Category Archives: Gender and Sexuality

Today on Sexist Morning Radio: Dating Games and Double Standards

This morning on my five minute commute to work, I caught part of a segment on my local morning radio show.  They were talking about relationships, dating, and the games “women” play.  (Granted, they may have talked about games “men” play too and I just missed that part.)  The part of the segment that I caught involved them talking to a female caller who talked about how she broke up with this guy and when he started dating some “hot chick,” she turned around and started dating his cousin, apparently with the purpose of making said ex jealous. She also commented that the guy still wants her back, despite it being five years later.  One of the hosts (Duffy, I believe — it usually seems to be Duffy) called her actions evil and suggested she’s just keeping him around to make her feel better about herself.

Evil?  Really?  Now granted, I would not date someone in an attempt to make a third party — even an ex — jealous.  Nor would I necessarily brag about an ex who still has feelings for me. I’d either take that ex back or encourage them to move on with my life.  I’m not big on games.  I’m also not big on calling such actions, evil though.

I’m also not big on acting as if — as the host does — that these kinds of games is something that all women engage in.  I know several women who wouldn’t do such things.  They’re much more interested in finding men (or other women) they like who also like them and enjoy each others’ company.  When it comes to exes (or other guys there’s not a mutual connection with), they’re much more inclined to cut them loose than play such games.  Tarring all women as such game players is both inaccurate and sexist.

I’m also not big on acting as if only women engage in these sorts of games, either.  Truth be told, I know guys who engage in such games, and other games.  Some guys go by the attitude that they have to “treat a women like shit” in order gain and keep her interest.  Guys are just as capable of such nonsense, and some of them engage in it regularly.

But you know what?  We don’t treat men who play games the same way.  A morning radio host isn’t likely to call such a guy or his action evil.  That’s because we live in a society where we still view guys playing such games as “men being men.”  We ignore it.  We permit it.  Hell, we even celebrate it and make televisions shows glorifying it.

I’m not a fan of games.  I prefer to treat dating and relationships as something much more direct and honest[1].  But I also prefer to be honest and note that a lot of people do this and that it’s not limited to a particular gender or other class.  Nor do I want to support or even ignore a double standard where such games are condemned when played by one group but praised when played by another.

Note:
[1]  And there’s a whole separate rant I or someone else could go into about how society tends to frown on women who are so direct and honest when it comes to relationships and their expectations, which often serves to push them towards such games.

Oopsie!

Generally speaking, I do not “officially” come out at work.  It’s not that I deny or hide the fact that I’m a gay man, and I suspect that most people who see me at work at least suspect or even assume that I’m gay, given the number of stereotypical characteristics I happen to exhibit.  But after becoming the “office curisiosity” at my first job, I otherwise tend to not discuss my sexuality or my love life on any job.

But like I said, I don’t hide who I am either.  In fact, I don’t even think about what it would take to hide who I am, as my experience yesterday so aptly proved.  For various reasons, I decided to bring my iPad in to work with me.  As much of my desk is covered with computers and equipment for my job, I placed my beloved device on the safest space still left clear on my desk:  The corner that’s right next to the walkway through my work area.  I then started taking care of my work and didn’t think of my iPad again until around 2pm (five hours later).

That’s when it occurred to me that I had, as is my custom, laid my iPad so that the screen was face down and the cover was facing upward, visible to anyone who walked by and happened to glance down at my desk.  That cover happens to look like this (except it has a few stains on it now):

ipad.JPG

Well, if people at work didn’t suspect, they surely do now!

Personally, beyond being somewhat embarrassing and a sign of how little I think about these things these days, this really isn’t a big deal for me.  I’m very fortunate — even privileged — by the fact that I work in a field (software engineering) that (in my experience at least) tends to be fairly tolerant of those who fall outside of many societal norms in exchange for the work done by such people.  Plus, I’m privileged enough to live in a state that includes non-discrimination protections based on sexual orienation.  (We’re still working on getting non-discrimination protections based on gender identity and gender expression, though.)  As such, I can rest comfortably in the knowledge that, unlike someone who works in a less skilled job and/or has the disadvantage of working in a state that permits hostility toward and workplace discrimination against non-heterosexual people, the worst thing that will happen to me is a bit of embarrassment.

While I’m grateful for that, I also want to take this time to advocate for those who are not as privileged, who might face much more severe consequences if it became known in their workplace that they were part of the QUILTBAG community.  If you live in a place that doesn’t offer non-discrimination protections for QUILTBAG people, please advocate for such protections.  Here in New York State, the Empire State Pride Agenda is still pushing for the passage of GENDA, and I’m sure other states have organizations pushing for such policies.  Please consider supporting them with your voice and possibly your money.

And don’t forget the national organizations that help with these fights not only on a federal level, but with assistance on state levels as well.

Today on Sexist Morning Radio

As is normally the case, I was listening to a local morning show during the five minute drive to work today.  I happened to catch the hosts discussing the question, “How many people have a thing for their boss?”  Having just “established” that there are not a lot of guys with women for bosses (surely a topic that deserves its own blog post or twenty), they immediately started focusing on women who had a thing for their male bosses.

One of them (Duffy, if memory serves) argued that it would make sense that a lot of women would have a thing for their bosses.  After all, bosses “have money and power.”  Because, you know, that’s all a woman is looking for when she’s “on the prowl” for a man.

Let that sink in, all you women and men who love women.  A local radio host just suggested that all a woman needs to be attracted to a guy is for him to have money and/or power.  Things like looks, personality, being interesting, having mutual interests, and oh, I don’t know, being a decent human being don’t factor into the equation at all.  Or if they do, they can be easily overruled by the possession of money and power.

So which tropes are these guys intending to support?  Women as gold-diggers?  Women as manipulative shrews who only want power over others and who are willing to exert it through their man?  Women as weak people who simply want someone else who can pamper and protect them?  I don’t know (and don’t care) what they intended, but they’re certainly propagating all of those notions.

They’re most likely propagating a few others I’m not even thinking of right now.  Readers are welcome — nay, encouraged — to point them out in the comments section.

Anti-gay misrepresentations: An example

Right Wing Watch reports that the Florida Family Association is expressing disdain over the fact that Office Depot is donating money to Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation.  In the pre-created message that FFA generated for its supporters to voice their disapproval to the office supply store, they cite as an argument that there is “no scientific evidence that anyone is born this way (gay.)”  To bolster their claim, they even cite the American Psychiatric Association:

The American Psychiatric Association wrote the following information in a
May 2002 article titled “Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Fact Sheet,”
published on its website Psych.org:     “No one knows what causes
heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality.’ 
http://borngay.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=1335

Unfortunately, the FFA fails to include the full American Psychiatric Association quote from their linked source (emphasis added by me):

“No one knows what causes heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality. Homosexuality was once thought to be the result of troubled family dynamics or faulty psychological development. Those assumptions are now understood to have been based on misinformation and prejudice. Currently there is a renewed interest in searching for biological etiologies for homosexuality. However, to date there are no replicated scientific studies supporting any specific biological etiology for homosexuality. Similarly, no specific psychosocial or family dynamic cause for homosexuality has been identified, including histories of childhood sexual abuse. Sexual abuse does not appear to be more prevalent in children who grow up to identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, than in children who identify as heterosexual.”

There is an importance difference between saying that “no one has identified the specific biological factors involved” and “there is no evidence that biology is involved at all.”  The American Psychiatric Association said the former in 2002, while the FFA is pretending that they said the latter.

Of course, the FFA’s linked source has an even more recent quote (from 2009) from the American Psychological Assocation (emphasis added by me):

“There are numerous theories about the origins of a person’s sexual orientation; most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person’s sexuality. In summary, it is important to recognize that there are probably many reasons for a person’s sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.”

This statement is in complete contradiction to the FFA’s claims and their attempt to use the American Psychiatric Association’s 2002 statement to support their erroneous and quite possibly dishonest claims.  This is the kind of cherry picking that the anti-gay activists are notorious for.  When they’re not relying on their own faux-experts, they are cherry-picking partial quotes from real experts and misrepresenting them.  What’s strange about this instance is that they provide a link to a site that actually contradicts their cherry-picked soundbite.

One can only assume that honesty is no longer a family value in these people’s minds.

“Deeply negative implications” aren’t motivating enough?

Recently, there’s been a bit of a brouhaha between Exodus International’s Alan Chambers and others in the ex-gay industry due to Chambers’s rejection and criticisms of reparative therapy.  Recently, NARTH president Joseph Nicolosi chimed in, correcting some of Chambers’s statements and criticizing the Exodus International president.

I want to focus on the last paragraph of Nicolosi’s email:

If homosexual acts truly constitute sin, as you say you believe, then people deserve to be able to avail themselves of all reasonable therapeutic tools to diminish unwanted SSA and explore their OSA potential. You are discouraging them from having such tools, and also as a Christian, you are reassuring them that they are OK whether they “fall” or not, which gives people very little reason to struggle against a condition which has very deeply negative implications for both themselves and for our culture.

It’s unclear to me what Nicolosi means when he suggests that Alan Chambers is “telling them [gay people] that they are OK whether they ‘fall’ or not.”  Some, such as Dave Rattigan, have interpretted “OK” to mean “Will go to heaven.”  I can certainly see where one might interpret the statement that way, though I’m not convinced it’s the only explanation.  Nicolosi could also, for example, be suggesting that he still champions the belief that even being attracted to members of the same sex is sinful and problematic, a belief that has been discarded by most.  Or he could simply be suggesting that Chambers should be encouraging gay people to feel miserable about themselves and are full of self-loathing.  Quite frankly, I don’t find either of my alternate interpretations any less detestable than Rattigan’s, but I think it’s important to include them.

I think what’s more interesting is Nicolosi’s suggestion that gay people need some sort of external impetus — be it the threat of hellfire or people encouraging them to view themselves with self-loathing, to change.  And while Nicolosi thinks that without such impetus, people won’t be motivated to change and avoid the “very deeply negative implications for bot themselves and for our culture.”  To me, that begs a qustion though:  why aren’t those “deeply negative implications” motivation enough?

If the condition of being gay negatively impacts people, then that should be sufficient reason for them to seek change.  And yet, they’re not.  Nicolosi is himself admitting that they’re not and won’t.  I can only assume that Nicolosi simply doesn’t think people are adults and lack the maturity to do the things in what’s their best interests or that Nicolosi is being dishonest — with others and possibly even himself — about these supposedly “deeply negative implications” he mentions.

Jeff Buchanan’s questionable “Don’t call yourself gay” reasons.

A commenter over at Ex-Gay Watch drew my attention to Jeff Buchanan’s article, “The New Sexual Identity Crisis.”  Buchanan is the executive vice president of Exodus International, and his article offers reason why he — and possibly Exodus, as the organization has often held a similar position — discourages Christians from identifying as gay, even if they find themselves (exclusively) attracted to members of their own sex.  (Which, you know, is the definition of being gay.)

He starts out his argument by pointing out that our culture seems to be addicted to identity labels in general, though it quickly becomes clear that his real issue is specifically with identity labels that refer to sexual orientation and/or gender identity.  After all, he doesn’t seem to mind using the identify labels of “executive vice president” or “pastor” in his mini-bio at the end of his article….

Of the particular identity labels that bother him, he offers the following introductory comment:

One can look at the gay community and see the level of identity fragmentation represented in the use of acronyms such as LGBTQIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex, Ally). The sexual identity label has become a method of reducing individuals to a micro narrative of sexual orientation.

First, we need to note that three (and arguably a fourth) of his labels are not about sexual orientation at all.  Being transgender or intersex is about one’s gender identity[1], which is distinct from sexual orientation.  Being an ally is about supporting and promoting the welfare of LGBTQI people rather than the actual sexual orientation or gender identity of the ally.  The fact that Buchanan is oversimplifying the issues surrounding the labels he’s describing to the point of misrepresentation, I would suggest that going on to discuss the “politics” involved in such identity labels puts him on shaky ground.

Secondly, where Buchanan sees “fragmentation,” I see only an attempt to describe the complex spectrum of sexuality and gender through limited language.  Given the diverse possibilities of sexual orientation, gender identity, and expression of both gender and sexuality in general, it seems that a large vocabulary of descriptive labels is both good and necessary.

Thirdly, I would note that describing someone as gay, lesbian, trans, intersex, or any other such label in no way reduces them “to a micro narrative of sexual orientation” or gender identity.  Identifying myself as gay — or allowing others to do so — does not negate the fact that I am also a software engineer, a brother, a son, a writer, a blogger, a reader, a psychic, a witch, or any of the other myriad things that make up my identity.

Indeed, I will note that the people most likely to push such a narrative are people like Buchanan and the homophobic people who use the ex-gay narrative to demonize and marginalize LGBTQI people.  It is the conservative, anti-gay churches who choose to focus on youn gay people’s gayness and treat them differently.  It is the anti-gay crowd that has historically and incessantly pushed the idea that all the need to know about gay people is that they’re gay and after that, nothing matters.  (And hey, I’ve explained before how that mentality can contribute to some gay people focusing so much on their sexual orientation, themselves.)

In short, if people like Buchanan is concerned that adopting a “gay identity” shouldn’t be such a big deal, then they should quit making a big deal about it.

Buchanan then goes on to give six “points to consider” as his reasons why he doesn’t feel the “gay identity” is “compatible with an identity in Christ.”  The first reason he offers is that taking on other “identity labels” is that it dilutes one’s “identity in Christ”:

With every additional label–whether it is occupation, gifts, interests, or sexual orientation—we detract from the complete work of Christ in our lives and splinter our identity into fragments.

But again, note that he uses other labels in his own mini-bio, labels which refers to his occupation.  I also doubt that he would counsel a woman to quit identifying as a “mother” or a man to quit identifying as an “executive.”  The only labels he seems to worry about are ones like “gay.”  As such, I would argue that this inconsistently applied argument is little more than padding for the list.

I find myself having the same issues with his argument about “sexual segregation.”

An identity based upon same-sex attractions can potentially create a segregated church community. Those dealing with same-sex attraction can be tempted to obsessive introspection and self-pity. The sexual identity label can create an “I’m Special” category that encourages narcissism. But everyone in the church struggles with various challenges and problems. No one’s struggle is unique. We must not let such differences isolate us from the strength found in a sharing community.

The same can be said of any label.  If you talk to many mothers, they will go on at length about their own personal struggles that non-mothers don’t experience.  (As someone who has a sister who is a devout Christian and a stay-at-home-mom of four wonderful children, I can attest to this.)  Married couples often speak of problems they have that single people don’t and vice versa.

But again, I doubt Buchanan is unlikely to apply this “desegregation logic” to those situations and encourage spouses, parents, and singles to quit identifying as such.  This suggests to me that Buchanan wishes to downplay and even invisibilize LGBT people’s struggles in the church rather than avoid “segregation.”

Next, Buchanan touches on what I suspect is the most honest reason in his list, the “anchoring” issue:

While some who suffer receive immediate explanations from God, others are challenged to wait. In the midst of waiting, we must always have hope. An identity rooted in same-sex attractions serves as an anchor that keeps us docked in our present circumstance. We have accepted our lot in life, and experience now becomes our identity. Should a person ever develop a desire to explore a heterosexual relationship, he or she will find it difficult to overcome the label that can deter interested parties.

Despite Alan Chambers’s recent admissions, Buchanan is really still holding out the “change” carrot.  “Don’t say you’re gay, because it closes the possibility that you could fall in love with someone of the appropriate sex!” he says.  I suspect that Buchanan’s real concern is that if people fully accept that they are gay and quit “hoping” for that change — that his own boss admits is highly unlikely to come — they might start considering other options.  And at the heart, I think that’s what “don’t identify as gay” is really trying to avoid.

The thing is, his argument doesn’t hold water.  Identifying as gay will not prevent one from experiencing it if one happens to be one of the statistical miracles that really does fall in love with someone of a different sex.[2]  If that statistical anomaly happens, then it happens.

As for how any particular woman feels about it, I would imagine that if a gay guy falls for her and it’s God’s will, won’t God lead her to feel the same way, no matter what he’s called himself prior to then?

And if this does happen, here’s the beautiful thing about labels:  They are not carved into stone.  A man who falls in love with a woman may requalify himself as “mostly gay, except that I love this woman I fell in love with.” Or he may relabel himself as “bisexual” or “straight.”  (Though I’d personally raise an eyebrow at that last one in some cases.)  If a person’s feelings and attractions authentically change, the labels zie and others use to describe zirself can change as well.

And just to show the complete absurdity of this idea, consider telling a diabetic zie should not identify as diabetic.  After all, for all the diabetic knows, God could decide to heal zem of zir diabetes.  So doesn’t identifying as diabetic anchor zem to that identity and close their eyes to the hope of healing?

Next, Buchanan tackles the topic of authenticity.

Many in this younger generation with same-sex attraction feel they must adopt the “gay” label in order to be authentic. Considering the word authentic means “not false” or “conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features,” one must consider if taking on this label is defining a person by identity or by experience. Many mistake disclosure for authenticity. They are trapped by a cultural philosophy of “I feel therefore I am.” True authenticity can only be achieved by conforming to the image of Christ rather than idol of our desires.

The distinction between “identity” and “experience” strikes me as weird, arbitrary, and highly synthesized.  It seems to have this idea that what you feel and what you experience cannot be trusted (which I find a rather surprisingly postmodern concept for someone like Buchanan to express.)  Who one is attracted to is about personal experience, yes, but it is a fact.  To say that one is not gay while being attracted to members of one’s own sex strikes me much like denying that one is a Justin Beiber fan despite feeling an overwhelming desire to squeal with pleasure every time one of his songs comes up on a radio

I’ll also note that his last statement demonstrates exactly why many of us find the desire to avoid the word “gay” so inauthentic.  They wish to claim an “identity” based on what they believe God tells them they should be, but have not achieved and admittedly may never achieve.  How is that authentic?

His fifth reason, “Power of a Name” struck me as much rhetoric without a point.  To be honest, it sounds a lot like certain forms of magick.  I will also note that the verse Buchanan quotes makes no mention of names.  Indeed, I find its use in this context as strange as Buchanan’s fifth point itself.

His final argument against using the term gay is that the term is too confusing:

While it is true that definitions are subject to change, this reasoning doesn’t translate in the realm of gay sexual identity. The term “gay” can have vast socio-political and cultural connotations, and it raises such question as whether the person holds to a traditional orthodoxy on the issue of homosexuality.

First I will note that to gay people, gay means “attracted to members of the same sex.”  Any connotations added to the word are not universal.  Indeed, I’ll note that many of the connotations that Buchanan is hinting at — non-monogamy, a preference for casual sex, and substance abuse — are connotations that have been peddled by ex-gay groups like Exodus for years.  And while I certainly do not deny that each of those things can readily be found among some LGBT people, they are by no means universal.  There are LGBT people who are monogamous, prefer romance, and/or do not touch drugs and even alcohol.  Again, it is organizations like the one Buchanan helps lead that have pushed to keep those connotations inextricably linked to being gay.  In reality, the LGBT community is much more diverse.

Furthermore, I will note that by discouraging gay people to eschew the label of “gay,” Buchanan is effectively ensuring that people continue to see “gay” people only in light of those connotations.  If Buchanan were truly concerned about how gay people are perceived, its seems to me that he would encourage people to identify as gay to visibly broaden the many diverse ways in which a gay person can think, feel, and experience their lives as a gay person.  Instead, he chooses to invisibilize those gay people who would counter his own organizations long-standing narrative about gay people — or more specifically, encourage those gay people to invisibilize themselves.

But to truly show how ridiculous this argument is, let’s apply the same argument to the “Christian” label.  After all, the term “Christian” comes with connotations of crusades, heresy hunts, parents kicking their gay dependent children out or forcing them into horrible forms of therapy, picketing funerals with messages of hate, and many other atrocities.  So will Buchanan now call for all Christians to eschew the Christian label?  After all, given all the connotations that the term might bring to mind, it could lead to confusion.

I suspect instead, Buchanan would simply point out that further conversation and clarification of what a particular Christian believes and does would resolve the confusion.  It’s a shame he seems that the term “gay” is somehow impervious to similar clarifying conversations.

Notes:
[1]  Actually, I’m not sure I’m entirely accurate in equating the state of being intersex with gender identity, though it is certainly related to sex and gender.  Perhaps someone with more knowledge on the issue will offer a more accurate statement.

[2]  And seriously, what is Buchanan saying about his belief in regards to God’s omnipotence?  Can God’s master plan to introduce a gay man to the one woman he will inevitably fall in love with really be waylayed simply by that man referring to himself as “gay”?

My personal stance against misogyny in pro-gay speech

The other day, I was reading a blog post about one of Linda Harvey’s recent anti-gay screeds.  As I read through the comments, I found this doozy:

Man, she must be a dud in the sack.

Given the commenter’s name (Ted), I’m going to assume he’s a man.  Given the comment was left on a blog that focuses on LGBT issues, I’m going to assume that it’s highly likely that Ted is a gay man.  This leads me to several thoughts, in fairly random order:
What does her ability in bed have to do with her awful and erroneous statements about gay people?
Why does a (presumably) gay guy care how she is in bed?
Why is a (presumably) gay guy placing a woman’s value on how good she is in bed?

I do not care for Linda Harvey.  I have major issues — and I’d argue rightfully so — with the horrible things she has said about gay people and how she constantly fuels the anti-gay fires in our society.  I do not, however, feel that this gives me any right to speculate about her sex life, how satisfying she finds it, or how satisfying her partner or partners may find sex with her.  It’s none of my business, and it would be downright rude of me to speculate.

Furthermore, it would be downright misogynistic of me to suggest that her ability in bed in any way reflects on her value as a woman.  And that’s exactly what the above comment is intended to do, as far as I’m concerned.  It’s a sexist way of dismissing the (admittedly awful) things that she says on nothing more than a personal attack framed in “women are only good for one thing” mentality.[1]

This thing is, this is not a one-time thing.  Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of gay men make personal attacks against anti-gay women.  I’ve sen many call Maggie Gallagher ugly, fat, and similar things.  Again, Maggie Gallagher says plenty of ugly things about gay people, and I don’t like that.  But I do not take that as an invitation to fall into the sexist mentality that because she’s a woman, I can simply dismiss her because she doesn’t fit some standard of beauty.

Please, my fellow gay men.  These anti-gay women give us plenty of ammo with their words and deeds to discount, discredit, and shame them.  Please stick to that and don’t fall into the pettiness of name-calling and misogyny.

[1]  And again, I cannot stress enough that I find this particularly bizarre and disgusting coming from a (presumably) gay man, because on the whole, gay men aren’t interested in getting that “one thing” from women!  I have plenty of reasons to value the women in my life, and their sexual prowess does not make that list.  Ted’s comment makes me wonder if he has any female friends and if so, what exactly he values about them.

Liberty and Justice for All: A Work in Progress

Here are some words that are familiar to most Americans:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

They are the most commonly quoted words from that famous document signed on July 4, 1776 which marked the beginning of the North American colonies’ fight for Independence from the British crown.  I suspect that those words will be remembered and even invoked by many today, 236 years later as those of us in the United States celebrate our Independence Day.

What occurs to me as I think on those words, however, is that while they are sweeping and have far-reaching implications (despite the fact that they are gender exclusive), they were penned, signed onto, and embraced by men who applied them in a much more limited fashion.  After all, many of our nation’s great founders and lovers of liberty owned slaves, denying those slaves their own liberty.  In fact, it would be almost a full century after the Declaration of Independence was signed that its principle of the God-given, inalienable right to liberty would be recognized for slaves.

I don’t say this to demonize our founding fathers.  I say this to point out that, as great as they were, they were men, perfectly imperfect and equally capable of not seeing how their principles need to be applied to all people.  I say this to remind us on this holiday that we should not merely celebrate our independence — or freedom, as it is more often (at least to my mind) called.  We should continue to make liberty for all a greater reality, because that great work started by those great men over two centuries ago has not been accomplished in full.

So today, I offer a small list of the many liberties that I see as lacking and in need of greater support and defense:

  • Young black men still need the liberty to walk through certain neighborhoods without immediately being treated with suspicion.
  • Women still need the liberty to pick out their clothing without worrying about how others — particularly — men will view and treat them based on their attire.
  • Same sex couples still need the liberty to walk in public arm-in-arm or holding hands without the fear of being harassed or assaulted.
  • Workers need (to keep) the liberty to form unions so that they can better bargain and fight for their needs in the face of the corporate interests of their employers.

This is just a small list.  There are many different people in this great country that values freedom who still struggle to maintain and gain some basic freedoms, both constitutional and otherwise.  I would encourage others to add to my list in the comments.  I would also say that while we celebrate our freedom today, let us keep in mind that freedom is a much more perfect and comprehensive prospect than we — much like our founding fathers — fully realize.  And let us continue to work to see that perfect and comprehensive prospect fully explored and fully realized.

Privacy, Coming Out, and Anderson Cooper

Originally, I had planned to spend this evening reading the next chapter of Alissa Harris’s book, “Raised Right:  How I Untangled my Faith From Politics” and resume my series of posts discussing that book.  Those plans changed when Alvin McEwen mentioned that Anderson Cooper officially came out to the world today.

I ran over and read Cooper’s email to Andrew Sullivan in which he admits to Andrew (who I believe already knew),  Andrew’s readers, and the rest of the world that he is gay.  It’s a wonderfully worded letter and I highly recommend reading it.  Right now, I would like to focus on a part of Cooper’s email in which he explains his rationale for not coming out until now:

I’ve always believed that who a reporter votes for, what religion they
are, who they love, should not be something they have to discuss
publicly. As long as a journalist shows fairness and honesty in his or
her work, their private life shouldn’t matter. I’ve stuck to those
principles for my entire professional career, even when I’ve been
directly asked “the gay question,” which happens occasionally.

On the surface, Cooper’s statement makes perfect sense.  When he is acting in his capacity as a journalist, his religion, sexual orientation, marital status, race, and any other personal characteristic should be irrelevant.  And I salute Cooper for wishing to make sure his sexual orientation doesn’t effect how people perceive how he does his job.

The problem is, we don’t live in a world made up of what should be.  We live in reality.  And the reality is that being gay, being a member of a minority religion, and several other personal characteristics or private matters do become an issue if they come out in the open.  There are those who will approach Cooper’s reporting with (more) suspicion now that it’s known that he’s gay.  (Peter LaBarbera has already suggested that Cooper should refrain from covering any LGBT stories.)

The thing is, this mentality unfairly targets LGBT people and minority groups.  No one would question the journalistic integrity of Barbara Walters if she officially announced she was a heterosexual.  No one would have questioned the journalistic integrity of Walter Kronkite or suggest he shouldn’t cover certain stories after mentioning in passing that he had a wife.

The system we currently have does not make sexual orientation irrelevant.  The system we have punishes sexual minorities by treating them with suspicion.  Keeping one’s sexual minority status out of the picture encourages the latter, not the former.  It’s simply giving tacit acceptance and approval of a system that says that people who do not fit the characteristics that society has determined makes a person a default human must either hide their differences or face the penalties.

If everyone plays that game, then the system will never change.  And I’d like to think that this is what Cooper finally realized.  Because the only way the system will change is if people challenge that system.

Thoughts on GENDA

I spent most of yesterday working the Psychic’s Thyme vendor booth at the Dyke Picnic and Womyn’s Festival here in Rochester.  It was an enjoyably warm day troubled only by gusts of wind that scattered fliers (even fliers weighted down by stones), merchandise, and the occasional tent (thank goodness I always stake ours, though I had to tamp a couple stakes back down later int he day).  It was also enjoyable to speak with the women who stopped by our booth.

At one point in the afternoon, a transwoman named Isabelle, came through collecting signatures of people willing to support the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) and encourage their state senators (as the state assembly has approved GENDA every session for the past five years) to support the bill.  I gladly filled out one of the cards (and was pleased though unsurprised that the two women working with me did likewise).

To be honest, I was disappointed when legislators — with the support of many LGB[1] advocacy groups — removed protection for gender identity and gender expression from the national Employment Nondiscrimination Act in 2007.  And on the state level, I’m pleased that organizations like the Empire State Pride Agenda recognized that the passage of the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act (SONDA) in 2003 was only a partial victory at best and is leading the fight to push for GENDA now.

Truth be told, some LGB people are far too willing to ignore the plight of trans* folk.  Even this past week, I saw a comment on another blog where one person expressed a desire to divorce the LGB movement from the trans* community completely.  Addressing someone who brought up the treatment received by many trans* people, this person said:

Your constant campaign to transjack every discussion is useful inasmuch
as it demonstrates both the inherent predatory selfishness of trans
activists (even trans poseurs like yourself) and the the foolishness of
attempting to merge LGB and T. Gay people do not have to apologize for
talking about gay issues. Not to you. Not to anyone. The day “LGBT”
dies will be a great day for gay people.

I was amazed that someone who is (presumably) a part of my community could be so uncaring about the plight of trans* people — to the point of demeaning their choice to focus on their issues by referring to it as “transjacking” a discussion — shocks and dismays me.

What really got me about that “transjacking” shot was that in effect, the commenter is claiming that gay[2] people have every right to focus on gay issues since that effects them most dearly, but if trans* people do the same and focus on issues that affect them most dearly, that’s a great offense.  To me, that is a mentality of someone who thinks, “Once I get mine, everyone else can go screw themselves.”  Personally, I have a great problem with that mentality.  I want to rid the world of oppression and marginalization, not simply switch things around enough to make sure I’m on the “winning side of the game.”

Besides, as I’ve slowly worked to broaden my horizons, I’ve come to appreciate that it’s all the same fight anyway.  Understanding the arguments used against trans* people and even women helps me to better understand the underlying mentality and arguments used to promote animus against me as a gay man.  Gaining a better understanding of those common themes helps me better combat them, and I realize that whether I’m arguing against homophobia (and I admit I’m still best at this), transhobia, or sexism, I’m often effectively arguing against assumptions that influence all three.

At any rate, if you are in New York State, please see what you can do to help get GENDA passed. If you live in another state that doesn’t offer protections based on gender identity and gender expression, see how you can help change that.  If you’re lucky enough to live in one of the sixteen states that already have such protections, please consider working to get those protections established on the national level.  Your fellow humans who are trans* need our help.

Notes:
[1]  I’m intentionally leaving the T out this time.  I have a hard time believing that any group that would leave trans* people in the dust for the sake of convenience can realistically be credited as acting as trans* advocates at that moment.

[2]  It’s not clear to me if “gay” is shorthand for “gay, lesbian, and bisexual,” if “gay” simply means “gay and lesbian” and the commenter is equally willing to disregard the issues that bisexual people face as well.