Health

Fabulous Day, Fabulous Progress

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Today, I had another visit to the endocrinology department. I didn’t see Dr. Lee, though. This was my chance to have follow-up meetings with Jen and Faith. And I have to admit that I had quite a pleasant time with them. Of course, the good news right at the beginning helped that a ton.

I got to the office at about 2:45, checked in, and paid $100 on my outstanding bill. That’s about half of what I owe from my last visit. I would’ve paid the other half too under other circumstances. However, with this being a non-payday week and already having spent a significant amount of money on other bills this past week, I decided I should wait another week or two to pay the full amount. At least I figured roughly 50% would be a “good faith token” that I am paying it and will continue to do so. So having checked in and taken care of the business portion of the visit, I sat down in the waiting room and patiently waited for my appointment. Faith was running a bit late and didn’t get to me until almost 3:15, for which she apologized. I didn’t mind, other than the fact that I was beginning to wonder if something had come up or something, but things turned out fine.

So before leading me into her office to pour over my food diary, Faith has me jump up on the scale to see what I weighed. And there was the pleasant surprise. It seems that since November 2, I have lost 18 pounds. I was a bit shocked. I had known I had lost some weight and I was hoping it was at least five or even ten pounds, but I’d never expected such high results. Needless to say, Faith was quite ecstatic, too. So we rushed into her office and I pulled out my food diary for her to look over. She went through it and was quite impressed with it. She commented that I was missing a few foods on the first page, which I explained was due to the fact that my mother and I had to spend the first few days doing some grocery shopping to help with my change in diet. (My family has never been very good about incorporating an adequate amount of fruits and vegetables in our diets, so it meant doing some serious restocking of foods for us.) She also commented on the few days where I seemed to “skip” meals and was fairly relieved when I explained that this was due to me forgetting to update my food diary in a timely manner and not being able to remember what I just ate. I did assure her that I ate, though, and she was satisfied. She said that I seemed to be doing quite well at making sure I hit all the major dietary needs as well as spreading my food intake throughout the day.

We even talked about my weight loss, and she reiterated her position on that. I actually like it. Her whole philosophy is that while she’s always happy to see her clients lose weight, it’s not her main aim. Her main aim is for them to do the work of eating a properly healthy diet of the proper proportions. In her mind, the weight will then take care of itself in turn. So I’m endeavoring to keep that in mind, because I think it’s a helpful philosophy. So my plan is to continue to keep track of what I’m eating in writing and monitoring my glucose levels. Then I can let the weight take care of itself.

After our conversation, Faith told me she’d like to see me again in a couple months and we determined that we could schedule my appointment on the same day that I go back to see Dr. Lee, which is March 3. After this, she handed me the paper and went to see if Jen was ready for my appointment with her. Jen was ready, so Jen popped in Faith’s office and had me come talk to her. Faith had already filled her in on the whole weight loss thing, and Jen was equally excited about it.

She went over my exercise calendar and saw that I’ve consistently met my goal of taking three twenty minute walks each week. She was quite pleased with this and inquired if I’d given any thought to any changes I might want to make to my physical activity. I told her that I had thought about it and decided that I did not want to increase the number of days I’m walking, due to the fact that it might prove difficult to make it someplace to walk more than three days a week when the snow starts falling. (Speaking of which, it was flurrying on the way home, but that’s probably best left for a different entry.) However, I did mention that I was considering the possibility of increasing the length of each walk to twenty five or even thirty minutes instead of the current twenty minutes. She felt this was an excellent idea.

I also discussed my plans to try and recall as many of the ballet exercises I did in my college dance class and make a twenty minute workout of that. She thought this was another excellent idea, especially as it would add a number of stretching exercises to my physical activity. Overall, that meeting was quite positive, and she commented that I wouldn’t have to come see her again as long as my therapy kept moving in a positive direction (i.e. going off medications rather than needing more). Since I’ve been walking so much, she also gave me a free pedometer from a bunch that she gets as gifts from one of the pharmaceutical companies. I checked it out when I got home and it’s kind of neat. It’s a talking pedometer, which I think is kind of cheesy, but it’s still a neat idea. Tomorrow sometime, I plan on measuring the length of my average step and entering it in. Then I can start seeing roughly how many steps and miles I walk during my exercise routine. Also, Jen suggested that I see how much walking I get in from a typical day when I’m not taking my walk.

Apparently, I also have Jen to thank for my reduced medication. According to her, Dr. Lee missed the numerous glucose readings in the fifties a couple weeks ago. He had sent her a copy of my readings with his recommendation of “no change.” She immediately sent them back to him with all the low values circled and a strong suggestion that he cut my glyburide. So it’s thanks to Jen that I haven’t been bottoming out this week. Well, other than Wednesday. But that was due to an insufficient supper, I think.

This was a highly positive visit for me. It seemed great to see the weight loss and know that I’ve made my goals. And it’s really encouraged me to keep going. I think I’ve about convinced myself to keep up with keeping track of my exercise and food diary, even after I don’t have to show them to anyone. And to celebrate, I ran to Vestal and ate at the Chinese buffet. It was absolutely tasty. I thought I’d had a bit too much, but I guess I didn’t do too badly. When I got home and tested my blood sugar two hours after eating, I was at a 78.

Religion

Circumstance as a litmus test?

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Ive been listening to Frank Perettis This Present Darkness on tape again. Its a highly enjoyable book for the most part. Some of the theological implications make me wonder at times, though. I suspect part of that is just because Im not a Christian. But a lot of it even makes me wonder how well it fits to a Christian perspective.

Take for example the one part I listened to on my way to work this morning. It takes place shortly after the church votes (but just barely) to keep Hank as their pastor. Hank and his wife, Mary, are sitting together in the kitchen of Grandma Edith Duster. Edith is one of Hanks biggest supporters, and she spends much of this particular conversation encouraging Hank. In it, she makes the comment that if Hank wasnt where God wanted him to be, he wouldnt be accomplishing as much as he can. The more that I think about this, the more it seems like divining the will of God from mere circumstance. And to be honest, that strikes me as an odd, fickle, and possibly dangerous thing to do.

Back in my college years, I remember learning about the concept of fleecing. Its a term used in certain Christian circles to describe a certain way of testing for the will of God. The idea is based on the Old Testament (from the book of Judges, if memory serves) story of Gideon and his fleece. In that story, God calls on Gideon to save the Israelites from the enemy (the Philistines, I think, but dont quote me on that). Well, Gideon is doubtful and God offers to prove His desire for Gideon. One of Gods proofs involves a fleece that Gideon put outdoors overnight. This happens twice. During one time, the fleece is left bone dry while the ground is wet with dew. The other time, God causes the fleece to be wet while the ground around it is completely dry. Such a miraculous event helps to demonstrate Gods power and will for Gideon. Gideon then agrees.

The idea of modern day fleecing works the same way. A Christian decides on some sign that will demonstrate that a given choice is Gods will. This concept is actually demonstrated in another Peretti boo The Visitation where young Travis Jordan decides that God will show him when he is supposed to head out to join Billy Grahams ministry by making it so that a banjo head he ordered arrives at the music store. In that story, Peretti demonstrates one of the great problems in fleecing; that is, the sign event is often something that is bound to happen anyway. So theres no real proof that the event is just happenstance or a legitimate sign from God. And I know other writers and theologians who have given much deeper explanations on the problem with fleecing.

But it seems to me that Edith Dusters comment is as much a sign of fleecing as any test involving a banjo head. It seems to me that its still a matter of relying on a matter of circumstance or circumstances that may well occur on their own without Gods miraculous intervention to determine whether one is following Gods will. It just strikes me as a shortcut to honest introspection and seeking the Will of God.

Now, I readily admit that part of my opinion on this is almost certainly influenced by my non-Christian views. In fact, Id say its further influence by the fact that Im a witch. After all, it seems to me that relying on circumstance to divine anything be it the Will of God or some impersonal force such as Fate flies in the face of underlying philosophy of my beliefs as a maker of magic. Thats why I have an equal problem with Neo-Wiccans who attribute their circumstances to fate and karma and then choose to passively live whatever life the world deems willing to give them. But it seems to me that the idea that something as fickle and highly susceptible to just about every influence as circumstance should be chosen as a litmus test for anything should bother anyone who remotely believes in free will and personal responsibility.

(Of course, the irony among some Christians is that many who will tell you that they must be in the Will of God because of all the good they’re doing will then turn around in times of trouble and tell you that their tribulations are signs that they’re in the Will of God because it’s obviously Satan trying to keep them down. But that’s probably a whole different entry.)

Memories

When I wore a rainbow colored wig

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Craig left me a comment about my experience as a clown. Particularly, he asked me if I told bad puns while I clown. The short answer to his question is no. But since he asked and stirred up the memories, I thought it might be fun to stroll down memory lane a bit.

I joined Acts 29 (my campus’s travelling ministry project that involved puppeteering, clowning, and similar activities) when I was in my sophomore year at Susquehanna. Though I didn’t really get all that involved with the group until my junior year. That’s when the project moved into a house on University Avenue. I shared the one downstairs bedroom with my roommate, Gerry. I immediately got involved in puppeteering and clowning. I enjoyed both, but in some ways, I enjoyed clowning the most.

I inherited one of the four or five clown costumes the project had. My friend Merion had actually used it the year before I became an active member, and it fit me quite well. I also went out and got a rainbow-colored wig to go with it and started working on a design for my facepaint. Unfortunately, I don’t remember everything I included, though I do remember I’d always draw a blue star on my one cheek. I always had such hard time with that, too. I was such a perfectionist, and I’d spend a few minutes trying to get the star “just right” before finally giving up and letting it go with however it looked. Don’t get me wrong, it always looked fine, really. At least no one ever complained or asked “what’s that blue splotch supposed to be?”

Acts 29 almost always did silent clowning. (The only time our clowns spoke was when they performed at the home for developmentally challenged individuals in Selinsgrove. We felt it was necessary to bend our rules of silence for the sake of being better able to get our message accross to our audience in those cases.) Our clowning mainly consisted of small skits with some sort of message. For example, we had this one skit called “Return to Sender.” For this skit, one of the clowns would take a big red heart and tape i to their chest, over where their own heart would be. Then the skit would begin. Through a series of events, each of the other clowns would be mean or thoughtless to her (I say “her” because more often than not, Amanda’s clown character, Rosy would play the part of the clown being hurt). For example, we might not let her join in a game we’re playing. Or we might get mad at her for a mistake she made and push her away. And each time one of these things would happen, she would tear another little piece off her heart. Near the end of the skit, her paper heart would be nothing more than small shreds. At this point, she would be very sad until she got an idea. She would then grab an envelope, put the torn heart into it, and seal it up. Then she would write on the front of the envelope “To God” in big black letters so everyone in the audience to see. Then she’d give it to someone (usually one of the non-clown facilitators that was accompanying the group) to send to God. A bit later, the same person would come back with another sealed envelope. The clown would open it up and find a new, untorn paper heart in it. Of course, all the other clowns would see this and get excited and everyone would hug and make up and play together.

I think that my favorite experience as Bobo (my clown name) was when we decided to write our own Christmas skit. It was a particularly interesting skit because we integrated a number of our ministry forms together. In this skit, we involved clowns, puppets, and at least one “normal person” part. (That part was the poor narrator who had to try to keep the whole thing together. In that skit, Bobo ended up playing the part of Joseph (we were re-enacting the nativity scene after all). And things just weren’t going well. The narrator would tell Rosy (playing the part of of Mary) and I to go to Bethlehem. Well, being two clowns, we immediately pulled out our map and started trying to find out how to get to Bethlehem. We would both sit there running our fingers over the map trying to find it (usually not looking in the same place). Usually, we’d end up turning the map as if we had it upside down for good measure. I loved that gag.

Needless to say, the whole experience didn’t get any better. Not only could Rosy and Bobo not find Bethlehem, but our Shepherd (another clown) couldn’t find her sheep (though she was able to find a cow and a duck, to the annoyance of the narrator), one of the wise men was sick and couldn’t make it, and above all else, we ended up forgetting the baby Jesus. This last put the narrator into absolute hysterics until our lovely Shepherd (played by Amy’s clown character, whose name escapes me at the moment) bring out one of her animals. Rosy immediately falls in love with it and decides it can stand in for the baby Jesus, and we ended the skit with a very sweet — if unusual — nativity scene.

I think the other thing I liked about clowning was the playtime. You see, before any service or event began, the clowns were given free reign. While people would be coming in, we had the honor of running around the place with our variou toys (after all, like any good clown troop, we had a suitcase full of them) playing and being silly. We’d be playing kazoos, blowing bubbles (which the children always loved to pop — and so did the clowns), and finding all kinds of make believe games to be playing with a simple length of rope.

Ah, the memories. I haven’t thought about my days as a clown in a long time. I enjoyed the stroll through the past.

Randomness

100 Things you probably didn’t know…

…and probably didn’t want to.

1. At one time, I was involved in an online “relationship.” At the time, I considered the other gentleman — who lived in the UK — my boyfriend. However, for various reasons (the fact that I never actually met him in person not being the least of them), I do not count it as a “real relationship,” nor do I count him as an ex.
2. I have never kissed a man.
3. I have, however, kissed a woman.
4. I actually worry about kissing. Even at thirty, I worry I won’t be “any good at it.”
5. My favorite drinks are pina coladas, strawberry daiquiris, mudslides, and long island iced teas.

6. My ex was also a diabetic. I actually attribute the fact that I took my own diagnosis so well to my experience with him.
7. At one time, that was the only positive thing I had to say about my ex.
8. The winter of my junior year at college, I went on a mission trip to Jamaica.
9. On that mission trip, we drove by the bar from the movie “Cool Runnings” several times. That’s not really a big deal, but we all thought it was kinda neat.
10. I have a brother (of sorts), but I rarely admit it.
11. The one time that I mentioned in public that he was my brother was because I wanted to make it perfectly clear to those around that he was not a friend. After all, I didn’t want them to think that I chose friends that were that big of assholes.
12. That was the one and only time I went anywhere with my brother during my adult life, and I have no intention of repeating the experience.
13. I met my current boyfriend, Mike, online.
14. Mike and I have been dating for three and a half years.
15. I don’t remember exactly when Mike and I first met in person, but I know it was the beginning of May 2001.
16. I used to have an online copy of every email Mike and I sent each other except for the first month. Then Webbox lost them all.
17. I fell in love with Mike the first evening we met, but not at first sight.
18. Mike is almost the complete opposite from what I’ve generally considered my “type.” This is why I don’t believe in “types.”
19. I used to do Christian clowning on a regular basis.
20. I was the coordinator of all InterVarsity-ran Bible studies on my campus my junior and senior year.
21. My lack of organization used to drive our IVCF staffworker bonkers.
22. I had a crush on my roommate my senior year in college.
23. My roommate also happened to be the president of our campus’s chapter of InterVarsity.
24. I made the mistake of confiding my situation to my roommate.
25. My roommate was actually pretty decent and understanding about it. We’re still friends, in fact.
26. The fact that he was pretty decent about the whole thing doesn’t negate the fact that he was a jerk a couple of times.
27. We had actually roomed together my junior year, too.
28. That year, we had told each other to go to hell.
29. I think that’s the only person I’ve told to go to hell.
30. If there WAS another person I’ve ever told to go to hell, it would’ve been my ex’s sister. (Also my ex-best friend.)
31. I cannot play sports well at all. I have next to no hand-eye coordination.
32. That’s due to the fact that I’ve had a lazy eye my whole life.
33. I’ve been through muscular surgery twice to correct it. I only know about the first time because my parents told me about it. I was extremely young (I don’t even know when exactly it was.)
34. My parents didn’t have insurance when I had that surgery.
35. It was clear immediately after the first surgery that they overcorrected. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t have the money for a second surgery. (In fact, they never had the money to pay the first one off. The debt just mysteriously disappeared.)
36. I didn’t have the second surgery until I was 27 because that’s the first time a doctor told me they could get my insurance company to pay for it. Before then, any doctor who mentioned it said that the surgery would be considered “cosmetic” and therefore the insurance wouldn’t cover it.
37. They got it right that time. My eyes aren’t perfectly aligned, but you’d really have to study my face to notice it.
38. This caused my depth perception to change drastically. I remember reaching for my glass at the dinner table and completely missing it. (I thought it was another four inches further away from me.)
39. I like to write erotica.
40. I like rollercoasters, but they scare me.
41. I’m dating a rollercoaster fanatic. Some days, that scares me.
42. At one time, I was working on a novel.
43. Originally, I was afraid to show anything I wrote to anyone.
44. Now, I practically shove my stuff in people’s faces.
45. I have a picture of my sister that my friends insisted was a picture of me in a blonde wig.
46. I actually passed that picture around the campfire one night during the “get to know your team members” session during our mission trip. Someone DEMANDED I explain the picture. Our team leader sat there laughing for several minutes.
47. I was raised in an American Baptist Church.
48. I have spoken from the pulpit before.
49. As youth leader, I was able to warp the fragile minds of the church’s youth for quite a few years before I left.
50. I call myself a fag all the time, despite the fact that it drives a few of my friends batty.
51. Actually, I partly do it BECAUSE it drives them batty.
52. I have a sadistic side.
53. I have a bigger masochistic side.
54. I’m a major cuddler.
55. I like to hug friends. Though there are some people I don’t like hugging at all.
56. I own a lot of computer games, but rarely play them.
57. There are only a few video games I’ve fully beaten. They are Super Mario Brothers, Metroid, and all the games in the Dragon Warrior series.
58. I own over twenty tarot decks, but only use two of them.
59. I have a hard time getting rid of books, despite the fact that I have many I have no use for.
60. I’m a packrat in general, too.
61. I love fantasy, but I was 28 before I ever read The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit.
62. In reality, I got both of those on audio cassette. So technically, I still haven’t read them.
63. I was 21 before I watched Fiddler on the Roof.
64. My favorite musical is Sweeny Todd. I especially like the taped version where Angela Lansbury played Mrs. Luvitt. (There’s something about watching “Ms. Fletcher” sing a happy song about baking people into pies that inspires glee in the perverse part of me.)
65. I miss working with teens.
66. I love bad puns.
67. I used to love the green ping pong ball joke. (If you’re not familiar with it, don’t ask. You’ll regret it if you do.)
68. I jumped down off the table I was sitting on and strangled the person who told me the green ping pong ball joke.
69. I have only been drunk three times in my life. And both times, I was more tipsy and disoriented than all-out drunk.
70. The first time, I got drunk off jello shots.
71. The second time was at the local gay bar. I had one too many pina coladas.
72. The third time, I got drunk off two Long Island iced teas. It was shortly after being diagnosed with diabetes. It was the first time I drank after my diagnosis, and I didn’t understand how strongly my condition could effect my alcohol tolerance. (Plus having lost 50+ pounds didn’t help.)
73. I almost didn’t graduate from college. (Never come out to yourself your senior year, it’s not a pretty sight.)
74. I dream of being able to quit my job and devote my life to writing.
75. Part of me wants to publish something someday, but the thought of all the publicity involved with that scares the crap out of me.
76. I wouldn’t read anything by Ann Rice for the longest time because it struck me as too “trendy.”
77. Same with the Mists of Avalon, which I still haven’t read.
78. I’m actually very insecure, though most people online don’t believe it.
79. In 2001, I went from weighing 290 pounds down to around 230. By the first part of 2002, I started the climb back up. At my last doctor visit, I was up to 311. I’m hopefully bringing it back down again, though I hope to take it more slowly this time.
80. I consider myself an extremely boring person.
81. I have an insanely high number of online diaries/journals/blogs. In fact, I have to write their names down to count them.
82. I also have an insanely high number of email addresses. And I just added another one this weekend.
83. I didn’t keep track of my checking account for over four years. In that time, I only bounced one check, though.
84. I lost my license for three months due to my foolishness. (I let my car insurance lapse due to not paying.)
85. My first vehicle was an 82 Ford Ranger. My parents gave it to me my last semester in college.
86. I put two different engines in that truck. The first engine we put in had a crack in it. Less than two weeks after we put the second engine in it, a band broke in the transmission and it wouldn’t back up.
87. I also put two different engines in my last car. The first engine was a factory rebuilt engine. Unfortunately, there was an error in assembly at the factory and it busted a bearing after I had it for two weeks. The second engine was on them.
88. Like the Ranger, I got rid of the Saturn because it two had a major transmission malfunction after the second engine replacement. However, there was a nine month gap between the two incidents. (Since I had put a new transmission in it four years ago, I decided it was time for a new car.
89. I used to argue religion with the person who is now my brother-in-law. I argued the Christian viewpoint while he argued the agnostic viewpoint. Ironically, we’ve done an almost complete role-reversal since then.
90. I have four nieces (two by my sorta brother and two by my sister) and two nephews (both by my sister). I love kids, but I’m not sure I’d ever want to have any of my own.
91. I will babysit my nieces and nephews as long as I don’t have to change any diapers.
92. I live only five hours from NYC but have never been there.
93. I tend to make fun of myself a lot. I think I learned to do that because people at school would make fun of me. It was a defense mechanism.
94. When I was younger, I tended to get along with most adults better than most kids my own age.
95. I believe that what most people call “fate” is utter nonsense.
96. I believe the same thing about what most people consider “karma.” (I do find myself struggling to understand some of the “less popular” concepts of karma — such as the traditional Hindu doctrine of karma — and am therefore less likely to outright dismiss them, though.)
97. I worry about what other people think about me more than I should. A lot more.
98. I also think some people think way too highly of me.
99. I first got interested in computer programming when I was seven.
100. The second programming language I ever learned was Assembly language. I learned it on a Vic20. I didn’t have an assembler for that computer, so I actually had to hand-assemble my code to machine code. I did this when I was…14, I think. I was an odd teenager.

Health

Don’t want to do that often

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So, I had quite the adventure yesterday. I got up at 10 in the morning, checked my blood sugar, and took my pills. Then I sat down to my computer and played Insaniquarium (I beat the adventure!) while I waited the requisite thirty minutes. Once that time elapsed, I decided to go ahead and have breakfast. I got everything around and ate, then spent the rest of the morning puttering around online. It gave me a chance to get caught up on friends’ diaries and respond to a few emails and posts on message boards.

As it got to be about 12:30, I decided it was time to think about lunch. I decided that I wanted to go out for lunch, as I was having a restless day and just needed to do something to get my mind and body in a calmer state. So I took my shower and grabbed an apple out of the bag. I ate it as I drove to the mall.

I got to the mall at about 2:00. I knew I had to take my walk (it was my last chance to get the third day of exercise in for last week), so I decided to get that out of the way before I ran upstairs to eat. I wasn’t all that hungry since I had the apple, and I was feeling great. So I took my usual circuitous route through the halls of the mall and through a few of the anchor stores. Towards the end, I was getting hungry, but I finished my twenty minutes before getting my back out of the locker at the entrance and heading up to the food court. Once inside Friendly’s, I gave my waitress (Diane) my order and then headed for the bathroom. I was feeling a bit lightheaded, so I decided it was time to get out my glucometer and check my blood sugar again.

Well, I had trouble with it. For whatever reason, the first time I stabbed myself with the lancet, my finger didn’t want to bleed. I got a tiny drop and decided to try it. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough blood there to fill the test strip and the machine errored out. So I grab another strip, and poke another finger. Now by this time, I’m starting to get concerned because I’ve started sweating profusely. I know I just went for a brisk walk, but I didn’t exert myself that much.

The second time, I got enough blood and the machine flashed up a number. That number was 50. So I immediately spotted Diane, flagged her down, showed her the results (fortunately, she understood what I was showing her) and asked her to get me something sweet NOW. She blinked, ran back into the kitchen and came out with a full glass of Coke for me. (She didn’t even take time to put ice in the glass, bless her heart.) Needless to say, I chugged that down. By this time, the patron sitting at the table across the aisle from me has figured out what’s going on and starts in asking “are you okay”? (Note: While the concern is appreciated on some levels, diabetics are not exactly in the best state of mind when they’re blood sugar is critically low. As such, overbearing acts of concern like CONSTANTLY asking if they’re okay is not a good idea. If you’re in that situation, give the diabetic person something with lots of sugar — fruits are best — and then leave them alone. I managed to be courteous, but not much more than that.)

I get the impression that Diane also went back in the kitchen and told them to move my order to the front of the line, because it wasn’t that long after that incident that my food came out. It may have just been that they were having a slow day, but it just seemed rather fast to me. But I got the soda and real food in me and in fifteen minutes my blood sugar was up to 72. That’s not fantastic, but it’s generally stable for me. And by the time I got home, I was clear up to 166. To tell you the truth, I’m surprised that it wasn’t even higher with all the sugar from the soda. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

So I learned a very important lesson. Even if I had a late breakfast and a light snack, I will NOT go walking before I eat if I’m having a late lunch. I should’ve known better, really. But I figured I ate breakfast late enough and had that apple so that my blood sugar should be just fine. Apparently, I was wrong. Not that this totally surprises me. I’ve found incidents where my blood sugar level seems to be time-dependent as much as food-dependent. For example, I’ve noticed a tendency to have higher blood sugar in the evening if I eat supper after 5:30 than if I eat it around 5:00. The fact that I take my medicines later and test my blood sugar later when I do that doesn’t matter. Even with everything moved the same amount of time later into the evening, the results come back higher. So apparently, this is another of these oddities.

Health, Love, Personal Development, Randomness

Christmas shopping and Health

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It’s been a pretty good day. I went for my walk on my lunch break. That’s the second one for this week. I need to get one more in. I’m looking at Saturday for that. I figure I’ll give myself tomorrow off. Besides, I have to run out to lunch tomorrow. I figure I’ll need the extra time to stand in line at Subway.

While I was at the mall today, I picked up Mike’s Christmas present. I got him one of those “pictures in motion.” They’re a neat idea. Basically, they’re a picture of some scene with water in it. There is a light behind the picture and there is some sort of mechanism that causes the light to shift slightly. The net result is that the water looks like it’s actually flowing. The specific picture I got Mike has a watefall flowing into a pool. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Hopefully, he likes it. I think he will, because he was practically cooing over such “moving pictures” when we saw them at the Carousel Mall. So when I found the same place had a kiosk set up at the Pyramid Mall, it became a pretty obvious gift idea.

This evening I tested my blood sugar when I got home. It was 55. Needless to say, everything got dropped and I made a quick hunt for food. I ended up having yogurt, six cups of popcorn (the proper serving I’d normally have in the evening is three cups), and a quarter cup of dried pineapple — which had way too much sugar added. Frighteningly, though, when I tested my blood sugar again at 9:30 or so, it was still only up to a 78. This is just insane. I hope Dr. Lee changes my medications soon-ish.

Car, Health

Brief review of the week

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This has been a bit of a hectic week. Between getting the rust spot on my car fixed, taking care of work, and doing my stuff for the endocrinologist, I’ve been a bit busy. And on top of that all, I’ve been trying to get more rest. I feel like I’m still on the verge of being sick again. I think I’ll be fine, but only if I can keep myself rested up and relatively well. That’s why I haven’t been online much this week. I mean, heck, I’ve even been late reading Catharsis on a few days. Reading the latest Catharsis strip is usually one of the first things I do when I have access to the Internet. But things have been so crazy, it hasn’t been happening.

I’m curious to see what’s going on with my blood sugar. I’ve come pretty darn close to bottoming out on two nights this week. On Wednesday night when I checked it at 7:30 (about two hours after supper), it was down to 67. I immediately had a yogurt before Mom and I ran the van to the body shop. And then Thursday night, I was clear down to 59. I stood in the kitchen eating a snack and I felt like I was wolfing it down. I also felt myself slightly shaking at the time, too.

The good news is that it was quite a bit better last night. When I got home and took my “after supper” reading, I was at a 96. I’m not entirely sure what made the difference. The only thing I can figure is that I actually ate supper half an hour later than normal. I’m not sure why that’d make a difference, but it’s the only thing I can figure. Everything else, I did practically the same on each of those days.

I have about another hour before I can test my blood sugar tonight. My parents and I went out for supper and that made for a late meal. I’m a bit concerned about what it might be. After all, I had a lot to eat tonight — the restaurant we went to gives ridiculously large portions — so it might be a bit high. But then again, it can be up to 140 before Dr. Lee’s going to get too concerned. And if it’s only one test out of the entire week, that’s probably not too terrible anyway. I just can’t make a habit of it. (Taking the test every day and having to send it in to Dr. Lee’s office sure helps keep me honest about just how habitual something like that is becoming, too.)

My car is fixed. The body shop managed to get it in on Thursday and finish the job up yesterday. So I left work about two hours early so that I could get there in time to pick up my car before they closed. They did a fantastic job. If I ever need body work done again (may the gods forbid!), I’d definitely consider going back there. Once I had the car, I also decided to run to the Ford dealership. I need a second key made. And unfortunately, I have one of those cars that uses the keys with the anti-theft microchips in them. So that’s something you have to get directly from the dealer. On top of that, because I only have the one key, the dealership has to program the keys by hooking the car up to the diagnostic computer. To do the “easy programming” method, you need two previously-programmed keys. I’m a bit annoyed about that because it means I have to pay a bit extra. But ce’st la vie, I suppose. I’m getting it done on Monday morning because they said they couldn’t do it yesterday. They said it would take a half hour to do the job and everyone was getting ready to go home for the evening. I just stood there shaking my head. It was only 4:30. Most of us have to work until 5:00. But nope, these guys were “getting ready to go home” and therefore couldn’t start a half hour job. People talk about “banker’s hours,” geez, I want to start working “mechanic’s hours.” Oh well, now I’m just being silly. I’m not really upset, but it gives me something to mutter about. Sometimes, it’s just fun to do that.

Introspection, Personal Development

Quiet

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It’s a quiet night tonight. I’m sitting here listening to some music, enjoying the relative calmness of the house. I don’t think that I appreciate that often enough. You would think that after the whirlwind of having my nieces and nephews here, I wouldn’t take the quiet quite so much for granted. But there you go. Even I lose sight from time to time. (Does that sound as egotistical as I think it does? Oh well, a little ego in my diary is probably a good thing.)

As soon as I got home tonight, I decided to haul both loads of my laundry up the stairs. Then I dutifully folded them and put them away. Now I just have to get the last few dirty clothes into the hamper. I’ll do that on my way to bed, since it’s back upstairs and I’m feeling too lazy to get up and walk up there. It’s funny though how a small, menial task like folding and putting away laundry can have an incredible effect on a person’s state of mind. I found it very relaxing. I think it’s because it gave me something to focus on, and for that few minutes that I was working on it, I was able to let all the crazy thoughts that whiz through my head while at work dissipate. And I was left with a moment of mental quiet — relatively speaking, at least.

You know, as I think about that, I find myself wondering. Maybe the reason I don’t appreciate the calm and quiet around here is because of the usual lack of quiet in my own mind. I usually let my mind jump from topic to topic to topic, back to the original topic so quickly. So I find myself in a constant state of mental chaos of sorts. So because of this, I expect my external surroundings to match this. I fill it with the noise of the television, the “noise” of several different conversations and message board discussions, and any other “noise” I can find. If I can’t learn to quiet my own mind, how can I appreciate the quiet around me.

So, maybe it’s time for some practical work here. Less noise in my life. Less noise in my mind. But the question is, how will I go about doing this. Perhaps I should start by finding that “menial task” to do each night, since it seems to help. I’m not sure what I’ll come up with, but I think it’s worth a try.

Books, Health, Paganism

My evening and witchy thoughts

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I went for my walk this evening. I didn’t get out of bed or get laundry started early enough to commence my walk in the afternoon as has become my custom. And without clean laundry, my only other option was to walk in the nude. The chances of that happen are one in a google. Maybe even one in a google plex. Besides, considering the temperature out right now, that’s jut not an option.

Overall, I give my exercise effort a B this week. I’m half tempted to go with a B-, but I think that’s being too hard on myself. I actually managed to walk four days this past week. It’s only one less than the five that I’m aiming for. I missed yesterday’s walk because, quite frankly, I wasn’t feeling well enough to go for a walk. I wasn’t sure that I wouldn’t get half way through it and suddenly find myself in dire need of a bathroom — which would be nowhere to be found.

After my walk tonight, I went out and bought some music. I bought a sampler of trance music. I’m checking it out now. It’s actually pretty good. I’d love to get more. Now I just have to find out who I might like. That’s always the fun part. I know absolutely nothing about music. And to be honest, I don’t have a huge desire to learn. I’m very superficial about my music. All I want to know is “this song sounds nice.”

I also ran to Friendly’s for supper. I had a lovely bacon cheeseburger. One of my favorite things. I was in a mood for some good beef. I probably had way too much, but it was worth it.

While there, I also read some. Friendly’s is my favorite reading spot, after all. Much less distractions than at home. I continued on in my reading of Huson’s book, “Mastering Witchcraft.” I’m still having mixed feelings about it. I still think the guy’s being more than a little pretentious. What gets me is that he always adds “of art” to the end of most things he’s talking about. “Using your brush of art, write these runes on it with your paint of art.” It just strikes me as being ridiculously wordy. I just have trouble imagining any of the witches I know and respect — all who seem to be rather down to earth and plain spoken — using such phrases.

Of course, the underlying reason for using such phrases also leaves me wondering. He’s one of these people who seem to think that every little thing that you use in magic should only be used in magic. It should never be used for anything else. Now, in many cases, I agree with him. I think that the major altar tools — such as the knife, the cup, and the censer — should usually only be used for those purposes for which they were consecrated. There are good and sound reasons for this. But I’m not sure that really applies to such things as paint and other supplies. These are not the “great tools.” These are “things a witch finds useful.” And it seems that the no-nonsense style of witch magic would call for just pulling whatever was needed from an already existing of “mundane items.” You need a piece of red thread? You go to your sewing kit, get the spool of red yarn that you bought to repair that dress, and you cut off what you need for your magic. You need to paint symbols on a tool or talisman? You grab the paint cans from when you painted the bedroom and you use a small quantity of it. Now sure, maybe the paint should be consecrated. So you pour out the small amount you will use into a smaller container and you consecrate it. You don’t consecrate the entire bucket, thereby risking wasting it if you don’t use it before it dries up. And I see no need to go buy something special for magic when you have a perfectly usable quantity of the same thing already.

I don’t know, I just see the idea of keeping two separate sets of supplies for “mundane” and “magical” uses as entirely impractical. And that goes against the nature of witchcraft, in my opinion.

Paganism

But stereotypes are fun!

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I was introduced to something new today. I was a bit surprised. Not a lot, but a little. It seems that another school is out to abandon all Halloween activities. But unlike most schools — who seem to make this decision to please uberconservative “Christians” with propagandistic views of the holiday, this one is actually cancelling due to what can only be described as “political correctness gone terribly wrong.” You see, this school is concerned about “offending real Wiccans with the stereotypes about witches.”

Now, I should point out that this isn’t the only reason mentioned. It’s just the reason that the article is focusing on. The school board actually cited three different reasons according to the article. And personally, I don’t think any of them hold water. (And I find myself wondering what the primary reason is or if this is just a matter of trying to find any reason that will stick for a decision already made.)

Now, some people who have seen this article have commented that it doesn’t mention any actually complaints from “real Wiccans.” (The closest thing to it is merely a soundbite from an unrelated news program made by a Wiccan High Priestess while explaining her religion.) And it’s a valid point. But sadly, I have no doubt that some “Wiccan” somewhere really is offended. (Heck, in my brash and younger days, I complained about such things myself. Fortunately, I’ve grown since then.) After all, there are some rather hypersensitive Wiccans (and Pagans of other persuasions, for that matter) out there. And it wouldn’t take much to see some of them get their panties knotted.

Me, I find the whole thing silly. Then again, I find the stereotypes silly. But that’s what makes them fun. I like playing with them. If I was in the middle of my town rather than off on some hill where no one sees me, I’d meet every trick-or-treater at the door in a painty hat and a fake wart on my nose. (Heck, I’d even cross-dress to be the traditional hag.) I think it’s fun to do such things. And besides, I think that playing with the stereotypes reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.