Category Archives: Paganism

Paganism, Witchcraft

Witchy Questions: Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

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This post was inspired by Question #32 from this list.

I’ve always had a complicated relationships with the Sabbats. A few of them, I feel some sense of connection with at least some level. The others, however, don’t really resonate with me personally.

Samhain always resonates with them, as it reminds me of the ancestors and those who have gone before me. It gives me a time to think of them, honor them, and even seek out their wisdom at a special time.

Yule has also always held something for me. The image of the return of the light in the midst of the darkness, not quite ready to take charge, speaks to me. I’ve often enjoyed just looking at a single candle burning in an otherwise dark room and consider this mystery.

I have a certain love of Easter as the perfect balance and tension between the light and dark and the creativity it considers. This is also the time of year where I think of the Norse creation myth and how the fires of Muspelheim and the frost of Niflheim meet to form (or uncover) the first primal beings. It reminds me that while their may be a sense of duality, both are always necessary and work together.

And of course, I cannot be a devotee of the goddess of sexy times and passion without having some sense of love for the most sexual of the Sabbats, Beltane. To me, that is a time to really appreciate our sexuality and our full embodiment.

Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

Witchy Questions: Do you worship nature?

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This post was inspired by Question #19 from this list.

In order to judge whether I worship nature, I feel we just first understand what it means to worship something. Worship is one of those words that is often tainted by our primarily Christian culture and the images of what it means to worship something in the most vocal and visible expressions of Christianity.

In that context, worship has taken on a connotation of giving something — usually the Christian god — ultimate praise and honor, usually at the price of bowing and scraping and humbling (or humiliating) oneself before that which is being worshiped. I do worship nature in that sense. Hell, I worship nothing and no one in that sense.

However, if we look at a more general definition of the word, we see that to worship something is to give it honor and adoration. Looking at the word’s etymology, its roots suggest acknowledging worth. In this sense, yes I do worship nature. I honor it and adore it and enjoy expressing that honor and adoration. But then, seeing as I see everything and everyone as sacred, you could apply that same definition and say that I worship everything and everyone. Nature is no more or less worthy of my honor than my husband, my friend, my cat, my coworker, or the person around the world and have never met.

Paganism, Witchcraft

Witchy questions: Do you work with a Pantheon?

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This post is inspired by Question #5 from this list.

I touched on this briefly in my last post, in which I talked about my relationship with Freyja and other Norse deities. By and large, I like to keep my emphasis on focus on the Norse deities, as it allows me to keep things within the context of a single system of myths and lore. While I admire others who seem to have no problem working with and relating to deities from diverse cultural sources, it’s just not generally something that appeals to me, nor do I feel it would work well for me. Partly, I think this goes back to the idea that my ability to call on and relate to other Norse deities stems from the relationship they and I both have to Freyja. If I were to try to reach out to a Celtic deity, it would require extra work and would feel like more of a “cold call” to me.

The one exception is the Greek god Pan, who I occasionally feel drawn to. I think that has to do with the sexual energies he represents from a more masculine point of view, something I don’t quite feel with Freyja. What’s interesting to me is that I don’t have that same feeling toward Freyja’s own brother, Freyr, despite the fact that he is a deity of fertility and sexuality. But to me at least — and I’d be curious to hear the thoughts of other people with experience with Freyr — his sexual energy feels much more tame and civilized than his sister’s energy. I tend to attribute this to the fact that his fertility is linked tot he fertility of the land, often described as the king married to the land. It feels to me as if that crown and his obligations calms and constrains his own sexual energy. Pan, on the other hand, has that wild and even chaotic sexual energy that I am so familiar with through Freyja, and that appeals to me.

Paganism, Religion, Witchcraft

Witchy Questions: Do you have a Patron God/dess?

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This post was inspired by Question #4 on this list.

In my early years of trying to find my way in Paganism, I became a member of Ar nDraiocht Fein/A Druid Fellowship. At the time (and presumably today), that organization’s Dedicant Program strongly pushed seeking out and finding a patron deity or a pair of them. I didn’t find or connect with Freyja until after I dropped my membership, but that push for finding a patron deity or two stuck with me and has shaped my path since then.

A while back, I found a Patheos post by Ian Corrigan in which he talked about some of the motivations behind the inclusion of patronage as a central part of the ADF Dedicant program as well as some criticisms of it. I also found some of his views on the topic and how he tended to instruct newcomers at the time of that post’s writing worthy of consideration.

I especially like how Ian focuses on the idea of emphasis without exclusivity. While I have a tight relationship with Freyja, which I have talked about elsewhere, I am not forbidden from speaking with or establishing relationships with other deities. It’s as though she and I have a simple relationship: I am to keep my commitments to her and am then free to do as I please.

One of the other things that I personally find is that my relationship with Freyja can shape my relationships with other Norse deities and can provide context and even a starting point for them. For example, if I need the aid of Thor, I feel that being strongly connected with a goddess who has helped him out with a sticky situation or two (see: lending out her falcon cloak so Loki could find Thor’s hammer when it was stolen) gives me a certain standing to call on him.

Of course, at the same time, i was building a relationship with Freyja, I also thought about building a relationship with Thor on its own merits. This was at a time when “gender balance” was more important to me in my divine interactions. Alas, my attempts to build something with Thor was quickly demolished when I found myself ushered into the presence of Odin who informed me that I needed to work with him and his energies instead.

Of course, at this point, I don’t really consider even Odin to be a patron deity. This is partly because he is not ever-present int he same way Freyja is. In fact, it’s probably been a couple years in which I’ve really felt his presence at all. For a while, I’d feel him only at those times — often in the spring — when it seemed he felt I had become too comfortable and needed to undergo yet another change or transformative process. Nowadays, he seems to be content to let me be. Which leaves me wondering if the patronage of a deity may not be as permanent as I once thought.

Paganism, Witchcraft

Ramblings about Freyja from a Devotee

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As regular readers of my blog and Twitter feed might know, I consider myself a devotee and follower of Freyja. I mean, I’ve mentioned her a few times.

I started getting close to Freyja and feeling her draw me in during what I would call the third phase of my search for my own place in Paganism. This was after i had read enough books about eclectic Wicca to know it wasn’t quite right for me and then spent time learning Irish mythology and not quite connecting with the Tuatha de Danaan. A friend realized that my eyes lit up whenever I started talking about runes and the myth and lore that surrounded them and rightfully determined that I was meant for a Norse path. So I started looking into books about Norse mythology and even joined an Asatru organization. And I found Freyja.

At this time in my life, i was very much of the opinion that I needed to have a close relationship with both a god and a goddess. At the time, I had planned on building a relationship with Thor (that…didn’t happen). As I looked over the Norse goddesses, I decided Freyja was the best fit for me. For starters, that’s because we probably have the most information about her. The only other goddess that we know the same amount about is Frigga. The rest, like Sif and Skadi, get a mention here or there and that’s it.

Also, I liked Freyja because she was all about the sex. As a gay man who had only been out for…I’d guess four or five years at that point, I was drawn to how unapologetically sexual and passionate she was. I felt like I needed that kind of energy in my life. She didn’t see sex as nothing more than a way to make babies and she celebrated sex — and sensuality in general, which was also important to me — as something to simply enjoy and celebrate.

Of course, it also helped that she was a goddess of witchcraft, and a particular form of witchcraft called seidr. (Pronounced “sayth, where the “th” is soft like in “these.”) Seidr was also deeply attractive to me, as it’s very shamanistic in nature. Exploring the spiritual realms, relying on intuitive abilities, and communicating with spirits or entities is a common practice. So building a relationship with the goddess who taught both the other gods and mankind seidr seemed like a good idea.

As I’ve gotten to know her, I realize that another thing that draws me to her is her unrestrained and often untamed nature. In terms of sexuality, her brother, Frey, is also about sexuality and fertility. But he seems to express it in a more restrained, “civilized” manner. He has always struck me as the type who mostly plays it safe and stays within the bounds of human society, maintaining good order and making sure the land produces food and whatever else the community needs.

His sister, however, seems to prefer to run into the wild places. Or soar overhead in falcon form. If she comes into the “civilized” places, she tends to bring her wildness with her. (And if, like me, you believe that Gullveig and Freyja are the same person, you realize this can sometimes cause problems.)

My personal experience suggests that she’s not a huge fan of many of the trappings of “society.” It’s not that she’s against society or social customs altogether. She just thinks they can get in the way at times. “She obviously likes him. He obviously likes her. Why do they keep tap-dancing around like a couple of nervous soldiers heading into battle? They should just go ahead and hook up already.” That sort of thing. It’s weird having to explain to a goddess that some humans would suffer unpleasant consequences if they were as direct and blunt as she tends to be. (She finds those consequences ridiculously unjust, in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, those are just some random thoughts about Freyja and my personal history with her. How about you? Do you have a relationship with a particular deity? Feel free to share your own thoughts about and experiences with them in the comments!

Paganism, Witchcraft

Words to honor the Ancestors

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I give honor to those who came before me. Founders of my  bloodline who made me who I am. The now gone wise ones who explored the great mysteries and left clues that I might follow. Those who taught me, either directly or indirectly.

As I consider the strong foundations you have left for me, I thank you for shaping me and the world around me into what we are today. May what I do with your gifts be pleasing to you. Advise me so that my efforts are a fitting gift for those who come after me, those who may honor me alongside you someday.

So mote it be.

Magic/Magick, Paganism, Personal Development, Podcast, Psychic Stuff, Religion, Spiritual Development, Tarot, Witchcraft

Pagan Podcast: Divination for Self Empowerment

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It’s the end of July and that means it’s time for episode to of my podcast, The Bed and The Blade. In this episode, I talk about divination as a tool for self-empowerment. I include advice on how to start exploring the world of divination and discuss some of the tools available. I tried to find a great balance between information, suggestions, strong opinions, and the acknowledgement that other points of views exist and are legitimate. As always, you can listen here or check it out through any of the distributors listed below. I’ve also included links to the tools I mentioned and other resources you might find useful in this post.

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https://oembed.libsyn.com/embed?item_id=10667189

Tools Mentioned in the Podcast

Note: I have received no compensation for mentioning or linking to any of the above tools. Nor do I receive any sort of compensation if you purchase any of them.

Helpful Resources

Note: I have received no compensation for linking to or promoting any of the above resources. Nor do I receive any sort of compensation if you purchase any of them.

Legal

The music used to introduce and conclude this podcast is from “Outdated Time” by Esther Garcia. It was provided by Jamendo and licensed to me for use with this podcast.

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Paganism, Personal Development, Sexuality

My Journey from Christianity to Witchdom

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While talking with Stephen Bradford Long over at his blog, he expressed an interest in hearing my story about how I left Christianity and came to a Pagan path. I realized that while I’ve occasionally talked about it, I’ve never fully written out the story or tried to capture the various factors that contributed in a single post. I thought it might be good to do exactly that.

As I think is true for so many queer people, my journey out of Christianity started with coming to terms with my sexuality, a topic that I have covered quite extensively elsewhere. While I left my church and Christianity in 1998, the first step in that direction occurred in April 1996, when I decided to quit trying to deny or change the fact that I was attracted to other men — a decision I literally made for the sake of my own survival at the time.

Like so many young evangelical people, at the time I came out, my circle of friends almost exclusively consisted of other Christians, most of whom had the same evangelical leanings that I did. And while a few of my friends were probably sympathetic to LGBT people and possibly even affirming or on their way to being affirming, I felt that I needed to find new friends to support and affirm me as well. So a month before graduation, I started reaching out to another group on my college campus, a volunteer group dedicated to helping students with computer problems. It happened that a lot of people involved with this organization happened to be Pagan, into New Age spirituality, and Pagan-friendly. They were also very welcoming and encouraging of me. Some of them even ran a Telnet-based BBS, which I become involved with (and eventually the main programmer for) when I managed to get Internet access at home.

So I moved back to the rural part of Pennsylvania that my parents lived with (and I lived with them for most of the time until I was 31, moving into my own place for roughly two years starting in 1998). My new friends online and back on the college campus (many of them graduated after me) became my lifeline for the first several years I was stuck in rural conservative-land, having to hide myself. I often made many trips back to school during the next two years.

During this time, I also found myself re-examining my faith. After all, here were these friends who were helping to keep me from feeling completely lost and isolated, and I had been taught to believe that they were going to hell and deserved it. I could not reconcile these two things. Surely my friends deserved better than this. So i started to re-evaluate more in my faith than just what I believed about my own sexuality.

At this time, I was also starting to deal with a lot of emotional turmoil — repressing my sexual feelings as well as going through the cycle of guilt and shame when I gave in and allowed myself to find sexual release by myself messed me up — and lingering doubt and guilt over my sexuality. In 1998, I met someone through a friend and we had a complicated and less than ideal relationship. To be blunt, it wasn’t really a healthy relationship and that was mostly my fault.

The relationship ended abruptly and painfully when i made some hurtful choices, costing me my first relationship and the friendship of the person who introduced us in the first place. It’s perfectly understandable, mind you. I hurt them deeply and it’s one of the few things in my life that I will unequivocally state that I regret.

This caused another huge wave of guilt and shame — a spiral of it no less. Partly because of the hurtful choices I had made and partly because I was still in a purity culture mentality at the time. Sure I had accepted that it was okay to be gay at the time, but I still had this notion that I should save myself for that one person I would spend my life with. Like so many people, I foolishly had believed that my first boyfriend would be the one I would spend my life with and had had sex with him. This meant that I felt like a failure, because now that wasn’t going to happen. I had “given myself away” to the wrong person. And what’s worse, it was all my fault that we weren’t together anymore.

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t go on living with all this guilt and shame and keep spiraling. I realized I was headed to that same dark place I had come out of the closet in order to escape from back in 1996. So it was time for another change.

I don’t rightfully remember if I actually intended to leave Christianity in November of 1998, when I asked one of my online Wiccan friends what book she would recommend I read to learn more about her beliefs. I just knew that I asked her and she recommended that I read Scott Cunningham’s “Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner.” So I bought it and started reading it. Then I devoured it. Figuratively speaking.

The book a balm to my soul. Here was a religion that told me that I was okay. It told me that I could and should improve myself as a person, but it ultimately believed that it was possible for me to improve and become a better person because I had it in me. Compared to a faith that essentially told me that I had to try, but was guaranteed to fail and would have to grovel for mercy, it was a thing of beauty.

And Cunningham’s description of energy and magic spoke to me on a deep, visceral level. I always felt like such things existed, but was not permitted to truly believe in them in a faith that insisted such things were “of the devil.” So after reading the book and thinking about it deeply, I actually prayed a tear-filled goodbye to Jesus, telling him that I loved him, but I needed to find another way, one that lifted me up and allowed me to live a healthy life. And then I reached out to the (nameless and nebulous at the time) God and Goddess and began a new journey.

That journey has also been long, complicated, and filled with many twists and turns. But that will have to wait for another day.

Paganism, Podcast, Religion, Witchcraft

Podcast Episode: Recognizing the Everyday Sacred

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For those of you have been reading my blog for some time, it may interest you to know that I have just started producing a podcast called “The Bed and The Blade.” It’s a podcast that will explore witchcraft, Pagan spirituality, and living life passionately, three things that are incredibly intertwined in my own life. I’m both excited and nervous.

For those of you who may be just now finding me through the podcast, welcome! This post is for the very first episode of the podcast, “Recognizing the Everyday Sacred.”

I think that the understanding that the sacred is something to be discovered in everyday life rather than something that has to be sought out in special places is central and essential to my Craft and pagan practice on a number of levels. Listen in using the embedded player before to find out why.

I would like to take a moment to thank Ana Mardoll for xer help when I reached out to xer with my concerns about erasing or otherwise harming people who live with chronic illness or disability or are trans or nonbinary during my discussion of sacred bodies. I suspect that even with Ana’s words of wisdom, I probably failed in some ways and I take responsibility for that. Thank you Ana (if you read this) for helping me do better and I promise to keep striving toward further improvement in the future.

As a final note, I hope you enjoy the music that introduces the show and closes it out. It’s all from a wonderful track that I found and was able to buy a license to use in the podcast. In accordance with the license agreement, here is the information regarding it:

Esther Garcia — Outdated Time — Provided by Jamendo.

I hope you enjoy the episode. Feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments.

http://bedandblade.libsyn.com/recognizing-the-everyday-sacred

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Paganism, Religion

A few Yule Thoughts

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Happy Yule!1

This post should go live right at sunset here in Rochester, NY. When it does, I should have about an hour and a half left at work before I run home, pick up Hubby, and head to the covenstead to prepare and share some tasty stew and share in one another’s company. What better way could there be to face the longest night of the year than with good food and good company?

Some days, I think many Wiccans and Pagans (or maybe I’m just incorrectly generalizing from my own experiences) forget the importance of community when it comes to the Sabbats, especially this one. Traditionally, this was the time of year when people in Europe were staying inside and out of the cold as much as possible. They relied on the food stores they had managed to gather up over the warmer months and hoped and prayed it all held out until they could start growing food again. And they relied on one another to make it through that process. If your neighbor was running on supplies, you gave them as much as you could simply because you might need your neighbor to help you with as shortage next year.

To the best of my knowledge, no one is my coven is in danger of running out of food this winter. But we do rely on one another in other ways. At least some of us do tend to suffer from seasonal depression at this time of year, and I think having the group to turn to on nights like this is a comfort that helps us to navigate through the emotional lows. It also hopes give us hope that just like this longest night, this will pass, the days will grow longer, and our moods will brighten along with those days.

That is something to celebrate. Or at least something to think about while we eat yummy stew and ride it out together.

1Happy Summer Solstice to any readers from the Southern Hemisphere. Sorry, but as is my tradition, the rest of the post will focus on Yule, as that’s what I’m experiencing right now.