Category Archives: Friends

Friends, Gender and Sexuality, Memories

Memories: Rob and my homophobic past

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As someone who started out this life as a rather conservative fundamentalist Christian attending a Baptist Church and has since become a rather liberal, goddess-worshipping Vanic witch with a fancy for other guys, I know first-hand just how much a person can change over time. Fortunately for me, I’ve met some precious people in this world who also understood that and could embrace those changes. After all, had everyone simply chosen to look at my origins, I would be rather lonely right now.

To explore the memory that I’d like to write about, I first need to set up some background. In college, I was an active member in both my campus’s chapter of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and an “alternative ministry” program specific to my college called Acts 29. In fact, 99% of my non-academic life revolved around these two groups.

Of course, this meant I was very Christian and quite conservative in my outlook at this time, too. I felt that Christianity was the One True Religion(tm) and that homosexuality was a horrible sin. (Yes, I suspect I even uttered the baleful “love the sinner, hate the sin” phrase at least once during my college career.) Now, I wasn’t particularly antagonistic in my opinion (and a few of the gay students I’ve talked to since would even agree). I didn’t organize or stage protests. I didn’t stand outside of BGLASS (my college’s version of a gay student union) meetings and harass its members or any such thing. For the most part, I basically ignored the very existence of gay and bisexual students on campus. (Of course, I might argue that this is even worse than the things I didn’t do.) But if you asked anyone on campus who knew me, I guarantee you they knew my views.

So when my own prison-closet cracked open and I began to accept and come to terms with my own gayness, I found myself in a bit of a sticky situation. Most of my friends were of the “homosexuality is a sin” mentality, and the group that was best equipped to help me at this point in my life was filled with people I had managed to alienate, even if only indirectly. So I spent the last couple of months of my college career in a sort of limbo, only finding support from a small group of friends involved with the computer consultants (another on-campus project dedicated to helping fellow students resolve their computer problems).

And then of course, there was ISCA BBS. I had been introduced to the Telnet-based BBS (if you don’t know what any of that means, think of it as a sort of precursor to message forums that litter the Word Wide Web today) back when I was a freshman. It included discussion forums for discussing gay issues and even had an invite-only support group for LGBT-folk. I found a lot of support and helpful information there, which was boon for me. Not only that, it was something I managed to stick with after college, when living in rural PA.

Well, my worlds did collide to some degree. An old member of BGLASS (who graduated at least a year before I did), Rob, was also on ISCA BBS. What’s more, he knew my username. Well, needless to say, Rob remembered who I was and my beliefs and attitudes prior to coming out. And while he didn’t make too big of an issue of my past (in fact, he only ever mentioned it twice and was even one of the people to admit I wasn’t “too bad” when it came to stuff like harassing people), it was also pretty clear that he wasn’t exactly ready to think of it as water long passed under the bridge either.

What amazed me, however, was the reaction he received from other users of the BBS on the second time he brought up my past. I forget what exactly Rob said. To be honest, I didn’t find it all that objectionable, as he simply brought the subject up. Granted, it did give me pause to feel a twinge of guilt due to such memories, but I took it in stride. However, at least one of the long-standing members of the discussion group was not so willing to just let thing be. This individual instead chose to very pointedly remind Rob that my past was not relevant and that who I am today (or that day, as I’ve further changed since even then) was what was relevant. Indeed, this person seemed quite incensed that Rob would even bring up such distasteful skeletons.

Now, I’ve never been one to try and hide or even deny my past. I won’t beat myself up for them either, instead choosing simply to acknowledge that I made some bad choices in the past. But I was and still am grateful that there were those people who were willing to let those bad choices go and instead embrace the person I had become. I think some times, we all need people like that. May the gods bless those who accept that we may not be the same person today as we were yesterday. It grants us the freedom to continue that transformation tomorrow.

Family, Friends, Pets, Photos, Randomness

Christmas Eve Musings

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Cat Cluster

The picture above is of Grey, Kisa, and Paw, two of the barn cats and my parents’ indoor cat. The small group decided to curl up on the love seat together tonight, and Dad shot this perfect picture of them. I think it perfectly describes the quiet, intimate evening we’ve all had here in the Harris household this Christmas evening. Well, everyone except for Precious, who is stressed over the number of kittens currently occupying the house.

The Yule ritual went well Saturday night. A small group of us gathered at around eight, had a light meal, and then retired to the living room for a time of honoring the gods and working magic. Everyone seemed rather satisfied with the ritual I planned. (Though a certain goddess might take some small issue with my claim to have planned it.) After all was said and done, I think the party broke up around evelen that night.

I spent the night with friends, then headed on down to Mom and Dad’s Sunday. This morning, Dad and I ran out to finish our Christmas shopping together, then came home to relax. Tomorrow, we’ll open gifts together and have lunch before I head back home in time to get a good night’s sleep before work on Wednesday.

Overall, it’s been a good holiday season. I hope my readers have also found equal times of peace and the company of loved ones at this time of year.

Books, Family, Friends, Pets

Thanksgiving Minutia

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Kisa and Gray

The picture in my post is of my parents’ kitten, Kisa, and one of the “outdoor cats” that often come indoors to visit her, Gray. I figured I’d spice up this entry with a picture that my father took of them playing together last week. After all, it’s catblogging day, right?

As I write this, I’m sitting at my parents’ home, relaxing. I drove down here yesterday morning after getting up, finishing packing, showering, and dressing. We had the traditional turkey dinner with all the extras at three in the afternoon. Then Mom took a nap, as she had to work third shift last night. When she got back up, we all sat down and watched Sky High. My parents had never seen it before and loved it.

Today, I got up, showered, and ran to town so that I could pick up a copy of Divine Nobodies. (Special thanks to Erin for recommending it.) I decided to start it this afternoon rather than waiting until the car trip tomorrow. So far, I’ve enjoyed it overall and hope to write about it after I’ve finished it and processed through all my thoughts.

Speaking of tomorrow’s trip, I was pleased to discover that only my aunt and uncle, Janet and Tom, will be riding down with Dad and I. Of all my relatives, they’re some of my favorites. It also means that conversations during the trip should remain relatively casual and “safe.” So that’s quite a relief. My cousin, Melissa, will also be coming from Philadelphia, which means I’ll get to see her a second time in the same three month period. Considering we went two years without seeing each other prior to her wedding, this is pretty significant.

PreciousI have to admit that I do miss some of my friends right now. I love my family, and I’m constantly feeling more comfortable around them (I even managed to mention a couple of gay friends in the context of relationship while talking with my mother yesterday). But at the same time, I miss spending time with those I’ve built mutually beneficial relationships with over the past couple years. In fact, I think I’ll call Michele here in a bit.

I’m going to skip the common practice of listing the things I’m thankful for. Instead, I’m merely going to say that I’m thankful for my life in general and the countless blessings — both large and small — that have come to fill it.

The second picture is one I just took of Precious curled up on her grandpa’s lap.

Family, Friends, Memories

Memories that rolled with the dice

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Last night, I met Rick at Equal Grounds to play a couple of games. We often do this on a Wednesday night. Since we both had other plans for tonight, he suggested we get together yesterday instead.

This time, he asked me to look over the games there at the shop and select three for him to choose from. (Normally, he gives me three options and I make the final choice.) So I recommended Scrabble, Monopoly (which we had played last Wednesday), and Yahtzee. To my surprise and delight, Rick chose the third game. This was great because I’m actually a big fan of Yahtzee, though I actually prefer the related game from my childhood, Kismet.

The two games are similar enough that playing with Rick last night reminded me of the numerous times my sister, my parents, and I sat with my grandfather at his dining room table playing Kismet. (That is, when the grown-ups weren’t playing Euchre.) It particularly reminded me of the one game when I somehow managed to roll three or four different Kismets. (Of course, that memory was probably particularly triggered by my first game with Rick, wherein I rolled two Yahtzees within the first five or ten minutes of the game. I consider myself lucky he consented to play a second an third game with me after that.)

I found these particular memories warming because it’s one of the rare pleasant memories I have of spending time at my grandfather’s house (at least after my grandmother passed away). To be honest, my sister and I were often bored during our weekly visits, as it was far more common for my parents and my grandfather to play cards, leaving the two of us to either do homework or find something on television to watch once we had finished with the Sunday comics (the other exciting gem of every visit to Grandpa’s house). So the bulk of these visits were often endured rather than enjoyed, making the times when we played Kismet a fun change of pace.

It’s been several years since my grandfather passed away, and I find myself now wondering what ever became of his Kismet game. In retrospect, I almost wish I would’ve had the insight to ask my parents if they could set it aside for me when they and my aunts and uncles went through Grandpa’s belongings. But alas, I didn’t think of it now.

However, today I did confirm that Kismet is still for sale, and I expect to pick up my own set in the near future. The memories from last night just makes it all the more tempting. I wonder if I’ll ever get Rick to indulge me in a couple games sometime.

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out, Humor, Man-Crazy

Nothing like a little ego boost

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Apparently, the gods decided I needed a bit of a confidence boost this evening. Two different guys decided to check me out while Michele, Belinda, and I were at the restaurant tonight. Unfortunately, neither of them took it to the next level by asking me for my phone number, but it was a nice experience, nonetheless.

In reality, I didn’t notice the one guy checking me out, but both of my companions assured me he did. It was while we were standing at the front of the restaurant waiting for our turn to be seated. Two young men in their mid-twenties (or so I’d estimate) stood on the other side of the aisle leading from the front door of the restaurant to the hostess’s station. Apparently, the one looked over my way and took several seconds to check me over. What a shame nothing came of it, though.

The other instance I’m not 100% sure of, but the guy who seated us when it was our turn seemed incredibly friendly. Once we took our seats, he turned to me and complimented me on my creative tee shirt (it’s the “2QT2BSTR8” one). Now many people have commented on this shirt, but this is the first time someone has struck up almost a full minute long conversation over the topic. Granted, I still might have shrugged it off as nothing if Michele didn’t comment on the incident herself. (Indeed, she went so far as to say she wanted to tell him to ask me out already by the time our brief conversation ended.) And he did exchange smiles a couple more times throughout the meal, so it was interested. But alas, he never said anything. And to be frank, I’ve embarrassed myself one too many times to take a chance on mistaking yet another person in the service sector as being more friendly than their job requires or even suggests.

All the same, it was nice to be noticed. I hope it keeps happening on a regular basis. Though I also hope one of these guys gets up the courage to do more than just check me out.

Friends, Going Out, In and Around Rochester, Tarot, Work

A Pleasant Saturday

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Saturday morning, I got up around eight in the morning and spent some time watching cartoons and relaxing until Belinda called at around 8:30. She and I were scheduled to work at Psychic’s Thyme together that day, so she suggested we meet for breakfast before the shop opened. So I got my shower and did everything else I needed to before heading to Perkins, where we agreed to meet. Belinda got there about ten to fifteen minutes after me. We were quickly seated and our omelettes over light conversation.

Once breakfast was done, we ran over to Staples to get some audiocassettes, then headed on up to the shop. Our timing was perfect, because Char was just getting stuff out of the trunk of her car when we pulled in the parking lot.

Saturday was the first time that I worked at the shop as a reader — or at least when I actually got readings. (Earlier this month, I worked a Saturday with Michele and was marked as available for readings, but I didn’t get any.) I ended up doing three readings all day. They went pretty well, and I certainly feel better about the idea now that I’ve done it once.

I’ve been doing readings off and on for a few years, but this was the first time I’ve ever done them professionally. I’ve mostly done them for friends or random people with no money involved. It’s a lot less stressful that way. Especially considering my general lack of confidence (which yesterday helped alleviate immensely). You see, I normally worry that I won’t be able to read someone, that nothing will come. Now, if I’m doing the reading for free, the way I see it, that’s fine. I’ll just shrug and point out to the person that you get what you pay for. But when they’re handing over money, there’s an expectation, so the idea of not picking up anything becomes much more frightening.

I talked about it with Belinda at breakfast, and she pointed out that she’s always nervous about that, too. But she pointed out it’s okay. And she pointed out that in those instances (though she assures me they’re fairly rare) that you can’t read someone, you simply tell them as much and don’t charge them. (Also, if there’s someone else around that might be able to read them, you pass them off.) Fortunately, it didn’t prove to be a problem Saturday, anyway. And as I said, it built confidence. And Belinda and I are hoping to work together like that again, soon. It was a fun day all around.

After the shop closed, Belinda and I headed to Red Robin for dinner. I haven’t been there in a couple of months, and the hostess who seated us harassed me about that a bit. Belinda thought it was funny that she recognized me so quickly, actually.

Friends, Paganism, Society

Fingerlakes Pagan Pride

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This past Saturday, I went to Fingerlakes Pagan Pride Day. As I was feeling lazy and wanted to do other things, I didn’t arrive until a little before 2pm. Once there, I immediately found Wendy and determined which Quarter I’d call during the closing ritual. Since they left it up to me, I chose to call Air. After all, both my sun sign and rising sign are air signs, and that’s how many groups assign quarters anyway. Of course, I realized after the fact (and after the other Quarters had been assigned, so it was too late to change my mind) that this meant I’d be the first one to call a Quarter during the ritual. As a rule, I don’t mind going first, but I’d never participated in a ritual organized by Wendy’s coven before. In such a case, I’d normally choose a Quarter to allow me to observe someone else call their Quarter first just to work out some of the details of how a given coven does things through observation. Fortunately, I did get a chance to ask someone about those details (e.g. “Do you normall call Quarters facing the Quarter or facing the altar?”) beforehand.

Pride itself was rather enjoyable. I can’t comment on a lot of details, as I didn’t participate in a lot. None of the workshops planned really tripped my trigger, so I spent most of my time just socializing. After all, as I said in a previous post, I find such events most valuable for networking anyway. And it gave me a chance to catch up with a few people I haven’t seen in a couple months or so.

I will say that one thing I like about this particular Pagan Pride is that because of how new it is, it’s still relatively small. It tends to give it a much more intimate atmosphere, and you feel like you can meet and get to know just about everyone. That may change in a few years, as I noticed a considerable increase in turnout compared to last year. Hopefully, those in charge can find a way to maintain the same style of atmosphere as it grows each year.

One particular moment from the festival I’d like to point out occurred during the closing ritual. Just after Wendy and Kiree served cakes and wine (well, cookies and water), a young man who identified himself as Zach asked if he could say something. After he received permission (not to mention heavy encouragement), he commented that there had been a time when he was afraid to identify as Pagan and speak up about his beliefs. He went on to comment that coming to Pride that day gave him the chance to meet kind-hearted and like-minded people, which both comforted him and gave him courage. His comments were deeply heart-felt and moving, and I think it once again reminded everyone in attendance just why we participate in such events.

Friends, Love

An old friend’s wedding

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The Happy Couple

This past Saturday, I went to the wedding of my friend, James, to his seminary sweetheart, Michelle. It was an absolutely gorgeous wedding ceremony, though a bit longer than most I’ve been to. This was primarily because whereas most weddings I’ve attended have strictly focused on the process of marrying a couple (vows, rings, etc.), there was a much broader element of worship involved this time. It was all quite beautiful.

One of the most interesting aspects (to me, at least) was the fact that the newlyweds administered Communion to everyone. James had mentioned to me that they planned to do it, as both he and Michelle had wanted their first act as a couple to be one of service to others. It was a beautiful thing.

Another interesting twist they put into the service was the dismissal process. Rather than having everyone pass through a receiving line, James and Michelle chose to re-enter the church and individually dismiss their guests themselves. It was a wonderful touch and made the whole process seem more personal.

Sharing the Cake

The wedding also served as something of a reunion for many of us who were friends while attending Susquehanna University. About ten of us who had been involved in Acts 29 attended the wedding, many bringing their spouses (for those who married outside our merry band of misfits) and children. And even Dianne, our old IVCF staffworker, was able to make it with her husband. As a result, everyone was able to spend some time catching up and learning what each other had been doing.

Of course, there was also a number of people from Asbury Theological Seminary present, as James and Michelle had made many common friends while attending there. As a bonus, this meant that I was able to meet Cathedral Days blogger, Michel, who also happened to be James’s best man.

Sunday morning, those of us from Susquehanna who were able to stay in the area met at the Williamsport Perkins for breakfast. By this time, our number was down to a mere nine adults and three children. Yet, the restaurant found it challenging to put together enough seating for all of us. But after fifteen or twenty minutes, their efforts paid off.

While at Perkins, Gerry gave me the third degree about the jewelry I was wearing. I had to go through each pendant as well as my bracelet and ring, explaining the significance and/or purpose of each. It turned out to be a pretty nice conversation.

I have created a photo album for this wedding. Currently, only the pictures included in this entry are there. I hope to add more later this week.

Friends, Going Out

A Little Early, But a Great Party

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Last night, Dwayne and Sarah of the WNY Paranormal Society held their “end of summer” party. Once again, Michele, Belinda, and I received an invitation. Unfortunately, Belinda was unable to make it again, so only Michele and I attended once again. I’m happy to report that after getting lost last time, the directions to their house are firmly etched into our memories and we made it there without incident.

This time, the theme was pirates. I must say that many of Dwayne and Sarah’s friends (not to mention they themselves) are quite talented at putting together some great costumes for these themes. Michele and I were less creative, and therefore did not go in costume. Fortunately for us, everyone was easygoing, so we were not forced to walk the plank. (I will note I didn’t mention that possibility, however, lest I give anyone any ideas.)

The party was a rather mellow affair (especially compared with the much more lively and louder Chrismas party), which allowed for a great deal of conversation. Of course, no party would be complete without a little raciness, so the organized activities included a treasure hunt. We were divided into teams and had to follow clues to the treasure. Upon finding the treasure, each person was allowed to take one item. Items included “sex addict” pens, glow in the dark condoms, and other items from whose description I’ll spare my readers.

Towards the end of the evening, some brave souls even decided to go swimming despite the chilly air. Of course, a small number of them shortly realized that there’s a fine line between bravery and insanity and decided to join us cowardly and/or sensible landlubbers. But no matter what our choices were, I think it’s safe to say we all had a great time.

Friends, Personal Development, Vacation

My first post-vacation post

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I forgot to mention that I was on vacation last week. So those of you who might have wondered why I was so quiet, you now have your answer. I was off having fun. To be honest, it was quite nice. Of course, vacation gave me a lot to blog about, which I hope to accomplish over the next couple of days.

A group of friends and I went to the Northeast Naturist Festival, which was held just outside of Moravia NY at Empire Haven Naturist Park. While the four of us kept our clothes on for the most part (a few of us got in the hot tub, which meant stripping completely), we had a highly enjoyable time. All of the workshops that Michele and Belinda ran (or at least the ones I attended) went quite well.

We got to the park and checked in about mid-morning on Tuesday. From there, we immediately found a spot in the vendor’s area, set up our canopy, and started setting out our wares. Michele’s belly chains and wire wrapped pendants went extremely well. Our biggest seller, though, were the sarongs that Char sent with us. We sold at least ten of them (and I got a nice orange one, myself). We all took turns running the booth throughout the week, though Amy put in the most time and was our best salesperson by far.

The first couple days we were there, things were absolutely nuts. Both Tuesday and Wednesday, Michele and Belinda had three workshops to present. In between, we also had to go shopping, both in Moravia and in Cortland; and the latter is half an hour from the park. We were all exhausted both nights. In fact, Tuesday nigh, Michele was too tired and couldn’t channel her guide for the seance. That meant that Belinda had to do it herself. Fortunately, Rich came and was able to also help receive and give messages. It was the first seance I ever attended and found it quite interesting.

Wednesday night, I decided that the fast pace was too much for me to continue and let Michele know that I was skipping all workshops on Thursday except for the seance scheduled for that night. This gave me some time to just relax and spend some quality time alone, which I also realized I was missing. I ended up agreesing to go to Cortland again for the few items we still needed to get for the dish to pass dinner we were hosting that night.

Five or six friends came to dinner that night and we had a great time. One of the best things about this vacation is that I got to meet some pretty cool people, thereby further expanding my social circles. Unfortunately, most of them live hours away and we only get to see them on special occasions. However, the four of us from Rochester are talking about trying to make it back to Empire Haven to see some of them on non-festival weekends.

I have more to tell, but I think this is enough blathering for one post.