Witchcraft

Witchy Questions: Are you solitary or in a Coven?

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Today’s post is inspired by question number one in this list.

The interesting thing to me whenever I encounter this question is that it strikes me as somewhat of a false binary. I believe it is possible to be a witch in a coven and still have a solitary practice along-side that. In fact, I do not think I know any witch in a coven who does not also work and explore their Craft alone.

It sometimes feels that those who do not have any sort of group work at all assume that covens actively forbid their members from doing any solo work. Or if coven members do solo work, maybe those who have never been in a coven assume that the coven dictates how their members do even their solo work.

I was a member of a coven — in fact, I helped found it — for over nine years. Joe even eventually joined that coven. We both also had our private practices, which differed in many ways from our coven rituals. It was healthy for us because we were both led to explore aspects of the Craft that the rest of the coven was not interested in. So we did coven things when we got together with the others and did our own own studies and work when we were on our own.

I think that part of the real coven vs. solitary divide is an extension of the training with initiation vs. self-taught divide. Traditionally, covens have been about passing down a specific tradition and form of witchcraft, whereas solitary practitioners — and I myself spent nearly a decade practicing solo before I was ever part of a coven and have been part of no coven that offered formal training or initiation — tend to be self-taught. So I think many self-taught solitaries think of joining a coven as being forced to give up or trivializing what they have learned so far.

Experience and conversations with members of those traditions often seen as the most staunch tells me that this is not true. No one can take away what a self-taught witch has learned on their own. And their is value to that. It’s just often different — no better or worse, merely different — than what you might learn from a teacher and/or coven. And the two can exist side by side. If one wants them to, of course.

As for the question, I currently have no coven. Joe and I are working on putting together a framework for the two of us to practice together. And maybe someday that might become the basis for us to form our own coven. But that’s just a distant dream. Assuming it ever comes to fruition, I suspect it is years away.

Paganism, Witchcraft

Ramblings about Freyja from a Devotee

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As regular readers of my blog and Twitter feed might know, I consider myself a devotee and follower of Freyja. I mean, I’ve mentioned her a few times.

I started getting close to Freyja and feeling her draw me in during what I would call the third phase of my search for my own place in Paganism. This was after i had read enough books about eclectic Wicca to know it wasn’t quite right for me and then spent time learning Irish mythology and not quite connecting with the Tuatha de Danaan. A friend realized that my eyes lit up whenever I started talking about runes and the myth and lore that surrounded them and rightfully determined that I was meant for a Norse path. So I started looking into books about Norse mythology and even joined an Asatru organization. And I found Freyja.

At this time in my life, i was very much of the opinion that I needed to have a close relationship with both a god and a goddess. At the time, I had planned on building a relationship with Thor (that…didn’t happen). As I looked over the Norse goddesses, I decided Freyja was the best fit for me. For starters, that’s because we probably have the most information about her. The only other goddess that we know the same amount about is Frigga. The rest, like Sif and Skadi, get a mention here or there and that’s it.

Also, I liked Freyja because she was all about the sex. As a gay man who had only been out for…I’d guess four or five years at that point, I was drawn to how unapologetically sexual and passionate she was. I felt like I needed that kind of energy in my life. She didn’t see sex as nothing more than a way to make babies and she celebrated sex — and sensuality in general, which was also important to me — as something to simply enjoy and celebrate.

Of course, it also helped that she was a goddess of witchcraft, and a particular form of witchcraft called seidr. (Pronounced “sayth, where the “th” is soft like in “these.”) Seidr was also deeply attractive to me, as it’s very shamanistic in nature. Exploring the spiritual realms, relying on intuitive abilities, and communicating with spirits or entities is a common practice. So building a relationship with the goddess who taught both the other gods and mankind seidr seemed like a good idea.

As I’ve gotten to know her, I realize that another thing that draws me to her is her unrestrained and often untamed nature. In terms of sexuality, her brother, Frey, is also about sexuality and fertility. But he seems to express it in a more restrained, “civilized” manner. He has always struck me as the type who mostly plays it safe and stays within the bounds of human society, maintaining good order and making sure the land produces food and whatever else the community needs.

His sister, however, seems to prefer to run into the wild places. Or soar overhead in falcon form. If she comes into the “civilized” places, she tends to bring her wildness with her. (And if, like me, you believe that Gullveig and Freyja are the same person, you realize this can sometimes cause problems.)

My personal experience suggests that she’s not a huge fan of many of the trappings of “society.” It’s not that she’s against society or social customs altogether. She just thinks they can get in the way at times. “She obviously likes him. He obviously likes her. Why do they keep tap-dancing around like a couple of nervous soldiers heading into battle? They should just go ahead and hook up already.” That sort of thing. It’s weird having to explain to a goddess that some humans would suffer unpleasant consequences if they were as direct and blunt as she tends to be. (She finds those consequences ridiculously unjust, in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, those are just some random thoughts about Freyja and my personal history with her. How about you? Do you have a relationship with a particular deity? Feel free to share your own thoughts about and experiences with them in the comments!

Paganism, Witchcraft

Words to honor the Ancestors

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I give honor to those who came before me. Founders of my  bloodline who made me who I am. The now gone wise ones who explored the great mysteries and left clues that I might follow. Those who taught me, either directly or indirectly.

As I consider the strong foundations you have left for me, I thank you for shaping me and the world around me into what we are today. May what I do with your gifts be pleasing to you. Advise me so that my efforts are a fitting gift for those who come after me, those who may honor me alongside you someday.

So mote it be.

Witchcraft

Goals of a Witch: Jarred’s personal edition

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The first book on witchcraft I ever read was Cunningham’s “Guide for the Solitary Practitioner.” That man helped me find my way onto the path that I still follow, and I will always honor him.

One of the things he gave me and the rest of the world — at least my memory and a quick Google search suggests he was the original author (please correct me in the comments if I’m wrong) — was the 13 Goals of a Witch, which I looked up to link to in my previous post. As I looked at them, my immediate reaction was “Yikes! A couple of these are ableist! And that one at least borders on fat-hatred and other issues!”

I commented about this on Twitter and someone suggested I update them. Now, I’ll admit, I feel a little weird updating something written by someone who was as experienced in the Craft as Scott Cunningham, as well as someone who put so much time into making it accessible to so many fledgling witches — like me at one time! And I certainly don’t want to speak ill of him. Plus I don’t want to be the next Scott Cunningham. (Actually, there was a time when a lot of us thought that honor probably already belonged to Christopher Penczak, but anyway.)

But I am a witch and that tends to mean that I prefer to adapt both myself and those things I receive to my own liking. And I think Scott Cunningham would appreciate that. So I decided to look through them and come up with how I would rewrite the list and share them here.

I ended up going beyond my original intended edits and reasons for making them. I decided to make a few linguistic choices because I felt they conveyed something important that felt missing to me from the original source material.

So without further ado:

Jarred’s Personal Goals as a Witch

With a nod of respect to Scott Cunningham, who will always be an inspiration.

1. Know yourself.

I’ve always liked this one. I think knowing and understanding yourself is important. There’s not much to build on here.

2. Know your Craft.

Again, this one seems great and perfect as is.

3. Learn and adapt.

I felt like this one needed a language change. Learning isn’t just about growing or adding to what’s already there. Sometimes, you realize the Tower really was built on a shaky foundation and needs to come down so you can start over. Or maybe other, less drastic changes are needed.

4. Apply knowledge with wisdom.

Again, this one seems pretty great to me like it is.

5. Work toward equilibrium.

I’ve mentally changed this one for over a decade. I prefer the word equilibrium because of how my experiences in mathematics and science have shaded my understanding of that word. Equilibrium is a state of self-maintained stability. But it’s also a state that can change and adapt. You can take a system that’s in equilibrium and make changes. As long as you don’t throw the system out of equilibrium, it will re-stabilize. Maybe not to the same exact point. I think having that understanding in the Craft is more helpful than “balance,” which suggests a single point you must reach and maintain. At least that’s what it suggests to me.

6. Be mindful of the impact of what you say.

I made this change primarily for clarity. It helps understand what it means to “keep our words in correct order.” It also explains why we do so. Plus it reminds us that the impact of our words can go beyond what we intended.

7. Be mindful of the impact of your thoughts.

Same reasoning behind the change for #6.

8. Celebrate the cycles of life.

I felt this one needed a small edit to allow space for the fact that death is part of the cycle of life and needs to be honored and celebrated as well.

9. Attune with the cycles of life.

This change was driven by a personal annoyance of mine. I often feel like many have this “nature/man” dichotomy going on that is troubling to me. We are natural beings too. And our own life cycles need to be honored along with the cycles of “nature” or “the earth.”

10. Nourish your body as well as your spirit.

Okay, this and the next one are the original two I felt most needed to be changed. There are too many people out there ready to tell you how to “eat correctly.” A lot of their advice is ableist or rooted in fat hatred. I wanted to nip that in the bud. So I decided to refocus the goal on what I felt the actual message should be: Nourishing our bodies. Exactly what that looks like can be worked out by the individual witch.

11. Care for your body as well as your spirit.

Again, I felt like this one needed to be edited due to ableism. Not everyone can exercise, at least not in the way people often imagine when they hear the word. So let’s just refocus the goal on what’s really important: Caring for our bodies because we need them. What that care should look like is again something for the individual witch to work out. Again, it’ll be different for everyone.

12. Honor the Divine

This actually corresponds to #13 in Cunningham’s list. (I’ll get to the missing one in this list shortly.) I felt it was time to expand this one beyond the gender binary. If your concept of the divine is gendered, more power to you. But let’s make room for those who have a concept of the Divine that is non-binary. Or isn’t gendered. Or isn’t even anthropomorphized at all.

What about the missing one?

I got rid of Cunningham’s twelfth goal, “meditate.” I don’t consider that a goal at all. It’s a discipline and/or tool. A very useful one. I love my meditation. But it is not a goal in its own right. So why should it get a mention when no other discipline or tool does. You don’t see “pray” on the list.

Of course, as I look through the list, I’m not sure I consider all of the remaining ones to exactly be goals, either. So maybe I could cut a couple more. Or maybe I’ll just rename the list. Or maybe I’ll accept the imperfection of it all.

So what do you think? Do you like my personal version of this list? Or do you prefer the original? Or are there different changes you might make? Tell me about it in the comments!

Witchcraft

So you want to be a Witch: Some of my personal insights

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Due to things I’ve responded to on Twitter, I’ve spent some time talking to and thinking about people who are relatively new to the Craft, are just starting to explore it, and/or are trying to figure out if a (metaphorical or literal) pointy hat is right for them. I’ve deeply enjoyed it. And the reflection involved has inspired me to write a blog post offering some insights to any new witches and people who are curious about it.

Now, I’m not going to give you a list of books you should read. (I think most of them are overrated, even the ones I cherish.) Nor am I going to give you a checklist of things that I think you should do in order. In fact, all I’m going to do is ask you a few questions. Actually, they’re the same basic question asked in a variety of ways. You don’t have to tell me your answer. In fact, you don’t even have to know the answer right now. But I would encourage you to think about how you’d answer. So here are the questions:

Why do you want to be a witch? What do you hope to get out of being a witch? What draws you to witchcraft?

Let me be clear, these are just questions. I have no interest in auditing your answer (which is why I’m not even asking you to tell me what it is) to determine if you’re getting into it for the “right” or “valid” reasons. I know there are people who will do that. If people have done that to you, I’m sorry. Those people were jerks.

So why do I ask this question? Well, for starters, because I remember back when I was first learning about the Craft, The 13 Goals of a Witch were very popular and often cited. I (for the most part once you address the potential fat-hatred and able-ism in it) still like that list and Goal #1 is “know yourself.” I definitely think that’s a good goal and a great first goal.

So if you haven’t done so already, I would encourage you to ask yourself the above questions in the spirit of pursuing that first goal of self-knowledge. Also, it will help guide your journey of inquiry and exploration.

If you’ll forgive a little nostalgia — and even some secondhand nostalgia — I’ve been on this path for twenty one years and know witches who have been on it for even longer. Some of the witches who found the Craft back in the seventies and eighties are delightful and will regale you with tales of the days when they had to travel dozens if not hundreds of miles just to find a coven, which was practically the only way to learn. (They likely won’t include tropes about how they had to make the trip walkng barefoot in the snow — uphill both ways!) It really was like that back then. There also wasn’t an Internet. There were few books, and a lot of them were not “how-to” guides either. So finding sources of informaton and guidance was those witches’ challenge.

My challenge was different and I suspect you are facing or will be facing the same challenge, possibly intensified. That’s the challenge of having too many resources. There are so many books out there on dozens of topics. There are groups (both online and face-to-face). There are Youtube channels. It can be downright overwhelming and leave a person wondering where to start and where to go next.

Knowing why you want to be a witch, what draws you to the Craft, and what you hope to get out of your pursuit is a powerful navigational tool. It lets you cut out a lot of information and practices that just don’t interest you. And it often suggests which resources to gravitate toward. If nothing else, it let’s witches with more experience who like to be helpful when possible — like me — actually identify whether we have anything to teach you that might actually be helpful to you. Or we can suggest a direction or different resource that we think you will find beneficial.

In closing, I want to touch on a delicate subject. I said earlier that I’m not here to judge your reasons being drawn to the Craft or wanting to be a witch. I meant that. However, there are valid goals and needs that are better — or even only — met through something other than witchcraft. In particular, I’m thinking of a desire to improve ones health, whether physical or mental. I have known people who have initially pursued the Craft for primarily that reason. And that can be troubling, especially in a day and age when very famous people are claiming that people can magically overcome their depression or anxiety with positive thinking, meditation, the right candles, visualization, or many other things that can often be used in witchcraft.

I’m here to tell you that witchcraft doesn’t work that way. If you are dependent on insulin right now, I will guarantee you that a million rituals honoring Hecate (to choose a common goddess of witches) will not change that. Nor will any number of spells suddenly allow you to throw away your antidepressants. Your best bet still is and will always be to work out a way to manage whatever your health issues may be with the appropriately licensed professionals. Yes, there are certain practices in the Craft that MIGHT be a helpful addition to your overall health management plan, but that’s something to discuss with those health care professionals. Never take a witch’s advice as a replacement for them.

On a personal note, I am of the opinion that where witchcraft really helps with health issues of any kind is that it will hopefully inspire you and motivate you to keep getting the care you need. And maybe it can help reassure you that you’re worth keeping at it.

So if you’re still reading along, I hope you found this helpful and inspiring. If you want to ask a question or share your own experiences, feel free to leave a comment. If you have your own insights you’d like to offer up (jsut no One True Way-ism, please), feel free to do that, too.

Until next time, may your journey be full of love, joy, and magic.

Writing

Writing Practice Review: Days 4-6

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This past week started out so well in the realm of writing. Sadly, illness took over and everything stopped after Thursday. Hopefully this coming week will show more promise. Either way, I’m going to go easy on myself. Scolding myself for lack of perfection in these things just gets me down, making it less likely I’ll get back up again.

At any rate, here’s the writing practice I got in since last Tuesday.

Day 4: 1200+ words. This piece is a bit of backstory and/or my attempt to explore a character concept. I like the idea of a dragonborn fighter who is currently working as a mercenary to pay bills, but is extremely unsatisfied with the kinds of jobs his recruiter obliges him to do. I feel like a good Dungeon Master could work with that to create a hook that draws my fighter into a more satisfying adventure and a life he’s more comfortable with. Of course, the DM might also ask me to change a few details here. For example, I wrote the scene as if it’s happening in the world of Fehrun and the DM might want to place their campaign in a different world. I’m actually okay with that. I just picked locations in Fehrun to make the story easier to write. I’d have no problems changing the details. Of course, I still need to work on this character. The story raises other questions like how and why did my fighter become a mercenary in the first place? Why isn’t he with the other warriors of his clan?

Day 5: 300+ words. This piece is quite short, but it’s what I wanted to write. I felt like anything I might do to try to increase the word count would have diminished what I was going for. Better to focus on Gene’s experience of playing as well as the effects of the music.

Day 6: 1000+ words. Another dialogue-intensive piece. What can I say? I love my dialogue. Originally Karbath was supposed to just wander through the bar and maybe even witness a few fights. I even considered the possibility that he would end up int he ring after all. But the challenge from the young kid just suggested what I considered a more interesting direction for the scene. I also hope that Karbath’s wish that he could be more than just some fighter shone through. In many ways, I think he hoped to steer the kid towards a life he and his circumstances denied himself.

Sexuality

A Personal Sexual Ethic

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The other day, I got thinking about sexual ethics. I decided that it would be an interesting exercise to try and summarize and clarify my own sexual ethics. A lot of what I will say here will be based on the first episode of The Bed and The Blade podcast. My views about sexuality are deeply rooted in my understanding of the everyday sacred, and I feel like this post gives me a chance to expand on what I briefly mentioned as a part of that episode.

I will note that this is my personal sexual ethic as I understand it myself. You will not find any “thou shalt” statements in this post, because I have no desire to prescribe how anyone else should approach their own sexuality. Now, I think many people might find my thoughts here informative and helpful. Otherwise, what would be the point of sharing this post? But at best, I think of this post as indicating my own personal perspective based on my limited experiences and providing another (and there are many out there — some probably of better qualify and deeper research than mine) resource that someone might find helpful to consider as they develop their own personal sexual ethic.

I will also note that I’m working on my personal sexual ethic as a cisgender gay white man, which means it really is limited. There are those whose lives and experiences mean that they will find gaps or dead angles1 in what I write here. If this describes you, you are welcome to borrow only those things I’ve said that work for you and encouraged to fix the rest so it works for you as well. In fact, I’d love to hear from you about any changes you might make. Drop me a comment, maybe?

Defining My Rights

It may seem strange to start a treatise on sexual ethics by defining my own rights. I mean, isn’t ethics normally about responsibility and doing the right thing vs. the wrong thing?

I submit that this is the problem with much of what has passed for sexual ethics over the years: the abandonment and devaluing of self. I maintain that understanding our own value and what we can reasonably expect, hope for, and even demand is foundational and essential to questions of responsibility and treating others right.

I have the right to want or not want sex.

For many of us, sex feels good. Barring coercion (in which case it’s no longer sex) or bad circumstances, it tends to make us feel good. I have a right to want to feel good, to enjoy the pleasure my body and sexual activities with other people gives me. I’m allowed to want to experience that.

On the flip side, I have the right not to want sex either. That can be situational (I don’t want sex right now or with this particular person) or general (I’m just not into sex, end of story). In the end, it’s about understanding my own wants and needs and respecting that. And “keep the sexy times away from me please” is as valid as “bring on the threesomes!”

I have the right to want as much or as little sex as seems right to me.

This is an extension of the last statement. Maybe I’m feeling like a horn-dog and want to have sexy times every night. Maybe I’m good with once per month or less. Again, this is about understanding my own personal wants and needs and honoring them.

I have the right to want to engage in the sexual activities that seem right to me.

If I want to stick to masturbating, that’s okay. If I want to get toys to enhance my solo time, that’s okay too. If I want to engage in “vanilla” sex, that’s okay. If I want to explore spanking, rope play, cupping, needle play, or any of the other kinks out there, that’s okay too. Again, sex is meant to be enjoyable, and engaging in the kinds of activities that I really enjoy without guilt or shame is a gift I give myself.

I have the right to want to have sex with the people who appeal to me.

I’m gay, so for me, I’m really only interested in sexy times with men and and mostly male-presenting people2. But if I also wanted to have sex with women and mostly female-presenting people, that would be my right as well.

This principle also applies to how many people I want to have sex with. Personally, I’m a happy monogamist. I’m happy in my exclusive relationship with Joe. But if that changed, I’d have the right to want to explore polyamory. And before I met Joe, you better believe I had string of partners.

I do feel like this principle needs a caveat, however. There are those who might use this principle to justify racist or transphobic dating preferences. I especially remember all the Grindr profiles who used to say “no blacks” and justify it with “just a preference.” There still comes a point where we need to interrogate our preferences to see whether they’re really just a preference or are rooted in something more sinister. That’s not something I’m going to adequately address in this post — or possibly ever — but I wanted to acknowledge it.

I have the right to decide my own reasons for having sex.

I can want to have sex because I’m hoping it will strengthen the bonds of love and affection between myself and another person. Or I can want to have sex because an orgasm would feel good right about now. Sex can fulfill different needs and even multiple needs at one time. And I get to decide what needs matter in any given situation. Because that’s the other beautiful part: I can engage in sex for different reasons each time.

I have the right to re-evaluate any of the decisions I’ve made and make new choices at any time.

One of the things that the last twenty years have driven home to me is that things change. Needs change. What works for me changes. I need to be empowered to roll with those changes and adjust my approach to sex accordingly. There was a time when casual sex with some guy I met on A4A, Grindr, or Craigslist was a blast for me. Then I got tired of it. (It inspired a short story I wrote years later, actually.)

I think an important thing to note is that my change of heart does not imply that my earlier behavior was wrong or a mistake. It just meant that things had changed for me and it was time to consider a new course of action that better addressed my evolving needs at the time.

Defining My Responsibilities

Now that I’ve defined my rights in terms of sex, it’s time to define my responsibilities. This will mostly be framed in terms of responsibilities toward the people I’m having sex with. If I were to always fly solo, things would be a lot simpler. But not nearly as satisfying in my opinion.

Other people have the same rights that I do.

Everything else I way will tie back into this statement. In fact, I could almost get away with making it the sole bullet point of this part of my sexual ethic. Because this section is essentially about honoring other people’s rights when it comes to sex.

I have a responsibility to honor the rights, wants, and needs of any sexual partners or potential partners.

At it’s heart, this means talking to my partner(s) or potential partner(s) about what they are looking for and what they want, need, and expect from a sexual relationship (even if it’s a one night stand) with me). This also means I need to be open to the possibility that they don’t want a sexual relationship with me at all. Or just don’t want to have sex right now.

At this point, the attentive reader might recall that in the section about my rights, I said I had the right to want sex. I never said i had the right to have sex. This is why. Once I start to seek sex that involves more than myself , having sex becomes contingent on finding willing and interested partners.

I have a responsibility to communicate my wants and needs to any sexual partners and potential partners.

Knowing what I want and need in the realm of sex doesn’t matter if i don’t make the effort to clearly communicate that information to those I’m looking to have sex with. My partner(s) needs to know what I’m into and what I find enjoyable. They need to know about that little thing that I’d like them to do so it will drive me wild.

They also need and deserve to know what I hope to get out of sex with them. Am I hoping this will be part of a romantic relationship? Or is this a casual, one time thing for me? Or am I hoping that we can be friends with benefits with no romantic attachments.

I have a responsibility to be clear on whether I can meet any sexual partner’s or potential partner’s needs.

This is where we get into the heart of any healthy sexual relationship: Communication, negotiation, and respect. If my partners have a certain sexual activity that they feel they absolutely need, but I’m uncomfortable with that activity, I need to be honest about that. Maybe we can find a way to work around it. Or maybe it just means we’re not compatible and we both need to move on.

Similarly, if someone is looking for a long-term romantic relationship and sees having sex with me as a way of building that with me, I need to be honest if I’m not in it for the long haul or simply have no interest in romance. It would be grossly cruel of me to mislead them just so I get my own need for sexual gratification filled in that situation.

I have a responsibility to respect any sexual partner’s or potential partner’s boundaries.

While I’ve been considering my partners needs and whether I can meet them, my partner has hopefully been doing the same thing. Maybe they find my needs incompatible with their own. Maybe I’m into a kink that is a hard limit for them. I need to respect that feedback from them. Again, I have the right to need and want what I need and want. But I don’t have the right to expect any particular person to fulfill that need or want, especially when it’s not something they’re into and are potentially even uncomfortable with.

I have a responsibility to communicate when my needs and wants have changed and be open to the changing needs and wants of any sexual partners.

As I said in the section listing my rights, needs and wants can and often do change over time. That’s not a problem. But when it does happen, I need to communicate that to any partners I have. it may mean that we need to adjust our relationship. Or it may mean we need to end it if it means we’re no longer compatible. That’s potentially heartbreaking, and it’s important to handle it with empathy and understanding.

I also need to be open to my partner experiencing a change in needs and wants. And again, I need to work from a place of empathy and understanding while we figure out how to adjust or end our relationship accordingly. After all, changing needs and wants are not a moral failing. It’s just the occasional fact of life.

Conclusion

In the end, sex can be a wonderful and pleasurable thing and something people can share with each other under many circumstances and in a myriad of ways. Or sex can be an ugly and exploitative thing that leaves people devalued and harmed. By understanding both my rights and my responsibilities, I can increase the chances of the sexual encounters that I pursue to be a positive and enjoyable experience, both for myself and those who join me in those encounters.

Notes:

1 I don’t know who first recommended this term as an alternative to “blind spots.” I first ran across it earlier this week on Twitter and I like it. I’ve heard before how “blind spot” is ableist and should be avoided. Before now, I’ve revised my statements to avoid the term, which tended to be more wordy. It’s nice to have a “drop-in” replacement.

2 This part needs work. A lot of work. To be honest, I don’t have the vocabulary or sufficient understanding of nonbinary people to really provide the nuance this section needs and deserves. I hope this acknowledgement at least softens the sting some enby readers might feel over this failing.

Memories, Meta-Blogging, Online Life

I Miss Diary Communities

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I got my start blogging over at OpenDiary.com. Of course, we didn’t call it blogging there. We called it writing in an online diary. But a lot of us tended to approach our online diaries like we were bloggers. A lot of us eventually created our own blogs somewhere else. Essentially, we had opinions and other thoughts we wanted to share with others, and we enjoyed getting feedback and starting dialogues over what we had to say.

To be honest, online diary sites, and especially OpenDiary, had features that made that a lot easier than it seems to be on more traditional blogs. Those sites were all about community and had tools and features that encouraged interaction between members in the community. There was the constantly updating “Recent Entries” list on the front page that let you know at a glance what your fellow online diarists had said recently. Then there were friend lists where you got a notification when one of your friends posted a new entry. There was also the Reader’s Choice, which was a small listing of people that a certain number of community members thought were worth reading. It was an interesting feature that had all the merits and problems that you’d expect from a system that promoted content based on popular vote, but it was still a way to promote content and encourage interaction.

My favorite feature was Diary Circles, which were pages dedicated to specific topics. When you wrote an entry, you could submit it to be listed in up to three different relevant circles. (It had to be relevant. People who submitted their angel food cake recipe to the Sports circle were shot down pretty fast.) That way, people who were interested in that particular topic could see and read your entry.

All of these things drove dialogue and debate. For the Religion and Spirituality circle — one of my favorite haunts — there was probably more of the latter than the former. Though I did forge some amazing friendships and there was a group of us that loved talking and exploring things together. That group consisted of atheists, Christians, Pagans, and Hindus. Our discussions were fascinating and amazing.

For various reasons, we all left OpenDiary for another site. Eventually we left that site for reasons that motivate me to not even name it. I moved to this site, though I also dabbled with blogs over on Blogger.com. and LiveJournal Other friends moved to LiveJournal, Blogger, Typepad, WordPress.com, or Blogger.com. Some of us are still blogging, though sometimes sporadically. I can’t speak for the others, but I still miss the online diary sites.

Running my own blog on my own hosted site means I don’t get all those fancy community-building features that encourage the same level of interaction and dialogue. It shows in my lack of comments — though there are also things I could probably do to fix that. And even a lot of the sites dedicated to helping you set up a blog seem to suffer. Sure, LiveJournal has LJ Communities and WordPress.Com has search tools to find other hosted blogs with similar interests. But it’s still not the same.

Some days, I would just kill for a Diary Circle or Editor’s Choice feature or one of those other gems that online diary sites were (and presumably are) so good at providing.

So, dear readers, are any of you bloggers or former bloggers? Have you migrated your blogging over the years? Does your current host offer features you didn’t have when you were hosted elsewhere? Or have you lost features you now miss due to a move? In general, how has your blogging experience changed and/or remained the same as time went by?

Writing

Writing Practice: Days 1-3

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As I’ve mentioned from time to time, I like to write. I’ve started a number of different novels, though I’ve stopped each one for various reasons, though the common theme seems to be life getting in the way in forms of relationship stuff, health issues, or work draining too much of my time. The bug has hit me again, though this time it’s slightly different. I just feel like I need to get writing again as a form of creative expression and even self-discipline. So I decided on Saturday that I would set a goal to practice writing once a day. I have an informal goal of 1000 words each day, though I’m not holding myself too strictly to that goal. The fact that my first practice missed the mark by roughly 300 words is something I’ve learned to live with. Besides, I overshot by an additional 600+ words on the third day, so I’m figuring it will all even out.

In deciding to do this, I found myself facing a logistical question: Where do I post my stuff? Do I post it here? Do I create a new blog? Or do I keep it in my Writing Dot Com portfolio? Do I cross-post and just flood the Internet with the same pieces of writing?

I decided to keep my creative writing over at Writing Dot Com. That choice made sense to me because there’s a stronger community there, and there’s a chance that someone will see a piece I did and offer a review and even constructive feedback. That’s something I need right now. One of my biggest disappointments with blogging is that it can be very difficult to garner any reader interaction or feedback, which I will admit is something I crave every now and then.

Plus, I didn’t really want to turn this blog into a writer’s blog. I hope to actually start posting more about sexuality, spirituality, and politics as soon as I feel like I have something notable to say. (That’s a whole blog post in its own right.) And I want to get back into the podcast, and will keep posting episodes here as well.

But I still wanted to make my creative writing a part of this blog as it’s my main blog and online presence (well, second to Twitter maybe) and such an important part of my life needs to be represented here as well. So I will be doing a weekly “Writing Practice” review post. Every Tuesday, I will do a single post that provides a link of practice writing I produced since the previous Tuesday’s post. I also hope to include a bit of commentary on each piece, offering insights into why I wrote it or why i personally like it or even what issues I see with it. That way, my readers here can keep apprised of my writing without me overwhelming the blog. And hopefully doing this will get me blogging about other stuff too.

So welcome to the first Writing Practice Review! This post only has three days of practice to showcase.

Day 1: 700+ words. This scene is semi-auto-biographical in that it’s based on actual experiences I hd when I went out dancing in my late thirties and early forties. I always found it interesting that guys who — if I had tried to hit them up or talk to them on a dating app — would generally think they’re too good (attractive or young (and the latter was often a totally valid point) for me would suddenly be watching me while I danced. I can only assume it was because they saw and desired the freedom I had to be myself — a fat, uncoordinated guy dancing like none of that mattered — while they were still concerned about their image.

Day 2: 1100+ words. I normally write male POV characters, and I actually wanted to try writing a female POV character instead. Also, I really wanted to play with the idea of a young woman who knows she’s “supposed” to play the helpless damsel waiting to be rescued and refuses to accept that role. I’m not making any promises, but I feel like this day’s practice has the potential to become an actual story, as it got a bit more detailed than I originally intended . Also, the ending of the scene took me completely by surprise. It’s always a good sign when a writing project takes on a life of its own like that — if a little scary.

Day 3: 1600+ words. This scene also took on a bit of a life of its own. When I started it, I just planned on having a young apprentice (Lance) working on a potion. I quickly added Cecilia to help him figure out what he was doing wrong. Plus that gave me a chance to add dialogue to the scene and I love dialogue. (Some people seem to think I have a knack for it.) Everything else about this scene was “discovered” as I continued writing. I am fascinated by the idea of a teacher — of anything, not just alchemy — stressing the importance of collaboration in the field of study. Too often, education seems to be framed as competitive.

A note on word counts: I usually write this stuff in Google Docs before I post it to Writing Dot Com. Weirdly, the two sites rarely agree on the word count of any piece. And since I don’t care about precision, I’ve decided to rectify the problem by just rounding down to the nearest hundred. Both sites seem to agree that much, at least.

Magic/Magick, Paganism, Personal Development, Podcast, Psychic Stuff, Religion, Spiritual Development, Tarot, Witchcraft

Pagan Podcast: Divination for Self Empowerment

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It’s the end of July and that means it’s time for episode to of my podcast, The Bed and The Blade. In this episode, I talk about divination as a tool for self-empowerment. I include advice on how to start exploring the world of divination and discuss some of the tools available. I tried to find a great balance between information, suggestions, strong opinions, and the acknowledgement that other points of views exist and are legitimate. As always, you can listen here or check it out through any of the distributors listed below. I’ve also included links to the tools I mentioned and other resources you might find useful in this post.

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Tools Mentioned in the Podcast

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Helpful Resources

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The music used to introduce and conclude this podcast is from “Outdated Time” by Esther Garcia. It was provided by Jamendo and licensed to me for use with this podcast.

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The thoughts of a gay witch living in upstate New York.