Category Archives: Going Out

Going Out, Health, In and Around Rochester, Photos

Wandering the Paths

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Bridge over the Canal

Originally, I had planned on spending a couple hours at Seneca Park Zoo today. It’s been quite a few months since my last visit, so it seemed like a good idea. However, when I got there and saw how full the parking lot was, I realized that the place was going to be packed. As such, I came up with a quick plan B and headed for Genesee Valley Park instead.

I haven’t been to Genesee Valley Park since I went there for the Pride Picnic last July. I was a bit worried that I’d have trouble finding it again, but everything came back to me as I drove down Elmwood Avenue. In fact, I found the turn I should’ve taken to park next to the area the picnic was in last year. So I spent a good amount of time just wandering around the paths.

For those not familiar with the Rochester area, the park straddles a section of the Erie Canal, cutting it neatly in half. The picture to the left is of the foot bridge that connects the two halves of the park. I wandered along the paths along the east side of the canal. As I crossed another foot bridge, I noticed a group of people kayaking along the canal. I grabbed a quick shot of a couple of them.

kayakers

One of the things that truly surprised me in my wandering is just how small of a space this city is packed into. After I crossed the bridge where I saw the kayakers, I soon found myself passing under a highway. I was quite surprised to discover that this was not only I-390, but it was near the south bound exit to get onto West Henrietta Road by way of the East River Road. considering I had taken that exit to get onto West Henrietta Road and then drove a mile to get to Elmwood Avenue and eventually to my parking spot in the park, I was surprised to find myself able to get back to this spot with just a few minutes of walking along a path.

As I continued my walk, I quickly found another path under the highway. Here, I found a nice little resting area snuggled under the highway. I could just image sitting there with a walking partner (especially one I was also romantically involved with) and taking a brief rest while we shared a quiet conversation. The idyllic nature of the scene comes to my mind quite easily.

A quiet place to rest

My wanderings eventually took me beyond the bounds of the park. The Canal Path seems to go on endlessly. In fact, I find myself wondering if it isn’t all part of the path I followed when I walked along the canal in Pittsford. It wouldn’t surprise me.

I followed the canal path for a while, but eventually turned back. However, instead of taking the direct route back into the park, I decided to follow a side path which took me up through part of the University of Rochester and by Strong Memorial Hospital. This eventually dropped me back into the path via the road I originally drove in on. It made for a nice circuit.

One thing I noticed in the walk was the number of cyclists who were sharing the route with me. I was quite impressed by their courtesy. I noticed that more than one rang a small bell (presumably installed for just this purpose) to let me know that they were coming up on me. This would give me the chance to get over to one side, for which they would thank me as they passed.

Sexy Baseball Player

In the park itself, I passed a number of people who were just relaxing, sunning themselves, or playing frisbee. I even passed a small cluster of college guys who were playing softball (though I get the impression they were doing so with a tennis ball, which struck me as somewhat odd). A number of them were playing shirtless due to the heat of the day, and naturally I had to ogle them. I even managed to snap a picture of the one.

To be honest, this is one of those experiences that remind me just how much I like to go for walks. I think this will become a regular part of my weekend activities. Though I do hope I can find a friend to share the experience with.

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out

Great Saturday

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Yesterday, I got up around 9:30am, shaved, and hopped into the shower. Once I took care of a few other odds and ends, I hopped into my car and made the drive down to Elmira to see my friend, Mike. I hadn’t seen him in over a year, as I’ve been rather busy up here in the Rochester area most weekends. It was great to catch up with him, and he certainly needed a friendly face, seeing as his marriage just recently ended. I was both surprised and saddened to hear that. I was the best man at his wedding back in 2005, and they seemed like a great couple. But things can change over time.

Surprisingly, he and I seem to be going through a lot of the same inner processes right now. It turns out that he too is going through this realization that he needs to treat himself more and get out more. He’s actually started going out to a movie every weekend, which is a radical change for him. I think it’ll be good for him however. We got talking about both our growing senses that we needed to get out more, which made it nice that we could relate. We then watched a few episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus before I had to get back on the road.

After that, I ran to Dansville to see my friend, Belinda. She was housesitting for her parents this weekend, and she invited me to come see her. Michele had also decided to come spend the afternoon and evening there, so we had a good time. When I arrived, they were watching a movie on Lifetime. It was a pretty interesting movie, and they filled me in on enough details that I could enjoy the ending. After that, we decided to run to the truckstop for dinner and had a great time talking there. The food was pretty good, as usual. We eventually paid and went to Belinda’s parents’ home. When we got there, I popped in the DVD I bought at the Vickie Shaw show last night. Belinda and Michele both absolutey loved it, and the three of us laughed ourselves silly. I found it particularly interesting because the DVD was from her tour back in 2000. It was interesting to see how her act had changed since then. For example, Sargent Pach was just “her girlfriend” back in 2000 and didn’t play quite as big a part in her act back then. Though there were some elements that were quite familiar, such as the whole “sexual peak” segment. Overall, the DVD was a riot, but I think I liked last night’s act better. It just seemed more developed and refined. And I suppose that seven years later, that only makes sense.

Belinda and Michele have already told me that they’d love to go if Ms. Shaw is ever in the area next time. So I promised them that if I got any announcements about future shows, I’ll be sure to get four tickets that time. Who knows? Maybe by then I’ll have reason to get a fifth ticket. Hope springs eternal, after all.

Friends, Going Out, Humor, Personal Development

A great night of comedy

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This evening, I picked up Becky at her apartment and headed over to the Clarion Riverside Hotel to catch Vickie Shaw doing her comedy act. Before I saw the announcement a month ago that ImageOut was sponsoring her for a one night act in the area, I had never heard of her before. All that I can say is that I now know what I’ve been missing.

Vickie Shaw does an incredible standup routine that mostly focuses on her life, her relationship with Sargent Patch, her relationship with her kids and other family members, and her general outlook on life. She then salts this routine by having a bit of fun with the stereotypes about gay men and lesbians. Her delivery is accentuated by her personality, which is the essence of southern refinement with a coarser edge. (Or maybe it’s the other way around, it’s hard to say.)

Some of my favorite lines from tonight’s act are as follows:

“I told you I love you once. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know!”

“We gay people think you straight people out there are just fine. We just don’t want you teaching our kids.”

“And the baby dykes scream, ‘No! I dont want to wear it!'” (Talking about little girls and Easter dresses.)

The entire show was an hour long stream of stories and jokes which kept us all laughing. After her act was over, she held a question and answer session, inviting the audience to ask her anything. At this point, Ms. Shaw demonstrated that she was not only a comic genius, but an intelligent and deeply thoughtful woman. This particularly became clear when she spoke about the stand-up comic business and the difficulty that lesbians and gay men — the latter more especially — face in trying to make it in the business.

After everything was over, I took Becky around and introduced her to some familiar faces. I also made a point of taking a moment to speak with Ms. Shaw and thank her for such an enjoyable experience. I also bought a copy of her DVD, “Vickie Shaw Live.” I plan on tormenting Belinda with it tomorrow evening.

It was a spectacular night, and I’m glad I went. Becky had a great time too, an being able to share the experience with a friend certainly added to the overall experience. And if I ever get a chance to catch Ms. Shaw’s act again, you better believe I’ll jump all over it.

Going Out, Health

Problem solved

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For the past couple of days, I’ve been debating with myself about what I wanted to do tonight. A COAP member was hosting a dart night over at Nasty D’s pub. And while I don’t play darts (the thought of me throwing sharp, pointy projectiles is too frightening for words), I seriously considered going anyway just to hang out and chat with those playing. After all, it would be another opportunity to meet people and hang out with others.

But at the same time, I found myself wondering if it might be better for me to stay home. After all, I’ve been busy every other evening this weekd. And even tomorrow evening, I’m booked with the Vickey Shaw comedy show. On top of that, my body is giving me clear signals that I need to slow down a bit and get more rest. So I found my desire to make good of yet another fantastic opportunity to change my isolation battling agaisnt my growing realization that even though I need to spend regular time in the company of others, I also need some time to recuperate. Trying to decide which argument was going to win out was not easy.

Fortunately for me, circumstances have changed in such a way that it makes the decision moot. Last night, when I checked my email, I discovered that dart night has been postponed until next week. So this frees me to go home, put in a movie, and just generally chill without worrying about missed opportunities.

Of course, I suspect I’ll face the same choice next week. However, with any luck, I will be more rested and can schedule down-time for a different evening.

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out, Personal Development

Being shameless and feeling safe

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After deciding to take a night to myself and watching movies on Friday night, I decided to return to the business of exploring my more social nature yesterday. As Michele was working at Psychic’s Thyme, I decided to go there for part of the day and hang out with her. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Belinda was also there. As it turns out Belinda had invited her daughter, Min, to stop in and visit too. I have to admit that I had a bit of fun giving Min a hard time, and received at least as well as I gave.

Min and Belinda decided to go to lunch and invited me to go along. I graciously accepted, and we ended up going to the Chinese Buffet in Jefferson Plaza in Henrietta. We had a pleasant lunch and a great conversation. On the way back to the shop, Min took us to her apartment so that Belinda could see it. Min was kind enough to not make me wait in the car. Given the guy we ran into on the way into the apartment building, I was grateful for that.

We parked on the street behind this kid (well, he was probably in his early twenties) who was getting stuff out of his SUV. We headed for the apartment building, only to discover that the young man had the same destination in mind. As I reached the door first, I held it open for the ladies and even waiting the few extra seconds to hold it for the other guy who was just a few steps behind us. Of course, this meant that he passed me, thereby giving me an excellent opportunity to check him out. Naturally, I made excellent use of such an opportunity. Belinda caught me and waited long enough to accuse me of “shameful behavior” once the young man was out of earshot. I simply pointed out to her that I’d actually have to have shame first, and that my lack of shame made it shameless behavior.

Of course, Belinda was pretty sneaky herself. As the three of us approached the small elevator in the building, the same man was busy loading his stuff into the small car. Min waved me to step into the elevator myself and then told Belinda to get in. Instead, she chose to wait for the elevator to come back. She later told me I “owed her” for letting me have some time with the guy alone. Considering we hardly even spoke, I don’t feel I owe her anything.

After checking out the apartment and chatting for a bit, we headed back to the shop. Min said her goobyes, as she had work that afternoon. Belinda and I spent the rest of the day hanging out and chatting until the shop closed. As a result, I get to know Tobie and her kids better, which was a pleasure.

I realized just how much I like hanging out there. Psychic’s Thyme is one of those places where I feel socially comfortable. It’s a place where I have a sense of how I fit in, and I can usually get a conversation going with someone. But it’s also a place where I feel confident saying hello to the random people who come and go through the day. I realized it’s perfectly natural for me to greet customers as they enter and say goodbye as they leave. This is especially beneficial in those situations where those actually working there are busy with other matters (like ringing a purchase up) and therefore aren’t able to do so themselves. And of course, if a customer is in the mood to make a bit of conversation while shopping, I’ve found I can do that as well.

I hope that as I continue to come to Equal Grounds and attend various COAP events, I find myself develop a similar sense of safety and self-confidence there. In reality, that’s exactly what I need, so that I can feel safe enough opening up and even taking some initiative in building friendships.

Daily Life, Friends, Going Out

My first COAP dinner experience

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Last night, as planned, I headed over to The Golden Port to meet other COAP members for a late dinner. I arrived a bit late, but found the large group. I ended up sitting down on one end. Marlena sat across from me. I didn’t catch the name of the gentleman who sat to my right. When he came, a man by the name of Sam sat to my left.

I haven’t entirely made up my mind about how I feel about the experience, to be honest with you. This is because it was a chaotic dinner and there were both high points and low points. I’ve pretty much decided that I need to attend the same dinner next month and possibly the one after that before I make up my mind about whether I’m going to continue going to them.

In fairness to the group, I was tired by the time I got there. I had worked until 7pm that evening, and my shift had been mentally exhausting. Combine that with the general physical inactivity of a desk job, and you have a state of being that didn’t quite put me at my peak for socializing, anyway. Add to that the fact that my natural shyness and tendency towards introversion was trying to assert itself at the same time, and I have to admit that I was not in my element to begin with.

Now, add to this the fact that most of the other dinner-goers had just come from the business forum. Both Zara and Jennie talked to me about the business forum, but I really don’t understand much about it other than (1) it serves as a monthly fundraiser for Pride and (2) it involves the consumption of alcohol. So I was tired, feeling introverted, and surrounded by a group of people who were all intoxicated to some degree or another. This is not a good combination when you’re empathically gifted. So I spent a couple moments at various points in the dinner just trying to get my already work-addled mind to put my shielding exercises to effective use.

Then there was the minor issue of the fact that I was a newcomer entering into a group situation where everyone else knew each other and were great friends for the most part. I think it’s difficult for all but the most socially agressive people to find a way to break in on that sort of situation. So I was finding it difficult to get involved in the conversations that I was able to hear and follow through all the chaos.

Sam and I did talk a bit, however. We didn’t say anything earth shattering, mind you. But I will admit that he was a bit more outgoing than the others seated immediately around me, which helped me break the ice a bit better. He was quite funny, and I was able to warm up a bit more after his arrival, for which I’m grateful.

Also, towards the end of the meal, Zara got up from her seat and wandered around so that she could say hello to those who were too far from her while she was eating. She came down and spoke to Sam and I for a while, which was a nice experience. Even that brief conversation improved my own experience a great deal. She told me about the business forum, and encouraged me to attend that as well next month. I haven’t made a final decision, though I am certainly considering it. I asked her if they also serve non-alcoholic beverages (the only thing more trying than being an empath around intoxicated people is being an intoxicated empath around intoxicated people — and possibly even sober people), which I don’t think she ever actually answered, come to think of it. Of course, she made sure that Sam and I had been introduced and gotten along. Sam made up this rather amusing melodramatic story about how it had been rough at first and we even had a spat, but we were able to patch things up. It was hillarious, and Estella would’ve loved it.

So overall, I suppose I did have a good time. At least I had a good enough time that I’m willing to give it another try come May. However, given this experience, I think I’ll try to plan ahead a bit. For example, I will do my best to make sure that I don’t work longer hours earlier in the day. If at all possible, I’ll even try to put in an extra hour or so earlier in the week so I can knock off a bit early. That way, I can get in some meditation and other work to better prepare myself for the chaos. That should help put me in a state where I’m more able to focus on trying to be sociable. And hopefully, as I attend a few more times, I’ll start getting to know people better and find it easier to find a place in the various conversations going on.

Going Out, Introspection, Memories, Personal Development

Thinking back and looking ahead

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Today, I got looking through old diary entries from the time when I moved up here to Rochester. As I read through them, it amazed me to notice how things have progressed since then. Things simply didn’t work out the way I expected them to. But that’s okay, because I like the way things turned out better than I would’ve had they gone the way I’d originally planned.

I think one of the things that truly amuses me is the fact that I mentioned in two separate entries how close the mall was to my townhouse. I was quite excited about that fact when I moved in. That’s understandable, as the closest mall to me back when I lived with my parents was more than thirty minutes away by car.

Today, I rarely go to the mall. (And when I do, I will often make the trip out to the Eastview Mall instead.) In reality, I’m just not a big shopper, and I realized that hanging out at the mall and people watching (one of my original goals) just wasn’t my style. I’d much rather interact with people rather than watch them. So now, I’m finding myself preferring the coffee shops and other venues where conversation is more likely to pop up.

Of course, I still like that all the other stores that cropped up around the mall are still there. Being ten minutes from Best Buy, Borders, Target, and Wal-Mart is still a plus. But those are conveniences, whereas the closeness of a mall was a novelty that quickly wore off.

Shortly after I moved, I also started making plans to volunteer at Lollypop Farms. I’ve officially given that up. I quit going regularly back before Christmas and just decided that while I enjoyed working with the cats and chatting with the staff and volunteers as we worked side by side, I’d rather sleep in after doing things on Saturday nights. And any other shift would similarly interfere with other activities I’ve gotten into since coming to the area.

I also tried three classes through the Rush-Henrietta school district’s continuing education program the first nine months I was here. I enjoyed every last one of them, but they weren’t quite what I expected. I had joined to meet people, and I did exactly that. But I also found that most of them were older people. As I was and am trying to meet people in my own age bracket, I decided to give that a halt.

However, I will note that I’m toying with the idea of teaching a class. The blogging class I took through them was discontinued after the first quarter they tried it. This was because the instructor for the class took a new job and was no longer able to teach the class. I’ve considered talking to the continuing education office about teaching my own class of that sort. But I haven’t committed yet.

While I didn’t mention it in any of the diary entries back then, I would also note that I had originally checked out COAP. Back then, I decided not to join. Most of the events they described at the time were outings and trips, and I just couldn’t see myself getting involved when I didn’t know anyone. And yet, now, I’m becoming an increasingly active member in COAP. I’ve attended the last three game nights, and I’m off to a dinner this evening and eagerly anticipating the increased number activities that Woody says tend to start in the summer.

Learning about game night from Rob contributed greatly to my decision to reconsider my position on COAP. I wasn’t prepared to go to Toronto with a bunch of strangers. But I could definitely see myself sitting around playing board games (actually, we have yet to play one) and card games with them. It was a setting that I could be relatively comfortable in, and it’s proved quite rewarding.

But I also think it was a matter of me just not being ready until this past February. As I look back over the past twenty months, I realize that I’ve gone through a lot of growth and healing which have greatly boosted my self-confidence. This in turn has helped me learn to be more open to and even desire increased socialization. And I was able to see how much I needed it. So things changed, and now I’m ready to take those extra steps that I was only ready to talk about back when I moved here. In some ways, I guess you could say that moving here began a transitional period in my life that is only now drawing to a close. And as it does, I’m finding myself with a stronger foundation to reap the benefits of those changes.

Friends, Going Out

Woohoo!

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I checked the mail when I got home tonight. My tickets to the Vickie Shaw next Friday just arrived. Now I just have to find someone to go with.

Michele suggested I ask someone at COAP if they’d like to go. That’s actually kind of tempting, but I’m a bit concerned that someone I’d ask would get the wrong impression. After all, I just wanta friend to hang out with. I’m not looking to necessarily have this be a dating thing. At least not yet.

Daily Life, Emotions, Friends, Going Out, Introspection, Love, Personal Development

Realization

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Due to a conversation we got into, Brian commented on the fact that this diary has been pretty focused on my lack of a relationship. I wish I could say he was wrong. But he’s not. And that bugs me. I don’t want to be desperate for a relationship. I don’t want to have it consume me. I really want to get back to that point where I’m okay with being single and stay there.

But it’s difficult. Right now, I’m going through this whole thing where I’m becoming more aware of my sexual nature again. And at the risk of giving out too much information, my libido seems to be on the rise right now. It’s difficult to be going through these kinds of processes and not feel some stress over the fact that I have no one to explore that side of myself with.

Of course, the other thing I’m starting to realize is that my desire for a relationship is in part a desire to be able to put an end to the socializing thing. As I’ve said before, this whole thing of getting out more, doing things, and meeting people is all new to me. And while I’ve enjoyed it, it’s not entirely comfortable for me. It’s different. And there’s that part of me that would like to dream of only doing it until I find my special someone and then retreat back into the familiarity of my comfort zones.

Of course, rationally, I know that’d be a mistake. Truth be told, even if I were to meet the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with tomorrow, I still need to work on building up a network of friends and a general social life. I still need to learn to find and enjoy activities. I still need to meet more people and face new experiences. If I was to retreat back into my solitude, even with a wonderful guy who’s perfect for me, I’d ultimately be doing myself a horrible disservice.

And yet, I can’t deny how attractive or tempting an idea it is right now.

Family, Friends, Going Out, Introspection, Personal Development

Time with the parents

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I had a relatively good Easter. I made it home at around 5 yesterday evening. Mom made meatloaf for supper. That’s a meal I haven’t had in some time, and I certainly appreciated it last night. After supper, I took a four hour nap. Of course, that meant that when I got back up, I spent most of the night either watching a movie or chatting with people online. I didn’t get to bed until almost 7am. Fortunately, I was able to sleep in until 10am that morning.

I spent part of today playing around with RocWiki. I ended up creating a page on there for the POC, as well as doing some other minor editing. And I created my user profile page, of course. I’m starting to become enamored with the whole Wiki concept, to be honest with you.

Mom served the traditional Easter dinner with ham, potatoes, gravy, and stuffing at a little after two in the afternoon. Because I wanted to get home to take care of Precious (I left her here in Rochester as I didn’t want to stress her out with the traveling for an overnight trip) and do some other odds and ends, I left shortly after lunc. I did wait around long enough to get a cooler and a tupperware dish filled with a few hunks of ham, however.

Let me just say as an aside that I absolutely despise Easter. Not the holiday itself, but the fact that just about everything is closed all day because of the holiday. When I got home, I was in the mood to get out in the public for a while. So I decided to try running to a couple of the coffeehouses in the area to get a nice drink and do some writing. But alas, they were both closed. After the second one, I decided to just give up.

It’s a shame that everything was closed. One of the reasons that I went out was that I was really craving social interaction. Actually, going home for even twenty four hours drove home just how much I really am craving that right now. (Of course, the lengthy, deeply personal and somewhat discomforting IM conversation I had with Brian didn’t help that, either.) In some ways, I felt trapped there at my parents’ house.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents very much and I like spending time with them. But there’s a reason I left that area. It’s not a good place for a liberally-minded gay guy to try building friendship and build a social network. And going back there, even for an overnight visit, tends to remind me of that. Especially right now since I’m working on trying to break that lack of human interaction and learning to release the social butterfly that really does appear to be hiding somewhere inside of me.

Needless to say, I’m looking forward to the Wednesday night game night all the more. And I plan on getting out to do some writing on Tuesday, too.