Books, Paganism

He’s back in print!

Leave a comment

Today, I ran to Waldenbook’s to pick up my order. I got a copy of both Witchcraft Today and The Meaning of Witchcraft by Gerald Gardner. After being told that they weren’t available in the U.S. six to nine months ago, I was finally able to order a copy of them. Of course, I have used copies of both, but I was glad to get brand new copies. Especially since my used copy of Witchcraft Today is so old the pages are just about falling out and my copy of The Meaning of Witchcraft has a blank (misprinting) page in it. That was annoying when I found it. So I’m glad to have new, in print copies.

Personally, I’m ecstatic that Gardner’s books are back in print. I loved reading them, and I think that they are very telling. I look at some of the things that Gardner makes so abundantly clear (such as the Goddess and God being “the little gods” rather than an Infinite Creator) that most people today never even stop to consider. There’s just so much in his books that most Pagans don’t even seem to know about these days.

Unfortunately, I don’t expect that they’ll sell many copies. It seems to me that the current consumer tendency towards “how to” books will keep Gardner’s books to a rather small readership. Because after all, he doesn’t give careful instructions on how to do any spells or rituals. In fact, he doesn’t give any such details at all. Sure, he describes a couple things, but not in enough detail to do them effectively. His books are informative and descriptive rather than instructive. And because of that, most people will likely toss it aside. Heck, I doubt they’ll even make it to the shelves on most bookstores. To be honest, I even told Jeanine an Waldenbooks not to bother stocking them, despite the fact that they’re excellent books.

Of course, the “anniversary edition” of Witchcraft Today irks me in its own right. They’ve made it an “expanded edition” by adding extra essays from “big names” in Paganism. These “big names” include Judy Harrow, the founder of the Protean tradition; Ronald Hutton, of Triumph of the Moon fame; and Wren Walker, co-founder of The Witch’s Voice. Now, let me say right up front that I have no problems with any of these individuals. They are all respectable individuals that have made good contributions to Paganism in general. And even their essays in this book aren’t bad in their own right. My only annoyance with it all is that my first skim of this “added material” is primarily there to make the book appealing to the “Wicca is what you want to make it” crowd by stroking their egos. It’s all about how Gardner was an “innovator” in his own days or how “Wicca” has changed since his day. I’m sorry, but I just find that sad. Why not let the man’s book stand on its own right? Why not embrace the fact that the man was a Traditionalist and wrote from a Traditionalist standpoint. Why must everything be made to cater to the “eclectic” community.

Oh wait, that’s where the money is, right? *sigh* Somedays, I hate that the publishing industry is a business.

Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Unsent Letter

Leave a comment

Dear Z,

Well, hello there. I doubt you never expected me to write you another letter, did you? I mean, it’s been over four years since we’ve had any contact at all. I’m not sure you even think of me. I don’t know how I feel that. For the most part, I’m fine with it. You’re out of my life, I’ve moved on, and I’m happy to keep it that way. That’s while you’ll never actually “receive” this letter. But that’s okay. I’m not writing it for you. I’m writing it for me. So you’ll forgive me if I picture you on the other end reading this. I know it’ll never happen, but just picturing it makes me feel content.

I’m not sure what kind of letter this is going to be. I’m not entirely sure why I’m even writing it. I just know that even after all of this time, I still think of you every now and then. I even wrote a couple of diary entries about you last Fall. So I figured I’d write you a letter. I don’t know. Maybe this is my goodbye letter. Maybe some part of me hopes that once I write this, I can quit thinking about you from time to time. Though another part of me doubts that’s going to happen.

At any rate, I just wanted to share my thoughts and memories of “our” past with you. Even if I continue to think of you — and it’s not a totally terrible thing to think of you — at least I’ll have gotten a chance to express those thoughts. And I guess that’s all I really feel that I need right now. So anyway, here we go.

We broke up five and a half years ago. No, let’s rephrase that. You dumped me five and a half years ago. I’m not exactly bitter about that, you know. As I say it, I’m not even really angry about it. I just want to state how things went down clearly. Maybe it’s petty of me. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. But like I said, I’m not angry. In retrospect, I now realize that it was bound to happen.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was angry with you once upon a time. But you know that, don’t you? I chewed you out in an email a year after the fact. What can I say? I’m human, and I get angry. I will neither excuse it nor rationalize it. Just don’t expect me to apologize for it, either.

Of course, in fairness, I don’t blame you for everything bad in that mess I thought of as a relationship. (I’m still not sure whether you ever actually considered it one.) I made my share of mistakes. I was less than a model boyfriend. And for that, I’m sorry. But I’ve grown since then.

I suppose most people would say the regretted the relationship and the breakup, considering how messy it was. But I’m not most people. I can only look back, nod, and say what a fool I was. But I also have to look at the path leading on from there and realize that my foolishness earned me wisdom. One of the people on a mailing list I frequent often comments that experience is the thing that you get after you needed it. I’ve always liked that saying since the first time I heard her utter it. I think that’s partly because that’s how I see the nightmare I went through with you.

I learned a lot about myself and relationships from dealing with the emotional rollercoaster dating you put me through. Or perhaps I should say that I discovered the kinds of things that I needed to unlearn because of it. Either way, it works. And it makes a lot of sense.

I’m dating a wonderful guy now. His name is Mike. We’ve been together for three years now. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, though the relationship hasn’t always been easy. Like I said, I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things. I still have things I need to unlearn, but I’m doing better now. Unlearning is rough business. Especially because things go to hell until you do.

There were little things about Mike that would give me flashbacks to my experience with you. Like the way he’s so tightlipped with his feelings. He doesn’t wear his heart on his shirt sleeve like I do. So there have been times when I would see him not expressing how he felt, and it would terrify me. I’d become frightened that, like you, he would suddenly decide he doesn’t have feelings for me after all. And let’s face it, you did that more than once, despite the obvious truth to the contrary.

But I’m slowly learning something. There’s a huge difference between you and Mike. Mike simply feels uncomfortable expressing his feelings at any great depth. But he acknowledges that he has them. You’d never do that. Hell, half the time, you weren’t willing to admit your feelings to yourself. In a way, I kind of pity you for that. But understanding that has enabled me to start seeing Mike in a different way. I now can rest comfortable on the knowledge that he does have those feelings, regardless of whether he expresses them. Sure, I might have a moment’s insecurity. But I can let it wash over me, and then take a serious look at our relationship. And there comes a point when I can acknowledge that while my insecurity — while very real on an emotional level — is not rational. And I can live with the occasional irrational fear, I think. Especially considering that addressing them in this way seems to make them quite short-lived.

At one point, I think I was mad at you about all this. Or at least I think I thought that I was mad at you about all this. I was mad that I had to unlearn things. I was made that I found myself comparing Mike to you and getting all emotional on him. But in reality, I think was more mad at myself. I was frustrated.

You see, I’m not even sure how much of this was “you” at all. Oh sure, everything I’ve said about you is true. YOu did deny your feelings. You did vascillate on how you saw our relationship. You did put me through an emotional game. But in the end, I played that game. I stuck in there. And to be honest, you only played off of things going on in my own heart. I can’t help but wonder, if it hadn’t been you, would it have been someone else? I think it probably would’ve been.

Like I said, I’ve grown stronger. I’ve grown older. I’ve grown wiser. And I’ve been able to rebuild myself into a better person. And in a sense, this all came from my experiences with you. But don’t pat yourself on the back too much. As I said, I think that if I hadn’t gotten messed up with you, I would’ve experienced much the same with someone else. So I’m taking 95% of the credit for this myself. I’ll leave you 5%, just as a token of my love for you.

Yeah, that’s the strangest part. I still love you. I probably love you more now than I did back when we were together. But it’s a very different kind of love. For starters, it’s not the kind of love that I’d ever build a relationship on. I don’t see you that way at all. Besides, like I said, I’ve been with a man I dearly love in that way for three years.

Instead, it’s the kind of love that one has for past memories. It’s the kind of love that one has for people and experiences that have touched them somehow. Let’s face it, you were a part of my life. In a way, you still are a part of my life. I think you always will be. I’m not sure I’d want you to be an active part of my life, even as a friend. I’m just not sure how I feel about that. But my time with you has shaped what I am now, and that is something I will cherish and honor. After all, it’s a matter of cherishing and honoring myself. And I deserve that. I owe that to myself.

So there you go. Take care of yourself. And I hope that your own experiences have led you out of your own nightmare.

Love,
— Jarred.

Introspection

Fun with lists

Leave a comment

This is a “List of 100.” It’s an idea I’ve borrowed from a new journal book I’m reading. Yes, some of the items on the lists are repeats. That’s perfectly acceptable. The point of the exercise is to write things as they come to you. Writing repeats helps you to keep moving.

100 Things I like about myself
1. I’m funny.
2. I’m sensitive.
3. I like to express my feelings.
4. I can laugh at myself.
5. I love computers.
6. I’m willing to help others.
7. I’m a good listener.
8. I’m a sensualist.
9. I give good head.
10. I like to read.
11. I can figure out just about anything.
12. I can be quite committed when something matters to me.
13. I’m willing to consider the possibility that I’m wrong.
14. I like to play games.
15. I can usually understand other people’s perspectives.
16. I can still hold my own opinion despite what other people think.
17. I can usually get myself under control.
18. I’m more interesting in making my lover happy.
19. I’m very submissive.
20. I can trust people.
21. I can get along with most people.
22. I can keep my opinions to myself when I need to.
23. I have a decent idea of who I am.
24. I’m gay.
25. I can be very understanding.
26. I can be an intellectual.
27. I know how to listen.
28. I can make other people laugh, even when they’re down.
29. I have a killer smile.
30. I have a soothing voice.
31. I can sing well when I put my mind to it.
32. I know how to play.
33. I know what I want.
34. I’m learning how to stick up for myself.
35. I love stupid television shows.
36. I love stupid movies.
37. I’m a hopeless romantic at times.
38. I can be pragmatic.
39. I can make other people happy.
40. I can write.
41. I can sing.
42. I don’t stay angry for long.
43. I don’t generally hold grudges.
44. I can love with my whole heart.
45. I know how to let go.
46. I know how to make myself vulnerable.
47. I don’t let my fears control me.
48. I love animals.
49. I can get along with most animals.
50. I have a soft touch.
51. I know how to listen.
52. I usually give good advice.
53. I know enough not to give advice in some situations.
54. I can usually empathize with others.
55. I love animals.
56. I give good head.
57. I can drive far if something matters to me.
58. I can see others’ perspectives.
59. I know a bit about musical theory.
60. I can do things for others.
61. I’m very generous.
62. I can dance.
63. I took ballet in college for two semesters.
64. I don’t always take myself seriously.
65. I’m cute in my own way.
66. I’m very cuddly.
67. I’m physically affectionate.
68. I like talking to people.
69. I can spend time by myself.
70. I know how to relax.
71. I can usually put my life in perspective.
72. My moodiness never lasts long.
73. I like giving others gifts.
74. I can usually see things clearly.
75. I can usually get past my emotional reactions to things.
76. I like children.
77. I am very protective of my “family.”
78. I’m usually very respectful.
79. I can usually smile at a moment’s notice and make it look natural.
80. I’m learning to be comfortable with my own self.
81. I’m willing to try new things.
82. I want to play.
83. I prefer cuddling to sex.
84. I like to dance.
85. I can be creative.
86. I can be very symbolic.
87. I can make a serious commitment.
88. Other people are important to me.
89. I’m a man.
90. I can dance.
91. My computer is a big part of my life.
92. I can be very friendly.
93. People like me.
94. I’m adorable.
95. I can be funny when I’m ranting.
96. I like acting like a kid.
97. My life is pretty much how I want it.
98. I know I’m in control for the most part.
99. I don’t like superficiality.
100. My love life is wonderful.

Health, Personal Development

Another good day

Leave a comment

Well, this was another day of doing little, but getting things done that will benefit me overall. For starters, I managed to do yet another fifteen minute meditation. I could grow to enjoy that. I may have to try and figure out a way to continue it while at work. I could take fifteen minutes out of my lunch break, but I need to work out the circumstances. I don’t think I’d manage to do it at the office. People don’t respect a person’s lunch break if they’re still in the building. So I’d end up getting interrupted. So I might see about trying it in my car. I could just sit in the driver’s seat. If I leaned back a bit, most people might even assume that I was taking a nap and leave me alone. I might have to try that.

I have found that having some sort of timer is an absolute benefit when meditating. It creates a situation where you can relax and really get into the process of calming and focusing your mind. Before I got this little programmable digital timer I now use, I’d find myself having to worry about what time it was or how long it’s taken. But now that I can just set the timer, close my eyes, and remain confident that my little “buddy” will let me know when it’s time to stop, I found I can focus much more on what I’m attempting.

If I remember right, I got the fifteen minute time limit from the ADF Dedicant’s program. It’s the nominal time for daily meditations that they recommend (though they actually require much less to complete the program — or least used to). I’m beginning to understand why. There seems to be something about that time frame. Today, as I was doing my meditation, I found a certain pattern forming. And I’m pretty sure that yesterday worked the same way. It seems as though the first few minutes of that time span is spent trying to relax and actually get into the right state of mind. Then the majority of the time is spent in a good meditative state — I completely zoned today, I think. But by the end of the fifteen minutes, I’ve been finding that my mind starts “resurfacing” on its own. My state of meditation tends to get much lighter. And this usually happens — at my best guess, since I don’t actually look — about two to three minutes before the timer goes off.

I also went for my mile walk today, again. This time, I made the circuit in sixteen to seventeen minutes. I think that’s a minute faster than yesterday. I”m really quite surprised that I’m able to walk it that quickly. Maybe it means that I’m not in quite as bad shape as I thought I was. Sure I still have to lose about 100 pounds, but I’m not just doing this to lose weight. I’m also doing this for my stanima and other health concerns. The weight loss — which I do hope comes eventually — is just one more benefit . And a healthy one at that. Of coruse, I also need to cut back on the sweets again and generally watch my eating habbits. But that’s next on my list. I honestly think that my biggest concern is my lack of physical activity. So hopefully, we’ll be fixing that soon enough.

Tomorrow, I’m walking at the mall. I don’t want to go down to the park because they’re having a tractor pull there. From what I understand, that will be right next to the walking path — if not straddling it! So I figure it’ll be just as safe to go someplace else. And with any luck, the mall will be empty. But I know it’s open, because Raechel says Friendly’s will be open.

Randomness

Good day, a few activities

Leave a comment

This has been a pretty good for today. I’m not sure how productive I’d call it. Except that some of the things I did will definitely prove beneficial for me. Especially if I can manage to keep up with them over a long period of time.

The first thing that I did was a fifteen minute breathing meditation. It went quite well, once I got over the shakes in the beginning. That was quite interesting, really. There’s nothing like having small shudders through your body as you’re tryign to relax and get your breathing into a slow, steady rhythm. But once I managed that, I did quite well. I did have to adjust my body’s position about ten minutes through it, though. I suddenly found myself feeling slightly uncomfortable. I really need to make time to do this more often. I don’t meditate nearly often enough.

The next thing I did was go down to the park and walk the path there. I even went a full mile. I’m trying to convince myself to get up the dedication to walk regularly again. It’s something I know I need to do. I also know how good it is for me. I know that when I walk regularly, I’m much more clear minded. My emotional state tends to be better, overall. Isn’t it funny how we fail to do things that we know are good for us?

This evening, I also went out. I needed to just get out of the house for a bit. So I ran out and bought a collar and leash for Precious. I want to be able to take her outdoors under controlled circumstances. I don’t want to let her out to roam free — I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable doing that even if her next FeLV test comes back negative. But I do want to be able to let her go out with me. She gets so jealous when Dad takes the dog out on the front porch to sit.

While I was out, I also ate at Friendly’s. I had a nice conversation with Rachael. She and I haven’t talked for weeks. It was nice. And her little boy is growing up quite quickly. He looks like such an imp, too.

While I was at the restaurant, I also sat down and read chapter twelve of Triumph of the Moon. Of course, I still have to reach chapters four through eleven. However, J pointed out to me that each chapter is mostly self-contained, so I decided to read the chapter that the online discussion group is currently discussing. That way, I can keep up with the conversation and participate. I just have to remember to go back through and read the other chapters.

Paganism

China Goddesses?

1 Comment

The other night, a friend was showing me various “Goddess pictures” he’s collected over the last few years. As I was sitting there, looking at them, I began to notice a pattern in all of them. All of the pictures, while drawn with exquisite talent and an eye for detail, seemed unreal to me. They all had this almost ephemeral look to them.

I began to notice that every picture of every goddess seemed to picture a slim, almost ghostly woman in a flowing gown of some short. And in each picture, it gave the deity pictured an appearance that was so idealized and stylized that she didn’t seem…well, human. And not in a good way.

It seems to me that I’ve found this characteristic in a lot of “Goddess” artwork in the last five years. It’s as if many artist try to create a lofty picture, but in effect creates a picture of an unreal, untouchable being. (Indeed, they almost look as if they’d be sullied or even broken if we touched them, much like a china doll.) Where is the artwork of real goddesses? Where are the pictures of Artemis walking through the forest in huntress clothes? Where are the pictures of Aphrodite, exuding enough sex appeal to make your average male pop a boner just looking at her? Where’s the picture of the Mother Goddesses who actually look like they’ve held a child and had said child spit up on her?

We Pagans talk about how our gods are close to us. We talk about how they are readily available and even imminent. And yet, then we turn around and create artwork which almost seems to contradict this. I find myself wondering how much we believe our own words.

Not that I’m guiltless of this. I’ve had my times where I’ve pictured my own “china doll Goddess,” too. I’ve pictured the gods as untouchable and unrealistically idealized. But I’ve also come to find more “realistic” images. I try to picture Freyja in a down-to-earth outfit that both exudes sex appeal and strength. I’ve tried to see her in the kind of garb as worn by the spakona. I’ve tried to see her as more real.

Introspection, Love, Randomness

Lazy Day

Leave a comment

It’s been a pretty good day, really. I didn’t do a whole lot. I was lazy and laid about. I played a lot of video games. I’m currently getting hooked on Phantasy Star Online for the Game Cube. I know, I bought both the console and that game to do embedded Linux development and “home geek time.” But I figured, hey, why not get some good old fashioned game playing in at the same time. I just have to remind myself not to get addicted or something.

Of course, I never stay addicted to games long at all. I usually go nuts over them for about a week or two, and then I lose interest. It’s been over a decade since I played a game so religiously that I completely beat it. In fact, I think the last game I won straight through was the original Legend of Zelda. I wonder if I still have that game somewhere. I don’t even know where my NES console is.

But these days, things just don’t seem to hold my attention like that. I sometimes worry about that. Because it’s not just about games. I tend to be…easily distracted…about a lot of things. I sometimes wonder how well I can honestly commit to something. And that has me worried.

Though, to be honest, I do know that I can commit to things. After all, I’ve been committed to Mike. I mean, I’ve been with him for three years now, when some of my friends can’t understand why we’re taking things as slowly as we are. I have one friend who can’t understand how I can stick with someone who won’t even tell his family about me. That kind of commitment has to count for something, right?

Of course, that’s something that bugs me about some of my friends. A few of them seem to have a preconceived notion about what my relationship would be like. And they tend to make it well known at times. That gets very frustrating. No one likes to feel like they have to “defend” their relationships. It’s something I understand about Christy very well. She occasionally complains about how people criticize her relationship with Noah, and I don’t blame her. I feel the same way at times.

Paganism, Rants

Inform, Don’t Insult

Leave a comment

On a message board, I watched someone come in and complain about the poor treatment she had gotten on another message board for a post she left. She went on about how someone accused her of being insulting and got a bit rude with her. After all, she was just trying to be helpful.

Now, I’m about to say something that would probably get me called a cynic. But if there’s one thing that life has taught me, it’s that people can be downright unkind and disrespectful when they’re “trying to be helpful.” “Helpful people” — especially the ones that offer unsolicited help, tend to have an ego thing going, themselves. At least that’s been my experience.

So a couple of us asked for further details before we told this would-be good samaritan how terrible her experience was. So she gave us a link to the conversation under discussion. Well, it didn’t take long for some of us to find why the poor guy was offended. One simply had to read the paragraph he quoted during his protest.

The board this woman posted to was a discussion forum for a law enforcement resource and networking site, as near as I can tell. And she was posting information about “Wicca” (I will have to explain why I put that in quotes someday, I think) and Paganism. Basically, she wanted to inform the police officers there so that they would be better able to handle situations involving Pagans or crimes that looked ritualistic. A noble gesture, indeed. But there are just a couple of things that I would’ve avoided personally. Let me point out the first one by quoting a statement from her post:

You will also become better by not jumping to conclusions when you are at a crime scene or an alleged crime scene with evidence of “ritualistic crime.”

Now, it seems to me that the underlying assumption our “educator” is making here is that these police officers currently jump to conclusions. Now, call me crazy, but I’m sure that these nice officers have gone through rigorous training on how to properly investigate a crime. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that one of the first lessons of investigating a crime — whether there are ritualistic elements or not — is probably don’t jump to conclusions. So I can understand someone getting a wee bit bent out of shape when a perfect stranger suggests they’d do such a stupid thing. Whatever happened to giving people credit.

The second statement is of a similar nature. Allow me to quote it:

And, PLEASE, above all – if you have a question just ask a member of the pagan community or do some research for yourself.

Once again, our “educator” jumps to a rather insulting conclusion. I’m sure that police who investigate crimes are well aware of the value of research. In fact, I’m sure that they spend a good portion of their time both researching and consulting with experts in whatever subject becomes central to their investigation. To imply otherwise — as this “educator” has done — is to basically call these police stupid.

I’m sorry, but whatever happened to assuming that people were intelligent? Whatever happened to the bit of common sense that said that treating someone as if they were a fool is a good way to get off on a bad foot? Whatever happened to actually showing the people you’re trying to “inform” a bit of dignity and respect!

Sure, I’m sure there are some bad cops out there. I’m sure that if one looks hard enough, you can find someone who does jump to conclusion. I’m sure you can find one who does skimp on the research. But to actually face a group of officers and assume that the ones you are addressing would do any such thing is a good way to show what an ass you are, in my opinion. And quite frankly, I think you should expect to be treated like an ass.

Honestly, if this is the kind of person that’s handling “Pagan relations” with our valuable “boys in blue,” I think we’d be better off not being represented at all.

Love

About Mike

1 Comment

Reading this book on journaling, I thought I’d try one of the techniques it described. I figured I’d do a bit of a character sketch of Mike. I figure this will be a good way for me to think about him and remember all the wonderful things I love about him, since I’ve been missing him lately and been a bit bummed about how long it’s been since I’ve seen him.

When I first looked at Mike, there wasn’t that moment of immediate attraction there. To be honest, at first glance, I think it would be easy to take him as quite plain. It’s until you look into his gorgeous eyes — which can be steel blue on one day and almost an emerald green the next — and see them set above his subtle smile he’s unconsciously mastered until you start to see his real beauty and charm. That smile provides the first hint to his quiet, almost shy nature. It fades in and out of existence, mimicking the glimpses of deeper personality that lives under the mask of serenity and his unassuming nature.

The eyes, on the other hand, are the key to seeing his more fiery nature, which is always there, but generally kept to himself. Once he begins to talk about anything that truly matters to him — be it his nephew, his annual vacation to an amusement park, or an argument he’s had with someone who crossed his family — the eyes show the raw and pure fire that fuels his words. His words themselves, are powerful. Whereas I am generally seen as the eloquent speaker, Mike’s way with simple, yet emotion-filled speech has a power behind it I can’t help but admire. As one listens to him speak of such powerful topics, one cannot help but get swept up in his passion.

I sometimes think that this is why he tends to dart his eyes about. His unique blend of passionate feeling and sense of insecurity seem to play off one another. As he becomes self-aware of his own fervor, he begins to look away, almost getting distracted. It’s as if he fears that his own intensity of feeling will chase people away, so he tries to divert it or reign it in as best he can. Of course, by the time that he has done this, I’m usually so enraptured that I hardly notice. Or I find myself yearning for more.

He also has such a tender, caring side. He’s a worrier, always being concerned about the comfort and well-being of those who he loves so deeply. In fact, showing that concern seems to be one of his favorite expressions of love. It’s nothing for him to spend the entire time we’re together worried about whether I’m having “enough fun” and whatnot, despite the wide smile and dreamy look in my face.

Books, Paganism

Awareness

Leave a comment

I finished “reading” (even after a year, it still seems strange to call it “reading” when I’m actually listening to the book on audio) Terry Pratchett’s The Wee Free Men for the second time. I really wish that Harper Audio would get around and put more of Pratchett’s books on audio. The man’s writing is absolutely incredible.

Personally, what amazes me about this book is the almost fairy tale “tone” to it. I don’t remember quite the same tone in Small Gods (which I read the “old fashioned way”) or Monstrous Regiment. Indeed, it makes me wonder if the man has a wide range of writing styles and “tones” at his disposal. Considering the number of books that he’s written, I can’t say as that would surprise me.

It’s easy to get lost in this particular book, in my opinion. The Pictsies and young Tiffany are such great characters. They grow on you, and in a good way. And the interraction between them is absolutely incredible. When you look at the way that the Pictsies appraoch which suggests that a good head butt to be a proper and effective resolution to any problem to Tiffany’s incredible tendency to over-intellectualize and analyze every little detail — especially for a nine year old girl — you end up with a curious interplay between them. It makes for a humorous part of the story.

And just for fun, Pratchett seems to like to throw in some legitimate spirituality. I find myself almost wondering if he does it just to see if anyone notices. For example, when Tiffany and the Queen have their final confrontation, Tiffany “wakes up.” Pratchett describes the effects of this awakening as being a sort of hyper-awareness. Every scent, every sound, every pattern becomes blindingly clear to to Tiffany. And in this sense of awareness, Tiffany is able to both defeat the Queen and realize that she has to “go back to sleep.” During this time, she acknowledges that no one could maintain this state of hyper-awareness indefinitely. She comments to herself that it would prevent them from getting anything done. To paraphrase her, “you could spend all day studying a rose, but the cheese would go unmade.”

It seems to me that there is a real truth that applies to witchcraft in this. Witches seek a sort of heightened awareness, themselves. In her book, Witchcraft: Theory and Practice, De Angeles suggests an exercise that requires one to go about their routine for an hour each day taking note of as many details around them as they can, to become “fully aware” of everything. As part of this excercise, she also recommends sitting down sometime after the hour and writing down everything your mind recorded during the exercise. The idea behind doing this for a number of days is that it will stretch your awareness, enabling you to note more and more details.

But, as Tiffany says, this has to serve more purpose than creating a situation in which “we spend all day studying a rose and allow the cheese to go unmade.” After all, witches are (in theory, at least) a practical bunch. So what is the purpose of such an exercise?

It seems to me that the point of becoming “more aware” is so that we can better control what it is we’re aware of in the first place. By “waking up” — to use Pratchett’s term — we give ourselves a chance to “go back to sleep,” but to control how we “sleep.” We have a greater control of what we’re aware of. We’re more able to filter out those details that are unimportant while not missing the ones that are — even if they are rather subtle.

And perhaps the other part of this exercise is just to make sure we do realize we’re “asleep.” Perhaps a large part of this exercise is to bring us to the point that we understand that no matter how “aware” we think we are, there are still those little details, those subtle nuances, that slip past us without notice. Perhaps this is to help keep us humble and to remind us to question our “facts” on a situation from time to time.

The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.