat tour. I plan on taking my camera with me. As long as I remember, I should have some pictures to post later this week.

Musings on the Tarot: Robin Wood’s Devil

I’m a bit of a tarot fan. I’ve collected a number of decks, as I find the artwork and the symbolism the artist puts into their interpretations. One of my all time favorite decks is The Robin Wood Tarot, named after its creator, artist and illustrator Robin Wood. Her deck has some absolutely beautiful artwork in it, and is an excellent blending of the symbolism traditionally (at least in the tradition of A.E. Waite and the Golden Dawn) associated with the tarot and her own ideas.

One of the cards in which Ms. Wood chose to go away from the traditional symbolism was major arcana card, The Devil. (A picture of this card from her deck can be found on the page linked to in the previous paragraph.) Whereas this card traditionally shows a demonic figure towering over two smaller figures in chains, Ms. Wood’s deck shows two individuals in a dark hallway or tunnel, holding onto a large chest. This card happens to be one of my favorite cards in this deck because it captures my own feelings about the underlying meanings of “The Devil” in tarot. This card takes the “devil” and transmutes it from being about being in bondage to an external figure to an inner condition of self-imposed bondage.

If you look at the card closely, you will notice that the only thing truly in bondage in this picture is the chest that the figures are holding onto. In reality, the two individuals are completely free. At any moment, they could choose to let go of the chest and walk boldly into the daylight, escaping their “prison.” And yet, they do not do this. Instead, they hold on to the chest, not willing to let it go.

The chest is partly open, showing its treasures inside. It is undoubtedly these treasures — and the figures’ desire for them — that keep the “prisoners” in place. Their desire for riches and treasures prove greater than their desire for freedom, so they hold their place. Indeed, their desire for the treasure has probably convinced them that they themselves are in bondage, not recognizing their own complicity in their situation.

This message is further enhanced when you examine the chest itself. Its visible surfaces are covered in depictions of the primitive “monkey trap.” This “trap” is nothing more than a coconut with a small hole drilled into it. Food is stuffed into the whole and the coconut is afixed so that it cannot be moved. When a monkey finds the coconut, it discovers the food. In its greedy hunger, the monkey will slip its hand through the hole in the coconut and seize the food. However, when it attempts to pull its hand back out, the hole proves too small to allow the monkey to extricate its prize-laden fist back out. Despite being frustrated by the trap, the monkey’s greed for the food will keep it from releasing its prize and extricating itself from the trap. Indeed, the monkey will remain their, grasping its prize in frustration until the trapper comes to check the trap. Even while being killed, the monkey will resolutely hang onto its prize.

In this way, the chest in the card loudly proclaims its own nature to its “captives.” But their greed blinds them to this, and they remain as “trapped” as the pictured monkeys.

Of course, like all tarot cards, there is a danger in reading this card too literally. Not all “treasures” have monetary value. Nor do all traps of this nature have physical bait. In reality, there are many things — be they memories, relationships, or past experiences — in our lives which we may be better off leaving behind. However, in some way, we believe ourselves to need them — or at least to be better off with them. So we hold on to them, enduring whatever bondage they may hold us in. In time, we find ways to ignore the trap, or at least cease associating our choice to cling to the “treasure” with the resultant “bondage.”

Robin Wood’s card, “The Devil” reminds us to be mindful of these “traps.” It calls us to ask ourselves if there is something we would be better off letting go of if it means increased freedom or peace.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.