Category Archives: Friends

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out, Health, Society

I’m not sure I like iPods.

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Last night, I ate with the Cheap Dinner Group again. To be honest, I think I’ve gone every week for about a month now. I think it’ll be difficult to drop down to only attending every other Monday night once my father starts staying at my place on Monday nights regularly again. It’s just nice to get out and chat with people that night.

At the end of dinner, just before we left, I got a massive cramp in my left thigh. I wasn’t ready to go yet, so I had fun trying to manage to get the muscles to relax while still sitting there. At one point, I had to stand up briefly. I’m not sure what brought the whole incident on, but I managed to survive it without too much difficulty.

After the dinner, I went for my walk. I walked West on Park Avenue until I reached Alexandar, which I then took to East. From there, I headed back to Berkeley, crossed back to Park from there, and continued back along Park until I got back to my car. The whole trip took me just under 45 minutes, which made it a pretty good walk. It was actually quite pleasant, though I was somewhat disappointed that I didn’t get hit on this time. Oh sure, last week was just a fluke and I shouldn’t realistically expect it to happen all the time anyway. But it still would’ve been nice to get another little ego boost out of the whole thing.

During my walk, I came to my conclusion about iPods. One of the things I noticed is that the vast majority of the other people walking, running, or riding bike along my route had an iPod in them. So as a result, they were lost in their own world of music and endorphins. And while I can certainly see how that might make the process of exercising more enjoyable in some ways (and certainly helps with focus), it also has a negative impact on my other reason for walking.

At the risk of showing just how old fashioned I am, I tend to still see going for a walk through town as a social act. The whole idea brings up rustic images of Main Street in a small town right around sunset. People are all walking along, greeting each other as they pass.

“Hello there, Joe!”

“Hey Sam! How are the kids?”

“Pretty good. Eugene called the other night. Susan had the baby two nights ago. A little girl.”

I’ll be the first to admit that a small city like Rochester probably isn’t going to support that kind of neighborly intimacy. Like I said, I’ll be the first to admit I’m old fashioned (and something of a country bumpkin in some ways). However, you’d think there’d still be room for simple pleasantries.

Wearing an iPod enables a person to isolate themselves from that kind of interaction. “Being off in their own world” becomes pretty literal after a while. And I find that a shame.

Of course, it wouldn’t be so bad if this isolation was just limited to wearing an iPod while exercising. We seem to be pretty insular on many levels and in many areas of our lives. So to me, the problem wasn’t so much that everyone wears iPods while out getting their exercise as that this fact is representative of what seems to me to be a greater problem.

Family, Friends, Going Out, In and Around Rochester, Zoo

Fantastic Saturday

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I had a rather busy and active weekend. Saturday morning, I got a call from my mother at 8:30. My parents were on their way to the Rochester area. They had my brother’s daughters with them, and they were all coming up to spend part of the day at Seneca Park Zoo. So I got up, showered, shaved, and grabbed a quick breakfast before they got to my apartment. Once they arrived, I jumped in the van, and we were off.

I haven’t seen Terry’s girls for at least seven years, when they made their last trip out to visit my parents. Since that time, Christine and Val have both graduated from high school and grown into a couple of great young women. It was nice to be able to spend some time with them.

We had a great day at the zoo, too. Due to the relatively low temperatures of the day, many of the animals were out and about. We even managed to get there while the one zoo keeper was putting the arctic wolves’ food in their exhibit. So we waited until she was done and were rewarded with watching the wolves search around the exhibit for their food.

Val and Christine were both impressed with the tiger triplets, which are now just over two years old. They were quite shocked when they learned this as I pointed out that the cubs (already considerable in size) get bigger. I made a point of taking them over to the Sasha’s cage so they could meet the triplets’ father. Needless to say, while they were already impressed with the size of the young tigers, seeing how much bigger a full-grown adult can be was quite an eye-opener for them.

I think everyone’s favorite exhibit on Saturday was the polar bear exhibit. The big white furballs were quite active. They had pulled their blue plastic barrels into the water and were playing with them there. At one point, the one bear was hanging onto his barrel with all four paws, floating underneath it. I’m hoping my father got a picture so that I can post it later. Sadly, I ran out of the house without my own camera.

On a sad note, I was quite disappointed to hear that Ariel, one of the zoo’s sea lions, died sometime this past winter. I originally saw Ariel and Flounder (who is still at the zoo) doing tricks last summer. We attended the same show (which has been renamed a “feeding”) Saturday, where we met the exhibit’s new addition, the year old Puff. The zoo is working on training Puff to do some of the tricks Ariel used to do (Flounder simply has never show interest in doing so), and I look forward to seeing what he learns in the future.

After we left the zoo, we headed over to Pittsford to try and find the new Cheesecake Factory store that’s opening soon. Val works as a trainer for the chain and thought one of her coworkers might be there training people for the store opening, so she wanted to stop in and say hi. Unfortunately, said coworker wasn’t there, but Val got to see the new store anyway. Apparently, she has a goal to see all of the stores the chain has.

After that, I had my parents drop me off at Psychic’s Thyme so I could hang out with Michele, Belinda, and Char, who were all working. We had a pretty good time, though it was a slow business day. Afterwards, Belinda, Michele and I went out for dinner (where I was rewarded with the perfect view of one of the waiter’s butts as he cleaned off the table next to us) and followed up with ice cream.

Originally, I had planned on going to the Pride Festival over at Village Gate. But by the time we were done with ice cream, I decided that I was tired from a long day and decided to go home.

On Sunday, I went to the Pride Picnic, which I will talk about in a future post.

Friends, Going Out

Now that’s what I call a birthday party!

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Friday I mentioned that Michele and I were going to another party held by the members of the WNY Paranormal Society. The party has come and gone, and once again we had a blast.

This particular party was to celebrate the birthday of one of the group’s members, Stacie. Michele and I eventually arrived at the party, but only after searching for the host’s house for over forty five minutes. We learned a valuable lesson: No matter how sure you are that you can find the place because you’ve been there before, it’s always smart to at least take the hosts’ phone number with you. But we eventually arrived you and were greeted warmly (that may be the understatement of the decades).

The party had a lot of color and light in the decor. Each of us were given plastic, glow-in-the-ark necklaces and bracelets. Sarah had even found glasses (and shot glasses no less) with LED’s embedded in the bottom. The LED’s woud blink in a pattern, lighting up any drink put into them. The topper for the cake — which was also a rather interesting shape — was also clear and lit up with different colors. (And I won’t even go into detail about how various guests demonstrated certain talents with the topper.)

The night was filled with good drinks, great food, and tasty Jello shots (I even had a few). During all of this, we had some great conversations and simply enjoyed ourselves. The only thing we did not partake in was the skinny dipping — not that David didn’t make a valient attempt to talk me into it.

Hopefully, we’ll get together again before the summer is out.

Friends, Going Out

Reviewing my social calendar

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I had a pretty good Independence Day. I went to Michele and Belinda’s house for a picnic. We actually ate indoors due to the bad weather. However, Michele and Amy took turns braving the elements to grill the food outdoors. I did my part by holding the oversized umbrella over them to keep them from getting too wet.

I even got another ego boost, though it wasn’t intentional. As I was getting ready to leave around 6pm (I was tired for some reason) I mentioned in passing that I was enjoying the fact that I’ve recently discovered there were a couple of people who thought I was in my twenties. Amy turned around with a shocked look on her face and said, “You mean you’re not?” I laughed and pointed out to her that I just turned 33 last month. She couldn’t believe it. Needless to say, I thanked her and had a huge smile on my face the rest of the day.

This Saturday, Michele and I are headed for a birthday party for one of the members of the Western New York Paranormal Society. Apparently, they enjoyed our company so much at their Christmas party that they decided to join us again. Dwayne even mentioned in the email to Michele that he loved my blog entry about the Christmas party. (I had to go back and read what I wrote.)

I’m also debating on whether I’m going to ImageOut’s Beach Party Tea Dance on Sunday. It sounds like it could be fun. But I’m finding myself wondering if it’s something I’ll enjoy going to alone. And yet, I keep telling myself I have to put myself in places to meet people and make friends, right? We’ll see.

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out, Health, In and Around Rochester, Personal Development

Not a good way to find out you need new shoes.

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Yesterday came and went, and I’m proud to announce that at least half of the activities I had planned took place. A couple got dropped for various reasons, but I’m willing to consider my birthday celebration a stunning success. Blistered feet and all.

Granted, I could’ve done without the blisters, but it’s my own fault. And I figure they’ll heal eventually. They’re from my successful trek along the canal path from Genesee Valley Park to Schoen Place. The walk took me right about two and a half hours along and was well worth the trip.

I got up at seven yesterday morning, showered, grabbed my water bottles out of the freezer, and left the house for the day. By the time I bought a backpack (necessary for the water and snacks I was taking on the trip), had a quick breakfast on the go, and make it to the park, it was just after nine. And I was off and walking.

The weather was absolutely perfect for this walk, as it was still in the sixties when I started and ony got up to the seventies or eighties by the time I was done at half past eleven. The view was absolutely gorgeous along the way. Sometimes I was walking through areas with dense vegetation, while the trail took me through broad fields in other places. The canal was visible 90% of the time, and I even managed to see a couple boats making their way through the water. I think the best sight, however, was near the end when I managed to spot a mother mallard with several tiny ducklings. I think any of her children would have fit easily in the palms of my hand. I might’ve even been able to close my fingers around their tiny bodies. I wish I would’ve taken my camera, and plan on taking it when I repeat the walk in July.

I’ve already decided to take this trek once every month while the weather stays warm enough for me. However, I do need to be sure to plan a bit better in the future. For example, I need to get a good pair of walking shoes or hiking boots. Of course, I didn’t realize that my current walking shoes (the ones I wear every day) had some major holes in the insoles. That didn’t help the blisters that formed on my feet at all. So I will be getting new shoes, and probably a pair just for this trip. (Michele is also recommending I get the gel inserts for this walk, and I’m inclined to see wisdom in that suggestion, too.)

The other mistake I made was not getting sunscreen. My face, forehead, and forearms are nice and red. In fact, my forehead is still itching a bit from the burn. Fortunately, the backpack protected the back of my neck. I figure I may even have to consider a hat next time, as I think parts of my scalp under my hair got a bit burned too.

But despite these lessons learned, I enjoyed the trek. It was great to be in the great outdoors. And besides the sunburn and sore feet (and the fact I’ve been napping half the day today), I don’t feel any worse for the wear.

After that, I called Belinda to come get me. She didn’t realize how far out Schoen Place is from Psychic’s Thyme up on University Avenue, so she eventually was afraid she got lost and went back to the shop to get Michele. They eventually found me, though I note with some humor that my wait for my ride was over half as long as the seven mile hike I took. Of course, since Michele was working, I had her take me directly to the shop rather than having her take me to the car. Char immediately started harassing me for taking such a walk, pointing out I should’ve only gone half the distance and then walked back to my car. I pointed out to her that the whole point of the walk — and what makes it fun — is that you’re walking from a certain point to another point. I’m not sure she appreciated the concept, but that’s okay.

After the store closed, a group of us went to Red Robin. Michele and Belinda were nice enough to cover my dinner, even with the strawberry dacquiri I ordered. We had a good time and I spent my usual time ogling the various waiters that passed by. Unfortunately, our own server was a woman. That’s actually pretty good, considering I was feeling impish enough that I might’ve teasingly hit on any guy unlucky enough to get our table. I was bad enough that Jim even called me a slut. I just looked at him and asked him if it had really taken him that long to figure it out. (Of course, any of my friends know better, when it comes right down to it.)

After that, we ran to Equal Grounds to listen to the live music there. This guy was a good musician, but he doesn’t have quite the stage presence of the Monastery Dropouts. As such, we stayed in the other room where we could enjoy the music but still talk amongst ourselves without disturbing anyone else.

After an hour or so a the coffee shop, I decided I needed to get home. My feet were really starting to bother me and I was developing a headache. (Earlier today, I finally decided the headache was due to a lack of calcium. The quart of peanut butter cup ice cream seems to have solved the problem.) So we took Jim back out to Chili and Michele and Belinda dropped me off at my house so I could get to bed.

As a final note, I discovered at the end of my journey that they were having a regata in Pittsford yesterday. Had I realized that, I would’ve taken a chair with me and spent the day there after my walk. I love that sort of thing. And there were certain enough shirtless guys wandering around to keep me in eye candy.

Friends, Going Out, Health, Personal Development

If I’m going to get older, I might as well get a party out of it!

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Last Wednesday, Brian and I got talking after Game Night was done. Brian was waiting for Woody to get done looking at JOhn’s laptop, and I was just in no hurry to go back home. It’s the first chance I’ve really had an opportunity to talk to Brian much, as he only comes to Game Night rarely. (His job usually keeps him away.) In fact, besides a brief hello at the Vickie Shaw show, this was the first time I’ve seen him since the first Game Night I attended in March.

While we were talking, he paid me a huge compliment. The topic of ages came up, and I found out that Brian and Woody are actually only two years older than me. When I commented on this, Brian mentioned that he had originally assumed I was about twenty eight. I told him thank you and probably grinned from ear to ear. Believe me, considering I turn thirty three next Monday, it’s nice to find out some people look at me and still think I’m in my twenties. What can I say? I’m just superficial enough to wish I could look young forever.

I’m starting to think about what I want to do this weekend for my birthday. It’s rather funny, considering that during the 1990’s and even up until 2004, I didn’t really care much about my birthdays. I was just content to practically forget them. And yet now, I want to celebrate them and do something special for them. I suppose a lot of that has to do with the fact that my opinion of myself and my life has changed. These are things that, in my mind at least, not only deserve to be celebrated, but even demand it. And fortunately, I have friends who seem more than happy to humor me in this matter.

I’m considering taking the long walk I’ve been thinking about for the past month. I want to walk the canal trail from Genesee Valley Park to Schoen Place. I just need to find a friend who is willing to pick me up at the end and bring me back to my car at my point of origin. (That or else have them drop me off as well as pick me up.) It’d be quite a few miles and a good morning/afternoon activity.

That evening, I’ll probably go out to eat with friends. I’m thinking about pushing to go to Red Robin. Yeah, there are places with much fancier meals. But to be frank, I’d be choosing that place for the aesthetically pleasing waitstaff. Hey, I know where my priorities are!

I’m also thinking about pestering a couple of friends to go out dancing that night. It’s been close to a year since the last time I’ve been dancing, and I feel way overdue for it. And of course, I’m also thinking about getting a hotel room for the weekend. Who knows, maybe I can find a hotel that has a room with a jacuzzi available….

Deep Thoughts, Friends, Gender and Sexuality, Going Out, Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Thoughts from Game Night

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Last night was another COAP game night. It was a fun time, despite the relatively low turn-out. There are actually a number of things I could write about based on last night’s events. However, for now, I’m choosing to focus on something that came up during a discussion between Woody and Mark during the “meeting” portion of the night.

Woody and Mark have been involved in COAP for long periods of time, so they got reminiscing. At one point, Woody started talking about his history with COAP and his pattern of disappearing and coming back. One of the things that he pointed out was that often, his disappearances occurred at the same time he started seeing someone, while he came back after the relationship ended. Mark commented that this is common, and even joked that it’s the “gay lifestyle.”

At this turn of the conversation, a couple of thoughts entered my mind. The first one was a sense of relief that I’m not the only one prone to this kind of behavior. Indeed, one of the things that I realized when I started coming to COAP events was that I’d have to fight the urge to drop out when I eventually get into a relationship. So it was nice to know that other people have those same tendencies.

But then, I had to ask the question. Why is that? Why is part of the “gay lifestyle” to drop off the social circle when you meet that special someone. Is it because we see the social circle as nothing more than a marketplace for picking up our next lover? That’s certainly a frightening thought in itself!

Of course, I should note that I don’t think this is strictly a gay thing. I’ve noticed that a good number of heterosexual couples tend to lose track of their friends over time, too. After all, my parents don’t get out nearly as much as they used to (though my father does socialize more through their church than my mother does). Often, they’re content to do their work, meet a few communal obligations, then head home.

But it seems to me from my observations that it happens much more quickly and suddenly amongst gay people (especially men). While heterosexual couples may become more insular and reclusive over time, it seems like we do it at the earliest opportunity. Which I don’t think is healthy, for reasons I covered before. So why do we do it?

Personally, I think it’s in part because we’re often afraid of finding true love that we’ve become obssessed with it to the exclusion of everything else. So when we’re with someone, all of our attention turns towards building and maintaining that relationship. After all, we’re not sure when the next one is coming along (and with only a small percentage of the population to work with, finding eligible, desirable lovers can seem like a daunting task), so we want to do everything we can to make it work. So we allow other friendships and our other activities to come along. Add to this the fact that the early stages of any relationship can be quite intoxicating and addicting, and it becomes an understandable pattern.

But realizing this doesn’t make continuing the pattern a good idea. In some ways, I think it demonstrates why we — both individually and collectively — need to break this pattern.

Friends, Going Out, Humor, Music

The local bishop must really hate these guys.

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Last night, I took Belinda and Jim to Equal Grounds to hear the musical and comic stylings of a local group called The Monastery Dropouts. Unfortunately, this group doesn’t appear to have a website, so I can’t link to them (or keep track of their future performances).

I had never heard of group until a couple weeks ago when I received an email from Equal Grounds (I’m on their mailing list) announcing that they would be performing live at the coffee shop. I forwarded the email to Michele, knowing that she and Belinda would be in town the day of the show and suggested it as possible entertainment for the evening. Everyone seemed to like the idea, though Michele was unable to go with us.

The group’s act can probably be best described the way Jim put it, part cabaret, part comedy act. The two members of the show are quick-witted, funny, and sing quite well. Their musical repertoire included such songs as The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer. In between songs, both men would banter back and forth and even with the audience, making for a humorous atmosphere. It’s not clear how much of the banter was scripted and how much was improvisational, though both men would probably claim it’s 100% the latter. If so, I would certainly never want to get into a battle of wits with either of them.

The show was marvellous and lasted for over two hours. The four of us (Becky joined us there late) all agreed we’d go see The Monastery Dropouts again if given the chance.

Deep Thoughts, Family, Friends, Introspection, Society

It’s all about how you use it

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I have to admit that I have a strange relationship with money. I’m not going to sit here and try to tell anyone — or even myself — that I don’t like having money. If my boss was to stop by my desk tomorrow and ask me if I’d like a raise, I’m not going to say no. After all, I like being able to spend money on various things.

However, I don’t feel like a slave to money, either. I do understand that ultimately, the only money I really need is the money to buy the necessities for staying alive. Anything after that is gravy. And I love my gravy.

However, I’ve also realized that how I spend my excess money is extremely important to me. I’m not the kind to become obsessed with buying the latest gadget or must have thing. Nor am I obssessed with keeping up with the latest fashion (not that men’s fashions change nearly as drastically as women’s fashions, anyway). That’s not my style at all.

Granted, I like to shop for quality when I do buy things. So when I go out shopping for new work clothes, I’m as liable to hit something a bit more expensive than Wal-Mart or even Target. (Besids, those stores often stop carrying clothes at one size below what I need, or only carry clothes my size that are horribly tacky.) And when I bought a laptop a couple months ago, I spent the extra money to get one I’d really like.

But at the same time, I don’t care to buy a lot of “stuff” just to have “stuff.” For example, a couple of years ago, I began to re-evaluate my attitude towards computer games. At the time, I was buying a new computer game every other week. I’d play each game I bought for about two weeks (often never mastering them or beating them if they had a quest mode of play), then get bored with it and never touched it again. As I noticed this pattern, I really asked if the time I spent playing each game was really worth the $40 a title I was paying. I decided that it wasn’t, so I’ve changed my game buying habits. I still buy the occasional computer game (and still often play them for a couple of weeks), but it’s something I only do every couple months or so. I found it hasn’t detracted from my life at all, and I’ve certainly found more enjoyable uses for the money I’m saving.

On the other hand, I think one of the best spenditures of money I’ve ever made was back when my niece, Alyssa, was two years old. Disney had re-released “The Little Mermaid” just before Christmas, so there was a merchandizing craze going on at the time. During my Christmas shopping, I had found a four foot long stuffed Flounder (the character from the movie, not a real flounder). I decided to buy it for Alyssa for Christmas.

Christmas Eve, my sister and her family had dinner with my parents and I at my parents’ home (I was living at home at the time). My sister decided to let Alyssa open one gift that evening after dinner. Because of an incident that had happened when my sister and her family were heading up from New Jersey, we all agreed she should unwrap Flounder.

I cannot begin to do justice to the experience of watching Alyssa open her gift. When she finally got the wrapping paper off and looked into the eyes of a Flounder almost as big as she was, she let out a shrill screech. The next five minutes, all this little girl could do was hug her new friend tight and screech, “He’s so cute!” It was a beautiful sight, and I can’t think of a time where I got so much joy out of $40 I had spent.

In many ways, money is more about making my life comfortable. It’s about creating moments like that, where I get to add to and share in other people’s pleasure. Whether I’m buying presents for my nieces and nephews, treating my friends to a meal, or giving an overworked and underpaid server an outrageously generous tip, I enjoy seeing the smiles it can bring to people’s faces.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can certainly be used to create situations that encourage happiness.

Daily Life, Deep Thoughts, Friends, Going Out, In and Around Rochester, Introspection, Personal Development

This is my home now

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When I moved to the suburbs of Rochester almost two years ago, it was with some concern. I had lived in rural Pennsylvania all my life prior to the move. There were things that I knew I was going to miss. For example, I was going to miss the rare evening when I would look out the dining room window and see a black bear wandering through the yard, looking for food. I’d miss the twice daily trek of wild turkeys through the backyard during the winter as they came for the corn my father put out for them. One of the beautiful things about my life back home is that it was a nice area, surrounded with the beauty of nature.

But I gave that up, knowing I needed some changes in my life. I knew that I needed to get out where I could meet more like-minded people. I needed to find an area where I had more socialization options than going to church or going to the bar, neither of which appealed to me all that much. So I gave up my nice comfortable life in the middle of nowhere and moved to suburbia in an overgrown town along Lake Ontario. And almost two years later, I’m happy to admit that it was quite possibly one of the best decisions of my life.

I’ve come to like the fact that I live in an area where everything I want is within a five block radius of my home. I love the fact that if I decide I want to go out for a bit and do some reading or writing while surrounded by others, I have five or six different coffee houses to choose from. (And that’s not including the Great Abomination, Starbucks.) I like the fact that there’s a significant number of gay people and Pagans (and not to mention gay Pagans) that there are clubs and organizations set up for everyone to get together and socialize.

And yet, I’ve also discovered that while I may no longer have a black bear traipse through my yard, I can still find the beauty of nature here in this busy city. Rochester has no shortage of parks, and all of them are quite beautiful. My favorite one right now is Genesee Valley Park. Just yesterday, I was there and had two mallard ducks waddle past me, not six feet from where I stood. It was an incredible experience, and I even had to call a friend just to tell someone about it.

I’ve grown to truly love this area. In fact, I’m coming to think of it as home, which is not something I expected to happen when I originally moved here.