I miss you.
I
miss our talks. I miss your requests, even though they were often more
like demands than actual requests. I miss the way you’d get excited
about something and become completely consumed with a thought or idea
that struck your fancy.
I miss how you could be tender and
loving so much of the time. I miss how you yearned for both physical
and emotional intimacy, and I cringe at the thought that we may never
share that intimacy again.
Some people want to think it was just
about sex. I know the reasons they think that, but they’re wrong. It
was never about the sex. Yes, the sex was nice and I’ll miss that too,
but sex alone does not make a relationship.
Besides, let me be
honest. If I was just interested in sex, there are far easier avenues I
could pursue to get it. I could get a room at the spa if I just wanted
sex. I could hang out at the Home Depot if I just wanted sex. I could
have answered ads on craigslist if I just wanted sex.
Accepting
the complications, limitations, and risks of our relationship would
have been way too much foolish effort if I had merely been in it for
the sex. I’m amazed at anyone who can’t see the truth of that statement.
It’s
the memories of moments spent lying next together and talking that are
most powerful. It’s the memories of hopping into the shower and
lovingly washing each other’s bodies that make me ache for more such
tenderness. It’s the memories of your smile as you tell me about every
little detail of your life that fill me with wistfulness. The thought
that I may never have any more of these experiences with you is what
tears at my heart so much.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope that some
day we might beat the odds so that we can be together gain. I hoe that
some day we might again share such moments of tender joy together.
But for now, I miss you.
